Chapter 66: Moving Forward
Ashley had her eyes closed and she let out a deep breath. "Okay, open your eyes," Kimberly insisted. Slowly, Ashley's eyes opened and she stared at herself in the mirror. She had on a wedding dress and Kimberly clasped her hands in front of her. "Ashley, you are beautiful!" she said excitedly.
"What do you think?" Aisha asked.
Ashley turned around in the dress and shrugged her shoulders. "Don't you think this is a lot of lace?" Ashley signed.
"I was actually wondering that myself," Trini commented, "She kind of looks like a doily."
Ashley bit her lower lip as she looked at the dress again. "I'm not a fan of the skirt either," she signed.
"What kind of skirt are you looking for?" Kat asked.
Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't thought about it," she signed honestly.
"Never?" Cassie asked.
The younger girl was silent and she looked at herself in the mirror again. "Let's try something else," Kimberly insisted gently. Nodding, she got off the step she was on and went to change out of the dress.
When Ashley got home, she was completely wiped out. She fell back on the couch and she had her arm over her eyes. "I'd ask how your day went but I think your body language speaks louder than words," Andros commented as he walked out of their home office. Ashley sat up and ran her fingers through her hair.
"I never thought I'd get bored with shopping," she answered.
"What were you shopping for?" he asked, kissing her briefly before he sat next to her on the couch.
"Wedding dresses," she replied.
She turned so she was half-laying against Andros and her legs hung over the arm of the couch. "You didn't see anything you liked?" he asked.
"Not really," she replied as she laid her head back on his lap, "Just everything is so flashy or laced up so much I'd be afraid to walk in it let alone dance in it."
She let out a half-laugh. "Can't we just elope?" she suggested, earning a chuckle from her fiancé.
"There's way too many people who'd be heartbroken over not being there when you get married," he answered, "No matter what you try to say I know how important it is to you for our families to be there."
Andros ran his fingers through her hair and scratched her scalp, which sent a chill down her back. "And that's important to me too," he added. Ashley let out a sigh and they were silent. "Are we struggling with designs or is there something else?" he asked.
"Such as?" she asked.
Andros reached down and his hand rested over her barely showing baby bump. Ashley rested her hand over his. "Maybe," she added, "This wasn't exactly part of the plan."
"Well it was part of the plane we're just doing it a bit backwards," he replied, making her laugh.
Andros leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I feel like there's more than just the baby," he commented.
"There is," she admitted.
She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. Andros took it from her and read he front of it. "Your mom again?" he asked. Then he realized it was actually opened and not torn apart. "You read it?" She shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did," she replied.
"What did she say?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Nothing new. That I knew what was really going on and I had lied to the courts that I should make amends and tell the courts that my father was the mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive bastard he was," she replied. She wiped her eyes. "Eleven years later and it's still my fault she's in jail."
"No it's not," he replied firmly.
Ashley ran her hand over her stomach. "I'm afraid I'll be like her," she admitted.
"You have too good of a heart to be like her," he replied.
"How can you be so sure?" she asked.
"Because I know you better than you think I do," he replied.
The young woman smiled a little as she sat up. "And you have completely changed from the person I met two year ago," he added as she straddled his lap.
"You know you're not the same person you were when we met," she commented.
Andros reached up and ran his fingers through her hair then his hand moved to her cheek. She leaned into his hand and her eyes closed. Andros leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back, her arms wrapped around his neck. Their kisses started off as light pecks then grew more loving. "I love you," she murmured. Whenever he heard her say the words, he always smiled.
"I love you more," he replied.
Ashley let out a giggle as he moved her onto her back on the couch.
A week later, the car sat idly in the parking lot as Ashley sat in the passenger's seat. She twisted her engagement ring around on her finger and she let out a shaky breath. Andros reached over and held her hand. Ashley held his hand between hers and he could feel her hands shake. "You don't have to do this," he commented. She looked up at him, but then she nodded her head slowly.
"No…I do," she replied.
She gripped Andros's hands a little tighter. "If I don't do it now, it'll haunt me forever," she replied.
"I can come in with you?" he suggested.
Again, she shook her head slowly. "I have to do this myself," she replied. She got out of the truck and over to the guard house in front of the prison.
Ashley handed over her ID. "Who are you here to see?" the woman asked.
"Ruth Hammond," Ashley replied.
"Relationship?" the guard asked.
"I'm her daughter."
The guard looked surprised by her answer. Then she found the paperwork Ashley had filled out for the visit. She held her arms out as the guard patted her down. Once she found Ashley was clean, another guard led her into the facility.
