April 18, 1980
Sirius spent a lot of time at the Potters' house after the news of Regulus's death. They almost always had dinner with James and Lily. On the surface, he was the same as always; joking around, poking fun at his friends, and just generally being himself. But Calandra knew the news hit him hard. He'd come home some nights and just sit at the table, eyes locked on the paper. Calandra would wake up in the middle of the night to find Sirius standing at the bureau, staring down at something inside his mahogany box.
James talked with Calandra about a month after they'd heard the news. She'd stopped by the Potters' to get the keys to Sirius's motorbike. James sat down at the kitchen table with her and filled her in on all the details he'd found out.
"One of the portraits told them." James said. "They overheard Walburga meeting with someone from the Magical Accidents Department. In the Missing Persons Office. Apparently, there's a tapestry they have. Family tree or whatever."
Calandra nodded.
"Well. Up until late November last year it only read with his birth year. Walburga said he left home one day and never came back. The tapestry read 1960-1979 after that."
"What happened?" Calandra asked. "Most of the Order don't curse to kill when they go out. Moody doesn't either."
"It wasn't us." James said. "Fenwick and Vance overheard some rumors when they were at the Hogshead that he wanted out. They think it was one of the Mulciber brothers talking, weren't sure. Said that Regulus hadn't been living up to expectations. He didn't show up for a meeting and You-Know-Who didn't seem to care."
"You think he killed him?" Calandra asked.
James shook his head.
"I doubt he was high up enough for You-Know-Who to personally take care of. He was barely eighteen."
Calandra sighed.
"He was just a kid." She said.
"I don't think either of them ever got to be just kids." James said.
"He told me that he got what he wanted." Calandra said, staring off into the distance. "That it didn't come down to him having to kill Regulus."
"That wouldn't have happened." James said.
"I know." Calandra said. "I don't think he could've killed him."
"No. It's not that." James shook his head. "Why do you think we always go out together?"
Calandra looked at him curiously.
"I'd never let him do that." James said quietly. "He'd never survive it if it came down to him having to kill Regulus."
"You'd do that for him?" Calandra raised her eyebrows.
"You wouldn't?" James mirrored her look.
"I would." Calandra admitted. "He'd hate me for it, though."
"Better him hate us than himself." James said and got up.
He plucked Sirius's keys out of a little dish on the counter and tossed them to Calandra.
"It'll take time, Cals." James said. "But we're getting him through it."
Calandra ruffled his hair and headed back home.
April 24, 1980
Alice had asked her to come over that next week; she was decorating the nursery and had asked Calandra to paint a mural. Calandra left Sirius with James and Peter at the Potters' and flood to the Longbottom's. Alice was waiting when she got there, in an ancient dressing gown and gardening gloves.
"That's a fetching ensemble." Calandra said as she stepped though the fireplace.
Alice looked down at herself and rolled her eyes.
"None of my trousers fit me anymore." She said. "I'm stuck in robes or pajamas."
"I'll buy you some new ones." Calandra said, kissing her cheek. "What's got you elbows deep in dirt?"
"I'm taking care of some starts that we're going to try to use with the Order." She said. "I've got Venomous Tentacula and Mugwort and some others. I figure we've got a potion's prefect, why not use her?"
Calandra laughed and murmured her agreement.
"Well," she said gesturing down the hall. "You ready to get started?"
"Almost." Alice said. "I've still got to water the rest of them."
A loud sound came from the fireplace and they turned to see Alastair Moody's face in the flames.
"You go take that." Calandra said. "I'll water the plants. Which ones haven't you done?"
"The ones in the red pots." Alice said, kneeling in front of the fireplace.
Calandra went down the hall and onto the screened in porch. She got the watering can from the old bench there and poured it over the small plants. She peered at the little white flowers on some of the stems. They looked vaguely like baby's breath.
The water soaked into the dirt and Calandra leant over the pots to reach the others a bit further back. She was almost finished when a sharp pain in her side made her catch her breath. She clutched her ribs and set the watering can down.
Calandra looked down to find small holes singed in her shirt. When she pulled her hands away blisters glistened on the skin of her stomach and chest. A faint hissing sound hummed in her ears and all of a sudden Calandra's hands, chest, and neck burned.
