tw: mentions of abortion, mentions of sexual assault

a/n: I really didn't mean to make Ophelia and Chloe's interactions sound like the song 'Driver's License' it just happened ? ゚リᆳ

Chloe cleared her throat, awkwardly.

"So...you and Zach are still together."

The awkwardness of the question, and the way it was asked, made Ophelia put her guard up. She straightened, and felt like she needed to be strict with her answer.

"Yes, of course we are." Ophelia tried to speak as confidently as possible. But in the back of her mind, she was still just as shocked he had taken her back.

Chloe put on a pleasant smile. "That's good. I'm glad. You two are very cute together."

Ophelia narrowed her eyes, and set her sights down to the hot chocolate in her hands.

They were at Monet's. Chloe and her had the back table, the one she had spotted Chloe and Zach at the day before.

The table a few feet away sat Justin and Zach. They were there to make sure no one sat too close and heard what they were talking about.

Justin sighed, and checked the time on his phone. School started in forty minutes. He knew Zach and Ophelia were going to skip that day, but he hadn't decided yet.

He wondered if Zach would let him tag along to wherever they went. He knew Ophelia wouldn't mind.

Zach just stared at his coffee, impatiently waiting for time to go quicker.

Justin looked over at Ophelia and Chloe conversing. They both looked uncomfortable. Neither of them seemed to want to be there. But Justin understood it was for the best.

Even if Chloe must have been the one person Ophelia didn't want to share that information with.

"You know, you should've asked before going to talk to Chloe," Justin spoke up, seemingly out of the blue to Zach.

Zach glanced up at him.

"What?"

Justin reached up and scratched the skin just under his nose. "Why would you run to the girl you know Ophelia is so jealous about?"

Zach crossed his arms, and leaned back. "She's not jealous of her anymore."

Justin shook his head, and let out a short laugh.

Zach shifted uncomfortably, not pleased with his response.

"What?" he asked, icily.

Justin's smile dropped. He shrugged. "C'mon, man. Girls don't get over that stuff. Chloe makes her feel uncomfortable and you went up to her and told her she was pregnant?"

The chair beneath him squeaked as Zach again shifted back again. "I didn't tell her Ophelia was pregnant. I just said someone I know got pregnant."

"Yeah, real fucking hard to put that one together."

"Justin, knock it off," Zach snapped at him. "It was hard to think clearly, alright? My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, and then that it wasn't mine. I tried the best I could."

Justin exhaled loudly, and shut up for a moment.

When he saw Zach began to calm down, he asked, "Did Ophelia talk to you about what happened?"

Zach wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead. He continued speaking quietly so the girls couldn't hear him. "She told me she didn't mean to cheat on me. We're leaving it at that for now."

There was no way that could be true, Justin couldn't believe it. They left it at that? She didn't mean to cheat. She was raped. How did Zach talk about it so calmly?

"What does that mean?" Justin insisted.

"It means we'll talk more when she's ready," Zach told him. "I know how she gets around Montgomery. And I don't want to know what caused her to do that."

Justin sat up completely. "What caused her-" He stopped suddenly, as he realized his voice had risen to a shout. He lowered it. "Wait, you still think she actually cheated on you? Zach, tell me you're not that fucking stupid."

The taller athlete glared at him. "Lay off, Justin. I don't even know why you're here. You have nothing to do with this pregnancy."

Justin pulled back, offended. Before he could stop himself he said, "You have nothing to do with it either."

Justin's backpack, which was set on the table, was in his lap now as Zach shoved it at him, hard.

"Get the fuck out of here," Zach seethed, lowly. "Go get high behind the building for all I care."

The offensive words hit more harshly coming from Justin's best friend. Or was it former best friend? He wasn't even sure anymore. He started to seem like a completely different person.

Justin stood up, and threw the backpack on his shoulder.

Ophelia turned, noticing.

"Where are you going, Justin?"

Behind the building. To take pills, just like Zach had told him to. He might as well, right? He seemed to be useless for anything else.

"I'm going to school," Justin lied to Ophelia. When he turned, he stopped, and looked back at her. "You can call me if you need me for anything."

The coffee shop felt less secure as she watched Justin take off. She knew Zach was on her side, but she felt like she was suddenly outnumbered with Justin gone.

Ophelia watched as Zach let out a deep breath, and crossed his arms again, and just stared at the table.

"How did you know?" Ophelia asked Chloe. "That you didn't want it?"

She watched as Chloe's chest rose and fell, as the question caused her to take a deep breath.

"I think I knew right away," Chloe admitted to her. "I felt like, for a while, I was trying to convince myself to keep it. But the thing with convincing yourself to do something is that you'll be disappointed if you don't chose your initial instinct."

Ophelia tried to think of what her initial instinct was. She couldn't even remember, she just kept wishing she wasn't pregnant. Did that mean abortion was her initial instinct?

"Do you regret it?" Ophelia dared to ask.

Chloe fiddled with her fingers. "No," she spoke sternly. "I know it was the right choice. But I'm not going to lie to you, Ophelia. It was really hard at first. And I-I still think about it every day."

When Chloe said this, she gripped her own cup of coffee tightly.

To think about something so serious every day? Ophelia cringed. Would this be with her for the rest of her life, whether or not she decided to keep it?

"Zach offered to help me if I wanted to keep it," Chloe said, glancing over at him and smiling fondly. "I'm sure if you decide you want it, he would be by your side through it all."

