Forty-two – The Return

The Decision – Division Three (14.3)

I feel like laying my head down on my hands. With that answer, I have missed my opportunity! I am not the victor I pictured myself to be. I am not the advocate the districts wanted me to be. I could have vocalised what the people of the districts feel and called them on to right the Capitol's extreme wrongs. Instead, I have decided not to help the people of the districts and I'm overcome with guilt. I completely fail to recognise the loss of tension and the peace that continues as a result of my safe answer.

"I mean, they've missed some bits." I add pointlessly. "But fitting twenty-two days within three hours... There are a lot of parts you have to cut out."

"Well, that's very true." agrees Caesar. "Hopefully they didn't miss out on anything too important!"

"Nothing too important." I confirm. I try to continue smiling, but all I feel is disappointment and disgrace.

"Okay, Henry. I'm curious." says Caesar. "Your original stylist's resignation has been making headlines around here, as I'm sure you've heard. So may I ask, do you have any idea what could have caused this to transpire?" A few minutes ago, answering this would have been a big dilemma. Do I expose the Capitol further and do what's right for me as the victim, or let Tiberius be for choosing to ruin his career and reputation? But I just feel tired and defeated. I've already made my position clear, and I don't have more energy to change. I just wish for this interview to end.

"No." I lie. "I was just as surprised as everybody else was."

"Interesting." Remarks Caesar. "What do you think of the change?"

"I really like Tatiana." I don't lie. "She did so well with Radia, too. Especially that dress."

I spot Tatiana somewhere behind the cameras. She's clearly touched. Then I look at Beetee and Jovan for the first time in a while. They look happy with me. But I don't share their happiness with myself.

"Yes, she's been amazing with you District 3." says Caesar. "Now, we don't have much more time so there's one more question I'd like to ask. What do you think your family is feeling right now?"

"My mom is probably crying, so happy, so relieved. So emotional." I say. "My sister would be extremely proud of me. She believed that I could do it, never giving up hope." I look at my watch and then hold it up. "My father would be the same, wherever he is now. And my brother, everybody's seen him, I'd say probably has no idea what's going on but after the reaping, I have a feeling he's figured out I've made it back for him."

"That's very sweet, Henry." comments Caesar. "If they're watching right now, what would you tell them?"

I look at one of the cameras and decide to keep it quick yet impactful. "Mom, Denary, Algo. I love you. I made it. I'll see you soon." I finish off with a smile.

"Short but beautifully sweet, Henry. Well, you were very lovely, Henry. But I have one last request." says Caesar. The song. "We've heard you sing many times in the arena, including that final moment, and I can say that we were all enthralled by your voice. If you could please sing for us, our national anthem, so we can hear that smooth, magical voice of yours once more."

"I'd be happy to." I accept.

I rise and clear my throat. I step forward to directly face the camera and begin to sing the anthem alone, without music or the distinctive chorus.

Oh Horn of Plenty

One Horn of Plenty for us all

And when you raise the cry

The brave should heed the call

And we should never falter

One Horn of Plenty for us all

"Woah, that's marvellous!" exclaims Caesar quietly, like he is trying not to interrupt me. But whatever he's commenting on must be substantial enough that he cannot keep quiet. Is it my voice? I spot my team as equally mesmerised, except for Tatiana. As I begin the second verse, I look down at my suit and notice the colourful hues on the circuit patterns enchantingly appear to move up as I sing. And only as I sing. It is a nice touch by Tatiana, the surprise she must have been talking about. But I don't find myself appreciating it. I find myself worthless, plagued with guilt. That I am a star now, but I did nothing about it.

Oh Horn of Plenty

One Horn of Plenty for us all

And when you raise the cry

The brave should heed the call

And we should never fall

I begin to cry but my voice doesn't falter as the anthem says. Tears are welling up because instead of seeing cameras, I see the people of the districts staring at me. I have failed them. But to the Capitol, it must look like I'm getting emotional for being patriotic, having the opportunity to do something for the Capitol. But that is what I am. Just another victor that is not special. Somebody used to promote the Games and the Capitol's pursuits.

