Thank you so much to all my reviewers this past week - it was great to hear from you, and to know that you felt the reunion was worth the wait. This has always been a tricky part of the tale for me to tell, and so your kind words mean much more to me than I could ever say.

This chapter is all one long conversation because these lovefools still have a lot of air-clearing to do. But if they (and you) get through it, there just may be some action coming :)


Finally, Harry broke off his little displays of endearment and tipped her chin up to gaze into her eyes. "I thought I had lost you forever, you know," he murmured, a small frown creasing his brow at the thought.

Corrine gave him a wry smile. "Harry, you always had my heart - even when it was broken into pieces." She kissed him again - she couldn't seem to keep her lips off of him - and stared up at him adoringly. "I should thank you for not giving up on us," she said softly. "If it weren't for your patience and determination, we'd still be alone and miserable."

He snorted. "I'd have to be a bloody damn fool to let you go again, Corrine." He looked amused for some reason, as if he were remembering something.

"Still, it's quite brave of you to argue with an Irish lass when her temper's up, you know," she joked, nudging him gently.

He shrugged it off and said, "That was the easy part. The hard part was getting the courage to approach you this morning in the first place."

She winced slightly. "I'm sure - especially after I threw that money back at you."

"Stubborn girl." He tweaked her nose, and she snickered.

"Whatever made you do it, anyway, oh courageous one?" she teased, playing with his hair. She basked in the joy of their banter, realizing how very much she had missed it.

His face split into a slow grin. "Let's just say... my conscience spoke to me."

"Your... conscience?" she repeated. The way he said it made her wonder if if their little drama in the dining room had led to a confrontation with a certain former second officer after she had left.

"Yes - the same conscience that told me to pull myself together." He was still smiling, but his eyes grew serious. "I'm glad I finally listened."

That made her sit up and pay attention. She sensed there was something more he needed to tell her, and so she gently prodded, "What do you mean, Harry? About pulling yourself together? Why would you need to do that?"

He shifted uncomfortably, and with some trepidation she noticed that he had withdrawn from her, albeit unconsciously. No. She couldn't let him create distance between them again. Whatever was bothering him, she was determined that they would face it together. But she knew that she would have to be as persistent as he had been earlier if she wanted to get it out of him. "I don't want to press you, Harry," she said very gently, "but I think you should talk about it."

He cleared his throat uneasily. "I'm not sure you want to hear all this, Corrine." His voice was heavy with melancholy, with a pain she was only beginning to guess at.

"Of course I do, Harry," she assured him. She cupped his face in her palm tenderly, as if by her gentle touch she could impart the strength he needed to confide in her. "I want to understand... and I want to help."

He again pulled away and ran his hand through his hair, his discomfort apparent. "I don't know if you can. I've been fighting a lot of demons lately, Corrine. And they almost destroyed me - and us."

Her heart sank. Whatever was haunting him must be unspeakable. "Please, Harry," she begged. "Tell me." She tried to keep her voice as soothing as possible despite the dread building in her own chest.

He looked down at his hands, which were clasped in his lap. He opened his mouth, started to speak, closed it again, and then shook his head, frustrated. He was obviously having difficulty getting the words out. Finally, he said falteringly, "I wasn't... quite right... after the sinking. I'm still not right, really. I felt - feel - like something's broken in me. That's not an excuse for how I behaved, by the way," he clarified hastily, "but it is an explanation of sorts."

And for the first time, he began opening up about how the sinking had changed him. He hadn't talked much about that night at all, other than providing the brief summary of how he came to find her in the collapsible. But now he confided in her about the growing dread that had risen in his chest as he waited in the little boat, watching the brightly lit decks of that beautiful ship dip slowly beneath the water. He described the sounds of those final terrible moments as the giant hulk disappeared with so many passengers and crewmembers still aboard, knowing in his heart that she was one of them. And then he told her of his return to that black hell, turning over frozen bodies in his desperate search and praying each one wasn't her. He spared no detail, although at times his voice broke and he became so choked up he could scarcely force the words from his throat.

But once he began talking about his emotions, his speech flowed much more freely; in fact, there was no hesitation, no struggle to articulate at all. His guilt, his fear for her, his feelings of cowardice - even his resentment at having been saved - all came pouring out of him in a halting, rambling, sometimes barely coherent torrent of words and phrases. It seemed that confessing the grim secrets that been plaguing him had opened the floodgates to his soul. She knew he was holding nothing back - even his darkest thoughts were dragged into the light to be seen and examined, although some of the recriminations he heaped upon himself made her feel physically ill.

But Corrine didn't interrupt, didn't try to argue or counter him, although she desperately wished to. No, it was more important for him to let it out, to lay bare his heart, however misguided his perspective was. There would be time to persuade him later, to make him see that he was not the monster he thought he was. For now, it was enough that he would no longer have to carry his heavy burden alone, in silence.

