The Journey Into Us
Pairing: Hiccup X Toothless
Rating: M for Mature
Disclaimer: I do not own anything HTTYD-related.
Chapter 42
=Normal POV=
(Sunday, 1/25/2020; 7:00 pm)
(Barbarchi City, Archipelago)
(Meade Hall)
Trayden had been standing outside for just about a half an hour, it wasn't too cold and he'd needed time to take in a breath of fresh air get his head together. Trayden was sick of hearing come join us for the show, you'll feel better and get right back into it if you do it once. But it wasn't that easy for Trayden. Maybe he would feel better, or he'd end up hurting more for trying too soon. Trayden didn't know what to do, so he was just standing outside, leaning on against the building with his hands in his pockets, and one leg up with the knee bent. Trayden had his head back and face towards the sky, there was a light snow falling. Trayden let out a sigh, able to see his breath in the winter air.
"I wish you were here to tell me what I should do…" Trayden said to no one. "You always knew what to say," He closed his eyes. "I could talk to you about anything, and you always made me feel better…" Trayden felt tears threatening to come forward if he opened his eyes. "Even if it was said through song lyrics…I could use that right now," He looked up once more, the tears formed and one slipped free, rolling down his cheek. Trayden put his leg down beside the other, hands coming out of his pockets. "I need you…" He choked up.
"Tray?" Hunter's voice came after Trayden heard the door he'd exited from open. Trayden quickly wiped his eyes and sniffed a bit, clearing his throat. "You out here?" He asked.
"Ye-Yeah. Left from that door, against the building." Trayden replied. It was a moment later that Hunter walked into sight and stood to the side, but facing Trayden. "Everyone looking for me?"
"No. Your parents told everyone to leave you be. I was coming out of the bathroom and saw part of you, figured I'd come see if you were alright," Hunter admitted. There was a pause "Are you?"
"I'm…Torn, I guess is the word I'd use," Trayden sighed. "I know Blake wouldn't want me to give it up with him gone, but it still hurts to do. Everyone says just do it once and you'll feel better. Or remember the good times…But I guess I'm afraid to try," He explained.
"Afraid of what? Trying something you've done before?" Hunter wondered.
"Afraid that it's just going to hurt more. Trying before knowing if I'm ready to," Trayden said.
"Only way you're going to know that is if you do it, Tray. This isn't like…Sex readiness. This is something you know how to do, and apparently, exceptionally good at from what I've picked up through the night." Hunter told him as Trayden looked at Hunter slightly. "Your readiness is this…Is accepting that your friend is gone and knowing that while his life has, unfortunately, ended…Yours still goes on and he lives on in your heart." He went on. "It's going to hurt, Trayden. It's supposed to…But you make the choice if it's going to be a good or bad kind of pain?"
"I don't want to hurt at all. Performing just makes me think that the person I started it all with is no longer here and it doesn't feel right to do it alone," Trayden responded.
"Trayden…You're not alone. You're surrounded by family and friends, and the others you've gotten into this with your friends are up there performing with you. And everyone who knew Blake misses him like you do, the performing tonight is for entertainment and to remember him. They're hurting too, but they're not letting it be a sad pain. It's happy because they're remembering the good times and not letting the things he did in life be gone with him in death," Hunter explained lightly. By this point, Trayden felt tears forming again and he willed them to stop, not wanting them to fight. "The question here, Tray…Isn't are you ready to perform because you know it will hurt. It's why aren't you keeping your friend alive through you?" Hunter paused and Trayden felt Hunter hold his hand, then use the other to lift his chin up so their eyes met. "Blake is only as dead as you let yourself feel he is. Yes, physically, he is gone. But his spirit is here, he's with you, handsome. Stopping everything you did just because he's gone is what's keeping you from feeling him here with you. Let him live on with you, through you and the thing you two did together. Are you going to hurt with pain that Blake has died and just know he's gone from this life…Or will you go out there and perform like you did when he was here, and keep his memory alive?"
Trayden's eyes widened a bit. He'd never heard it like that before, and it did make him realize that he was letting Blake's memory die with him by stopping the things they did when he was alive. Trayden wanted to perform, but he was still nervous. Blake always did it with him, gave him that courage. Seeing him was all it took, and Trayden didn't have that now. "You don't have to do it," Hunter said after a few moments while Trayden had been thinking about what Hunter first said. "It's your decision, just know you aren't alone. Everyone is right there with you, even Blake," Hunter smiled. "Even me. And how can you be upset with me around?" He gave a small laugh, it was to make Trayden smile and it worked. "I know you can do this, and I believe you will feel better if you do. But again, it's up to you," Trayden nodded, showing he'd heard and would, at least, think about it. "I should get back in before they come looking for me. I just wanted to check on you, help if I could. Take all the time you need, come back when you're ready,"
Hunter planted a light kiss on Trayden's lips, then pulled back with a smile and let go of his hand to return into the hotel. Trayden sighed some, taking a breath and looking up again. "What do you think, buddy?" Trayden asked, referring to his deceased friend. "I want to. I don't want to let what we did die. Think you can give me that strength and courage again?" Trayden knew he wouldn't get a response, but he knew he had to get inside. The temperature was dropping and he'd end up freezing if he stayed outside. Trayden turned to get back inside and then make his way to the room the party was going on in. As Trayden went to open the door, he felt a strange warm breeze hit him in the back and wrap around him. It was like a blanket of warmth and comfort, removing the sadness and worry. Trayden smiled a little. "Just like you promised, you'd always be with me one way or another…" Trayden opened the door fully and walked inside.