That's what he had offered. But Ophelia couldn't help but doubt it as she saw how kindly Chloe smiled at Zach, even when he wasn't looking. If she had the baby, and Zach knew for sure it wasn't his, would he be inclined to go to someone else? Would he want someone that gave him his own child, and where he wouldn't have to care for the baby of a man he hated?

Maybe a pretty blonde girl with no baggage would suit him better.

"If I can ask..." Chloe began cautiously.

Ophelia became nervous.

She continued, "Zach's mom loves you, right? I mean, he told me your parents always pushed for you two to get together. Is there another reason besides support that you don't want it?"

When Chloe spoke, she said everything so casually.

But her words hit Ophelia harder than she ever expected.

Ophelia turned her head completely to look at her boyfriend, who was facing away.

Their parents did want them to be together. But he thought they...pushed them into it?

Pushed? As in, he wouldn't have wanted her on his own?

Ophelia inhaled sharply, feeling a stinging pain in her chest, right where her heart was. A new wave of insecurity hit her.

He felt pushed? He told Chloe he felt pushed?

Knowing Chloe knew this information hurt even more.

It was obvious to Ophelia that Chloe didn't know the baby wasn't Zach's. She was glad for this. She hoped no one would ever know, maybe the problem would go away before anyone found out she was pregnant at all.

"I wouldn't know how to tell them," Ophelia told her, honestly.

Chloe nodded. She took a sip of her drinks before setting it back down. She gulped, loudly. It brought Ophelia's gaze back to her.

"I didn't have any support," Chloe admitted to her. "From anyone. I think that's how I made up my mind originally."

Ophelia listened to her.

Chloe put on a pained face, "But, Ophelia, when I set up my appointment. I..." She breathed heavily. "I didn't feel like I had a choice."

Ophelia frowned, not understanding. "But it's what you wanted?"

"Yes," she said, quickly. "It was the choice I would've picked, but it wasn't my choice. Not exactly. I-I never told Bryce I was pregnant. I wanted to, but when I went over..."

Chloe wiped a hand over her face, and shook her head. "I was talking to Mrs. Walker, and she was telling me about her father, and what a terrible man he was. She said men like that should never have children." Chloe looked back up at her when she said, "And then she looked directly at me and said Bryce shouldn't either. She said he was worse than her father."

"Oh my god," Ophelia whispered. "She...knew you were pregnant? She told you to get rid of it?"

Chloe bit her lip. "She didn't tell me directly to get rid of it, but I knew she wanted me to. So...I did. And I had wanted to, but sometimes I feel like she made my choice for me."

Ophelia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "That's so terrible." What a cruel thing to say to a young girl, especially when you knew they were expecting?

Chloe let out a pitiful laugh. "Yeah, well, at least it got me to act quicker."

"Still..." Ophelia shook her head.

"I just told you because I felt like I was, I guess, pushed into a corner. I knew Bryce's family probably wouldn't help me, because Mrs. Walker didn't want me to have it. Having a kid would just make things harder for me. You have a lot of options. Just make sure you go through them before the abortion."

Abortion. The word was said so distinctly it's like Chloe was sure that's what Ophelia would do.

Because it was what Ophelia wanted to do.

"I've been through my options," Ophelia tried to be confident in her tone. "I know I'd have support, and money, and I would have plenty of help. But I still don't know think it's right for me. I-I don't want a baby."

Chloe told her kindly, "Then you seem sure. You seem ready."

She didn't feel sure.

"Should I wait longer?" Ophelia asked. "Will it be easier?"

"It's never going to be an easy decision," Chloe told her. "No matter how clear it is that you shouldn't have a baby, it's going to be a hard. Even if you wait another month, it's not going to be easier. It'll feel exactly the same."

The phone in Chloe's pocket started buzzing. She silenced it.

"What was that?" Ophelia asked her.

Chloe brushed it off. "It's just saying I need to start my route to school. But I don't mind missing first period."

"Oh, no, you should go," Ophelia told her. "I think I've been able to make my decision."

"Are you sure?" Chloe asked her. "Did you have any questions about the operation or anything?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, I think it'd just freak me out more."

Chloe bit her lip, and grabbed her bag. "Okay. I'll, um, see you later, Ophelia. You can text me if you have anymore questions. Zach has my number."

"Okay," Ophelia said, quietly. Her voice leaving as she processed the fact that Chloe and Zach may have been in contact more than she originally thought.

"Good luck, Ophelia," Chloe told her. She said goodbye to Zach too on her way out.

Zach didn't look after Chloe, he came straight to sit down by Ophelia instead.

"How was that?" he asked, desperate for information.

Could Zach see how sad she was? How absolutely clueless she was?

"Did it help?" he continued. "Do you...think you know what you want to do?"

There was no way she'd be able to make up her mind with him in front of her, reminding her of how perfect he was, and how much Chloe must have been tempted to keep her baby just from his offer to help her alone.

Why had he offered that?

Ophelia and Zach were together at the time, so why did he offer that?

"I think I need a moment alone," Ophelia told him as she realized her mind was already staying unfocused.

"Oh," he stood again. "Of course, I'll be over here."

He went back to his empty table, facing away from her.

Ophelia went over her options in her head. There were three she could think of. She kept the baby, she gave the baby away, or she ended the pregnancy.

None them seemed like the perfect option.

But abortion seemed like the smartest thing to do, especially because of her age, and how the pregnancy came to be.

And it wouldn't be fair to anyone to keep it.

It wouldn't be fair to Zach, or her mom. It wouldn't be fair to Honor because Ophelia now knew it would ruin her reputation before she even had one.

The only reason she would keep it was because a small part of her wanted to. Why would she burden so many people for that one small part of herself?