Oh Horn of Plenty

One Horn of Plenty for us all

And when you raise the cry

The brave should heed the call

And we should never falter

One Horn of Plenty for us all

As I continue, I think more and more of how I have become closer to being a Capitol citizen and strayed from the people of the district. My people. I feel that I don't belong back in District 3 anymore, but I just want to live a normal life back there again. I hold off totally breaking down until I finish the last verse.

Oh Capitol

Your glorious diamond shine

A tribute to

The darkest days behind

One Horn of Plenty for us all

"That was sensational, Henry." announces Caesar. "You have been a blast to be with us today. Ladies and gentlemen, your victor of the Sixty-sixth Hunger Games, from District 3, Henry Denton."

Caesar signs off and the cameras stop recording. Caesar is the first to give me a congratulatory hug while everybody else in the room stands up to offer me one too. But I immediately burst into tears. It is over.

"Oh dear, Henry." notices Caesar. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe it's all the triumphant emotion now that he's all finished here in the Capitol!" trills Martinus. "And I admit, I am becoming teary-eyed as well."

Nothing about how I feel now is triumphant. It is like completing a massive and difficult assignment just to get it done. But there's more regret at not doing any better when I could, like I did not do anything for the people.

"I'm fine." I lie. "It's happy tears."

I thank Tatiana for the theatrical alteration with my outfit which I can keep for my homecoming, and when I eventually bury my face into Jovan's chest, he assures me that I have done the correct thing even though I feel I didn't.

"You did well." he says.

I look up at his face. "Are we finally going back home?"

He smiles radiantly and nods softly.

And so after a quick visit to my room to collect anything I want to bring home and a quick drive in a car with the blackened windows, we are at the station saying our goodbyes to Tatiana just like that. I will see her and my prep team again in around five months just after the new year for when I will have to embark on the Victory Tour. A round of ceremonies and dinners at every district where I'll be given plaques and everybody will have to pretend they love me. As much as I want to visit the other districts, I dread the moments where I'll have to address the people who think I've failed at supporting them. The difficulty in districts like 7 and 1 whose tributes I have killed this year will be much greater.

The rest of us board the waiting train and it begins to move. I stare out the window to mentally say goodbye to the Capitol before the tunnel brings us to night. Beetee and Jovan aren't talking much, and I can sense it's because there are cameras monitoring our conversations in this train as well. And I think Martinus isn't speaking because he notices that we're quiet too. I have a feeling he really wants to, because he won't have much of a chance once we arrive and he'll have to return to the Capitol thereafter.

I look at the view again once we have cleared the tunnel and I feel liberated not having the Capitol's fancy buildings towering over me, or the people and countless cameras trained on me. I just see hills and plains, noticing that my mindset seems to have changed. I see the tall pines and picture Connie and Ringo climbing up their branches and chopping off their limbs. I imagine the train I am standing on being built by Elaine and Abel. I pass a small lake and conjure up Quentin and Barb surrounded by water with fishing nets. I'm more conscious and appreciative of the work of other people in the country, and I think I'm grateful more it. But I'm also reminded of the effects the Games had on me.

Also different now is not having Radia. It just doesn't feel right to be back on this train without her. Dinner felt empty without her occupying that extra seat. Her positive presence is no longer with us, and never will be. After dinner, we all watch a replay of the interview in front of the television. All that is said by my team is, "That was good." and "I loved that." Wisely nothing about what I wanted to say. Beetee turns off the television at the conclusion of the interview and the four of us look at each other in silence.

"I can't believe I'm seeing the day where I ride back to District Three with a tribute who's made it back." says Jovan eventually. "I thought it would never happen. And best of all, it had to be you, Henry."

I smile, touched by his words.

"Me too." says Martinus. "I didn't know how emotional it actually is to have somebody you know make it through."

"We all cannot express how truly proud we are of you." says Beetee. "We've all been waiting so long for somebody else to join us on this train. I've been waiting so long for another one of us to return."

I picture Beetee slightly less younger, and Jovan back to his small, timid appearance from when he'd won the Games.

"How did it feel last time?" I ask Beetee. "When Jovan was on this train at seventeen years old."

Jovan looks expectantly at Beetee like a child seeking advice from their father.

"Oh, it's all coming back." answers Beetee, and he looks at Jovan. "Pride. Joy. Like it was a dream. It's indescribable, really."

