A Marauder's Guide to Falling Forever

PART FOUR

Written by alliegrl


Chapter Two

"You cut your hair."

Remus looked surprised when she showed up at his doorstep. She was standing on the weathered welcome mat, drenched head to toe from the torrential rain that continued to cascade from the blackened clouds that hovered ominously over London.

"Is that really all you want to say to me?" she quirked her brow and gave him a sly smile. Remus, paler and thinner than she had seen him last, frowned and stepped to the side to let her in. She moved through the doorway, soggy shoes squishing against the tile floor and leaving puddles in her wake.

"How about, I don't suppose you've forgotten how to perform a drying spell?" he stated obviously while eyeing the water dripping from her clothes and pooling onto the foyer floor.

Marlene laughed and pulled out her wand from inside her jacket pocket. She cast a hot-air charm over her and a gust of warm air thrust its way against her wet hair and clothes, concealing evidence that she had ever been caught in the storm brewing outside the window.

A large crack of thunder broke the awkward silence that filled Remus's apartment. He stared wearily at Marlene in the foyer, neither one of them making a move. Another time perhaps, she would have fidgeted nervously under the scrutiny of his gaze. But Marlene felt nothing of the sort as they continued to stare one another down.

"I believe I should say welcome back," he finally said with a sigh, and then they both stepped forward to throw their arms around one another; hers out of nostalgia and his of relief.

"I know that you must be very cross with me," she mumbled into his body. She could feel his body tense up as he processed her words. He pulled away from her, planting his hands firmly on each of her shoulders and looked her steadily in the eyes. His were filled with obvious emotion and Marlene's guilty conscious began to flicker.

"I am not cross with you," he countered and Marlene doubted that he truly meant it, "I am however, relieved to know that you are alive."

Alive. It was a funny word in Marlene's vocabulary these days. To some, such in Remus's insinuation, alive meant to be physically present. But Marlene hadn't been alive in spirit in over a year.

"Where have you been?" he finally released his hands upon her and ushered her inside the kitchen. Marlene sat down at the table while Remus rushed to fill the teapot with water.

"Everywhere," she drummed her slender fingers on the wood table top. She noted that he was frowning again at her vagueness and she sighed. She had been mentally preparing for the interrogation and reminded herself that she would need to be patient with their questions. "I am sorry that I left like I did," she continued, "It was never my intention to hurt anyone."

"An owl would have been nice," he said pointedly, "even just one."

"I understand that everyone has been worried," she ignored him and continued to speak. "I hadn't intended to take off without explanation. It just happened. And I felt free – so free. I haven't felt normal like that in so long. I felt like I had lost myself and suddenly I found her again. I couldn't let that go, Remus."

His hands and eyes were searching for two cups out of the cupboard but he was evidently still listening. When she didn't say more he opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it quickly again and shook his head. The awkwardness that had clung to the air upon her arrival continued to pollute tension into the room, and slowly the unwelcoming feeling of uneasiness began to transcend. When Remus failed to respond she pushed forward.

"How is everyone?" she asked, even though she knew it was a loaded question.

"How do you think?" Remus finally looked at her again and the pain evident in his tone alone made her insides twist. "They've been a mess since you disappeared nearly six months ago. We've all been a mess."

Had she really been gone that long?

"I did tell Emmeline – "

"Who really didn't know anything other than you were leaving London to 'clear your head'," Remus quipped, finally revealing the subtle hint of anger in his voice. "Sorry," his face relaxed, "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Like I said. I didn't intend to go for so long," Marlene mumbled. She shifted her gaze so as not to look at him.

"Which brings me back to my initial question," Remus's tone softened further. The shrill whistle of water boiling cut in and he quickly grabbed the kettle off the stove. "Where have you been?"

"I've been working on a mission for the Order," she finally admitted. "Like I said, I've been everywhere; Paris, Greece, and Russia, mostly. But I just left Germany."

She snuck another peek at him; there was a scowl forming on his face as he poured the hot liquid into the two cups he had placed on the kitchen table. Marlene reached forward to grab one, cupping her hands around it and letting it warm her hands.

"The Order?" Remus sank into the chair opposite her. He stirred a spoon around his cup, the tinkering of metal upon porcelain filled the room. "Surely we would have known –"

"I have been working on something for Dumbledore for quite some time. You remember the task he set me up with last year?" she interrupted him.

"But that was convincing Tom to join the Order," his obvious confusion was apparent. "Tom has been worried sick about you. He had no idea where you were. None of us did."

"Dumbledore knew," Marlene replied and Remus appeared surprised at the revelation. Obviously Dumbledore had kept to his promise not to tell anyone what she had been up to.