Ophelia sat alone for a few minutes, and used that time to gaze out the window.

She made a decision. She wanted to stick to it.

Ophelia rose from her seat. She was ready for Zach to take her now.

0

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0

The entire HO club was taking down their posters from around the school. The principal insisted they be gone, especially since Hillcrest students would be there in a few days.

The Liberty school made the decision to invite Hillcrest students over soon for an assembly to apologize for the fight that took place Homecoming night.

Jessica would roll her eyes just thinking about it. Hillcrest started the fight. It was Hillcrest boys that grabbed her. If anything, they need to apologize to her.

Casey, one of the most outspoken HO members, couldn't help but cursing their principal's name as they tore their feminist posters down in the gym.

"This is fucking bullshit," she spat. He straightened her glasses. "This whole school is fucking bullshit."

Jessica shook her head. "Tell me about it. I'm the one who has to apologize to the boys who fucking groped me on the field."

One poster that read 'No means No' was ripped off with such anger the corners stayed taped to the wall. Casey cursed, and had to peel the corner tape off individually.

"What about that girl that went to Hillcrest? Um, the one that was on the tapes too? Olivia, right?"

Jessica winced at the mention of the tapes, but acted like it didn't bother her. "Ophelia. What about her?"

"How come she didn't get in trouble at all?"

"She got expelled from Hillcrest."

Both girls turned. Tyler was also taking down posters on the bleachers a few feet away from them.

He regretted speaking up, because Casey sent him an icy look. He left to work on the other side of the gym, now uncomfortable.

"Yeah, but it's not like she has to come out and apologize to perverted football players," Casey spoke. "Also, does no one else find it weird that she chose to go to school with Bryce Walker?"

"She decided to go there first," Jessica told her, accurately.

Casey turned back to face the wall. "I don't know. She gives me bad vibes. I mean, she was super interested in joining HO, and then she wasn't."

Jessica began to dislike her badgering. "She has a lot going on. Actually, she always has a lot going on."

The gym door squeaked open loudly, and Jessica turned to see Justin walk in.

"Hey, give me a second," she told Casey. Jessica then hopped down the bleachers, and met Justin halfway across the gym.

They stood on the free throw line. It was crazy how not that long ago she was just a basketball cheerleader. Now she was student body president.

"It's supposed to be HO members only in here," she told him. "You'll have to go back to class."

Justin looked around. He spotted Tyler, and pointed at him. "He's a guy and he's in here."

Jessica let out a laugh. "Guys are allowed to be members, Justin."

Justin let out a 'hmm'. He then asked, "How about I become a member?"

There were a few girls around the gym that started eavesdropping on their conversation.

"You can," she told him. "But not today. We need to focus."

"I can focus," Justin assured her. "I'm great at focusing. Give me any task, I'll complete it."

Jessica just sighed. "Fine. Why don't you start by helping Tyler? He kind of creeps out the other girls."

Justin winked. "I'm on it."

Jessica rolled her eyes as Justin jogged to the other side of the bleachers.

"What's going on over here?" he asked.

Tyler shrugged, silently.

Justin just said, "Okay, I guess it's just ripping down posters, right?"

Still, Tyler didn't answer him. Not even after ten minutes of them working together did he say anything.

It wasn't until they neared the end of the section that Justin asked, "Have you been okay?"

Nothing scared him more than that creepy kid having another reason for revenge.

"Ophelia told me that you lied."

The poster in his hand was crumpled violently, and tossed into the trash can.

"She didn't tell you what happened. You just said she did."

When Tyler said this, Justin sighed, loudly.

"I'm sorry I lied," Justin told him. Although, he wasn't. "I just needed to know what was going on."

He felt like Ani and Clay. God, those people were annoying. Was he that annoying?

"She didn't come to the dark room today," Tyler confessed to him. "Does she hate me for telling you now?"

"Huh?" Justin was surprised by the question. "No, man. She's not at school today."

Tyler perked up a bit. "...Oh."

Justin assured him, "If she's mad at anyone, she's mad at me."

Justin tried to rip a poster off the wall, but just ended up ripping off one chunk of it. He threw the chunk away, and left the rest, lazily.

"Is everything alright with her?" Tyler asked. "Like, for her to be out of school?"

Justin knew Tyler didn't know about the pregnancy. Because Ophelia hadn't even know when she told him what happened.

"Just some personal stuff," he told him.

Tyler knew better than to pry anymore.

Justin thought of something Ophelia told him. "Why you so worried about her? You have a crush on her or something?"

Tyler's cheeks heated red. "N-No. No. I don't. No."

Justin tried to hold back his laugh, but couldn't. "I'm just messing with you," he laughed.

Tyler looked away, embarrassed.

Justin rolled his eyes, figuring he was being dramatic. He asked a question that he neighing you, "Why did Ophelia talk to you anyway? Out of all people, why you?"

Tyler was unsure what to say. Honestly, he wasn't sure why she gave him a chance, he could only assume, "We were hurt by the same people."

Justin asked, hesitantly, "Monty hurt you?"

Tyler didn't say anything, he just went back to the task at hand.

"Hey, Justin!" Jessica called. "Can you come give me a hand with this one?"

Justin smiled, glad she was talking to him again. Even just for a mundane task.

Before leaving, he told Tyler, "You know, you can tell me if anyone tries fucking with you again. I do think you're weird as fuck, but I'll beat the shit out of someone who gives you a hard time."

Tyler just nodded. But when Justin left, he felt himself smiling.

The night of the Spring Fling, Tyler thought his life would never get better. Having to be watched 24/7 and never trusted by anyone, he figured he had been right.

