It's been a while since I've updated, and if I don't post this soon the story might stop here, which is a shame as I would like to visit Vulcan. This is a bit rough around the edges, even though I have read it multiple times. If you can see any typos etc or ways to make it better please let me know. Thank you for all your support :-)

Chapter 64 - K'oh-nar - Emotionally vulnerable

The next morning Avarak woke to the sound of voices coming from the hall downstairs, sa-mekh and Mimi were talking quietly. Avarak had excellent hearing, even for a Vulcan, and as a result he could just about make out what they were saying, it wouldn't be right to listen into a private conversation, therefore, he made a conscious effort not to listen. Currently his primary concern was that he had a headache and a general feeling of chaos, things were not quite right and he was unsure why. He tried to quiet his thoughts, like he had been taught, it wasn't working... He heard the front door close and someone walked along the gravel path, the other person walked into the kitchen. He decided he would investigate later. He tried to quiet his emotions, like he had been taught, it wasn't working... After sometime there was still turmoil inside which was beginning to make him feel sick. Avarak sighed heavily, he wanted to cry, which was illogical. He sighed again. It was not fair, why were Peter and Adam allowed to cry when they were upset but he was not supposed to? (this was Avarak's perception of things, the reality being that Vulcan's recognised that sometimes tears were required if the cause was sufficient.) Why was emotional control so difficult, he asked himself. Why did it make him 'feel' so unwell... what he was 'feeling' was illogical. He pulled his toy sehlat closer... He gave in and started to cry softly, it would be ok he thought to himself, there was no one here to see it ...

*'*

T'Shahel, who normally had a great deal of emotional control for one her age, was not fairing any better than Avarak when she awoke. Sleep had escaped her for much of the night, due to some very familiar emotions which had arisen as a result of the events the previous day. She had been hunted by images of her sa-mekh being killed, haunted by images of the man who had approached them at the wedding, and who had subsequently challenger her sa-mekh, the knife strangely becoming a lirpa during the night watches... the emotions whipped around her like a sandstorm... she had tried to breathe evenly, to stay calm, it was of no use ... she had attempted to think about things logically, her father was not dead, he was sleeping downstairs, he was safe ... Mimi was safe ... Avarak was safe... Sa-kuk Sarek was safe ... Ko-kuk Manda was safe ... kan-bu Spock was safe ... they were all safe, it was illogical to worry... it was illogical to fear ...

Although she was ten, there were still occasions when she found that the logical thing to do was hide under her blanket. This morning was one of those occasions. She wanted to stay here, where it was safe... She hoped that there would not be any excursions today, preferring to be alone with her family... memories of her Ko-mekh flooded back ... she rolled herself in the blanket and whimpered... despite her best attempts T'Shahel began to cry...

*'*

Mimi was sitting at the table in the kitchen drinking a cup of Vulcan green tei, and tucking into some Vulcan wedding cake. Much to her delight it turned out to be similar to carrot cake, it was logical for Vulcan's to have a wedding cake that accounted for one of their ten a day. In between eating the cake and drinking the tea Mimi was reading the news on her padd, well that's what it looked like but she was really focusing on the bond which she now had with Sordd. Obviously being aware of someone else's thoughts was a very new experience for her. There was a gentle humming in the back of her mind which had been there since the previous evening. The feeling was not as intense as it had been last night, it was obvious that Sordd had pulled away slightly in order to give Mimi some space. It was still early days and she had not worked out how to do that herself. Through the bond she could sense his love for her, she knew he would probably never vocalise that love but with the bond he didn't need to. She also knew that he cherished her, she sighed contentedly, for the first time in her life she felt complete, it was also comforting knowing that she wasn't alone... A smile appeared on her face as her thoughts turned to her nocturnal activities with Sordd, she trusted that more was to come before the day was done...