A few looked, but didn't draw attention to Trayden returning. Nobody wanted to make him feel worse for being gone for half an hour. The only difference Trayden noticed was that Gregory apparently showed up and was talking to his parents. Trayden didn't even know Hunter had invited him, but whatever. Trayden made his way back to the group, and sat down in his seat.
"Welcome back," Hunter smiled. "How's the weather outside?" Acting like he hadn't been out there to try and cheer him up with a boost of confidence and comforting words.
"Too cold to stay out," Trayden replied.
"Well, now you can warm up in here next to me because I'm so hot and all," Hunter teased as Trayden smiled and shook his head.
"Oh, definitely," Trayden sarcastically agreed. "Can't imagine how cold it'd be without you," He added as Hunter and the friends chuckled.
"Aren't ya glad I'm around then?" Hunter asked.
"Wouldn't be right without you," Trayden winked.
"Awe! You do love me!" Hunter beamed, throwing himself at Trayden for a hug.
"It's real easy to," Trayden hugged him back. "Thank you…For earlier outside…" He whispered.
"I told you…Anytime," Hunter responded quietly before they broke the embraced. The two sat right in their seats, watching the dancing on the main floor. After a few moments, Trayden felt a pair of hands on his shoulder and he jumped, whipping around to see a few familiar faces.
"Odin above…You know I hate people sneaking up on me!" Trayden growled out.
"Sorry, kid. It's just too easy sometimes," One male said as the others with him laughed.
"Asshole. Haven't changed much I see," Trayden smiled and got out of his seat to greet them with handshake-hugs. The kind you connected your hands and pulled one another in to wrap your other arm around them for the hug part.
"Never gonna," The man admitted with a shrug.
"Good to know," Trayden stated. "What are you doing here?"
"We reached out to your parents to check on you a few days ago before the storm. You've been quiet since May, they mentioned you'd be here tonight and we said we'd drop by on our boy's bestie that he never shut up about," The male informed.
"Got busy in June with work. It just let up two weeks ago," Trayden mentioned.
"Good, thought we might have to come in and raise hell," Another grinned.
"No, that's not necessary, guys. Besides, I quit…Technically fired, but I sort of told Andy to do it, Cody," Trayden shrugged.
The man, Cody, sighed. "Do I need to go kick my little brother's ass for you and straighten him out for firing his best employee?"
"No, no. Like I said, I told him to do it because I refused to apologize to a group of customers who were getting touchy-feely with me and a co-worker. Your brother came in at the wrong time and didn't get the whole story, so he just thought I was being unfair and rude. He said say sorry or get fired. I refused and told him to fire me or I'd quit. Ended with termination, but I'm not worried about it. I'm just gonna find something else," Trayden explained.
Cody facepalmed. "I'm sorry, Tray,"
"It's cool. Done and over with now," Trayden smiled.
"Now that you're free of that place…Come join us," The man who scared Trayden told him.
"What? Join the military?" They nodded to Trayden's question. "You out your damn mind if you think I'm doing that." He shook his head.
"Oh, come on! It's only like, thirteen weeks?" Cody laughed.
"It's fifteen. One for reception battalion. Nine for BCT, one for graduation prep and graduation, then AIT for Infantry," Trayden folded his arms. "Blake told me all about it," He added.
"See, then you know already! So join us! We can pull some strings and have you in our company, platoon, squad, and unit," Cody offered.
"I'm not military life, guys. Sorry. I'm far too lazy and hate taking orders. I wouldn't make it past reception because I'd sock a DS for getting in my face and you damn well know it," Trayden rolled his eyes.
"He's got a point," Another commented, female this time.
"Fine, fine. But you better stay in contact!" The male who started things commanded.
"Yeah, yeah," Trayden nodded, now noticing that his group of friends looked very confused. "Oh, right. You don't know them," He remembered. "Guys, these are a mix of my Berk school friends and new ones I just made in December," Trayden motioned to his friends. "These five were part of Blake's Unit in the army. There's Blake's second in command and battle buddy, Cody Kongur, my old boss's older brother. Next is Danielle Carstenson and Elizabeth Gunvaldsen, the medics. Then there is Kris Moller and Howard Jespersen," Trayden introduced.
"And we know this pain in the ass because his big brother never stopped talking about him," Kris commented with a chuckle.
"But at least he wasn't wrong about Trayden being awesome," Mitchell smiled as Howard nodded.
"So better question now," Cody leaned towards Trayden who blinked. "Why aren't you out there rocking it like you did last year?"
Trayden tensed a bit and looked down. "Last year, Blake was here…Doesn't feel right now," He admitted to them.