Beetee answers in his usual unemotional way, but for the first time ever, I hear his voice tremble at the end. When Wiress won, Beetee must have felt like a much older brother. With Jovan, a father. With me, it's like he's become a grandfather. The mentors don't really show it, but having a tribute they have taught survive must mean a lot more than anything else.

"What he said is exactly how I feel with you now." adds Jovan. It dawns on me that I'll be a mentor of my own beginning from next year. And I hope I will feel the same way they do.

"I'd hate to interrupt, but I think Henry should get to bed now." says Martinus. "He's had a big day and will need to be ready for tomorrow when he'll finally arrive at his district!"

"Our district." corrects Jovan. "But I agree. The sooner we feel that we'll be home, the better."

So we bid each other good night, and I return to my train compartment which looks and feels exactly like the one I occupied going towards the Capitol. I remove my outfit, take a shower that clears away all my make-up, and dress into a simple brown shirt and pants, what I have come to usually wear at the Training Center. I stare at myself at the mirror and look the most natural I have been in a long time. Not in a flashy, dazzling outfit. Not in a tribute uniform. Not somewhere surrounded by something as luxurious as the Capitol buildings. Except the train, I feel like I'm the Henry Denton I have always been. Who had nothing to do with the Hunger Games. If only that were true.

The last thing I look at before I climb into bed is the only just visible wheat fields of District 9 in the distance. And of course, I'm reminded of Ryno who could have been out there on a normal day. How much I miss him. How much I miss Radia. If there is one thing good about the Hunger Games, it is having ever met them.

But what is not good about surviving the Hunger Games are the nightmares and terrible memories. The deaths of tributes replay and invade my vision. It feels like I am again exposed to the hallucinogenic fog, but there is no fog here. It is just my mind now, and the Games have ruined it. After tossing and turning for a few hours trying to remove the sights of Ryno's death and the sounds of Quentin's throat, I eventually fall asleep. But the thoughts merely continue in my dreams, morphing to equally horrifying fantasies. My sister has become as famished as Resa. Ryno runs into my trap and explodes into unrecognisable pieces. Ringo is the one to slice me with an axe, causing me to wake up exasperated, only one of many this night. The Games really have taken a toll on me. I endure it all, hoping it will be just this night. When I see my family again, I hopefully will be comforted enough for it to go away.

When the train stops to refuel early the next day, we're permitted to leave to take a breath of fresh air. Martinus elects to stay behind because the uncertainty of the wilds scare him off, but Beetee, Jovan, and I decide to walk further down the track and away from the train. Where I am is starkly different from the arena, so it doesn't engender any bad memories and I don't feel any nervous. Right in the centre of a field dotted with trees and scrubby bush. Wildflowers and shrubbery along the tracks. The pleasant sun rays shining on our skin, but not the sides of some hills in the distance. It feels good to be surrounded by mostly nature, away from the cameras. Which means we can talk freely while we have the time.

"The interview was very hard." I begin to say.

"Not here." responds Jovan. "A little further."

"Then why did we stop here?"

"I don't know!" Jovan shrugs. "One of you stopped so I stopped too!"

We walk until the train is almost out of view.

"The interview was very hard." I repeat. "I just wanted to say what I really wanted."

"Believe me." says Jovan. "We all have felt the same way, wanting to just yell at the Capitol, say how wrong and heartless they really are."

"But we all did the right thing." says Beetee. "You too."

"Ryno called me a mockingjay." I recall. "I don't think it was just because I could sing, but because he believed I could vocalise the cry of my people as enemies and victims of the Capitol. I could have been one right there, but I'm not."

I think about it, and maybe Ryno really was wrong about me. And I've been wrong about myself. "I wasn't the right person, weren't I?"

"You could have." says Jovan. "But you should not have been the one. The thought of speaking out right now is too risky. We- the people are not ready. And you deserve to live a normal life after the Games. As unaffected as possible."

I guess what he's saying is true. From now on, I'll just need to have patience for the right person for the right time. For now, carrying on life like usual is the ideal choice to make.

"There will be another mockingjay." says Beetee. "Soon. I'm sure of it."

Maybe he is right. No, I'm confident he is right.