Mimi took another mouthful of the cake, savouring the moist caramelly flavour with the warm embrace of cinnamon, nutmeg and clove, and also something she didn't recognise, it was tangy and spiced. She made a note on her padd to get the recipe.

Suddenly, aware that she was not alone, Mimi looked up. Avarak, who had stealthily walked across the kitchen without making a sound, was standing before her. He looked washed out, he had very dark green circles under his eyes, his hair was a tangled mess and he had a general look of disarray about him. Mimi could see that he had been crying, and that he was currently trying to hold the tears back.

"Hello sweetie are you ok?" Mimi asked kindly while carefully touching his arm.

Avarak shook his head while staying glued to the spot. She looked at him with deep concern in her eyes.

"Can you tell me what is wrong?" she said with a gentle smile and a quiet motherly voice.

He shook his head again.

"How about you have a seat?" she asked while patting on the seat beside her. Avarak continued to stay glued to the spot.

"Ohh, sweetie, do you not want to have a seat?" she asked again.

Avarak looked at the seat then looked in Mimi's eyes and then looked at her lap.

"You want to sit up here?" Mimi asked while tapping on her lap.

Avarak said nothing, but looked up at her with his big brown eyes and then he looked back at her lap.

Mimi was in a quandary, she didn't want to do the wrong thing, the un Vulcan thing, however, it was obvious that Avarak was still in a fragile state and he wanted to sit up on her lap. She tried to think about what the logical thing to do was, as opposed to the emotional. Having only known Vulcans for a few months she was still very unsure of the etiquette, especially when dealing with children. Very early on one thing had become obvious and that was that emotions were not to be expressed. She had wondered on a number of occasions where the emotions went, imagining that there could be a massive volcano of them awaiting to erupt... Back to the point in hand, Avarak wanted to sit on her lap. Although by earth standards Avarak was advanced beyond his years, in many areas he was still very childlike and right now he was seeking comfort... The reality was that Sordd had married her, a human, he had told her on a number of occasions that she could not be expected to be what she was not. Uncertain of what the correct Vulcan response was in these situations, although the way she had seen Sordd and Sarek interact with their children said to her they would not leave a child in distress, she went with her human instinct, and human instinct told her to comfort the child standing in front of her ... If it was the wrong thing to do, well so be it...

"Ok sweetie!" she said while lifting Avarak up onto her lap, being careful not to make skin contact with him. She held him close, rocking him gently. She could feel and see him visibly relax and lean in to her, he then stuck two fingers in his mouth and began to suck them. Mimi decided the best course of action was to be still.

After about ten minutes of sitting quietly Avarak eventually spoke, "Where is Sa-mekh?" he whispered.

"Sa-mekh is taking Madra and Dug out for a walk as we need to look after them today. He won't be long," she replied softly. "T'Shahel will be down for first meal soon," she continued whispering into his ear. "Do you think you are well enough to have first meal?"

Avarak thought for a moment. Then quietly nodded his head.

Instinctively Mimi gave him a little hug, trying to give him a little comfort, it's what she did to her nephews when they were his age. "What would you like to have?" she asked, hoping for further response. "Sa-mekh made some plomeek soup this morning. There is cassava juice in the refrigerator, granny made some drop scones, there is also cereal ..."

"Plomeek soup and casava juice would be agreeable," he whispered.

"That's good," she said, while giving him another little hug. "Would you like some toast as well?" she asked, glad that he was coming round to talking.

He tilted his head and turned to look at her again, "Drop scones please."

The next moment T'Shahel appeared at the kitchen table. Mimi looked her up and down. Despite meditating before retiring for the evening she also had dark green circles under her eyes, she had been crying. She also looked in a general state of disarray, although not quite as severe as Avarak.

Mimi frowned, "Are you ok T'Shahel?" she asked worriedly.

"I am uncertain," she replied honestly, "I believe I am in need of more meditation, but I am unsure as I meditated last night ..."

Mimi sighed, obviously the events of the wedding were taking their toll...

