Disclaimer: All Gilmore Girls content belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Chapter Forty-Two: All Norman Bates

Sighing, Jess glanced over at Ella, who sat in the passenger seat with a crinkled brow and the cap of a red pen between her teeth. They were halfway to California, and Jess didn't think he'd seen her without that same pensive look on her face for the entirety of the trip thus far. But, he couldn't bring himself to be annoyed at her insistence on working over the spring break. Her cheeks were lively with rosy color, and her eyes looked clearer.

They weren't all good days. Sometimes, she would come home from work or school and fall asleep on the couch almost immediately, lethargic and unable to articulate any of the thoughts which were jumbled in a confusing, depressed mess within her head. Then, when she awoke, she would often find herself needing to cry. Whether she knew what her feelings were about or not, she would let herself cry, like her new therapist was urging her to. Jess would rub circles on her back and make green tea and listen. And eventually, she would feel better. They were working it out together, just like he promised. Most of the time, there was a gnawing guilt sitting in her stomach. He shouldn't have to take care of her, she would think. She was holding him back. She was weighing him down. Each time she brought it up though, he would patiently remind her of how much she had helped him, how this thing of theirs was a two-way street, and that he didn't mind.

She would smile, in spite of herself. Slowly, it was getting easier, and she was regaining her passion for things. She was drawing again, even painting, finally making use of the easel Jess had gotten her for Christmas. Jess often made jokes about how big of a role their therapists played in their lives, but they only made Ella laugh, instead of making her angry. It was true, but she was becoming less ashamed of it by the day. It would probably always feel a bit like her and Jess against the world, but their world could be bigger. Help didn't need to be an evil. She didn't need to make survival her ultimate goal. Instead, she was working on happiness. And, of course, the antidepressants were playing a part no one could understate.

"You're gonna make yourself carsick," Jess warned begrudgingly, turning down the Killers song which played on the radio.

Ella rolled her eyes but didn't look up from the essay. "You're the one who gets carsick, Jess. I'll be fine."

Again, he gave a slight sigh. Sometimes, the silence could get to even him. When she was working, it was like she was on a different planet. "Whatever, Daria. Just call me the invisible man."

"You are so clingy," she teased off-handedly, chuckling.

He scoffed, though a blush rose hotly up his neck and to the tips of his ears. "Am not."

"Sure, tough guy," she quipped, then finally looked up from the midterm papers she was grading.

The current one was a pretty decent account of how Van Gogh made the most of his madness through his art. She was pretty engrossed in it, and it was almost free of her annotations. Her harsh grading style had become almost notorious with the T.A. circle at the University. But, sometimes, people really did turn in perfect work. Besides, she knew it was better to bite the bullet and give the advice. It was what the students were there for, after all. And subtlety had never been her strong suit.

For what it was worth, she was working on the drive in an attempt to have less to do once they actually reached California. The plans were to spend the week on the beach, reading and drawing, and popping into Jess's father's house every now and again. The visit was partially for vacation, partially an obligatory gesture. Jess hadn't visited in so long, the guilt was starting to get to him. His father was a douchebag, but he had still welcomed Jess into his home when he didn't have to. The gesture certainly counted for something.

Watching the darkness of the road ahead, Jess tried to keep his anxiety at bay. He had to remind himself that Ella was with him, they were older, and even more stable than they had been the last time they visited. He didn't need to feel nervous about the trip, but the memories of his lonely months in Venice were itching at the back of his mind. Sometimes, he would give in and scratch, even if it only made things worse. He bit at his bottom lip, eyes occasionally wandering to the sky. There were stars, lots out in the heartland of America with no light pollution. And there were hardly any other cars, as the night went from evening to late. There were no concrete plans about where to stay the night, just the next decent motel they happened upon. Each time Ella suggested stopping, Jess insisted he was fine to keep driving. He wanted to get as much done as he could manage. Truthfully, he was not looking forward to the silence of the nighttime, when Ella went to sleep and he had to be alone with thoughts of his father turning over and over in his head.

"Do you hear that?" she asked after a moment, brows furrowing. With her attention away from her work, she had begun to pick up on a faint clicking sound.

"Hear what?" Jess said, broken from his anxious reverie.

"Listen," she said, then gave a hesitant pause. Then added: "It's getting louder."

Jess did as she told him, turning the quiet music on the radio all the way down. Sure enough, beneath the rushing of the tires and the occasional screech they had come to tune out after years of riding in the death trap, there was a clicking. And it was getting louder, faster and faster. Then, Jess began to feel a drag in his speed and a resistance in his brakes.

. . .