"I don't suppose you're going to fill me in on exactly what you were doing then?" he prodded and Marlene shook her head.

"I need to see Dumbledore first," she told him, "I have things I need to tell him."

"You're in luck. There's an Order meeting tonight," the lines between his brows deepened with thought. "You have impeccable timing."

The wolf is waiting and you will not want to be late to your meeting. Cassandra's words rang in her ears. Marlene had left Berlin immediately. The first place she thought to go was Remus's, which she anticipated Cassandra meant by 'the wolf'. Apparently she had.

"And the meeting is here, isn't it?" she already knew the answer to her question, but felt compelled to ask it anyways. Marlene suddenly felt her throat constrict and go dry; she didn't know if she was quite ready to face the wrath of her friends just yet, especially all at once.

"Yes," he frowned. "Did you know? Is that why you showed up here tonight?"

"No," she shook her head. "I mean, not really."

"Vagueness doesn't suit you Marlene," he raised his brows as he took another sip of his tea, peering over the top of the cup at her, "does anyone else know that you're back yet?"

"No," she replied. "I came here first."

"Why?"

"Why?" Marlene restated his question to process her answer to it. She couldn't tell him that a seer compelled her with fancy words because that would just lead to more questions. Instead, she thought of a more logical and reasonable answer that she felt was equally true. "I think because you understand me in ways that nobody else does. If anyone is going to forgive me, it would be you."

"So you assume that I forgive you?" he laughed, a first trace of a smile played upon his lips, "confident about that are you?"

"I hope that you'll forgive me," she smiled back, "I'm going to need you in the next few hours."

"Oh?" he sounded surprised. "How's that?"

"Because Lily is going to kill me, and I need someone to fend her off before she rips me to shreds."

Remus laughed before his face turned back into something more serious.

"You know they are going to have a difficult time processing your return like this," he said sadly, "Sirius has been a mess."

Sirius.

"Sirius?" Marlene felt her face change into an expression of surprise. "Why has Sirius been a mess?"

The lines of Remus's forehead drew into a frown. "You do recall that you've been missing for months, right? Everyone has been looking for you."

Marlene knew that leaving abruptly in heat of everything prior to summer had been risky. She had been overridden with emotions from Mrs. Potter's death, and James' resentment towards her for being unable to prevent it had been the first major blow. Losing Sirius shortly after had broken her heart into a million pieces. Then, Lily's inability to cope with her parents deaths had drawn her into a great depression in which she had shut everyone out. Marlene had never felt more alone and unwanted.

So she left. She packed a small bag, told Emmeline that she was going away for a bit and didn't know when she'd be back. And then she left. For nearly six months, apparently. How had time flown by so fast without her even noticing?

It wasn't as if she didn't know they were trying to find her. At one point an owl from Lily had tracked her down, but she hadn't been ready to write to her, to explain why she had left without saying goodbye. She left her emotions at her flat in London and that was where they were going to stay.

Sirius had possibly attempted to contact her with the enchanted mirror too, but he would have been unsuccessful since she knew it was safely stowed away in her dresser drawer.

"Yes, well," she stumbled a bit. Give it to Sirius to cause her to fluster. As much as she had changed during her time away she hadn't been able to completely rid herself of him. "I don't know why he would care that much."

"Are you daft?" Remus sounded angry again and his tone, rather than his words, caused Marlene to recoil in her chair. Remus didn't normally speak like that, at least not to her. "Sirius loves you. How could you think he wouldn't worry himself sick about you disappearing? Don't you remember how he was after Hogsmeade? He nearly got himself sent to Azkaban trying to break into St. Mungo's to get to you. If Lily doesn't kill you, surely Sirius will."

Sirius loves you.

"Well he has a funny way of showing it," Marlene grumbled bitterly, pushing away the unwelcome feeling of hope beginning to bubble in her core. But she knew Remus was right about the fact that she had definitely handled her departure poorly. Order mission or not, she really should have written.

"I don't want to get in the middle of that mess of a romance the two of you have going on," Remus's expression changed and he let out a strained laugh. He stood from the table and moved back into the kitchen to wash his cup and put away the kettle, "but he literally stopped by your apartment almost every day to see if you'd come home. Chased your ghost to a few different countries when he heard any information about a girl that fit your description."

"Did he really?" Marlene felt a mixture of disappointment and gratitude to hear that. But she would have been happier if he had just let her go like he told her he would. Caring about Sirius was toxic, and she had had a very difficult time getting him out of her head. She had nearly gotten there and like a flood bursting through a dam, it only took one sentence from Remus's mouth to undue the progress that she had made.