"But if there's one thing that you might have done, Henry, is that you may have increased awareness." says Beetee. "Increased tensions. Our people finally know about the mockingjay. You've taught other districts to form alliances, which can form relationships. You may have encouraged Ryno's district to be more rebellious, simply for being with him."

"So you haven't been entirely useless, H." says Jovan, smiling cheekily.

"That makes me feel better." I admit. It really has. I'm slowly coming to terms with my decision. "Last night, though, I couldn't sleep."

"It's the Games." says Jovan, correctly. "Experienced the same thing."

"How did you two handle the trauma?" I question. "How long is it going to last for?"

"Sorry to say, but a long time." answers Beetee. "Wiress is still affected by it now."

"But it depends." says Jovan. "Mine disappeared quite quickly. Got replaced with the deaths of the tributes I mentor every year. Let's just hope yours fades pretty soon. It seems like it never will now, but time does help."

"Writing can help you." suggests Beetee. "A journal."

"Thanks." I say, and we stand to look at our environment in silence. The three of us, but it always feels like there is somebody missing. And it's not Martinus.

"I miss Radia." I say. "I wish she was with us right now."

"Me too." agrees Beetee.

"Me three." says Jovan. "I'm sure she'd be so proud of you surviving."

She really would be. I feel like I have won, for her. I remember her energy, and how much she wanted me to hope. It brings me to smile.

"She'd also want us to stay very positive." I say. "What was your favourite part you watched of my Games?"

"When you won." says Beetee.

"That." Claims Jovan. "But there was nothing funnier than you were stunk out in that sleeping bag."

"Really?" I ask. "Out of all the things you could have chosen?"

We all laugh.

"Well, there's another." says Jovan. "Your face of elation when you received the gifts we sent you on your birthday."

"I have to agree with that, too." says Beetee. "I think you're the first victor to have their birthday in the arena."

Another piece of history. Maybe I'm more special than I thought, after all.

We then hear one of our stomachs growling, although we're not really sure who, but that's a sign for us to return to the train for much needed breakfast. But it also means returning to the cameras, probably, and I wonder how long I'll have to be documented for.

"Before we go, will the cameras be there for long?" I ask.

"A few weeks." answers Beetee.

"A few weeks?" I repeat, startled. "I won't be able to have privacy for a few weeks?

"Well, it's not as bad as the last few days." says Jovan. "Listen, there will be a bunch of celebrations the Capitol will want to record. The first one will happen right when you arrive. When you move into your new home in the Village, the cameras will follow you seeing your reactions. There is another banquet with some people who are apparently very high-ranked but you have no idea who they are."

"Haven't we just had that?" I ask.

"Yes, but the past victors are invited to this one, too." answers Jovan. I'm with two right here, but the thought of meeting the other victors who seem so much more superior than me is nerve-wracking. "Then there's like a week-long holiday for our entire district. There will be entertainers and free food- You don't remember when I won?"

"He was a few days old when that happened, Jovan." notes Beetee.

"My mother has told me about it once." I mention. "She said it was so festive and the energy was nothing she's ever seen before. But she said it was nothing like… Parcel Day?"

"Ah, yes Parcel Day." explains Jovan. "Every month, they'll deliver food packages to every single person in our district. The Capitol will want to see all the reactions for the first one. And trust me, you will too."

"Interesting." I say. I would love to be in the streets during Parcel Day. I think that will be the essence of the victory for me. Not the pride nor the fame nor the wealth, but the provision of food for the people. "Thank you."

"All this talk about food is making me hungry." says Jovan. "We better get back."

Back on board the rumbling train, we meet back up with Martinus for some fancy toast and hot chocolate. Jovan keeps stealthily placing a spoonful of sugar into Martinus' coffee but he seems unfazed by the taste.

"They should almost be done with the fuel." Martinus updates us. "And after that, we should be making our way to District Three pretty soon. Two more hours at most. Refuelling with two hours left sounds completely pointless to me."

Two hours! Just 120 more minutes and I'll be home!

I don't return to my room in these two hours. I just stare out the large windows in the same car we were in when we'd arrived at the Capitol. I don't even change back into my outfit, not because I'm too eager to just step off the train, but because I want to be welcomed to my people looking like I belong. Not as some sort of idol. Jovan offers to carry my outfit when we'll eventually head out.