Too tired even to work, Ella laid with her hands behind her head and stared up at the ceiling. They were somewhere in Kansas, with shitty cell reception and even shittier motels. No auto repair shop would be open until the morning, the man with the tow truck had said, but he suspected it was the engine, based on the sound they had described to him. Luckily, the man had been kind enough to drive them to the nearest 24-hour lodging. The Ambassador would sit solitary in the tow yard until the morning, when they came to bring it to whatever repair shop had the lowest prices. In all honesty, Ella was just glad they hadn't been forced to spend the night on the side of the highway. It had taken them almost a half an hour before finally getting Ella's cell in the right position to handle a call to information, to get the name of a towing company. The whole ordeal had been nerve-wracking, but she was feeling marginally better behind the safety of their closed motel room door. At the front desk there sat a disinterested woman with thick glasses which magnified her light eyes and a magazine open on the desk in front of her. She had told them a lost key was a $50 fee before sending them on their way with little more than a glance.

It wasn't a shock. Jess's car had been living on borrowed time for quite a while, anyway. Rusty and creaky and dying. Ella almost felt vindicated. Finally, her predictions had come true. She had expressed doubt when Jess had said he would be the one driving, to give her time to work and relax. He'd been encouraging her to relax more often recently, and she appreciated it. But riding passenger in the Ambassador was anything but relaxing. Ella still couldn't believe how flabbergasted Jess had looked when he had to pull over on the side of the road, unable to drive safely with the way the gas pedal wasn't cooperating. Ella felt a bit of foolish nostalgia at the thought of the vehicle. Another site of their youth bites the dust.

"I don't know," Jess sighed into his phone, running a hand down his tired face.

He'd been talking to Sasha for the last twenty minutes. It was past ten, but not the middle of the night. Jimmy, however, wasn't available to talk apparently. Sasha had been suggesting alternative plans for them to get to California, though both Jess and Ella knew there was no way they were getting down there anytime soon if the car was as broken as they suspected. Even if it wasn't completely dead (which it was), they'd have to wait for parts to come in. Who knew how long that would take for such an old make and model.

Eventually, Jess pushed Sasha off the phone with some muttered excuses and forced goodbyes. His head was swimming with fatigue, and he didn't think he could deal with another second of his stepmother. Not considering how chatty and cheery she was. Putting his cell phone on the rickety nightstand next to him, he flopped down onto his back. The comforter had a faded floral pattern, but was surprisingly soft. He blew out a long breath and shut his eyes for a moment.

"So she took it well?" Ella asked flatly. She had heard Sasha's good-natured badgering as she lay silently next to Jess.

"Oh yeah," Jess replied. "Very understanding."

Ella snorted a laugh and sat up again, looking down at him. She raked her fingers through his hair affectionately. He sighed again, eyes still closed. Biting at the inside of her cheek, Ella fought back a small smirk at the sight of him in the low glow of the singular bedside lamp. The night certainly hadn't gone according to plan, but she couldn't bring herself to feel too upset about not making it to California. She still wasn't the biggest fan of Jimmy or the Pacific Ocean. She kept stroking his hair, eyeing his long lashes and exhausted pallor. She could tell how sleepy he was, even if he wouldn't exactly admit the effects of driving so long.

She looked around the small room, big enough only for a queen bed, a small TV, some nightstands, and a bathroom off to the side. The rosebud wallpaper was yellowed with age and there were a few precarious stains on the beige carpet. But the air had a homey smell of dust and she decided it wasn't the worst place they could have ended up. Fortunately, they didn't need to find dinner, having already grabbed some takeout about an hour before the end of the Ambassador's long, strange life.

"At least we won't have to reconnect with that weird guy who works on the boardwalk," Ella said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"The guy who sells the hemp hats?" Jess asked, then cracked his eyes open again. "You think he still works there?"

"I bet he'll still be standing out there long after you and I are dead," Ella replied.

Jess laughed. "You're probably right."

"Maybe I should grade more," she said distractedly, speaking mostly to herself as her idle hands made uneasiness creep up in her stomach.

Rolling his eyes, Jess grabbed her gently around the waist and pulled her down onto the bed, guiding her head to his chest. "This is an addiction, Stevens. I'm cutting you off."

"Yeah, well, the first step to healing is acceptance," she quipped, placing a kiss on his t-shirt and settling in against him. For once, she decided to oblige him and sleep instead of stay up into the early hours of the morning with her red pen. Her therapist had also suggested doing work in moderation.

Jess chuckled breathily. "It's true." Then, after a moment: "I think I'm honestly more upset about the car than not getting to go visit daddy dearest."

