You know me, only able to write heart wrenching tragedies. I couldn't really let Fay and Matsuda have more than a couple of weeks of happiness, haha! I have a feeling that new tragedies await our heroes.
Also, I'm going to rewrite/delete some of the previous chapters. There is simply so much blah blah and plain bad writing. So don't be shocked to see some changes in this fic soonish.
As always - thank's for reading, thanks for favouriting and following, and thanks for reviewing. You guys are the best!
The past two weeks had gone so fast, the time flying.
Now, that they found themselves standing at the airport again, Fay had to remind herself that they had really happened. That it hadn't been just a dream.
The departure hall at the Heathrow airport was packed with people, as always. It must've been one of the most crowded places on Earth, and in midst of all these people hurrying in to catch their flight, Fay always felt diminished - as if others still had things to do, places to be, while her own life had for so long been revolving around Lily and the safe walls of Wammy's house.
Though that wasn't true anymore.
Not, if you thought about the past couple of months. Travelling to Japan with Near, helping to bring down Kira. You could hardly call that safe or boring.
And of course, hooking up with Matsuda. That had changed everything, even more than killing Kira had.
Now she wasn't alone in the crowd anymore, and that made her heart flutter in her ribcage like a hummingbird about to fly free.
It was a scary feeling. To care about someone other than L or Lily. It had been so long that she hadn't. Trusting her heart with someone - it didn't come easily to her. No matter how much she loved Matsuda, how much she needed him, she had to fight the will to panic and to run away, practically all the time.
After all, she had never been in a serious relationship. What she'd had with L, it had been so much more, it had been her everything. He hadn't been her boyfriend - he had been the other half of her soul.
And all the other guys, like Césaire… they had thought they'd been her boyfriends, but to her it had all been just a game, something to keep her occupied, a distraction and nothing more. So, Matsuda was actually her first boyfriend, and this was the first time she was in a relationship.
That was unnerving as Hell.
Fay stuffed her hands deep into her pockets and turned her gaze away from all the people with their luggage, hurrying towards the security gates, back to Matsuda. He was at the check in counter, and Fay stood waiting for him, leaning on a column nearby.
A warm feeling flooded her chest, as he turned around and met her gaze.
It was like every time he saw her, his eyes widened with surprise. Like he couldn't really believe that she was here.
He has a point in that, you flimsy thing. How long can you really promise you'll stay with him? How long until the skeletons in your closet burst out and drive him away from you?
But he smiled, as if he had no worries in the world, ran his fingers through his way too long hair that fell to his forehead. A familiar gesture that made Fay's heart skip a few beats. She felt her cheeks burning, as he walked closer to her, holding a passport and his plane tickets in his hands.
"I love it when you smile like that." she stated when he was near enough to hear her.
"Like what?" he asked, blushing slightly.
"Like you're happy." Fay shrugged. "I've always loved that smile of yours. It's so good to see it again."
"Huh." Matsuda said. "It's you who brought it back, you know."
"I know." She replied, and let him pull her near, wrap his arms around her. It felt so natural to rest her head against his shoulder, to hear the steady beat of his heart. Being with him grounded her restless nature, eased her anxiousness, lifted her spirit. And she knew that lately it had worked both ways.
As long as she had known Matsuda, he'd been the happy one, the one with an easy smile and a laughter that you just couldn't help joining.
But after Light had died… there had been a change in him.
She knew he tried to hide it from her, but she recognized the haunted look that was in his eyes when he thought no one was looking, she heard how he cried in his sleep and noticed the dark shadows under his eyes in the morning. And he had lost weight, Fay realized, looking at him now. He had always been slim, but now he was beyond that, his cheeks hollower than before. Fay noticed his shirt fitting slightly loose on his frame, and frowned.
All the sweets and pastries and sugar you kept carrying to L… and now you didn't even notice your boyfriend isn't eating. Shame on you, Fay!
"Hey, is everything okay?" Matsuda asked, cradling her against his chest. Now that she was paying attention, she noticed she could feel his ribs under the lean muscles of his chest and abdomen. She hadn't before, had she?
