A Marauder's Guide to Falling Forever

PART FOUR

Written by alliegrl


Chapter Three

Stunned silence filled the room as she followed Dumbledore into the living quarters. She felt her ears buzzing, and her body begin to heat up from the dozens of eyes that were suddenly trained upon her. She felt the wave of nausea that came and went like the tide of the sea; a storm was silently brewing within her and likely within many of the occupants in the room.

Her gaze landed on Emmeline first. She had a ferocious fire raging in her eyes and Marlene didn't know she was capable of such anger. It might have almost been better to be hexed on the spot than for her friend to look at her with such disgust. Remus had definitely been the right person to visit first; she wouldn't be lucky enough to get a better reaction to her arrival than his.

Her eyes flitted quickly around the room. Most of them didn't seem disheartened by her disappearance, but then again she hardly knew most of them. It was the ones that did care for her more than just another Order member that had the hardened emotions on display.

Alice and Lily weren't present, and Marlene was silently appreciative of two less bodies to answer to.

Even Peter, whom she didn't know all that well, looked pained; his forehead was knitted together and his eyes something fierce. She felt guilty again because she didn't realize how far of a reach her disappearance would affect those outside her inner circle.

James was glowering when she passed over him. Of course she already felt like he held resentment for the death of his mother, and this was just one more reason to be scornful towards her. Her eyes did not linger on him for very long.

She knew that Sirius was standing beside him but she could not bring herself to look at him. She could feel his stare burning through her but she remained strong. She would not come undone under his scrutiny.

"Good to see you're back McKinnon," Mad Eye's gruff voice broke the tension, "anything to report?"

"Er –" Marlene shifted her gaze sideways to silently confirm with Dumbledore what was appropriate to share. They hadn't really discussed the particulars of what would follow in the after math of her journey.

"Marlene has been working tirelessly on something for me," Dumbledore replied, saving her the trouble of thinking up some sort of excuse. The finality of his tone suggested that he would not be sharing anything further.

"Alright then," Moody nodded and then he continued around the room. "Lupin?"

"We've definitely lost hope with the werewolves," Remus said gravely. There was a breakout of worried and hushed whispers that passed across the room. "I couldn't convince them. Fenrir has solidified his werewolf army throughout Britain and into France and Germany. The werewolf community is too bitter towards the Ministry to support us. They want revenge."

"They attacked north just the other day," Dedalus Diggle chimed in, "Infected about a dozen and killed a dozen more."

"We've been getting a lot of reports in the department," Frank added. "They seem to be targeting children."

"They've made it their mission to infect as many people possible," Remus confirmed. "They are hoping to eventually overrun the wizarding population."

"And the giants, Hagrid?" McGonagall looked upwards to the towering man that sat awkwardly beside her on the couch he was much too big for.

"They've decided to stay sidin with the Dark Lord I'm afraid. I went ter try again and the Dark Lord has promised em freedom. They don't do well crammed together; killin each other up in the mountains that we pushed em to."

"I was hopeful they'd have a change of heart. If Barty would just stop the kill orders we might have better luck convincing them we don't think they're inferior," Frank said angrily. "Instead he has us killing them and forcing them into remote regions. No wonder they want nothing to do with helping us."

"They're resentful of that. They'll keep killin' muggles and wizards," Hagrid continued. "They made it pretty clear."

And the conversation went on for another hour. Marlene listened painfully about everything that had been happening while she had been away. Of course she had heard accounts from her travels, but the newspapers were tightly controlled by the Ministry and most witches and wizards she encountered were less than enthusiastic to discuss the happenings in Europe. Fear had definitely taken its toll on the wizarding community; it followed Marlene wherever she went like an overbearing shadow.

It was partly what had taken her so long on her mission. Professor Eldritch Mopsus was a very difficult man to track down. Much like he had with Dumbledore, he evaded Marlene's pursuits for months. It had taken her a very long time to track down her first lead; the home he had occupied when Albus had sought him was occupied with an elderly witch who had claimed to be house sitting for him. She had been living in the house, awaiting his return for nearly a decade.