"Have a seat," Mimi said, "your sa-mekh will be back soon. Avarak and I were just discussing first meal. What would you like to have?"

"I do not believe that sustenance would be agreeable at the moment," she replied, "I feel sick."

Mimi smiled kindly towards her, "Have some water just now, we can se what sa-mekh says when he returns," Mimi replied while pouring her a glass of water.

*'*

Sordd was walking back along the beach towards the cottage with the dogs. In all honesty he did not want to be away from Mimi for any length of time, not at the moment anyway. It would take a number of days for the bond to be fully established, and it would be best to be in close proximity with her as much as possible. He had made the necessary arrangements, contacting Sarek to inform him of their status, and requesting leave. This was not a problem, like most Vulcans he had accrued a lot of overtime, years worth in fact.

He focused again on his bond with Mimi, it was only now that he realised how lonely he had been after the death of T'Alaro. There was no sense of loneliness now, complete, accepted, cherished... he mediated on this as he walked ... eventually reaching the backdoor of the cottage he opened the door, both dogs hurtled past him as though it was some kind of race...

Sordd took in the scene. Mimi, who looked radiant, was sitting at the kitchen table with Avarak sitting on her lap, this was indeed and interesting and pleasing development. Avarak looked unwell. He turned to look at T'Shahel, she also looked unwell. Sordd sighed inwardly, the events of the previous day, including the wedding and the puk-tor, were beginning to take their toll. Although the children were not present during the puk-tor, they would have experienced some distress when he had temporarily closed his bond with him, which he had done in order to shield them.

The dogs by this point were excitedly circling around Mimi, T'Shahel, and Avarak trying to heard them in, even though they were all sitting at the table. They were also barking in excitement. He could see Avarak tensing himself, although he was trying not to show it. Avarak liked the dogs and had happily played with them over the last few days, however, at this moment in time it was obvious that he was unable to cope with their exuberance.

"Kroikah!" Sordd commanded the dogs, "Ki'haf!"

They immediately stopped their little game, then went and lay down in their baskets, their puppy dogs eyes peering over the top, specifically trying to con any human or Vulcan in the vicinity to feel sorry for them.

"Good morning T'Shahel, Avarak, Mimi," Sordd said looking at them each in turn.

Mimi looked up smiling, her eyes were glistening, "Did you have a nice walk?" she asked, while still rocking Avarak gently.

"Affirmative, it is a pleasant morning," he replied as he approached her and raised his index and forefinger towards her. She responded and their fingers touched in a Vulcan kiss, the bond between them flared into life at their touch. Mimi smiled, Sordd smiled the Vulcan smile that wasn't a smile.

"Avarak and T'Shahel are both unwell," Mimi said, "I thought some breakfast might help."

Sordd knelt down so he was eye level with his son. "What is your aliment?" he asked.

"I do not know sa-mekh," he replied in a whisper.

Sordd knelt for a while, studying his sons face. He then stood up and turned to T'Shahel.

"What is your ailment ko-fu?" he asked

"I am uncertain sa-mekh," she replied quietly. Sordd studied her face, it was obvious that both of his children were emotionally compromised.

"Weddings are stressful times even for humans," Mimi said. "I was thinking that maybe the events of yesterday are taking their toll. Maybe we should have a quiet day?" she looked at Sordd while saying this.

"I think that would be logical and agreeable," Sordd replied while looking back at her. "After first meal we shall meditate and then make arrangements for the rest of the day after that."

T'Shahel's face visibly relaxed at this suggestion, a quiet day being most agreeable. Avarak started to cry...

"What's wrong sweetie?" Mimi asked him.

"Sa-mekh, we are going fossil hunting today… with Peter…" he sniffed, "and Adam… and Saros..." the tears were flowing down his cheek, which he tried to brush away with the back of his hand.

Sordd knelt down again, "It would be unwise Avarak, you are zungor and k'oh-nar. Further adventures would be illogical in the current circumstances."

