Author's note:
Woo hooo! I am almost officially on Summer holidays - two days to go. Kids have finished for the year (mixed emotions over that), and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel… and no it isn't the headlamps of an oncoming train! 😊
Over the coming weeks I will hopefully have more time to write and add more chapters. Any feedback; positive, constructive or both would be appreciated.
And now…. We continue…
Chapter 42 – Don't you see…..
Rachet P.O.V
When I received Prime's communique regarding OC's condition my spark stilled, and concern gathered about me like a dark and ominous cloud. OC had become a good friend and valuable team member in fighting our cause and I cared for her. However, it was more how Prime would react if the worst should happen and we lost her, that caused my spark the greatest amount of fear.
Over the past three years I had watched OC and Prime grow closer, break down each other's walls and lean on each other for support, dragging the other out of dark and dangerous depths when needed. I was thankful for her helping our Prime as I know what a burden he must bear.
And now.
That support, that pillar of strength for him had her life hanging by a thread. A strange illness now griped her, and I feared the worst. As I busied myself rushing about the Medical Bay, checking instruments, supplies, running through possible scenarios and treatment options, I spared a moment to think, /What did she do? Why now? Is it some human illness that plagues her or something more sinister?/. I had just finished briefing the human nurses and doctor's sent to support us, as the door to the Med Bay burst open and the rather agitated form of Optimus Prime strode in.
A quick glance at his faceplates and his optics told me my concerns were not unfounded – he was fighting a silent war inside himself right now and I could tell this was a fight he may well lose.
''Rachet, I have come to check on your preparations here. Is everything ready? Do you have all you need?'' Prime locked me with a hard stare, his servos clenched by his sides as he barked out the questions.
I raised both of my servos in supplication. ''Prime, please. Everything is under control.'' I paused a moment and ''eyed'' him carefully. ''Are you?''
His optics flashed fire, ''Of course I am! What do you mean by that?'' the acid in his tone made me flinch, though I did not back down. Millions of years serving my Prime, my friend, I would not abandon him now. /Now might be a good time for a ''talk''/.
''Prime, I merely made the comment as I can tell you are on edge. I do not blame you. I am concerned for OC too.'' He made to interrupt me, but I forged on, ''However, you of all mechs know we cannot allow our emotions consume us when we face our greatest challenges - our fears.'' The fire in his optics simmered and his massive shoulders seemed to slump - in defeat or shame I did not know, neither did I care. ''Prime, we have the better part of a day ahead of us while we await her arrival. I think you and I can spare a moment to ''talk''. Let's get out of here for a minute.'' I motioned towards the Med Bay doors and though he initially made to refuse my offer, he reluctantly turned and led me out of the door.
Once outside I indicated to Prime to follow me down to their beach. I knew it was a place he would find some small measure of comfort. We walked in silence and stood in the middle of the clearing. Neither of us wanted to sit. Prime stood beside me, shifting his weight agitatedly from pede to pede. /He needs this. He needs to talk, to vent/. ''Prime, I may not be OC, but I hope you will trust me, as you once did, with what burdens your spark. Though I dare say I know.'' I levelled a keen gaze at his optics.
Prime turned his helm towards mine, and his optics radiated great sadness. ''I am sorry old friend. Forgive me. Of course, I trust you.'' He turned his gaze onto the dark waters crashing in the distance, his words were but a whisper, quieter than the sea breeze that blew around us. ''Rachet I am afraid.'' He paused at this as though the very admittance of his fear was a most serious transgression.
When I made no reaction, he pressed on. ''I am more afraid than I can recall being in the longest time. I feel as though my spark is trying to escape my chassis and when it isn't pulsing rapidly it is constricted as though my very essence is being wrenched from my body.'' He turned wild optics on me. ''I do not understand why, when I have witnessed so much death and tragedy in my life, when I have faced down countless foes without a second thought of fear for my own life, why I am so afraid of losing OC?''