"Well, good thing we came then. Blake told us that if he ever died on tour to make sure you were okay and it's clear you're not," Danielle informed.
"It was one of the last things he told us before we went out for the mission where he was killed, Trayden. And he made us promise that the night before we went out on the mission and he died," Cody mentioned softly as Trayden flinched.
"Wh-What?" Trayden asked.
"What's the last message you got from him that day?" Elizabeth inquired softly.
"Miss you too and remember near or far, I'm always with you. You're never alone and always cared for no matter where I am. I'll always make sure of that. When I get back, we'll kick back like old times. I'll be home soon, the tour is almost over. Gotta go, area patrol with the boys. Love you!" Trayden repeated.
"He said he'd make sure you were never alone and cared for, no matter where he is. That hasn't changed, kid. We're here for you," Cody stated.
"Blake told us that if anything ever happened to him, to make sure you were okay and that we were always around if you needed anything. Even just to hang out to feel like it used to be," Mitchell told Trayden. "And now that we've found you again…" He chuckled.
"I didn't go into hiding, just got busy with work. I'm still at Dreki Housing, same apartment," Trayden blinked.
"Well, we just got back from tour a week ago. You remember it was only a year, don't you?" Cody smiled.
"I do now. Sorry, mind has been everywhere," Trayden shrugged, slightly embarrassed. "Welcome home, then and glad you're all back safe," He added. "Thank you for your service," He had to say it. He had nothing but respect for the service members who served their home and put their lives on the line to keep the resident of the Archipelago safe.
"Thank you for your support," The five replied, smiling.
"And if you really want to thank us…" Kris laughed a bit as Trayden saw the rest grinning and Trayden suddenly knew exactly what they were going to ask him for.
"You'll do the thing," Howard said.
"But," Elizabeth cut the others off with a stare, then looking to Trayden softly. "Only if you're up for it…"
"I-I don't know…" Trayden confessed, lowering his head a little.
"Hey, you don't have to. No pressure, but I'm sure wherever he is now; he's watching and would like to see it again," Cody informed.
Trayden sighed, and mumbled a bit. "Fine…" Trayden agreed.
"Yes!" The five of the army unit cheered and Trayden rolled his eyes.
"Do we get to request?" Danielle inquired. Trayden nodded and they started figuring out what to do.
"Are you really going to perform?" Hunter asked gently. "What exactly do you do? What instrument?"
Before Trayden could answer, Ava rushed up to him during an instrumental period, microphone still in hand. "Tray!" Ava panted.
"What's the matter?" Trayden questioned.
"Nat's voice just cracked, she can't finish the song and the none of the rest of us can do it…" Ava said quickly, obviously trying to report things before the lyrics picked up again.
"You know not to pick stuff you can't all do if this happens!" Trayden remarked.
"Scold later, help now…What do we do?" Ava looked at him with worry. Trayden looked at the rest and saw them looking concerned too. Trayden knew where the lyrics would pick up and it was in a few seconds. Without thinking much of any other solutions, he just grabbed the microphone in Ava's right hand and brought it towards himself, flipping the switch on and bringing it to his mouth to start on cue.
"Here I go, so dishonestly. Leave a note, for you, my only one. And I know you can see right through me, so let me go, and you will find someone…" Trayden started singing, leaving all his friends in surprise with wide eyes. Trayden stepped farther from the table, and moved so it wouldn't be too loud. "Here I go! Scream my lungs out to try and get to you. You are my only one. I let go! There's just no one…No one like you! You are my only, my only one! My only one! My only one! My only one! You are my only, my only one!" Trayden sang out and held it until his mark ended and the rest of the players for instruments played the final notes and let it fade off. Trayden was left trying to catch his breath before the first to clap were Blake's unit.
"Hell yeah!" Howard cheered.
"He's still got it!" Cody yelled out.
It wasn't long after that the rest of the guests began to clap and cheer too. Trayden gave a small smile as he brought his arm across his stomach and gave a slight bow. He did make sure the mic was off before tossing it to Ava, she looked at him questioningly. "What are you standing there for, sis? We got a show to do," Trayden told her as she gasped in joy. "Bring me my mic," Ava instantly darted to do what he said. Natalie reached him next, smiling a bit.
"Thank you," Natalie rasped a bit.
"Stop talking, Nat." Trayden remarked. "You're gonna make your voice worse," He added calmer. "Warm water and half a teaspoon of table salt. Gargle it in the back of your throat for ten second and spit. Repeat two more times. Then glass of cold water. You'll be fine with that and a half hour break," Trayden informed.
"Aye, sir!" Natalie saluted and hurried out of the room to do what he said. Trayden rolled his eyes and chuckled a little before looking to his friends.
"To answer your question, Hunter…I don't play instruments. I sing." Trayden locked eyes with Hunter, giving a soft smile. Hunter didn't look surprised that Trayden kept the information quiet; he was more stunned at the two-minute performance he got to see and hear with Trayden singing. Trayden shrugged a little, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks. Yes. Trayden knew it was official now. He was absolutely crushing on Hunter and hard too.