And it is soon. With probably around thirty minutes of our ride left, we're passing the large bordering fence and pulling into District Three. Not long later, our distinctively ugly factories come into view. I would have never thought I'd want to be welcomed back to such eyesores but here we are. I am really back.

They must all be at the Forum waiting for my arrival, because there is nobody in sight until we're slowing down to our polished railway station. Cameras line the platform from start to finish, and the four of us take our positions at the door.

"Ready?" asks Jovan behind me.

"No." I answer, and the doors open to a storm of camera clicks and flashes. Officials take over Martinus' job and escort us along the platform. I try to ignore all the cameras when we're back in the car, transporting us to the back of the Justice Building.

Inside, I have to wait until I am announced, but before I step out on stage I already hear the murmur of the crowd. I sense the excitement for me who's helped them to be fed for the next year. Somewhere there will be my family, and I'm worried I won't be able to stop myself from running over to them if I spot their faces.

Beetee and Jovan are already on stage, and so is Wiress. I hear Mayor's voice announce their names along with the Games they had won, followed by mine.

"And now, the fifth victor of District Three," The crowd has already been riled up. "Henry Denton, victor of the Sixty-sixth Hunger Games!"

The doors open for me to take the stage which is thick with cameras, in front of the Forum and its side streets, packed with the whole district. I smile and wave all over, and that comes a little more natural when I see people who look just like me, not in colour and fancy dress. I immediately notice their shouts and cheering also have a different vibe of happiness to it. Relief. Pride. This is why I wanted to be the victor. To bring a smile to the faces of my people who usually don't have any cause to.

And there, in the centre of the Forum, a raised stadium. On it stands my family. My mother, my sister, my brother. They aren't clapping, or cheering from their mouths. But I can tell they are smiling. Near them is a tall, blonde man I recognise as Ergo. The people around him must be Radia's brothers and sisters. They're not bitter, they're happy for me. It tells me I did what Ergo wanted me to do. Closely beside Denary is a boy I have never seen before, but he is with my family so I'm happy. Surrounding them is a bunch of cameras and operators that remind me to be restrained, since I am broadcast live.

But I don't care. I am already off the stage and making my way over to my family.

The crowd respectfully spreads apart to make a path for me to get to the podium like they have rehearsed it. I climb up the steps and I can't believe I am finally so close. Their faces of love so visible. I begin to wrap my arms around my mother carefully because Algo is in her grip, but she pulls me in hard and tight.

"I miss you, Henry." she rambles, kissing me endlessly. "I miss you, son. I miss you so much."

For probably the last time in a while, I cry, letting the tears flow down over my mother's shoulder.

"I did it, mom." I whimper. "I did it."

Then I feel a tug on my hair and I look back to see the cheeky little culprit, who has looked to grow half-a-year since I saw him last.

"Hey, little guy." I say to Algo. "I'm back."

He babbles in reply with something like "Brother," but before I could figure it out I feel a soft punch from Denary.

"I told you you could do it, Hen." she says when she gets my attention, and then she throws her arms around me. I really did make it back.

As I embrace my sister, I regret ever thinking I'd choose over being back with my family. I wouldn't sacrifice them for anything. They are the most important thing in my life. I hold onto them tightly. When the cameras are gone, my family will never let me go. I will still be here with them.

I receive warm hugs from Ergo, his children, and then the boy who I have never met. I want to hug every single person in this crowd.

Mother lets me hold Algo in my arms. "You're getting heavy." I tell him. Mother wraps her arms around both of us. Denary has her arm around my shoulder.

So I became victor of the Hunger Games, even though I do not feel as worthy for the Capitol or for the districts.

But as I look around at my family, my mentors on stage, and the people who are full of joy, I just think, at least I am home.

END OF STORY


A/N

Alright, if you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed the story and thank you so much for reading! Really, thank you 3

And phew, it was long! 220k+ words (that isn't good) over three and a half months! I didn't plan for it to be at first, but I ramble way too much. I thought that may have been good as there will have been more to explore. I also wanted to really delve in a lot of what Henry thinks about and try make it somewhat real. It was meant to be like a novel similar to the original, but this ended up being more than double its length! Now I felt like I could shorten so much of it to make it serious, especially the last chapter. But it's just for fun and I hope it didn't end up too boring.