"Yeah, I kinda figured."

"Oh, am I that transparent?" he deadpanned.

"Like a glass house, Mariano," she teased. "I guess it is the end of an era."

He nodded. "Yeah. No more weird cigarette burns on the ceiling."

She laughed. One of the only nights in high school she had ever gotten stoned, Jess had picked her up from her house by surprise, throwing pebbles at her window. He found her eyes red-rimmed and glassy, her cheeks flushed, and her mind spacey. All she'd wanted to do was drive around and smoke cigarettes and listen to Joy Division. At the time, she hadn't told him about the blowout fight with her father and Fiona. Not until the next morning over breakfast in the diner. When she'd accidentally burned the ceiling of the car with her cigarette, leaving a dark circle, she'd started tearing up. In response, Jess lit a cigarette of his own and pressed it to the ceiling without hesitation, unphased.

Smiling at the memory, she threw an arm over his waist. "And no more barrette stuck in the window crank that won't come out no matter how fucking hard I try."

Jess snorted a laugh. After the Arctic Monkeys concert they'd attended the previous summer, they'd had sex in the backseat. One of her barrettes had somehow ended up eternally wedged in the window crank. The next day, she'd taken a pair of pliers to it fruitlessly. Jess had teased her, the woman who prided herself on being able to fix anything, mercilessly, ever since.

"And about a million other 'no mores.' Who knows what'll happen in our next car," he said.

"Only time will tell," she muttered through a yawn. "I love you, James Dean."

"Love you back," he replied.

A gentle click sounded in the cozy quiet as Jess shut off the lamp. Getting comfortable again, he ran a hand up and down over her back and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Then, he bit at his bottom lip, and his mind flashed to the small red box in this duffel. With the thin gold ring, a tiny amethyst in the middle. He'd bought it months ago, on a random trip to some antique shop with Chris, and he had a few ideas in mind. He hadn't nailed down a real proposal plan yet, but took it with to California just in case. It had been wishful thinking, of course, since California was neither of their favorite places. And they weren't going to make it there anyway. Still, it was there. It was happening. He just didn't know when. It made his insides feel fluttery and excited and almost sick with nerves. But, for now, he decided getting the fuck out of Kansas would be the first step.

Dozing, Ella let her mind wander again to their teenage years. She felt her heart ache with sentimentality, and then brushed it off. Not because she wanted to ignore the feeling, but because all of a sudden she didn't feel it. She didn't need to miss Jess when he was right next to her. She didn't need to worry about the past. Let yourself have a middle. Lorelai's words reappeared in her mind, soft and comforting.

"Jess?" she asked, voice beginning to grow rough with sleep.

"Hmmm?" he hummed, and she felt the word vibrating in her ear against his chest.

"Do you think that lady at the front desk is gonna go all Normal Bates on us?" she asked.

He sighed, but then it turned into a laugh. "No, Daria, I don't think so."

"I bet that's what Jant Leigh thought too," she replied, all too serious.

Jess kept his smirk. "Just call me Marion Crane, then."

She giggled, then was quiet for another moment. Jess slipped his hand beneath her t-shirt and began rubbing small circles on her skin. Usually, she fell asleep within a couple minutes of laying down. Apparently, something was eating at her.

"I think I'm gonna take that job at the University for next year," she spoke again suddenly.

"Really?" he asked, smirk turning to a small, genuine smile.

"Yeah," she said, almost shyly. "I'll have time for actually making some damn art, but I'll still have a steady income, good benefits...ugh do I sound like a middle-aged tragedy?"

"No," he said, reassurance in his tone. "I think it's gonna be great, Eleanor. Seriously."

"I just...I think I'll be happy doing it."

"I do too," he said, kissing her hair once more. "Congratulations, Stevens."

"Thanks," she said with a nervous chuckle, blushing a bit. "And I'll have that whole sexy professor thing going for me, which is a plus."

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought! Feedback nourishes my soul! Also, just so everyone knows, there are only two chapters left after this, including the epilogue :)

brigitcharlesmathew: Yeah, I think one of my favorite similarities between Ella and Jess is that they are always trying, and are able to recognize their mistakes. Also, thank you! Writing Lorelai telling Ella to have a middle was very fun and emotional. I'm glad you enjoyed and I hope you liked this chapter too! Thank you for the wonderful review!

mistycoffee: Hello! Thank you for your amazing reviews! They absolutely make my day! I'm glad you liked the explanation of the lavender; I've been planning that one for a while. Also, I'm so happy you could feel Ella's struggle; it was a bit difficult to write. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I hope this chapter was to your liking as well! Thanks again! :)