She stepped back, not knowing what was happening and fumbled with the door. Her vision was getting hazy and some sickly-sweet scent was clouding her mind. She stumbled down the hall toward the living room, holding onto the walls for support. She felt like she'd downed an entire bottle of vodka.
Alice appeared in her line of vision and Calandra had to blink rapidly to keep from seeing double. Alice's voice sounded far away and distant when she spoke.
"Oh, no!" Alice cried. "I didn't think the Hissing Hemlock were old enough to spit yet."
She grabbed Calandra and led her to the kitchen. Alice rooted around in her cupboards and Calandra collapsed into a chair. She leant back and tried to focus her vision. Alice came over and shoved something down her throat. Calandra swallowed against the intrusion and choked down the object.
Alice sat in front of her and dipped a knife in dittany before slicing through the blisters. Calandra's vision started to return to normal and the pain from the blisters faded away. She sighed as Alice dabbed dittany on the tender skin where the plant's poison had burned her.
"I'm sorry, Callie." Alice said. "I didn't even warn you. I never thought they'd be ready this early."
"S'ok." Calandra said. "What were they?"
"Hissing Hemlock." Alice said. "The roots of them are great for potions, but the flowers spit poison when they're disturbed."
"How do you usually water them?" Calandra asked.
"Usually at this age they're not dangerous. When they start spitting, I wear a dragon hide apron and charm them to sleep."
"You shouldn't have those here. Not in your condition." Calandra admonished.
Alice levitated a cup of tea to Calandra and sat beside her.
"Drink up, then we'll get you home." She said.
"Wait." Calandra said. "We haven't painted the nursery. You haven't even told me what you want?"
"I'm not asking you to paint the nursery after my flowers tried to kill you." Alice laughed. "Go home and rest and we'll do it another day."
"Nonsense." Calandra stood up. "I'm fine. Just a little plant juice. I'm right as rain."
"A right pain, more like." Alice muttered under her breath.
"What was that?" Calandra said walking past her. "You admire my brain. Thanks Alice. I think you're pretty clever yourself."
Alice rolled her eyes and followed Calandra out of the kitchen.
"Why do I put up with you?" Alice asked as they walked down the hall.
"Because you love me." Calandra said and studied the room. "And you've never held a paintbrush in your life. You need my artistic capabilities."
Alice smiled at her and spread her arms out.
"Alright Oh Artistic One. Show me some magic."
April 24, 1980
They sat on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, and gazed at the wall. Alice sighed and leant her head on Calandra's shoulder. Calandra smiled and scanned the mural.
"It's perfect." Alice sighed.
"Turned out pretty well." Calandra said.
"It turned out better than that." Alice said. "You've really got a gift, Callie."
"It's just a bit of paint, Alice." Calandra said. "You could do it if you tried."
"No." Alice contradicted. "I'm sure I could learn how to paint, but I couldn't do this. You just make everything…come alive."
Calandra looked back to the painting and smiled. It was beautiful. Flutterby bushes shimmered in one corner. Puff pods of blue and yellow and green lined the floor; their fluffy puff balls bouncing up and landing back down on upturned leaves. Bottlebrushes and bulrushes swayed in the other corner. Sprouts of all different kinds of plants popped up and bloomed before their eyes. It was the perfect painting for Alice's baby.
"How are you feeling?" Alice asked.
"I'm fine. No harm done." Calandra said. "I'm glad I stayed."
She nodded toward the wall.
"Me too." Alice said. "Sometimes I miss when it was just the two of us. I know you weren't the happiest you could've been, but it was nice having you here with me."
"It was wasn't it?" Calandra agreed. "It was like being back at school, but without all the rules."
"You reckon our wall art is still there?" Alice asked with a giggle.
"I don't know." Calandra said. "I'd imagine they got the elves to take care of it."
"I kind of wish they'd just leave it, don't you?"
"Yeah." Calandra said. "Yeah, I do."
May 3, 1980
Do you think I could convince Frank to run out and get me some Jelly Buttons?
Alice, everything is closed.
Sometimes Mr. Flume stays open late.
Not this late.
Well, you never know.
Alice, it's two in the fucking morning. Why do you need Jelly Buttons?