He looked over at her at last, and saw her eyes filled with sympathy and tears. "Oh, Harry," she said softly. She was lost for words for a long moment as she struggled to speak. The terrible things he had said made her want to break down and sob, but now was not the time. Right now, she had to be strong for him; he needed to know he could lean on her for support and unconditional loyalty. "You're wrong about so many things, and I say that in the most loving way possible." She gave him a trembling smile. "If you could only see-"

"The truth?" he cut in bitterly. The self-loathing reflected in his eyes made her flinch. "The truth is, I think I only went back for you, Corrine," he snapped. "That doesn't make me a hero, like everyone says; it makes me selfish." He gritted his teeth against the pain the admission caused him and then bowed his head, refusing to meet her eyes.

She gaped at him in openmouthed shock. Of all the things he had said, this was by far the worst. For him to brand himself dishonorable and weak, all because he loved her, was something she couldn't accept. And she would not let it stand. "That's not true, Harry," she insisted adamantly.

But his expression was immovable, carved into a stony mask of self-hatred. And in that moment it became obvious to her that although he may have escaped the knives of the icy water that night, he was still bleeding from a thousand cuts nonetheless.

Her heart lurched with horror and pity. "Harry, look at me," she demanded softly. He ignored her, his gaze fixed on the carpet. Desperate to get his attention, she fell to the floor and knelt in front of him, staring up into his face until he was forced to acknowledge her at last. "None of that is true," she said, her voice rising as she became more insistent.

"Corrine," he said, unnerved, "Don't-" He made to pull her back up to the settee, but she obstinately stayed glued to the carpet.

"Do you hear me?" she enunciated firmly.

Several tense heartbeats passed before he finally nodded his head, as if in defeat. "But I'm not a hero," he stubbornly reiterated.

"Not a hero, Harry, just a good man," she said tenderly. "And in time you'll believe it too." She rested her hands on his knees, her eyes boring into his with almost zealous fervor. "I'll make you see who you really are."

They stayed like this for a long moment, Corrine's unyielding, steady gaze meeting his tormented one, until at last he relented. With a sigh, he scooped her up in his arms and set her back down next to him.

"That's better," she murmured. She smoothed his hair down and gave him a pacifying smile.

His expression still skeptical, he hurried to continue before her compassion undid him. "Anyway, all that is why I tried to force you to go back to England. Everything was falling apart around me - around us - and I thought if I could hold on tight to the one thing in my life that was good and beautiful..." He fought to keep his voice steady, then continued, "... then I could make it all go away. But in my desperation, I was cruel, and I hurt you so much..." His voice broke at last, and he looked away for a minute, once again fighting back tears.

"Harry, none of that matters now," she said emphatically, and she was surprised to find that she meant it with all her heart. "What matters is that you heal."

He shook his head again, warding off her forgiveness, and said, "No, Corrine. I should have opened up to you about what I was thinking and feeling. I should have told you the truth. But I couldn't even be honest with myself, much less you."

Her eyes widened as another piece of the puzzle fell into place. "Is that why you didn't want to tell me you love me?" she asked softly.

He snorted self-deprecatingly. "So you picked up on that, eh?" Then he let out a deep breath and settled back against the settee. "I should've told you the minute I knew... and I had every intention of doing so, believe me." He smiled. "It was a revelation I couldn't wait to share with you, to be honest. But then the Titanic sank... and... well, as you've heard, it changed me. And I didn't want to make you feel obligated to stay with me when I had become an entirely different man from the one you first met. I suppose deep down I thought... I thought you might be better off without me."

She goggled at him. "I hope you know now that that was utterly daft, Harry. I was barely breathing without you." Then she gave him a rueful look. "And all that time you spent trying to win me back earlier... you could have saved yourself the trouble and just said those three little words. That's all it would have taken."

"I know, I know," he said sheepishly. "I wasn't thinking straight at the time. But in my defense, I didn't give a damn about myself; I only wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you again. And it didn't seem fair that I should declare my love after I had made such a cock-up of everything. So it made perfect sense to try and hide my true feelings from you."

At no time did that make sense to her... and yet, as she was now coming to understand, she had not the slightest idea what had been going through his mind after the sinking. All the time on the Carpathia he had spent entertaining and distracting her with stories, bringing her food and helping her walk... it had all been about her. He had been suffering through his own personal hell, and he never let it show.

Everything that had happened that terrible morning was now re-examined in light of her newfound understanding. And as the enormity of his sacrifice crystallized in her mind, any residual doubt that her well-being had been his priority and his sole focus all along vanished completely. But in its place came the sickening realization that she had been complicit in his suffering. In her preoccupation with her own needs and fears, she had completely missed all the signs of his distress.

