whelp i have had to be quarantined because unfortunately i ended up stuck with my grandma for 3 hrs as she proceeded to be gross on me, make me go to a buffet, and just spread her right wing bullshit all over. And ya know what lately i've been having a major gender identity bitch time so if I come out to her as trans I will finally get to see her fully disown me like I've always wanted... But on the other hand I really want her collection of antique Japanese WW2 teacups so might keep my mouth shut. Oh and... I turned 23 on monday

Nei Huaisang had been waiting with bated breath for them to finally appear and for this all to start its spiral downhill to destroying the one he called master. His orders were to love Jin Guangyao as he would his brother and to have the devoted loyalty he reserved so dearly.

And he did.

He truly did love Jin Guangyao despite himself and all he wanted there were feelings that boiled of affection and care. It was disgusting. It was disgusting and loathing in a way that forced Nei Huaisang to break himself over the years.

If what he must do is to love Jin Guangyao as if he were his brother than he would force hatred onto Nei Mingjue. He would stain their memories that were warm and nice in a rage and malice. He'd be forgiven for this, right? He could be forgiven for doing this cruel act if it meant a madness like the one Jin Guangyao stokes was destroyed.

Truly the one he wanted to hate for it all was himself. If he had noticed sooner- if he had realized why his brother had started wearing gloves and abstained from any touch…

Nei Huaisang fluttered his fan idly with a small sigh. The past was the past. There wasn't much he could do about that, now was there? Idly he looked at the lovely birds in his cages and gardens.

Despite the fact he could he was not fond of collecting the human variety of animal. No. It was rather distasteful to his sensibilities despite what one might believe. He knows there are some Wen Crows among his collection and even a few from other smaller clans and sects along the territory but they were more along the lines of well-kept presents that things he found pleasant.

They made good spies and that was really it. Other than that, Nei Huaisang tried not to think too hard on it and often didn't.

It was simple with the Crows it was hard to ignore. With the Crows that bright brand glowed and sat for the world to see. Crows with their bright black feathers and their deep caws sitting there mocking him at times.

He doesn't remember which one Wen Xu ended up being among these feathered beauties but he's certain it's the one that stares with the most contempt. The one who's song is like the scream of a tone death child playing their dizi for the first lesson. The largest one with feathers that sit so unflattering and that screams when people walk by and the other birds avoid.

Nei Mingjue had brought him back as a trophy. Had declared their father's horrid end had been avenged. He knows that deep down Nei Mingjue had also wanted to bring back Wen Ruohan's corpse and mount the feathered head on the wall but everyone had decided the proper thing to do was to burn such a monstrosity. That such a thing should not be kept as a trophy because the dark cloud it brought with rained too heavy upon the people who stared and thought of it.

Thought about how this had once been a man.

Of course, that didn't stop Jin Guangyao from eating a part of the man. The five major vitals specifically and telling him this because as Nei Huaisang has come to believe over the years the poor man is insane. Yes, no doubt. The man is insane with both his power and his rage.

"You would understand if you would just join me. If you could understand and hear it then you'd realize the truth. Da-Ge was going to understand. Da-Ge would have if you hadn't have interrupted me! You are the one who took him away from us."

"I apologize for it dearly. This one is truly ashamed for all the grievances he has caused."

"I let you know because I do love you. I love all of you enough to spare you being ignorant. I love you enough to spare you from a sad end once it all comes together."

Yes, but the end Jin Guangyao was seeking was the end of a mad man. Of a megalomaniac who was unable to lose even a spec of dirt from under his feet. In that regard Nei Huaisang pitied him.

"Sect Leader Nei, you have visitors."

"Nobody scary right? I don't think I can handle too much prodding and questions." The disciple at the door sighed.

"It is Hanguang-Jun and someone named Mo Xuanyu."

"…Hmm… let them in I guess."

And so came forth his old friend with a new face and a lovesick fool who had seen better days most certainly. The questions and the prodding about the man-eating castle he can handle as long as he is correctly reluctant. He never even has to lie which is the best part.

He only need explain the Nei bloodlines curse. "Our saber spirits are violent and mad but the spirit of the broken Nei family members once changed is horrifying. The two together will battle and bath towns in red. That is why we seal them all in once location. Give the swords corpses to fight and the animals will fight each other. They can't eat each other or kill one another but they will maim and fight till the urge is secured.