I don't know, I just woke up wanting it. What are you doing up this late ?
Do you really want to know?
Ooh, yes. Do tell! I've been so sick these past few weeks I've barely held Frank's hand, let alone hi-
NO! DO NOT WRITE THAT DOWN! STOP IT!
You're supposed to be my friend. You know, be supportive and all that.
I'm writing you at two in the morning Alice. All because you want Jelly Buttons.
It's a craving. I don't control it.
So, the baby wants Jelly Buttons. That's what you're saying.
Yes! Frank can't say no to the baby, can he?
Let that poor man sleep, Alice. I've got some in the kitchen. I'll owl them over.
Thanks Callie! You're the best!
Yeah Yeah! Eat your candy then go get laid. Stop waking me up at all hours of the night.
You were already awake.
Love you, Alice.
Love you, Callie.
June 20, 1980
There was no way she'd let Alice be the one to come today. Auror or not, she refused to let her out in her condition. Alice had fought tooth and nail to go, saying that she had a job to do and her maternity leave didn't start for another three days. But Frank was on Calandra's side. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, Frank begged her to stay home, but she refused. Now that she was farther along, he worried constantly. Between the two of them, they convinced her to stay home this one time. Alice glared at them both and made her swear that she'd never do this again. That she'd never go in her place.
They'd gone over the plan twelve times or more. Frank was pretty confident that none of the Death Eaters would be around. They had a lead that put most of them towards the east mountains. They had someone tailing her father and he'd cast about ten charms on her, protecting her from the most common types of tracing magic. Hopefully, she wouldn't need them. With any luck, the Polyjuice potion would muddle however her father traced her enough so that he couldn't find her tonight. She'd be fine. She had an emergency portkey and could use it anywhere, not that it had helped all that much last time.
She took a breath. She'd do this for Alice and go home. Alice and Frank were in enough danger at it was, with their jobs. She wasn't going to let them add to it with projects for the Order tonight.
She pulled the collar of her jacket up and thought back to the last time she'd gone on a mission like this. To pick something up. Her hands still had tremors, they told her they might never leave. She shivered and made her way into the shop. She looked around. This was a muggle shop, but there was a wizard somewhere in the crowd who would pass off the vial. She had no idea what was in the vial and she didn't ask.
Look for a purple scarf. Purple scarf. A man in a purple scarf.
She skirted past a couple of middle-aged women talking about Tupperware and weaved through the crowd. Lots of light jackets and a few knit caps, but no sight of the purple scarf. She smiled at a young lady who bumped into her and offered an apology and checked her watch.
7:15. She only had fifteen minutes to get the vial and get out.
She scanned the room again. Purple scarf, purple scarf, purple scarf. There!
A middle-aged man in a trench coat and purple scarf. His eyes scanned the crowd and she made a bee line for him. She saw the minute his eyes clocked her, and he stepped towards the wall where a display of microwaves was. She walked up to one of them and peered at the display, glancing over at the man. She shook her wand out of her sleeve to where he could just barely make it out and gave the signal. Dropping a coin. He picked up the coin and handed it back to her and she could feel something else being pressed into her hand.
"Thanks." she muttered and turned to leave.
She was stopped by a young salesman on her way towards the door offering her a promotional price on something in the store. She excused herself as inconspicuously as she could and headed out. She stepped out onto the windy street and walked to the end of the street. The nearest apparition point was about a block away. She headed down the side street closest to her destination. One hand clutched the vial in her pocket and the other clutched her wand still hidden in her sleeve.
She was half a block away when she heard "Crucio" and dropped to the pavement.
She was on fire again. Searing pain shot through her body as she writhed on the ground. Calandra screamed, her voice echoing in her ears.
"You thought the Dark Lord didn't know of your plans?" she heard a man's voice say.
A woman cackled and her voice sang as she repeated the curse over and over.
The brief seconds in between the pain made it a thousand times worse. She had to think, had to get out.
"Crucio."
Pain. Horrible pain.
One second of freedom.
Leave
"Crucio."
Fire. Burning, scorching fire.
Another brief respite.
Had to leave.
The man was saying something to the woman. He was shaking his head at her.
"Crucio."
Agony. Absolute agony.
During the third lull she finally remembered.