"We've all be anxious," he stressed his point once more.

"I am sorry that I worried you Remus," she said sadly, "that I worried all of you."

She had been selfish and she knew that she would need to suffer the repercussions of her rash decision. Considering what was going on with the war she knew that what she had done was almost unforgivable. But still, she had done it. And still, there was a part of her that didn't regret that she had.

"There's no point continuing to dwell on it," he informed her, "but I dare say you'd better figure out what you're going to say because everyone is going to be here soon."

Marlene looked to the clock on the wall; it was nearing nine o'clock.

"Is there any easy way to explain myself?" she laughed. Remus rewarded her with a small smile.

"No, I don't think so."

The first knock on the door occurred only minutes later and Remus excused himself from the kitchen to answer it. Marlene's nerves kicked in high gear and she half contemplated making a run for it. She was being silly, of course. But she really thought she'd have more time to mentally prepare herself to come face to face with her friends. And she most certainly had not expected to face them all at once, and especially not while in the presence of the entire Order.

She felt relief flood through her as Dumbledore followed Remus into the kitchen. With a merry twinkle in his eyes, he offered her a very gentle smile and expressed his delight to see her once more.

"You had everyone in a bit of a frazzle," he chuckled, "when I promised to keep your departure secret, I did not expect to hold on to it for so long."

"I'm sorry," she flushed, "but I do need to speak with you. Urgently."

"Remus, might we use your room?" Dumbledore looked to Remus for permission, and he nodded his head just as a second knock hit the door and echoed around the small flat. Marlene didn't wait for Remus to answer it before she bolted down the familiar hallway and into the bedroom she and Dumbledore had spoken in once before.

"I found it," she exhaled quickly when Dumbledore had sealed the room, ensuring that their conversation would be kept private.

"Did you?" he seemed rather enthusiastic. His eyes lit up with curiosity and a tone that suggested he was surprised, like he had doubted she would achieve such a task.

"Yes," and then she launched into everything that Cassandra had told her about the prophecies. Dumbledore listened intently and did not interrupt her as she rambled on about where they were kept and who could access them. She relayed the information about those that have the knowledge may alter whether or not a prophecy may come true. She put a heavy emphasis on that part, hoping that her tone implied caution for whatever information he withheld from her.

And when she had finished she hesitated on revealing the prophecy that Cassandra had ushered to her at the end. Cassandras words rung in her ear like a melancholy song, singing of the danger awaiting her meddling.

"You seem troubled by something," Dumbledore finally spoke after she had run out of things to say.

"It's been a very long night," Marlene offered an idle smile. She decided against telling him. At least for now. It was a burden that belonged on her own shoulders for the time being, and further complicating the matter, especially since she did not know what the other prophecy was about, seemed better left for another day.

"I imagine so," he smiled. "Marlene, I am very pleased to hear of your success. This information will be quite valuable, and I don't think I need to express my relief to hear that Voldemort will not have easy access to obtaining the prophecy should he ever learn about it."

"Yes. I felt that relief too," she laughed.

"But I am troubled by one particular part of your story," he continued, "about the part of the Keeper of the Hall. Did Cassandra tell you who that person was, by chance?"

Marlene suddenly felt cold on the inside as the realization hit. She hadn't even bothered to ask.

"No," her eyes grew wide and horrified, definitely giving away the emotions underneath. If Dumbledore recognized her panic, he didn't let on.

"That's unfortunate," he stroked his long, white beard with his thumb and forefinger and looked off into his thoughts.

"I'll try to find out," Marlene said quietly. "I've come this far. I think I can get one more answer."

Dumbledore smiled at her, bringing his glimmering eyes back to meet hers. There was obvious amusement dancing in the light reflecting off his pupils, but there was something else hidden in there. Marlene wanted to believe that it was appreciation, and she hoped that there was a hint of respect in there too.

"Please do," he tipped his chin with a gracious nod and reached for the doorknob. Before he opened it though his smile flickered only momentarily as his gaze locked with hers. "One more thing, Marlene. I don't think I need to warn you that your arrival tonight might cause some – shall we say, mixed and emotional reactions?"

She could feel her face reddening slightly. In the time they had been locked away in the bedroom she had completely forgotten that the house had been filling with Order members. And they had been in the room for quite some time, so the chance of her escaping undetected were slim to none.

Especially since Remus already knew she was hidden away inside his bedroom, and had likely already filled everyone in on the fact that she was there.

Dumbledore offered a bow of his head and Marlene took the gesture to mean that he wished her luck. Whether or not that was the case, she was happy to interpret it as such.

Because boy, was she going to need it.