The As requested a part of the story told though T'Shahel's eyes :-)

Chapter 65 - Katra-khynna

Katra-khynna - the first stage of the kr'alieu (funeral) when each friend or relative shares the grief and takes away a memory, a part of the whole.

*'*

After breakfast Mimi decided to make some soup and homemade bread for lunch, while Avarak and T'Shahel retired to their rooms for meditation.

T'Shahel was unsettled as she climbed the stairs to her room. Normally meditation would help, but on this occasion it had not. The events of yesterday, the challenge, the puk-tor, the bond being closed between her father and her had all been disturbing, and had brought back some very painful memories. She tried not to think about it as she laid out her meditation mat and lit the candle and incense burner. She knelt down and closed her eyes ...

S'chn T'gai Ancestral Home, ShiKahr District, Vulcan. 2227.

She had slept no more than she had for the last few evenings. It was hard to sleep, her mind and body were numb with pain. The bond which had once been filled with life was no longer there, in its place was emptiness, a hollow space...

She had been told that the katra lived on... she didn't 'feel it'...

Her emotions had been running higher and higher throughout the day, she did not yet know how to control them properly, but she knew full well that she was supposed to keep them hidden from the outside world. She sighed and then wept, she was alone after all. She wept for the loss of a beautiful life, a kind life, her ko-mekh, T'Alaro. She wept for the lost chance of knowing her more, the ache in her chest grew stronger... it would maybe be best to think of other things...

*'*

It was well before dawn, the rest of the household, apart from Avarak, who was too young and still sleeping, were meditating, preparing for the events of the day. T'Shahel was also too young and should also be sleeping, however, she had overheard the adults talking. On these occasions it was custom to meditate well before sunrise, 3am had been mentioned. When she had heard this she had resolved to wake up at 3am and do the same, it was the Vulcan way after all. Thus she set her alarm just in case she did happen to fall asleep this evening, her internal body clock wasn't working at the moment and could not be relied upon.

At 3am the alarm sounded, she was awake anyway. T'Shahel slipped out her bed and knelt on her meditation cushion, she carefully lit the candles and incense burner then leaned back into the meditation posture, she had a perfectly straight back, her hands were resting on her knees. She stayed completely still as she focused on the candle flame and her breathing. She began to recite one of her mantras, she was not sure if there was a particular one you should use on these occasions, so she used the 'kithira.' "Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control..."

It was not long before she gave up, she sighed, a sense of failure and guilt overwhelming her... she couldn't even keep watch today of all days... why was it always so difficult... Vulcan's do not fail, and she was a failure unable to perform a simple act of meditation... the simple act of remembrance... she gulped back the tears, tears of sorrow or tears of failure she was not sure which, but there were tears none the less, Vulcans were not supposed to cry, she tried to hold it in...

*'*

She was awoken by the sound of her Sa-mekh entering the room. He was dressed in robes of white, ceremonial robes but for a different kind of ceremony. There was a serenity about him that she had not seen for a number of days, she smiled inwardly.

He knelt down by the side of her bed, "Ko-fu," he said gently, "it is time to get ready, it is time to get up."

"Ha, sa-mekh," she whispered in reply.

He brushed his hand over her cheek, "You did not sleep well?" he enquired.

"Nirsh," she answered, the tears pricking at her eyes. "I tried to meditate at 3am... it was difficult."

Sordd brushed his hand against her face again, endeavouring to give her some stability. "T'Shahel, while that was a commendable thing to do it was not necessary for one your age," he said kindly.

"I am sorry sa-mekh," she said. "I was endeavouring to be Vulcan."

"You do not need to apologise," he replied softly. "You also do not need to 'endeavour' to be a Vulcan when you already are one," he paused for a moment waiting for his words to sink in. "It is not a failure to ask for help," he continued, "Your skan are here to help you, I am here to help you. Do you understand?"

"Ha, sa-mekh," she replied.

"Come, you must get ready," he said.

"Must we sa-mekh?" she asked, looking up into his eyes.

"Ha," he replied, "it is our way. It will help you with your grief and it will bring you closure," he said in a steady tone. "You will also sleep better when the events of today are completed."