A felt a small, knowing smile tease the corners of my dermas as I listened to my friend attempt to put into words what, to me, was so obvious. I simply folded my arms across my chest and nodded for him to continue. I knew he had more to say.
He shook his helm in seeming disbelief, ''One human. She is one human. So many have lost their lives already since we came to this planet and brought our war with us,'' the last was said with such vehemence it felt like venom being spat into the night air. He raised his helm to the night sky and yelled in a guttural, feral growl, raw with emotion, ''Rachet, why?'' at this last question he crashed to the ground on his knees and punched the earth so hard it left a crater like indent.
I simply stood there for a moment, watching my friend and my leader brought to his knees by the strength of his emotions and his inability or unwillingness to recognise them for what they were. I placed a servo gently on his shoulder strut, and I felt him tense slightly for a moment before he relaxed at the comfort being offered. ''Prime,'' I said in a very steady, calm and serious tone, ''Don't you see? It's because you love her.'' /There. It was said. It cannot be taken back now/.
At the mention of the word, I felt him flinch, and I could almost feel his barriers slam into place. He rose to his pedes again, lightning fast, ''Rachet! I… That is ridiculous!'' he stammered as he took a physical step away from me, away from the topic. His optics at war between, anger, fear and recognition.
I eyed him carefully and once again folded my arms across my chest. ''Is it? How so?'' I didn't mean to goad him. /Then again, maybe he needed it!/.
Prime stopped, stood still, clenched his fists by his side and levelled me with a withering glare. ''Well for one thing Rachet she is a human and I am Cybertronian. We are not even of the same species!'' He threw his arms up in the air as if in silent surrender.
I shrugged my shoulders and merely replied, ''So? Love is more than just something physical Prime, it transcends such things.''
His dermas moved into a thin line of determination when I did not yield to that logic and he placed his servos firmly on his hips /Just like OC when she gets ready to prove a point/, I thought amusedly to myself. His next words erupted like verbal lava, spewing forth in rapid succession, ''Rachet, her life is but a heartbeat compared to mine, she is flesh and blood and I am metal and energon, she has just lost the love of her life barely two months ago and I lost mine millennia ago and I am the PRIME! I cannot allow myself the distraction and the weakness of caring for someone so deeply lest I fail our people!'' by the time he spoke the last words his right servo pointed accusingly at me and the other lay by his side tightly clenched. He stood there, chassis heaving in barely contained rage, frustration and grief.
I closed my optics for a moment. /So, there it was. All of this has been gnawing at him like some rabid animal for Primus knows how long! How cathartic it must feel for him. Painful, yet cathartic/. I ex-vented out loud as I shook my helm. ''Optimus. I am sorry.'' At my words he gave me a confused look and some of his ire leached from his frame. An apology was not what he had been expecting. ''I am sorry that as your friend and physician I did not see what has been so blindly obvious and offered you council and comfort. I am sorry that you feel you have had to bear these feelings on your own, unable to share them with another, thus allowing them to fester. And I am sorry that you are so boneheaded that you cannot come to terms with your own true feelings!''
Prime, took another physical step back at my words as though I had slapped him and in truth, I felt l like I had. He needed it! Before he could say anything, I launched into my own tirade. ''Prime, have you never heard the Earth saying, ''It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?'' A life lived with the one your soul aches to be with, however brief, is far more appealing than a life lived in loneliness and fear of being hurt. Besides, although we are capable of living for millions of years, Prime, you know as well as I that at any moment in battle our lives can be lost. So that point, as far as I am concerned, is moot.''
Prime's dermas moved silently as if trying to form a response, but I held my servo up to silence him. ''As for being made of flesh and blood and you of metal and energon. What does it matter? As I said before love comes in many forms Prime. It is irrelevant that you should be of different sizes, races, constitutions. The heart, or spark, wants what it wants. As for OC losing Chase, yes. I agree the timing is not the best. She did indeed love him, may have married him and bonded herself to him. But Prime, if you could see the way she is when she is around you, the way she seeks you out, lights up when she sees you. I would not go so far as to say Chase was the love of her life, a deep love yes. But I can't help feeling that, like you, OC has fooled herself as to the depth of her feelings for you!''