"But I want to go fossil hunting…" he replied, a large frown appearing on his face, "I have never been fossil hunting…" he protested, while getting more and more agitated by the moment.

Mimi continued to rock him gently in her arms, "Senek messaged this morning to say that Saros is unable to go fossil hunting today," she said in a soothing voice. "I told him we could go tomorrow as well. Maybe it would be best if we all just went tomorrow, after a quiet day today," she looked at Sordd who nodded in an affirmative.

Avarak did not know what he was 'feeling' he was in such a turmoil. "I want to go today with Peter and Adam," he insisted, the tears were still streaming down his face.

Sordd raised his hand in the universal action for halt, and spoke, "I have decided we are not going fossil hunting today," he said. "It is not logical to be upset, it is out with of your control. As Surak said, 'Svi' nartaya shom kr'trkkla,'" he said firmly, although not unkindly. Sordd turned to look at Mimi and translated, "In consenting to receive lies peace."

Avarak bit his lip in an endeavour to accept the situation, it was difficult ... He had been looking forward to this adventure since Adam and Peter suggested it, 73 days, 17 hours, and 33 minutes ago. He tried to think logically about the situation... Sa-mekh had made the decision that they were not going today, as disagreeable as it was there was nothing he could do to change the outcome... It was illogical to argue with his sa-mekh, he would not change his mind, and arguing would result in punishment which would also be disagreeable... There was no logic in further protestations, his fathers decision was final... He decided the best course of action would be to try and calm himself down...

"If you let me know what you would like for your picnic I could make it up so we can start off early," Mimi said trying to make the situation a bit more positive. She had learned that Avarak found the concept of a picnic quite agreeable, "What would you like for your picnic?"

"Are we all going to go tomorrow?" he asked softly, the stubborn part in him still not fully giving into the situation.

"Affirmative," Sordd replied.

"You are going to come as well?" Mimi asked with a little sparkle in her eyes.

"'Ha, I have made the arrangements I discussed with you earlier," Sordd replied. "I do not need to work for the next seven days."

This announcement obviously pleased Mimi, it was also pleasing to Avarak and T'Shahel, although they were endeavouring not to show it. It particularly pleased Avarak as he liked going on field trips with his sa-mekh.

"It would not be logical for a Vulcan to miss a research oportunity," Sordd continued, "I have never been fossil hunting either," he paused, "the concept is most agreeable." It would also mean he would be near Mimi, which was also logical and most agreeable.

"Ok, so what do we want for out picnics?" Mimi asked again.

Avarak was first to reply, "Krei'la would be agreeable and 15's," he said enthusiastically.

Sordd raised an eyebrow, "That is a lot of fructose Avarak," he stated mater-of-factly.

Avarak bit his lip again, a bad habit he must have picked up from being around humans Sordd thought. Sordd assessed the situation, as Surak said, 'dvel-tor vu t'naehm' or 'choose your battles,' one battle had already been one this morning and that was sufficient for the moment. "As it is a unique occasion I will allow it," he said neutrally.

"Sa-mekh will have to make the krei'la," Mimi said, "We could maybe make the 15's together. How does that sound?" she asked Avarak.

"That would be agreeable," his little face began to regain its calm and a small smile appeared on his face.

"T'Shahel, what would you like in your picnic?" Mimi asked.

"Krei'la would be agreeable, and some drop scones," she replied, "Mimi can you show me how to make drop scones?" she asked.

"Of course I can," Mimi replied with a smile.

"Sa-mekh, can I help you to make krei'la?" T'Shahel asked.

"Affirmative" he replied. "Let us partake of first meal and then we can proceed with the rest of the day ..."

*'*

Notes

k'oh-nar - emotionally vulnerable

Kroikah - stop

Ki'haf - basket

ko-fu - daughter

zungor - tired

puk-tor - fight