Her chest burned with self-recrimination and regret for the role she had played in their demise, however inadvertent. "Oh, Harry," she exclaimed softly. He cocked his head, startled and concerned at the sudden welling of emotion in her voice. "You've been in so much pain, and you've kept it all inside, here" - she touched his chest with the tip of her finger - "where no one can see."

He shrugged, his expression nonchalant, though she could tell he was uncomfortable. "Well, of course," he said flippantly. "Men aren't supposed to have feelings, Corrine."

Her body stiffened in protest. "That's a rubbish rule, Harry, and it doesn't apply to us," she countered, and his derisive smile vanished at once. "No one could've experienced what we did and escape without scars." She paused, then shook her head sorrowfully. "But I didn't even notice yours, because I was so caught up in myself. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. And I'm so very, very sorry for that, Harry," she finished, her voice heavy with contrition.

"Corrine, you had your own burdens-"

"No, Harry... that's no excuse," she interrupted. "And since we're being completely honest with one another now, there's something I need to tell you. You're not the only one keeping secrets," she admitted. He looked up at her in surprise. "Yes, I've been holding back from you, too. After the sinking, I felt like I was going to lose you-"

"Lose me!" he interrupted, his expression incredulous. But she held up a finger, stilling his protests, and he let her continue.

"...I was falling apart inside, too, and the only thing keeping me together was you... but I was convinced that I wasn't good enough, that some other woman was going to take you from me. And so I did some... foolish things, and they ultimately wound up pushing you away. My insecurity was as much to blame for what happened between us as anything."

"Bollocks," he spluttered. "The actions you took in your moments of self-doubt pale in the face of my utter stupidity. But why on earth would you think that anyone could ever come between us?"

She shrugged. "I guess I could never truly reassure myself that you loved me because you had so many... better options."

His look was disbelieving - and more than a little angry. "Better? No one could hold a candle to you, Corrine," he said emphatically. "No one ever-"

Now it was her turn to interrupt. "But it was only once I had lost you that I realized those things that once bothered me were petty and insignificant in the face of all that we had suffered and lost."

He stared at her for a long time as they both grasped the irony of the situation. Then a small smile tugged at his mouth. "We've been at cross purposes this whole time, haven't we?"

"And we were both eejits," she grinned back. "From now on, we share our burdens, all right?"

He nodded slowly in agreement, looking suddenly vulnerable. "Then, will you help me, Corrine? Will you help fight the darkness in me?" he beseeched, his voice breaking.

In that moment he reminded her so much of a lost little boy that it nearly broke her heart. "Oh, Harry," she choked. "I'll do anything for you. Anything."

She crawled into his lap then, needing to be as close to him as possible. He gave a grunt of surprise at her boldness, and then eagerly hoisted her into position, pressing her tightly into him. Her curves fit the contours of his lean frame perfectly, and she melted into his body with a sigh, feeling her very bones relax around him. Resting her head on his chest, she listened to the steady, reassuring thud of his heartbeat with a whimper of satisfaction.

And as she curled into him, she swore a silent oath. I promise, if it takes me every day for the rest of my life, I'll battle those demons for your soul, Harry. And I'll win, too. Somehow, I'll get you to acknowledge the truth, to see yourself for the good and noble man that you are. Because giving up is not an option.

At that, she allowed a small, secret smile to flit over her lips. God help the sorry man who crosses an Irish lass when her mind's made up, she warned him in her head. It's like squeezing blood from a stone: impossible to do, and useless to try.

Her musings were cut short by Harry's soft entreaty. "Corrine... will you stay here with me tonight?" She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him, stunned. He seemed apologetic, almost embarrassed, at the request, but continued nonetheless. "I don't want to be separated from you now, not again..." He closed his eyes, as if in pain. "Please... I'll sleep on the settee, I just need to know that you're here with me."

Her heart leaped at his words. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for him, of course, and she would have happily granted any request... but the thought of spending more time with him - in his private hotel room, and all night, at that - made her overjoyed beyond measure. "Of course, Harry," she whispered, caressing his face. "As long as you want me, I'll be here for you."

He heaved a huge sigh of relief in response. She settled back against him, and he wrapped his arms around her again contentedly, pulling her tightly to him.

Neither of them moved for some time, lost in their own thoughts. But despite basking in the joy and peace of their reunion, his offer to let her sleep in the bed while he slept on the settee began to niggle at the back of her mind. After all, he had just told her he loved her... and he had asked her to stay with him... so that should mean that they were free to be physically intimate, right? Any objections he had prior to this should be mitigated; there should be nothing holding them back now. And yet... he hadn't mentioned that, hadn't even hinted at it, and the omission, his reluctance, worried her. She decided resolutely that there was no better time to address it directly than right then. In for a penny...