With every step, Ashley's heart thumped against her chest. She removed her engagement ring and slipped it into her jeans pocket. She had on a pair of black boots, blue jeans, one of Andros's t-shirts to hide her growing belly, and one of his plaid shirts with the buttons undone. She had the t-shirt shirt tucked into the waistband of her pants so it wouldn't hang down to her knees. Her hand rested over her belly as if to reassure herself that no one could ever take her new life away from her.
She was led to a wall of windows where there were other visitors. The guard led her over to a chair. "Wait here," the guard instructed the young woman. Ashley nodded her head slowly as she took a seat.
With a deep breath, she heard the door open and looked up. There she was, a woman she hadn't seen since she was 8-years-old. Ruth looked just as shocked to see Ashley there and sat in front of her. Ashley watched as Ruth removed the phone from the wall. Slowly, she picked up the other phone and held it up to her ear. "It took you eleven years to come see me?" Ruth demanded bitterly. Ashley wasn't sure what to say.
"Hello, Ruth," she replied.
"I'm your mother," Ruth scolded her.
Ashley felt a lump form in her throat. "Well, I can't say I am surprised to see you looking like you live under a bridge," Ruth commented.
"I'm fine, MOTHER, thanks," Ashley replied.
"Why are you here? You here to apologize for letting me rot in this dump?" Ruth demanded.
The young woman stared into the older woman's eyes. They were as soulless as they were when she was a child. "Why did you do it?" Ashley asked quietly. Ruth rolled her eyes.
"You know why, Ashley, but for some reason you cover up the lies," Ruth replied.
"I didn't lie," Ashley said firmly, "You shot dad in the back and smiled as you did it."
Ruth was silent, but then she glared. "So you're not here to help me," she snarled. Ashley shook her head slowly.
"No, I'm here to say 'goodbye'," she replied.
The older woman sat back. "I'm here to tell you that you didn't win. You stole my voice, you made me believe it was all my fault. You blamed me for every choice YOU made. I am NOT your tragedy," Ashley said firmly, "You have controlled me for too long even while you are here. Your letters, your threats, and your lies controlled every aspect of my life. I couldn't trust anyone, I was afraid that if I did that I would have gotten them killed too. I was eight-years-old, how was that my fault?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "You did what you did and you still told me it was my fault, why?!" Ruth was silent.
"I did what I did to protect you," Ruth replied.
"Stop LYING! You did it for YOURSELF," Ashley snapped, "Dad was a good man."
Ruth scoffed. "Your father was a pig," she snarled.
"Why? For wanting a better life for me?" Ashley asked, "That dad was tired of how you belittled me so he was going to take me back to where he felt the safest?"
Ruth scoffed again at Ashley's words. "You didn't love dad, you don't love me," Ashley stated firmly, "And you stole the one person who did love me so unconditionally away from me." Reaching into her pocket, she removed her engagement ring and slipped it back onto her finger. "You stole what should be one of the most important memories of my life." Ashley showed Ruth the ring. "I found someone who loves me more than anything and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I can't pick a date because of what you did."
"And why is that MY fault?" Ruth snarled.
"Because dad should be there to see me on my wedding day," Ashley replied, her lower lip shook a little, "He should be walking me down the aisle, but he won't be and that's your fault."
A tear slid down her cheek. "You took my dad away from me and you know what?" she asked. Ruth was silent. "I forgive you, but don't you dare think it's because I want you to be able to sleep at night, no. I forgive you because I'm tired of wasting my energy hating you. I'm tired of holding back on my own life because of what you did. I forgive you so I can finally live, because I deserve to live my life. I'm going to love this man for all of eternity, because death won't even keep us apart. I am going to love hard and I am going to love unconditionally. When I have my first child, that baby will never know hatred, bitterness, or betrayal. My children will grow up loved and there's NOTHING you can do to take that away."
Ruth scowled at her. "You don't win, Ruth. The minute I walk out this door, you will never come across my mind again. You won't even be a memory. You are just my past and I am letting my past go. Do not write to me again, don't ever try to contact me again. I am through with you," Ashley finished, "Goodbye, Ruth." With that, Ashley hung up the phone and stood up. All the while, Ruth's eyes were glaring daggers at her. Suddenly, Ruth stood up and she banged on the glass.
"YOU LITTLE SHIT! I SHOULD'VE ABORTED YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE! I REGRET EVER HAVING YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" Ruth screamed as she banged on the glass.
The guards surrounded her. "YOU BITCH! YOU EVIL, SNIVELING BITCH! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL! YOU HEAR ME! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL WITH YOUR FATHER!" Ruth screamed as she was pulled out of the room. Ashley kept walking forward. She would not look back. The guard opened the door and Ashley left the room.
Andros was leaning against the truck when Ashley walked out. He stood up straight as she made her way over to him. Without even asking, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Ashley buried her face into his neck as he held her close. Ashley smiled against his skin. She finally felt free.