But now, he thought maybe he had been wrong.

Maybe things would be okay.

0

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0

Zach seemed to know exactly where to go. It was a building a few towns away, the same one he had taken Chloe to.

On the drive, Zach asked her, "You're sure this is what you want?"

Ophelia bit her lip. She nodded. "I can't be a mom, Zach. At least, not right now."

He let out a breath of air. "Okay. I'm glad the talk with Chloe helped. I'm sure this'll be easier than you think."

If anything, the talk with Chloe made Ophelia feel as though it would be harder.

Zach hesitated for a moment, but looking at his expression, Ophelia could tell her had something to say. Finally, he let it out.

"I'm actually kind of, um, glad with your decision."

Ophelia felt herself completely caught off guard by his words. "Really?"

"It's kind of a relief," he admitted to her. He quickly added onto his words. "Not that I wouldn't have been happy if you decided to keep it. But, I think this'll be easier for us. Especially since it's not, um..."

Especially since Ophelia had confessed to him the day prior that she was almost sure it was not his baby. It just wouldn't have made enough sense. They were always so careful when having sex. She was on birth control right after Homecoming night, and they would always use protection.

"I'm glad you're relieved," she told him, all while ignoring the sinking in her stomach.

There was anxiousness building inside of Ophelia the entire drive. But nothing prepared her for when they arrived at the medical clinic, only to see dozens of people lined up in front of it.

Ophelia knew protesters often showed up at places that offered abortions, but she had never seen them before. They scared her, and she hadn't prepared herself enough to face them.

"God, do they have nothing fucking better to do?" Zach grumbled to himself.

Ophelia felt herself shrinking into her seat. "Do you think we should come back at a different time?"

Zach said, "It's up to you. But they're always here."

Ophelia braved herself as Zach walked around the car and opened the door for her.

She winced as she stepped out, and their loud voices hit her ear.

"Give your baby another chance!" A man on a megaphone was shouting. "We will help you!"

"Please don't kill your baby!" Others were shouting.

Zach took Ophelia's hand in his, and squeezed it tightly.

They approached the lawn, and the screams got louder.

"Your baby wants to live!"

Ophelia suddenly jumped back as a man lunged towards her with photos of dead, bloody baby.

"Oh, god!" she shouted, scared and disgusted.

"Your baby has a heartbeat!" Someone shouted at her. "Don't stop it's heartbeat!"

Ophelia hesitated for a moment, seeing so many people closer to the door.

Zach grabbed her arm tighter, and while he hadn't meant to, he caused her to stumble because she had stopped walking.

She gasped, and barely catching her footing.

One of the woman took that time to come up to her, and grab her arm.

"We know he's forcing you into this!" the woman tried to say. "You can say no!"

Zach looked back quickly, and pulled Ophelia out of the women's grip, and pushed Ophelia in front of him.

He used his crutch to block the woman.

They got to the doors, and Zach threw it open for her.

"If this boys making you do this, he doesn't love you!"

Zach pushed her inside, shutting the door quickly behind them.

The entrance room was the opposite of outside. It was quiet. Completely quiet. Except for the clicking of the computer keyboard. There were a few more girls in there, one boy. No one was saying anything.

Zach helped her to the front.

"How can I help you?" greeted the woman at the front desk. She didn't smile at Ophelia, but Ophelia supposed it wasn't an appropriate place for that.

"I, um..." she didn't know what to say.

She looked to Zach for help, since he had been through this once before.

"She wants to look into having an abortion," he said for her, catching the hint.

The woman nodded, and reached under her desk, pulling out papers and setting them on a clipboard.

Ophelia took it, and turned, losing herself in the paper work.

"We'll sit here," Zach told her.

There was a woman next to them that moved over to allow him room to lean his crutches.

The pages confused her. She didn't know why. It was asking such basic questions, but she didn't want to give them the answers.

"Do you need help?" Zach offered, kindly.

She let out a deep sigh. "I don't want to put my real name."

There was no way she could handle this being on her record.

"Maybe you don't have to," he told her. "I think they're lenient with people being anonymous."

She thought for a moment. "Maybe I'll say my name's Jessica?"

Zach let out a small laugh. "Why not?"

There was a small scratching sound as the pen moved along the paper.

"Jessica...Foley."

He frowned. "Like, Justin?"

"Yeah," she said. "I mean, Jessica Foley might be a real name eventually, but not now."

Zach just nodded. "Alright. Jessica Foley."

She didn't want anyone else to be her emergency contact. Even if she died, she didn't want them calling her parents. So she ended up putting Justin as her 'family' as her brother, since the name matched anyway. She figured he wouldn't mind it.

After what seemed like an eternity, she had the papers filled out, and was waiting with Zach to be called. He held her hand as they waited.

When they called Jessica, it took her a second to realize it was her. She waited for Zach to walk in front of her.

There was a nurse waiting for them, and she led the way.

Actually, Ophelia wasn't sure if she was a nurse. Probably. It felt weird calling her anything else.

"Hi, Jessica, how are we feeling today?"

The sanitary covering on the table crinkled as Ophelia sat on it.

"Um, alright."

She hadn't been, but she didn't know how to say that.

"I read you're here to look into having an abortion?"

Ophelia was suddenly jealous, thinking of the nurse being able to say the word 'abortion' without being filled with such dread. Ophelia didn't think she would be able to ever again.

"...yes. An abortion."

She watched as the nurse scribbled something onto the paper. Zach had a seat in a chair besides her. His hand was on her knee.

"How far along is the pregnancy?"