Portkey
"Crucio."
Lightning. Buzzing and electrocuting her veins.
Her hand shook as she reached for the bottom button on her jacket. Her fingers touched the button and she felt herself being jerked away, the woman's laughter ringing in her ears, the man admonishing her for playing when they had a job to do.
She lay panting. Calandra looked over and she was by the ocean, on a beach somewhere. She couldn't remember where the portkey took her, but it got her away from them, so she couldn't bring herself to care. She looked up at the stars.
She had to get back. They'd send someone after her if she didn't get back. She couldn't let that happen. She staggered to her feet and spun.
She stumbled up the hill to the Longbottom's house and knocked on the door. Frank met her there and trained his wand on her.
"What did you tell me when I asked you what to give Alice for Christmas her seventh year at school?"
"A proper snog." she choked out a laugh and collapsed into his arms.
"They knew. They were there." She trembled in his hands.
She heard footsteps come up the hall.
"Calandra! Callie! You're back. …What happened?" Alice pulled Frank away and wrapped her arms around her friend.
"I knew I should never have let you go. I'll never forgive you for this. Either of you." she scolded them.
"I'm fine, I'm fine…I just, need a minute to get a grip on myself." Calandra said, shaking.
Frank conjured steaming mugs of tea and nudged one in her hand.
"You're safe here." he said soothingly. "Take your time. You're safe. They can't get you here."
She sipped the tea slowly as Alice's hands stroked her hair. She could feel the effects of the potion wearing off. When she had drank half the tea in her cup, she told them what happened.
Her voice was unfamiliar to her ears as she recounted the events of the night.
"Must've been Lestrange. She's been sighted with the others at multiple muggle killings." Frank said. "The other could've been Lucius Malfoy, but he hasn't been sighted with any of them. I still say he's working with them, but from behind the scenes somehow…must not want to get his hands dirty."
She shrugged. She never saw their faces, so she really couldn't say. She explained how she got away and Frank chuckled.
"Dumbledore's an old fool if he's never tried to recruit you to the Order. Look at the last time you went out; stunning three Death Eaters wandlessly, using occlumency, keeping a level head while they tortured you then, and portkeying out in the middle of it tonight…well damn."
"He's never asked, and I haven't volunteered yet." she said stubbornly. "My father has ways of finding me. We found that out the hard way, and we all know which side of this he'd be on. If he knew what all I could do he'd have already found me and taken me straight to Voldemort. He told me he already told him what I am."
"I know," Frank said as Alice shot him a look "I just…"
He trailed off and looked at his wife.
Calandra sat up and leaned against their sofa.
"It won't be forever. I've already decided to join when I figure out how my father keeps finding ways to contact me. I've gotten rid of everything that came from the house and everything he ever gave me. I'll find the connection and sever it, then I can join without worrying about being a liability."
She set her mug down and pulled her coat around herself. She felt a lump in her pocket and she suddenly remembered.
"Oh, here. I almost forgot." She held out the vial.
Frank stared at it then burst out laughing as he took it from her.
"Of course, you bloody well have it. Don't know what else I expected."
He shook his head and left the room chuckling.
Calandra smiled to herself. At least she brought it back to them. She looked up at Alice to see her friend staring at her with tears streaming down her face.
"Hey," she said scooting over to where Alice knelt. "Its O-
"Don't you dare say it's ok," Alice choked out. "Don't you dare."
There was fire behind those amber eyes as Alice swallowed and continued.
"You were tortured, Callie." She whispered.
Calandra stared at her, her eyes pricking with tears she wouldn't let fall.
"For me." Alice whispered.
"No!" Calandra said taking hold of Alice's hand. "No. You can't blame yourself for this. I volunteered for this. I knew what could happen."
Her voice was fierce, and she grabbed hold of her friend's shoulders.
"Look at me." Calandra searched Alice's eyes as she spoke. "This is not your fault."
Alice started to shake her head
"Listen to me." Calandra said, impassioned. "Even if I knew for a fact that I would've been Crucioed going into tonight, I would have still done it. I would've marched right up to them and told them to do their worst to keep you from it."
She wiped a tear away from her friend's eye and said softly, "And I know you would do the same, even though you have so much more to lose than I do."
The young witch sniffed.