She hadn't really been much help, but she did mention the name of someone he had talked about on different occasions. Tracking Lorcan Bonnesante down in Paris was a much easier task. And then the hunt went on from there.

He would be sighted only days prior to Marlene's arrival in different cities and towns over numerous countries. Like Dumbledore said, it is difficult to track down a man that doesn't want to be found and who can see you coming.

But eventually he slipped up, and she found him wasted out of his mind on fire whiskey in a small tavern in Nuremberg. Slipping him veritaserum wasn't tricky; he willingly gulped down any liquid he could get his hands on, and slipping it into his frothy mug of liquor did just the task she needed it to.

But he could not help her; he didn't have the answers that she needed. She had felt completely defeated having spent months chasing after a man that provided her nothing. However, he did know someone that did know about prophecies and he relayed her name: Cassandra Vablatsky.

The journey hadn't been a complete waste after all. It took another few weeks to track down Cassandra.

"Anything else? Anyone?" Moody called out to the room. It appeared that everyone that had something to say had already said their piece.

Marlene could still feel Sirius's eyes trained on her. The unsettling feeling of his gaze hadn't left her once throughout the meeting. She knew that she would not escape the night without confrontation, and she only hoped that she might not be ambushed by all of them at once. But of course, she couldn't expect to be so lucky. She hardly deserved to wish for it.

She heard Remus talking to him. His voice was low enough that she could not hear the words, but his tone conveyed sternness and she hoped that he was talking Sirius down from whatever rage he was likely to let loose in the small house.

But Emmeline was there first; in her face, eyes glowering and ablaze with such force that Marlene recoiled backwards into the wall.

"What were you thinking?" she screamed, and a few of the other Order members still left in the room turned their heads to look.

"Can you try not to yell at me?" Marlene pleaded. Emmeline only scoffed with disgust.

"Right. Yeah, I'm going to bat my pretty little puppy eyes at you and wag my tail that you've come home instead," she sneered. Marlene cracked a smile while thinking about Sirius in his animagus form. But it was the entirely wrong reaction to give Emmeline, and she regretted it almost instantly.

"Oh you think that's funny do you?" she was so close that Marlene could feel the spray of her spit on her cheek. She clenched her eyes closed and took a deep breath inwards, preparing for the storm. Emmeline gave it to her for a good ten minutes. The living room was practically empty by the time she had stopped reprimanding her, and only after she had cursed every word imaginable did she throw her arms around Marlene to squeeze any remaining air from her lungs.

"Cant – breathe –" Marlene choked out, and Emmeline's grip only loosened slightly.

"I thought you were dead," she wailed. She had moved from anger to despair like a snap of a finger. She let out a few uncontrollable sobs before she pulled her body away from Marlene to look her in the eyes. They were red and puffy even though she hadn't been crying for long.

"I'm sorry," Marlene whispered quietly. She would be doing a lot of apologizing in the coming days.

"What in Merlin's beard happened to your hair?!" Emmeline exclaimed quite suddenly, her eyes scanning Marlene over as though looking at her for the first time.

Marlene reached up to tenderly grasp the edge of her blonde locks. She had always had long hair ever since she could remember. But over the summer she had spontaneously decided to hack it off to above her shoulders. Having always looked young in comparison to others her age, she liked that it made her look more mature. She felt like people took her more seriously.

Someone cleared their throat a short distance away and Marlene's heart quickened. Of course Sirius would still be waiting for her. Emmeline shifted her gaze away from Marlene for the first time since she had first attacked her, and her eyes grew wide with recognition.

"Sorry Black," she let out a strained chuckle. She was looking at the figure that was somewhere to Marlene's right, "she's all yours."

Marlene knew that deep down within her she had the courage to face his wrath. As much as he would be angry with her, she was equally angry with him. He had tossed her aside, claiming that he still loved her but couldn't be with her for some stupid reason of being unable to be what she needed.

He was what she needed. And he took that away.

