It was just after 8 when Mike arrived home. Placing his briefcase in the hall closet he walked in to the living room. He was surprised to see Grace and Nicole sat on the sofa. Together. And that they were getting along. they were both sat watching My Little Pony eating cheese on toast. Smiling softly to himself seeing them together was heart-warming, they could fight like cat and dog like all siblings but deep down they did love each other.

Placing his hat on the sideboard he smiled "I'm back" he called

"Daddy!" Grace called turning jumping up

"Ooff" Mike moaned catching her in his arms "steady in their monster" he said carefully dropping her back on the sofa "where is mummy"

Giggling Grace jumped up on to her knees

"she took Chris up to bed and hasn't come back down" Nicole said picking up both hers and Graces empty plates taking them in to the kitchen. "do you want a brew daddy?" she asked

"thanks, sweet" he smiled

Kate sat on the edge of the bed looking at the pregnancy test she had brought earlier that morning turning the box over in her hands. Everything running through her mind.

"Kate?" Mike called as he walked up the stairs

"Hey" she called out as he walked in to the room.

"hey" he smiled softly. "is everything okay, why are the girls still up?" he asked.

"everything is fine. The girl's year groups have been put in to self-isolation so they have to stay off for 2 weeks. What time is it?" she asked

"Just after 8" he said softly his eyes fell to the box in her hands she was turning around.

"what's that?" he asked nodding towards it

"umm" she paused

"wait are you?" he asked reading the writing on the box

"i don't know... Maybe" she said softly

"are you okay?" he asked sitting next to her sensing her unease at everything

"umm just freaking out a little." she paused "I haven't actually taken the test yet"

"its going to be okay" he said softly reaching out squeezing her hand

"But..." she began

"we can cross all those bridges if and when we have to" he said softly "take the test and then we can see what we are dealing with" he said kissing the top of her head.

Nodding softly, she stood and Shakely walked over to the en suite shutting the door behind her.

Leaning back Mike sighed he could see how much this was torturing her past memories bubbling back to the surface. Even for him he was worried about things and what it could mean for her.

He looked up as the door opened. Forcing a smile himself trying to be strong for her "well?" he asked

"it takes a few minutes to process" she said placing it on the bedside cabinet sitting next to her.

"whatever it says it..." Mike began

"don't say that. You don't know. I am 45. I'm too old to be pregnant again" she said

"plenty of woman have babies in their 40s now a days."

"and the risks are a lot higher I was classed as old with all three and almost died with Chris." she said turning away trying not to think about. She had gone in to premature labour at 29 weeks and suffered two haemorrhages knocking her out for several days as she recovered from the blood transfusion. Things were not much better for Chris. Looking at him now you wouldn't think it now but it was touch and go for a while with him being in NICU for 15 weeks on all sorts of monitors and machines helping with breathing.

The alarm on her watch beeped in the silence alerting her to the fact that the test should show the result. Leaning over she picked it up. Turning it over slowly she looked at the display. Half smiling, she showed Mike the result.

"you okay about this?" he asked putting it back on the side noticing the tear falling down her cheek.

"umm yeah I umm..." she said resting her head on his shoulder

"wanted it to be positive as well as negative" he smiled softly

"as dumb as that sounds yeah." she nodded

"its not dumb."

They were interrupted by Grace and Nicole crashing up the stairs

"Mum" Grace called

"I'll sort this" Mike smiled opening the bedroom door

"i thought I told you to get to bed" Mike folded his arms

"i want to say good night to mummy" Grace wailed

"Mummy is not feeling well at the moment. She Is a little bit sad. She will come and say night in a bit. Now come on bed" Mike said herding his youngest daughter towards her room.

Tucking Grace in and after reading several stories he made his way across the landing to Nicole.

"Lights out now pumpkin" he smiled

"Daddy?" she asked "Mummy is okay isn't she. We won't have to go and stay with nanny and grandad, will we?" she asked

"hey" he said softly walking in sitting on the end of the bed "what's brought all this on?" he asked

"you said mummy was not well and she was sad. You said that after Chris and she was sad we had to stay with nanny and grandad."

"she is sad, she thought she was going to have a baby but the test was negative. She got a bit upset because memories of Chris came flooding back but I can assure you she will be fine. Don't let it worry you" Mike said softly

"but..." she said softly

"don't let it worry you. She will, be fine" he said "now sleep tight" he whispered kissing the top of her head.

Walking back in to the main bedroom Kate wasn't there. Sighing softly to himself he made his way along the corridor again this time in to Chris's nursery. He could see she was sat in the little rocking chair that they hadn't had chance to move out.

"there you are" he said softly as he walked in

"i like sitting watching him sleep sometimes" she whispered looking over at the little boy asleep in his bed. His Bambi eye lashes fluttering as he dreamed. "what do you think he is dreaming about" she smiled

"probably about being a cat" Mike smiled looking as the cat was also curled up next to him. "have you eaten dinner?" he asked

"i'm not that hungry really. I had a Maccas at lunch time" she said

"so how about tomatoes on toast?" he smiled "you need to eat"

"okay" she nodded knowing he wouldn't give up.

Later that evening Kate lay curled up resting her had against his chest.

"you sure you are alright?" Mike asked

"i will be" she said softly looking up at him "I just..."

"hoped it was negative but wished it was positive" he said

"yeah another baby would have been nice" she pushed herself up sitting up right "but as is said I am too old"

"you're not that old" Mike said wrapping his arms under hers around her waist.

"no I am. I would be 65 when the kid graduates. Nicole could even have a family of her own by then..."

"Kate..."

"can we not talk about it now. Its done with" she said turning slightly "i am knackered and if I have to home school the girls tomorrow then I need sleep" she said laying back on the pillow. Rolling over she faced away from him tears falling silently. She had spent all day dreading the outcome hoping for a negative but now it had proven negative she felt odd, it was a unusual feeling she couldn't describe the feeling. She felt Mikes arm wrap around her waist. She couldn't face him as it would only make her feel sadder.

so a continuation of the last chapter. hope you like it and sorry for the sensitive issues mentioned. please let me know what you think. x

anyway to the guest anonymous reviewer who keeps telling me to update quicker. i am updating this as fast as i can. i am uk based writing about Australia so am reliant on news articles on how lockdown is going. this also will be a slow process as things change alot and i dont want constant updates showing things just a every now and again look in on like with the Flynns