"I should be asking you that question." she replied.
"Huh? Why so?"
Because I'm pretty sure you're not over Light's death. Because I know you're not sleeping and you're not eating, and as your girlfriend I should help you with all that.
But Fay didn't say any of that, no matter that she knew she should.
Now was not the time. He was leaving, and that was all there is to it.
"Because you have a flight to catch, and you're acting like there's no rush at all."
"Ah, I really didn't want to think about that." Matsuda made a small laugh.
"You kinda have to. It leaves in 40 minutes and you're gonna miss it if you don't get going."
That made Matsuda sigh, and reluctantly he let go of Fay. He stuffed the passport and his tickets into a pocket of his jacket, and took her hands into his.
"Is there any way I can convince you to come with me?" he asked, the smile now completely gone, his face dead serious.
Fay shook her head.
"Come on, Matsu. I can't leave Lily. Not again."
"I know. But still…"
"Is there no way I can convince you to stay?" Fay asked, raising her eyes to meet his.
"Hey, it's not for long. I'll be back in two weeks, one month tops." Matsuda replied, with a half hearted smile. "I'll just have to sort some things out. Get rid of my apartment, and stuff."
"You promise?"
"I promise." he said, and leaned closer. His forehead touched hers, she felt his breathing on her lips and her mouth watered. The familiar scent of soap and steel and his aftershave filled her senses, and she hoped against all hope that he was telling the truth. That he was indeed coming back to her, and that this wasn't the last time he held her near.
"Okay." she breathed, fighting tears. "But you really need to get going now."
With a sigh he let go of her hands, took a step back.
"I have something for you." he said, suddenly looking embarrassed, a little shy. He stuffed his hand into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a small box. "It's nothing big. Just… I saw it and it made me think about you."
"You shouldn't have." Fay breathed, but took the box anyway.
She opened the lid, and a small, heart shaped pendant made of green glass, was revealed. It was simple, but beautiful, and it was exactly the color of her eyes.
She stared at the little heart in her hands for a couple of heartbeats, speechless. This was the first gift she had accepted from a man since… since Césaire. And even if she had liked the trinkets and the perfumes he had bought her back then, she had left them all behind without a second thought when she had left him.
And L - well, he hadn't really been one to give gifts.
"I know you don't really wear jewellery, but I thought…." Matsuda was muttering. "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have bought it. If you don't like it you can return it."
"No, don't." Fay breathed. "It's beautiful. I love it."
She took the pendant from the box and slid the cord around her neck. The small heart found its place in the hollow of her neck. It felt like it was made for her, like she had always worn it.
Matsuda's gaze settled into the pendant and something seemed to melt in his eyes, his jawline softened.
"It looks good on you." he said.
"Thanks." Fay replied, her fingers reaching for his hand again. "But you really, really need to get going now. If you mean to leave, do it."
A sort of desperation flashed in his cappuccino eyes, and he reached for her, pulled her near again and his lips were on hers before she could say another word.
The kiss was soft, gentle, but so needing that it took her breath away. He tasted of peppermint toothpaste and his lips were hot on her mouth, his hands found her waist and pulled her close, her chest pressing against his lean body. She felt his heartbeat on her lips, on her hands that gripped his shirt like she never wanted to let go.
A desperate, dry sound escaped Matsuda's throat as he broke the kiss and let go. His dilated pupils had swallowed the irises of his eyes, so that they looked huge and black and Fay fell into his gaze, into the way he looked at her.
"Go on, lover." she managed. "I'll wait for you."
"You promise?"
"I promise." she said, and forced a smile on her lips.
He hesitated for a heartbeat or so, like the need to kiss her again was stronger than his will to walk away, but then took a shaky inhale and straightened his back. He turned on his heels, and walked away - not looking back at her until he was at the security gate. Then he turned, and their eyes met. He smiled, the way he knew would take her breath away, and raised his hand one more time. And then he was gone, walking through the gates and she couldn't see him anymore.
Now is your chance to give me some advice! Do you want to read more suffering and heart ache, or do you want a happily ever after for these two? Leave a comment, and let me know.