"Harry?" she said hesitantly.

"Hmmmm?" His eyes were closed, his head tilted back; he seemed so relaxed that she almost held her tongue. Almost.

"I have a favor to ask as well." She paused, suddenly timid.

He opened his eyes and waited.

She sat upright and looked at him squarely. "That you not refuse me tonight." She meant it to come out strong and authoritative, but instead it sounded soft and pleading to her ears.

"Refuse you... what?" he said, suddenly alert.

She took a deep breath. Why was this so hard for her to articulate? "I want... I want you to make love to me, Harry." She blushed and looked away for a minute; her bald statement felt like a demand, an imposition. But when she dared to glance back at him, he was just staring at her dumbly. She plunged ahead anyway; might as well get it all out at once. "Because I love you, and I want you. And I know I don't have any experience, and I might not be very good..."

"Corrine-" he protested, dismayed, reaching for her, but she continued undeterred.

"-but... you can teach me, right?" She said it imploringly, practically begging now, and she hated the way she sounded... but she had to persuade him, had to convince him of how important it was to her. She played her final card. "I can tell you're a man of strong... appetites, as well. So I want you to know that whatever you want, whenever you want it... now, and in the future, I am yours. I'll never refuse you, Harry. I promise." She stated it simply, but her heart was pounding with trepidation.

He closed his eyes. "Dear God, Corrine, don't say such things to me," he said unsteadily. "It's enough to bring a man to his knees."

Now what was that supposed to mean? She noticed that he hadn't given her either a yes or a no, and his avoidance of her offer was startling to unsettle her. She still hadn't heard what she needed to hear from him: that he wanted her, too. She had laid bare her own desires, to her mortification, and here he was, dancing around a direct answer. She waited until he opened his eyes again, then looked straight at him, forcing him to acknowledge her. "Well, Harry?"

He swallowed audibly, his throat bobbing. "Yes, Corrine. I can't say no to you. God help me."

Not exactly the enthusiastic affirmation she was hoping for - and now she was starting to feel hurt and exasperated. "Seemed easy enough for you to say no the other times." She said it as nonchalantly as possible, but the pain of the rejection she still felt throbbed in her words.

He snorted and gaped at her. "You think that was easy, do you?" he asked incredulously. "Corrine, it took everything in my power not to..." He blushed. "Well. Let's just leave it at that."

Leave it at that? What happened to the old Harry, who always said exactly what he was thinking, without holding back? Why was he censoring himself? Suddenly, she realized that she had had quite enough of his polite words, his polite refusals. "Why are you trying to act like such a... a gentleman with me, Harry?" she demanded, irritation edging her tone.

"Because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have!" he snapped, losing his patience. At the sight of her round eyes, he calmed himself. "I caused enough damage with my words... I don't want to hurt you... physically, too." He ran his hand through his hair again.

Comprehension dawned on her then. His fear of losing control wasn't about himself - it was about her. Her anger dissipated suddenly in a flood of understanding and compassion. "I won't break, Harry," she reassured him softly, taking his hand in hers. "Even if you're... vigorous... with me."

He blushed again, then said hastily, "It's not just that. This... making love... it's going to be something special, Corrine. I can't explain it until we've experienced it, but there's no going back for us after that." He paused. "It's why I've been... delaying. I knew what it would mean, to both of us... and I wanted everything to be perfect when it happened."

Relief rushed through her. He hadn't been rejecting her; he had been protecting her. He had had opportunities to take her in less than ideal circumstances, and he had held himself back for her sake, wanting their first time to be memorable... unforgettable. More than anything else he had said and done tonight, it spoke of his love for her. Her heart - and her frustration - melted at once. "Oh, Harry - it will be perfect, if it's with you," she reassured him, eyes glowing with conviction and adoration.

The corner of his mouth quirked up as he gazed at her, incredulity and gratification evident in equal measure. "How did I ever get so lucky?" he mused, as if to himself. Then his expression turned serious. "But I don't want... I mean, please don't think you have to do this for my sake. I'll be all right waiting... honest, Corrine." His eyes shone with sincerity. "I'd wait forever for you."

She shook her head firmly. "I don't want to wait any longer, Harry. One thing I learned from the disaster is that tomorrow isn't promised to us. We have to make the most of today, right now. You're the man I love - the only man I'll ever love. I won't have any regrets."

Harry nodded slowly, eyes never leaving hers. "As you wish, Corrine," he said, pronouncing it solemnly, like a promise... like a vow.

He stood, took her hand, and led her to the bedroom.


I had to throw in a 'Princess Bride' homage ;)

Song inspiration: Beneath Your Beautiful - Labrinth