"No more of this, ok? No more apologies, no more regrets, no more guilt. We're doing what we can to make this world a better place. For this little one." she nudged Alice's stomach.
Alice let out a half laugh, half sob. "I love you. I was so worried."
"You know it'll take more than a few Death Eaters to get rid of me, you dolt." Calandra grinned.
"You better not go looking for more trouble," Alice wagged a finger in Calandra's face as she wiped her tears with her other hand. "The baby needs a godmother who's all in one piece."
"Yeah, yeah mum-wait, what?" Calandra's mouth dropped in surprise.
"Well, who else did you think I'd ask? Frank's mum?" Alice giggled, then sobered. "But really. Frank and I have jobs that can be quite dangerous, especially now. I know that you'd love our child like they're your own….that is, if you want…."
The rest of her words were muffled as she was gathered in a bone crushing hug.
"Of course. Of course. Of course I'll be godmother. I love you, Alice."
"Well, I guess you told her," Frank smirked at the two women from the doorway to the kitchen. "We truly couldn't think of anyone we'd rather have."
The striking of the clock broke the happy atmosphere and Calandra jumped up.
"I have to get going. I didn't realize how late it was," she said reaching for her wand and her bag she left before she went out as Alice earlier.
"You know you're welcome to stay the night." Alice said as Frank helped her up.
"I know, but I really have to go." she kissed her cheek and hugged Frank. "I'll see you guys later, probably next week."
Alice wrapped the scarf tighter around Calandra neck and said, "Don't forget to-"
"Let you know when I make it home." Calandra finished, "I know, I'll write as soon as I get home. If the journal doesn't glow within half an hour send someone after me. I love you! Bye."
"Bye," Alice called as Calandra swirled through the fireplace.
June 20, 1980
Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table when she stepped through the floo. She dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her shoes. Sirius didn't say a word as she walked toward him. Calandra reached a hand toward him when she got close enough.
"Don't." he said quietly. "Just don't. Please."
Calandra pulled her hand back and shifted her feet.
"You went out for her." He said.
Calandra opened her mouth but was silenced by the look her gave her.
"What was Longbottom thinking? This wasn't just for the Order. That was Auror business." Sirius said. "Don't bother trying to deny it. Your eyes are still brown and you're three inches shorter than normal."
"I wasn't going to deny it." Calandra said.
"Do you have any idea the danger you put yourself in tonight?" he stared at the table.
"Of course." Calandra replied. "Why do you think I went?"
"Oh, so you went specifically for the danger." Sirius said condescendingly. "That's rich."
"You're one to talk." Calandra retorted. "Don't pretend like you don't love the thrill of it all when you have to go out."
"I don't!" Sirius said, looking up at her. "Not anymore! Not when I always wonder what's going to happen to you."
Calandra pulled his chair out from the table and knelt in front of him.
"Sirius. Look at me." She said. "I couldn't let Alice go. Think of what you'd do, if it were James."
Sirius didn't meet her eyes.
"We used as many masking spells as we knew. I polyjuiced. We even left some of my things and traces of my magic as a decoy about five hundred miles away. I didn't just rush into it."
He finally looked at her. The emotion in his eyes took her breath away.
"I couldn't let her go." Calandra repeated. "She's pregnant, Sirius. What if something happened to her? To the baby?"
Sirius lifted a hand and stroked her cheek.
"What if something happened to you?" he said. "I can't… Cal…I won't…."
"I'm fine." Calandra said. "Sirius, please listen."
She grabbed his hands and held them in her own.
"I didn't do this because I feel cooped up or because I wanted out of the flat. I did this for Alice. Her maternity leave starts in a few days, I won't need to do it again." She said.
"Why didn't you call for me?" he asked. "I would've gone. I would've done it."
Calandra's heart squeezed.
"I know you would've." She said. "That's why I didn't."
"I know what could've happened." Calandra said. "But I'm fine. I'm here. Alice is safe. I'm safe, with you, and that's as much as I'm willing to ask for right now."
Sirius's hands reached up and cradled her face. He leant forward and kissed her. Calandra twined her arms around his neck as he picked her up. One day, there would be more, she promised herself. One day she'd ask for more than their safety. But for now, it was all she wanted.