The anger boiled within her again, thinking about how he would chew her up just like Emmeline had. How he would look at her with repulsion just like James had earlier in the evening. She was prepared for it, almost even craved the inevitable fire storm that would soon engulf the room like fiendfyre.

She mustered everything within her to look up and meet his gaze. But what she was not prepared for was the untold pain that rested where she had expected anger to reside.

And it broke her heart all over again.

"Can we talk somewhere more private?" his voice was low and strained. Marlene noted that the only other people in the room were Remus and Emmeline, but voices emitting from the kitchen indicated that they were not the only few left in the house.

Yes? No? Marlene felt conflicted.

Of course she wanted to go somewhere private with Sirius, but she didn't entirely trust herself around him. Remus and Emmeline took the hint and excused themselves quickly from the room. Still though, being alone with Sirius in Remus's living room where the curious ears no doubt listened in from the other room was not how she had imagined having their first conversation together.

"Okay," she swallowed hard and tried to suppress the unsettling feeling that squirmed inside her at the thought of being alone with him. Completely alone with him.

"My place?" he suggested.

It was the most logical place in terms of privacy; Marlene could admit that much. Her own apartment, which she hadn't even been to yet, still half belonged to Emmeline. And though she suspected Emmeline would honor them privacy, she wouldn't be willing to keep away all night; however long their conversation might last.

The thought of Sirius's apartment made her flush, however. She hadn't been there in a very long time, and it painted many pleasurable memories that had occurred within its walls. She worried that going back there would be too painful, reopening some emotional wounds that hadn't completely healed yet. Then again, she doubted those emotional wounds would ever truly heal so long as they were apart from one another.

"Okay," she felt the words leave her lips before she had consciously agreed to her reply. Inwardly she scolded herself; she could have suggested a half dozen other places, surely.

Sirius's body seemed to hesitate in front of her, almost as though he wanted to hug her like Emmeline had only moments ago. But he remained firm where his feet were planted and he reached a hand upwards to comb nervously through his hair instead.

"Okay then. So I'll just meet you there?" he asked for confirmation. It was unlike him to sound anxious. Marlene had only really known him to be confident or angry, and nervous was not a trait she would have ever attributed to a behaviour Sirius Black possessed. But it was slightly endearing nonetheless.

"Yeah, okay," she agreed, feeling awkward. Neither one of them moved much except for Marlene to shift the weight on her feet, and Sirius removing his hand from his hair. Marlene risked a glance towards the kitchen to observe James watching through the doorway at them. He had a trace of a scowl still etched on his face, but his eyes seemed to soften slightly when he realized he had been caught staring. Marlene offered him a weak smile and then walked to the door.

Sirius was right behind her. Clearly he hadn't planned to linger around long enough to say goodbye to anyone else. It was painfully obvious that Marlene would be his sole attention for the rest of the evening; something that both terrified and thrilled her at the same time.

"I'll talk to you later," she heard him speaking, presumably to James. She didn't bother to turn around to confirm her suspicion.

Outside the doorstep the rain continued to fall downwards against the pavement, covering her clothes almost instantly in a wet blanket. The door closed behind Sirius and she turned to face him once again. The water pummeled into his hair, soaking it flat against his forehead. A steady stream of rain fell down his face and forked between the lines of his eyes, giving off the appearance that he was crying. Then again, the way he was looking at her she couldn't be entirely certain that that wasn't the case.

"My place," he confirmed with sudden authority in his tone. It wasn't a request.

Marlene nodded her head.

Despite the fact that she had been apparating for well over a year, she still felt ill from the feeling that the sensation brought upon her. Because of this, she had resorted to more muggle modes of transportation for the first portion of her time away. And then we she realized that she was wasting time, allowing Eldritch Mopsus a head start on his mission to evade her, she had been required to apparate more than she was comfortable with.

So she should have been perfectly fine and accustomed to apparating to Sirius's flat. But as her body twisted and the dark, sketchy street of Remus's neighbourhood became a swirl of black and white, disappearing entirely from her view, she felt the troubling tug to her midsection that indicated she might be sick. However, it might not have been due to the apparating so much as what awaited her upon her arrival.