Ophelia thought back to that the doctor had told her. "Less than two months."

"Mm," she nodded. "And is this your first pregnancy?"

"Yes." But she wasn't sure. She hadn't known about this pregnancy. What if she had been pregnant and miscarried before even realizing? She quickly added, "As far as I know."

The words came out awkward, but the woman didn't seem to notice.

"And how did this pregnancy come to be?"

Ophelia felt a lump form in her throat.

"I, um..."

She paused, for so long that the nurse looked up from her paper.

Ophelia's eyes shifted away from both of them. "I didn't, um..."

The woman eyed Zach, suspiciously.

"I wasn't on birth control," she finally settled with.

The woman said, looking at Zach, "You two didn't use protection?"

Zach hesitated. "No, we didn't"

She felt him squeeze her knee a bit tighter.

The woman continued writing, before setting her clipboard down and telling Ophelia, "I'll explain the procedure to you, alright? And then we can pick a date for you to come back for it."

Ophelia let out a long breath of air. "Okay."

"After arriving for your appointment, we are going to take your blood pressure and give you a mild sedative."

Ophelia perked up at the sound of having to take something. "Am I able to have sedatives while pregnant?"

Immediately, she realized how stupid her words were. The woman spared a look at Zach again.

"You...don't have to worry about that," Zach told her softly.

Embarrassment filled her. She quickly whispered, "You're right, I'm sorry." She couldn't think of doing anything other than apologizing.

The woman told Ophelia, "Of course it's alright. Your safety is our priority at this time. The sedative is just to help you relax."

Ophelia nodded, curtly, too scared to say anything else.

The nurse continued, "The doctor will come in and insert a very small tube into your uterus. It is connected to a suction device. That suction device will remove and dislodge the uterine content."

A suction device? How big was the embryo that a suction device that can fit inside her can just suck it out?

"It's small enough?" Ophelia asked aloud. "I won't need an operation or anything?"

"It's plenty small enough," the woman assured her. "Have you had an ultrasound of any type? Those tend to mislead and show things bigger than they actually are."

Ophelia was surprised. Ultrasound?

"No, I-I haven't had one." She wondered if Zach would approve of her next question. She braved herself to ask it, "Do you guys provide ultrasounds?"

Zach's grip on her knee loosened with surprise.

"We do," the nurse said, unsure. "I was under the assumption you were not interested."

"Um," Ophelia at Zach, who watched her carefully. "I am it it's available."

The nurse stood up. "Give me a moment. Let me see what I can do."

When she left, she felt Zach's eyes drilling into her.

"This is what you wanted, right?" he asked her suddenly.

Ophelia gulped. "Yeah, it is. I just...now's my only chance, you know?"

"I understand why you might want to but it's going to be harder for you. If you actually want to do this."

"I do," she said again.

"Ophelia, it's just..." Zach sighed, frustrated. "You're making it seem like I'm forcing you to do this."

There was anxiousness written on his face.

"What? You're not forcing me."

"Well, it sure doesn't seem like that. Not to the nurse who obviously thinks I'm pressuring you, not to the people outside who saw me drag you in since you decided to stop-"

"I didn't stop," Ophelia told him. She tried to say, "I-I might have, but just because they were yelling. And why do you care what those people think?-"

"What do you think, Ophelia?" he asked her. "Why are you asking for a ultrasound before having an abortion?"

"I don't know," Ophelia told him. She felt terrible. "I'm sorry, I just-"

The door opened, and she shut herself up.

"You can go ahead and lay back," the nurse told her. "I'll get the equipment started."

The process to get the machine ready seemed endless. In reality, it was only fifteen minutes. But her nerves seemed to slow down time.

The nurse put a gel over her stomach. It was cold, and it slightly tickled her.

"Alright," the nurse said. "Let's see what we have here."

Ophelia couldn't make anything out on the screen. All she heard was a high frequency sound, before a continuous thumping came to her ears.

She perked up. "What is that?"

The nurse said, "...yup. Looks like you're closer to seven or eight weeks. That's the heartbeat."

It was so loud. How could something so small, so easily sucked out of her, be giving off a heartbeat so loud?

"Yeah, we can see it right here. This gray area right here."

The screen showed a black oval shape, with a patch of gray at the bottom. It looked like something curled up.

Ophelia lost her breath looking at it.

She knew immediately that the ultrasound was a mistake. It was a bad idea, such a bad idea to look at this. To hear this. The heartbeat still so loud, so fast.

Zach gripped Ophelia's hand tighter. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah," Ophelia said, quickly. "I just...I guess it never felt real until just now."

So real. So loud. So small.

The nurse began to take the stylist away. "I can check to see if the vitals are-"

"Wait," Ophelia breathed.

The nurse waited, her keeping the machine steady.

Ophelia stared at it for a second longer.

The image on the monitor was so real. She didn't want to lose it yet.

She glanced at her boyfriend, before looking back at the monitor. After another moment of watching the screen carefully, she turned back to Zach. "Do you think you could leave for a few minutes?"

Zach seemed surprised. He thought he was helping her by being there, and that he was calming her down. If he wasn't, he'd be happy to give her space.

He stood up, wiping his pants awkwardly. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be in the front."

"Thank you," she told him softly.

The door handle squeaked as he turned it, and it slammed behind him. She felt guilty for asking him to step out, but she also felt too embarrassed to ask her questions in front of him.

Her eyes found the nurse again.

"Is there...a way to know the gender?"

The nurse shook her head, and told her honestly, "It's too early to know for sure. Fourteen weeks is the earliest we can see the baby clear enough to know."