Sordd handed her an outer robe, which was also white, like his, and she quickly put it on...

"Are you ready ko-fu?" he asked softly while placing his hand upon her shoulder.

She looked up at him, "Yes, sa-mekh," she replied. "Is Avarak coming?"

"Not just now, he is too young," he answered while lifting the hood on her robe. "T'Kin will watch him while we participate in the katra-khynna."

*'*

T'Shahel followed her father towards the back of the house, into a large room, which looked out onto the Vulcan Forge. It was still night and there was only a small amount of illumination coming from Vulcans sister planet which was reflecting light from Eridani, a bit like Earth's Moon reflects light from the Sun. It was a clear night, she glanced up, a broad swath of light, the Milky Way hung in the sky, for some reason just looking at the stars gave her a sense of peace and stability. Her gaze then turned back to The Forge, it was coloured black and grey instead of its usual brilliant red and orange, T'Shahel thought it looked cold and unwelcoming, a shiver ran down her spine.

She followed her father to the centre of the room and knelt down on a cushion beside him. Candles and incense burners were already lit, and meditation mats had been laid out in concentric circles around about them. T'Shahel watched as close family members and friends began to file into the room, all wearing white ceremonial robes. They quietly took up their places on the meditation mats. Sa-kuk Sarek, Ko-kuk Manda, Sa-kuk Sitok, Ko-kuk T'Aimnu, Sa'mekh'al Skonn, Sa'mekh'al Sovar, Ko'mekh-il T'Aloren, she also saw her cousins Aravik, Sorn and T'Lores, they sat down on cushions, she began to loose track of who was there...

Ko'mekh-il T'Rama, the clan elder, was last to enter the room. She was also wearing white robes but hers also had gold braiding, indicating her status as clan elder. She walked towards the centre of the room and knelt down on the one remaining meditation mat, right beside T'Shahel and her sa-mekh. T'Shahel looked into her face, which was steady and calm.

T'Rama began to lead the meditations, her tone sombre and reflective... At various intervals individuals contributed memories concerning T'Alaro, honouring her life, they would each take these collective memories away with them. T'Shahel couldn't remember the things people were saying about her ko-mekh, she sighed inwardly another Vulcan failure. Vulcans were supposed to have good memories ... She decided to draw comfort from the knowledge that she was was beside her sa-mekh, when he spoke it made her feel calm and at peace... she would ask him later what they had all said, he would remember and he would also understand...

Sometimes they chanted mantras, other times they meditated quietly...

As the ceremony proceeded there were a number of occasions when T'Shahel was nearly overwhelmed by the emotions she was feeling, she wanted to cry but knew she should not, not in front of everyone that was gathered here... Somehow T'Rama knew and at just the right moments in time she placed her hand on T'Shahel's wrist and sent peace, and calm and stability towards her...

The incense in the fire pot was replenished with mah'ta herb as they continued with the ceremony...T'Shahel watched the fire crackle and spit, a sweet and woody scent filled the air... she suddenly felt numb again, unable to take in everything around her...

She looked out the window, on the horizon there was what looked like a hazy pyramid, she knew this phenomenon appeared in the sky just before true dawn, they would be moving onto the next stage soon, she closed her eyes again and was almost lulled to sleep with the mantras that were being said, or maybe it was the tiredness from so many sleepless nights...

A priest struck a gong, shattering the peace...

T'Shahel jumped slightly then opened her eyes. Ko'mekh-il T'Rama stood up in one smooth movement, this was their cue to stand up also... her legs were sore from staying in the same position for so long, fortunately children were allowed to sit on cushions instead of meditation mats or things may have been a lot worse. Sa-mekh took her arm to steady her... when it was apparent she was ok, they started to move out the room…

The gong was struck again, and would continue to be struck once every minute, until the ceremony was complete...

Notes

Katra-khynna - the first stage of the kr'alieu (funeral) when each friend or relative shares the grief and takes away a memory, a part of the whole.

Sa-mekh - father

Ko-fu - daughter

Skan - family

Sa-kuk - uncle

Ko-kuk - aunt

Sa'mekh'al - grandfather

Ko'mekh-il - grandmother