If you haven't noticed already, I am not an avid or experienced writer so I don't perceive the quality of my work to be that great. English was my worst subject in high school and my degree doesn't focus on creative writing or reading literature. Writing isn't even a hobby of mine, and I don't read a lot. This includes fanfic so I am still a beginner in the field! I have been thinking of writing fics over many different fandoms but I never got around to writing them. I am very surprised at how willing and invested I was to finish this particular story, though, and it was fun and I guess that's what writing is all about :) So this ended up being my first work! Unfortunately, I have no plans to continue to write any other pieces anytime soon.

Because I'm a beginner, I feel I couldn't do themes that well, and the writing does not seem as serious as it should be because I wanted to write what I liked and what usually does not get mentioned in novels instead of staying so true to writing standards. And sometimes this can lead to completely unrealistic or cringy events. I try my best to justify them, though :)

I am also not that creative or descriptive so a lot of elements have been taken from the original series, or they have totally unrealistic, or they have not been expanded enough. I would be too afraid of butchering Beetee's canon character instead of my OCs so I did not include him as much as I should (same with Wiress). So this is almost basically like an own story instead. I couldn't really describe death or romance scenes that well so they have been left as a minimum, and this is the same for the assault in the Launch Room, which I was contemplating on including or not.

So my inspiration for writing this story is basically being into the Hunger Games series. It is just a self-indulgent thing, wanting to create a story that fits within the universe. For my choice of characters and plot, I have always liked District 3, feeling I could relate to it the most. Henry then became a character very loosely like myself, but exaggerated (hopefully not a Marty Stu). I also wanted to create an extra victor of my own (even though I think now District 3 has one too many victors) and I wanted a big character from District 9, because there is not much on it in the series and I want to explore it and give it some love! I liked to include a lot of alliances because I love their complexity. But I'm not sure about the point of the story at all. It's like it ended up with me feeling like nothing really changed. - maybe that is the message it drives through?

Okay, right before I published this, I read and watched up on writing tips and I realise I have done so many amateur writing mistakes, mainly filling and writing too much (part one has walls of texts oops). But I can improve from here! It could undergo so much changing, but at least it's not that serious haha This story was meant for my own interest, but here it is styled like for first-time readers of the Hunger Games but for fun idk lol

To be honest, I did not do a lot of detailed planning for this story, especially the Games half, which is why I feel there it sort of goes on not so seriously or clearly. The overall plot and District 3 was roughly planned, but not so much the characters. I did not flesh them out beforehand. The ideas came through as I was writing them so I don't think the characters were completely consistent. I hope they were interesting or likeable enough! I also wrote Chapter 1 after all the other chapters so if there's a sharp tone change, that must be why.

My favourite part of writing this was probably including the canon tidbits. Mentioning events and victors of past Games that have been part of the original series was fun and did provide some ideas. When you realise these Games had the hideous reptiles that took away the Careers' food supply and the victor who scored a three! It feels real. I also slightly regret not writing more female characters, but I hoped the idea of girls being strong came out.

Also, Henry always cries and his stomach always grumbles.

I do recognise a number of plot holes that would not make this realistic at all. The major one being that Henry would probably be dead. The gamemakers would probably kill him off for tampering with the building wall and the explosives. I only tried to make it make sense by claiming they'd want it. Another one is that buildings or puzzles are probably not realistic in an arena, but you never know. This was just an old idea that is again, self-indulgent. Also, when I read over some parts, I cringe, so I'm positive most of you did as well, but hopefully not too much!

Okay, so the plot and most of the characters in the fic were thought of by me, but obviously most of the structure and some aspects have been taken from SC's original series. I would also like to acknowledge Darkpenn's work on Beetee's story for giving me a loose idea for writing his Games.

Alright, I'm writing too much here, so please let me know what you think of this story! I'm curious, and I would be really glad to hear feedback, criticisms, suggestions for improvement, different perspectives, anything!

Thanks again and hope you enjoyed this journey!

~ NeonNecropolis ~