Fourteen weeks. So six more.

That seemed like a lifetime away.

She wanted to know the gender now, because the baby wouldn't be there in six more weeks. She felt a pain in her heart at the thought of never knowing what it would be.

"There's no way to guess?" she asked her.

The heartbeat could still be heard. It rang through Ophelia's ears. She allowed herself to engulf herself in it, knowing that this was the only time it would ever be heard.

"There are a few things people claim is a way to know if it's a boy or a girl," the nurse explained to her. "But it's less science based, more by experience."

By mothers' experiences.

"I've heard a lot of people say if the heartbeat is under 140 it may be a boy. This heart beat is well under that, but it may just be soft because of how young the embryo is."

An embryo. Why was Ophelia letting herself get so worked up over something that wasn't even classified as a fetus yet?

"Your stomach is becoming more curved, like a basketball rather than a watermelon. That also points to a boy."

Ophelia brought her hand down place her hand flat against her stomach. She swore she could feel the heartbeat that she was hearing.

"So, my guess would be a boy. It is more common." The nurse added quickly, "But, like I said, it is way too early to tell-"

"No," Ophelia cut her off. She took a deep breath, and spoke with a shaky voice. "I think you're right."

It was like she could see an actually baby in the ultrasound. She knew that it was too soon to see anything but the blobs in front of her, but she swore she could see the baby boy.

With her hand still on her stomach, she swore she could feel it's body pressing against her stomach, and touching her back.

"Most people say it's easier to not know the sex," the woman told her.

Of course it was. Ophelia didn't know why she was doing this to herself.

"If you were ready to go back out to the lobby, we can set you up with a consultation to decide when your operation would be."

Ophelia closed her eyes for a moment. She needed to snap out of it.

Ophelia forced herself to pull her hand away.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

0

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0

"I'm interested to know what you're thinking about your future."

Montgomery laughed as Dr. Singh shut the door behind them. She took a seat at her desk, and they were now across from each other.

The meetings with the school counselor were mandatory at this time a year. He had to go to them, but he didn't have to pretend he liked them.

So he continued laughing.

"What future?"

Dr. Singh clarified for him, "After high school."

Montgomery pretended to think about it, but he knew he already knew the answer.

"Going full time with my dad." He always hated construction. But he was too stupid to be able to get a job he liked.

"That's what you're hoping to do?" Dr. Singh asked him, unconvinced.

He chuckled. "Hoping has nothing to do with it. Why are we talking about this, I lost most of my chance at getting scholarships last year when the fucking baseball field got burned down."

She gave him a sharp look and he said, "Sorry," to his foul language.

The counselor sighed, deeply. "As of right now, you're failing three of your classes."

"Okay."

She frowned. "You're not surprised."

Another chuckle. "I'm surprised it's not four."

"By district policy you won't be able to play football," she said, threateningly.

Montgomery figured, "Yeah, well, season's basically over anyway."

All he was really counting on was playing the game on Friday, so that Scott could come.

"Or wrestle," she continued, "And if you're on academic probation, you won't be able to play baseball either."

Those sports seemed like a bigger hit to him.

He shifted uncomfortably at her attitude. "Why do you care?" He put on a charming smile and asked, mockingly, "Are you a baseball fan?"

The counselor explained to him, "I care because I think you could be doing better."

He could only laugh again. "How the hell would you know? You just got here." He leaned forward. "You know I'm on probation, right? Do you want really think college is a big option for me right now?"

"Of course I know," she told him. "But I also know if you kept yourself out of trouble, that won't matter in a few years. I've also seen your test scores, I've talked to your coaches. JJ Kerba says you're one of the smartest defensive backs he's ever coached."

Montgomery felt so stunned by her words he couldn't come up with a sarcastic comeback. "He said that?"

She continued, "He also tells me you were close to Bryce Walker. Is this true?"

Montgomery gulped, feeling mounts of fear and depression filling his body at the name alone.

He tried to keep a straight face, but it was obvious how bothered he was all of a sudden.

"Maybe," he said, emotionlessly. "So?"

"So his murder must have been terribly upsetting."

Again, with as little emotion as possible, "So?"

"So...do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Montgomery said, just as quickly as it had been asked. He scoffed. "But thanks for caring," he said, sarcastically. He stood and grabbed his backpack.

"I'm also aware of your past connection to Ophelia Tristano."

Montgomery paused at the door.

"I've heard that this was a nearly three year relationship that ended last year."

Montgomery turned around. He gulped. "Okay. I'm sure you've seen that shit a hundred times in high schools."

Dr. Singh said, "I'm aware she's currently dating Zach Dempsey, your football captain. And when she enrolled in Liberty this year, just after homecoming, that's when your grades dropped from C's to F's."

He tried to deny it.

"They would've gotten there anyway."

"Possibly," she told him, "But, Montgomery, I wouldn't mind talking to you about anything. Even if it's an ex-girlfriend. Something that bothers you will be important to me."

"Well it's not important," he told her. "Not even to me. It's shit that's in the past."

But how could it be in the past?

How could it be possible that it was almost a year since they broke up, yet, it still feels like just yesterday they were together?

Like just yesterday he was in that same office with Mr. Porter, telling him he didn't care what college he went to, just as long as Ophelia went to the same one?

Montgomery left the counselor office, and found himself going to the weight room instead of class.

He was done with school for the day.

Fuck it, he was failing his classes anyways.

0

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0

"I think next week would be better for you."

She was in the same room, but a new woman came in to see her. The other nurse was gone.