At this he flinched yet again, and something akin to hope briefly flashed through his optics, though he quickly quashed it. I allowed a small, sad smile to spread across my dermas. ''As for you and Elita. I know how deeply you felt for her and loved her and how you feel that loss still.'' Prime once again shifted on his pedes and shuttered his optics trying to contain his emotions. I forged on, ''But Prime she is gone! She is not coming back, and I know in my spark, as I am sure deep down you do too, she would want you to be happy.'' Prime imperceptibly nodded his helm. /FINALLY! Something was sinking in/. ''OC brings you that happiness. I have seen it with my own optics.''
Prime turned to look at me, his shoulder struts slumping in defeat. ''As for the last argument you put forth. Bullshit!'' I spat out using an Earthen cuss to make my point. He whipped stunned optics up to mine and straightened up again in shock. ''You are our Prime, and in my humble opinion, the best we have ever had. I am sure I speak for all Autobots when I say this; in all your millennia of service and leadership, you have never let us down and I highly doubt you ever will – whether on your own or not. Personally, I would rather endure the burdens of leadership with another spark by my side, one who knows my own as intimately as I do, than to face it alone.'' I paused briefly as I allowed my optics to show all the support, kindness and compassion I felt towards our Prime shine through. ''Optimus, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to love. But it is up to you to allow that to happen.'' I fell silent on the matter. I had said my piece. There was nothing more to say.
Prime stood there. In the whole time he had not spoken. I had not let him, but he had not tried to interrupt either. /Perhaps I have finally succeeded in getting through to him?/. I was about to reach out to him when my communicator went off, ''Rachet here.'' The next words froze my spark and sent waves of fear pulsing through me. ''Understood. I am on my way.''
At my words and my change in manner Prime's optics shot to mine and his huge frame tensed. ''Rachet, what is it?''
I closed my optics for a moment to gather the strength I needed to say my next words to him. ''Prime. They nearly lost OC. She.. she stopped breathing, convulsions… her heart couldn't take it. They.. they managed to stabilise her. She is ok. For now….'' I did not want to continue that train of thought. Especially after our discussion.
I hoped never to see such a look darken my leader and my friend's faceplates ever again. It was as though he ceased to be for a moment. As though all life had left him, an empty shell. /How can he possibly deny his feelings now?/. He slowly sank to his knees and then into a sitting position, as though he could not bear his own weight, the weight of his emotions, anymore. ''Rachet,'' the word was barely audible. ''I need to… I can't… I need to be alone for a moment. Please.'' He did not look at me, simply stared fixated on the dark and crashing waves before him.
My spark ached for him, but I simply nodded my understanding of his request. ''Of course, Prime. I shall return to the Med Bay and prepare for her arrival. You take as long as you need. I will arrange for Ironhide and Jazz to meet the plane...'' I did not get to finish.
''NO!'' He yelled out loud. ''No,'' much softer. ''I promised her I would be here waiting for her when she got back. I will honour that promise… regardless of…'' Prime stopped speaking. He could not bring himself finish the sentence.
I nodded. ''Very well Prime. You and I shall meet the plane. I shall inform Jazz he is in command effective immediately. You, have bigger concerns.'' I would not be swayed on this.
Prime simply nodded his acquiescence. I placed my servo on his shoulder and squeezed it in a show of silent support and offering strength. ''Prime, I do not know what the outcome of this will be. I pray to Primus she will be fine. But, just know you are not alone. You will not be alone.'' I stopped myself. What else do you say?
Prime merely nodded and continued to stare. I released my servo and nodded. I turned on my pedes and strode back towards the Med Bay. I had my own demons to face now as OC's life would be placed squarely in my servos. I only hoped they had the strength and the skill necessary to save her – lest we lose two lives out of this.