"I have some medicine for you to take before hand," the woman told her, kindly, "It'll make the operation easier."

Ophelia just nodded. "Okay."

The woman grabbed a stool and pulled it up to the table Ophelia was rested on.

"Do you mind if I feel around your stomach?" she asked her. "I'm making sure there's no hard areas. If there are, we'd want to do an x-ray in case the embryo may have caused any harm."

Ophelia gulped.

She said again, "Okay."

The woman had on elastic gloves, and she began pressing hard against part of her stomach.

Ophelia felt panicked. She didn't want her pressing that hard. What if it was hurting it?

Ophelia pushed the thoughts away. She knew that at this stage, it couldn't feel pain. It would never feel pain, Ophelia was making sure of it. There would never be the same pain and suffering in its life as there was in hers.

The woman pressed low on her stomach, and Ophelia felt herself wince.

She imagined that woman during at the operation. Would she be gentle while doing it? Or would the embryo be ripped out? Would it even matter? It would be dead soon, it wouldn't feel it.

"I was hoping by the operation you could-"

Ophelia sat up suddenly, surprising the woman, and surprising herself.

"Are you alright, Ms. Foley?"

"I..."

Ophelia didn't even know what to say. She suddenly threw her legs over the side of the table and stood up, pulling her shirt down.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I-I have to go."

"Wait, did you need any-"

Ophelia ripped the door open, and flung herself through it. She marched quickly down the hall and back into the front lobby.

Zach had been sat bent over with his head in his hands. He looked up quickly when she came hurrying into.

"What's going on?" he asked, standing to his feet.

Ophelia just stared at him, but didn't know what to say. So she just left.

The shouts of the protestors outside made her flinch.

"It's not too late!" they shouted at her. "Don't give up on your child!"

Ophelia hated their voices, and she hated the guilt they instowed in her.

She rushed to Zach's car, only to find it locked.

She sat on the pavement behind the car, almost hiding from the protestors, and from the building.

She held her head in her hands, and cursed herself. She wished she had been stronger.

"What the hell happened?"

Zach arrived after a few minutes. He paid for the appointment before following after her.

"I'm sorry," Ophelia whispered. "I-I had to get out of there."

Zach glanced back towards the building. "Was it those people? Did they get inside?"

Ophelia shook her head.

"Was it too much money? I told you I would pay for it."

"No, it wasn't anything like that," she insisted. "It wasn't the cost, or-or the surgery-"

"I know it can be scary," Zach said, trying to find a way to console her. He sat down on the pavement next to her. "Especially with those psychos out front yelling out the fatalities and shit."

Ophelia hadn't been heard that. But even if she had, it wasn't what she was worried about.

"No, that's-that's not it."

"Then what is it?" he asked her, trying to understand.

There was a small thump heard as Ophelia roughly leaned her head back against the car.

"Zach...I don't think I want an abortion."

The look of concern in his face vanished to one of complete shock. He stared at her, completely bewildered by her words.

"I'm sorry-" she tried to say, but he cut her off.

"There's no reason to be sorry," he told her quickly. He spoke slowly, like his brain was still too busy processing what she had just told him. "If it's what you want, it's what you want. It's...good that you realized now, before you had to regret it."

Ophelia gulped. "I think I really would've regretted it."

The protestors in the back died down in Zach's ears as he continued thinking deeply.

"Okay," he breathed. "So, how do you want to do this?"

Ophelia winced. She admitted to him, "I don't know I just...I don't want to do that."

She vaguely gestured back to the abortion clinic.

Zach's breathing became so deep, she could hear it clearly. He looked up towards the sky, squinting his eyes in the sun.

"What do you want to tell our moms?"

Ophelia felt her breath hitch in her throat. Telling her mother seemed like harder than having an actual baby.

"I don't know. I think-I think I'll wait a while. I'm not really showing much, am I?"

Zach glanced over her, quickly, before looking away again.

"No, you're not. I..." He let out a large breath of air. "I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me."

The sun started beating on them, making her skin feel warm. But she hardly laid any attention to it. Ophelia reached over and took Zach's hand.

When she grabbed it, she squeezed it. But he didn't squeeze back. He seemed to absent minded all of a sudden.

"Maybe I'll change my mind again."

He looked at her, quickly. "Do you think so?"

Ophelia sighed. "No." She only said it to ease his stress.

He nodded, like he approved her answer. But she didn't think he really did.

Zach stood up first. He dragged himself up and then grabbed his crutches. "Let's, um, head home now, alright? I'll stay over at yours for awhile. And then I have to be at football practice."

Football practice?

Ophelia looked up at him, surprised.

"I'm sorry," he told her, noticing the look she gave him. "It's just, we have a game soon, and Coach is freak out about me missing so much practice."

"Yeah," Ophelia breathed. "I get it. Do you want me to come with you to practice?"

Zach hesitated. "I don't know. Um, Montgomery is going to be there."

The tone of his voice when he said it wasn't one she expected. He didn't tell her Montgomery would he there like he was worried for her, it was like...he was jealous. Like he was too jealous for them to be around each other.

"Right," Ophelia breathed. She stood up. "But I can still come to your game, right?"

"Yeah," he told her, "You can hang out with my mom."

It felt like she was back in time. Sitting with his mom and her mom. Back when things were normal. Back when she used to cheer for Montgomery on the field too.

"That sounds nice," Ophelia tried to say, despite her sad feelings.

"We should head home," he said, again. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, let's head home."

The car ride was one of bitter silence. The radio was playing, but she couldn't focus on it enough to make out a single word.

Ophelia sensed Zach had more to say about the topic.

She watched him inhaled sharply, and grip the steering wheel just a little bit tighter.

"Ophelia..."

She watched him struggled.

"About what I said earlier..."

He regretted ever saying it. Ever mentioning the fact that he was relieved in her choice not to keep it. He cursed himself. Why had he ever said that?

She knew he was going to say to forget about it. But she also knew she would never be able to.

But she spared him that knowledge. "It's okay, Zach."

Zach winced. "I just wanted you to feel a little better about things, you know?"

The tone in his voice gave away what he was doing. He was trying to make her feel better by convincing her he wasn't serious. But she knew he was. Of course he was.

The words he said to her earlier were actually a confession that he hadn't realized.

Zach didn't want her to have the baby.

And yet, here she was, making her final decision to keep it.

"I know," she mumbled.

She tried to stay calm, but in her mind, she felt completely out of control. She felt so scared all of a sudden.

A pang hit her head over a fear of abandonment.

She wanted to ask how he really felt. If he was mad at her, or if he just felt nothing at all.

She felt the need to suddenly speak up and beg him, 'Please don't leave me, Zach. Please don't leave me for Chloe. I still make you happy, don't I? Don't you still want a future with me?'

But she kept her mouth shut, because at the moment, she didn't know if she would be prepared for his honest answer.

0

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Montgomery found himself in the library during lunch. It was never a place he found himself during the lunch period, not since his break up with Ophelia. She would always ask to go there to study, and he would happily go with her.

"Yo, Monty, the hell are you doing in here?"

Diego walked up to him, laughing.

Montgomery smiled. "Just doing homework, man."

"Homework?" Diego laughed again. "Who are you and what did you do with the real Monty?"

He chuckled. "Look, I have to, alright? I'm failing my classes, and I want to be able to do wrestling and baseball."

"Those sports are pretty lame compared to football," Diego joked. He sat down across from Montgomery.

"Says the guy who can't bat for shit," Montgomery mumbled. "You just didn't make the team."

Diego laughed.

"What are you doing in here anyway?" Montgomery asked him.

Diego leaned back and groaned. "I'm in the same boat. Failing my Econ class."

"Not surprised."

Diego chuckled. "At least it's only one class. My mom saw my grades and she's threatening to ground me. Which is, you know, not a good threat since she's never home to enforce it." He nodded to him. "Your parents mad about your grades?"

"My parents don't care about my grades," Montgomery told him, honestly. "They don't care about me either."

The smile left Diego's face. He knew how harsh his father was to him.

"You know, you can always come over to my house and shit," Diego offered. "If you want to do homework somewhere that isn't here."

Montgomery looked up, surprised with the offer. "Really?"

"Yeah, and then we can play 2k or something," he said, with a shrug.

Montgomery wasn't used to this kind of offer.

"Wow, thanks man."

"Anytime," Diego said, standing. "I'll see you at practice, alright?"

"Yeah," Montgomery breathed. "I'll see you then."

0

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0

"I'll see you in a bit," Zach told her while he stood in her room.

Ophelia laid on her bed, placing her hand on the skin of her stomach. She still felt the vague traces of the gel used for the ultrasound.

The loud heartbeat still ringing in her ear.

When she laid still enough, she swore she could feel her own heartbeat all the way up in her ears. Closing her eyes, it brought her back to the sound.

She opened them again when she heard her door close, and then immediately reopened.

"I can't," he muttered. "I can't leave you. Not today."

She appreciated his words, even more so as he came sat on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry," he said to her. "I just don't know what to do. In some ways, things feel normal. And then, in other ways, it's anything but."

His words almost made complete sense to her.

"I'm glad things can stay normal for you," she said, honestly. "They won't be for me. Not anymore."

"Yeah..." He didn't know what else to say. "Are things normal for me? Technically? I mean, you said you don't think the baby's mine. So, technically, I'm not going to be a father. There's nothing for me to be freaked out about."

There was truth behind Zach's words. He wasn't going to be a father, technically. But was he going to stay around a have that role?

"Would you want to be?" Ophelia felt so stupid asking. Because she was asking so much.

"Of course," he told her. "I mean, I already told you, I want a future with you. So of course I'll be here to help raise it, I just..." Zach looked for the right words. "I just hate that this big thing is happening in your life and I'm technically not apart of it."

"I want you to be apart of it," she told him. "I want you to be part of everything."

He nodded. "I know, I know."

There was tension in his voice. It freaked Ophelia out.

She turned away from him, to hide her face when she suddenly cried out, "Are you gonna hate it?"

He sat up abruptly.

"Are you gonna hate it? Are you gonna hate me for having it?"

"No!" He told her. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. "Ophelia, I could never hate you-"

"But what about the baby?" she gulped. "How could you want it if it's Montgomery's? You hate Montgomery."

"It doesn't matter to me," Zach told her. "Because it's your child, not his. I'll love it either way."

Ophelia took a shaky breath. "Okay...okay..."

She looked at Zach, and squeezed his hand tightly, and appreciatively. "I love you, Zach."

"I love you, Ophelia. I..."

He trailed off. Ophelia picked up on the sudden hesitation in his voice. She looked at him, questionably.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, panicked he could have changed his mind so quickly.

"No, nothing wrong," he said. She saw him struggling.

Her heart dropped. "Are you sure?"

Zach let out an audible sigh of frustration. "If you do want me to stay, I will. Of course, I will. But if you do want me to help raise this child, to be a father figure, then..."

Ophelia held her breath.

Zach squeezed her hand a little softer.

"Ophelia, you need to tell everyone that I'm the father."