"It seems cruel. Why not just kill them in that state? Why not end it? It seems unnaturally cruel to keep them alive like that when they can't even reincarnate."

"It is, unfortunately, the only way to keep those who fall like that satiated. It is why often times we try to die in battle before it completes because for whatever reason once finished, we can't die. Those in the castles will never die. They will just kill and maim any but the sect leader for now till the end of time."

It is a cruel and violent fate. A horrid end and thinking that his brother might have been heading down that road…

"No offense but your sect's method seems awful," Wei Wuxian said without any tact like usual and Nei Huaisang laughed.

"Trust me. I know. People think I'm crazy for avoiding my lessons but personally, I think I will live longer this way. Alas, most do not like that I am unfilial in this regard."

Even if he's only trying to point out how fucking stupid this entire method is for cultivating. Seriously, he is not ending up a panda fighting forever inside a stone building from now till the end of time. "Has your sect managed to produce more treasures of late?"

"Oh… not in the slightest. I know many other sects have found that their treasures are more abundant but for this sect, it really isn't possible to raise them from the animal form up. After all, most end up some form of dangerous beast and nobody wants to go near a bear cub or worse something like a ShiShi."

"A ShiShi? Is that common in the sect?"

"Not really but it happens enough," And frankly the ShiShi's were always terrifying because as predictable as they seemed they were not, and sometimes it was hard to tell the real deal from the stone statues outside. The only bright side was because ShiShi were more than normal animals they were smarter and more diligent with others and made it easy for Nei Huaisang to get them to work.

They also blended in well in cities provided they sat still as stone.

Nei Huaisang gave them hints. Told them about what he could and that really the Lanling Jin Sect were the ones flourishing like mad. That there was a smaller sect he recommended they see along the way. He whines and cries at the repairs and acts shocked when they find pieces of a corpse that have bits of scales on them. He acts grateful and whiney when told they won't reveal anything.

And he smiles when he asks if Wei Wuxian would like to see his collection of birds.

He only those because he thinks at least one was from the siege. He's not sure which but he might know and he mentions as much. "Yes, it was a prize that Da-Ge brought back to me as a gift."

In reality, it was the only thing Nei Mingjue could do to spare a man from dying but in the end, he was fairly certain this poor soul had no way of being human. No memory or heart for it.

Wei Wuxian asked to see all the same and begged to know which one it was with as much restraint and composure as he could manage. Honestly, the white makeup was very tacky and he couldn't believe- well actually, he could- Wei Wuxian had committed to the bit. What a thespian after his heart!

Even if his performance is ultimately a dead give away

"I don't really know. But I know that one is probably Wen Xu."

"It was a man… right?" Wei Wuxian looked at all the birds and the red crest stark against black.

"Yes. I think middle-aged or something close. I only received them as a bird. I don't know. I really don't know."

He sees the longing and regret in those eyes. If Nei Huaisang could point a bird and say which one he could then he'd say. But he can't for this dear friend.

"You could ask? Maybe they'd answer back."

Wei Wuxian swallows, "Were any of you from Yiling?"

And a chorus of cackles and screams comes from the large one at the word Yiling and a broken stream of garbled words violently screaming against the Yiling Patriarch. The noise rattling the other birds that all join in on the noise and before Wei Wuxian can reach out to one of the birds staring out him he walks away.

If he could Nei Huaisang would love to just sit and spend time together. If he could he would say he knows, but alas they have to simply part on a cruel and sad goodbye like this.


Wei Wuxian sighs and pulls at his hair wondering what he even expected from an event like that. For one of the birds to start calling his name and for them to be someone he thought gone forever. For one to somehow be…

It was silly to think on this. It was stupid to dwell on a creature that was never going to turn back into a human at this point. All of the birds in those cages had been birds so long that they would never know human hearts and thoughts again.

He'd locked Wen Yuan away in hiding in a safe place. He'd made a room from his broken body so that Wen Yuan would have water to drink and splash in; food that he could pluck from the mushrooms or drink as he pleased. So much of him had been falling apart and he could barely recognize anyone at that time. Let alone himself.

Had the room been warm enough? Had his gift lasted long enough after his death for Wen Yuan to be safe? He knows it faded. He knows because even though he'd been dead and couldn't think or feel from where he was that small scrap of a nursery was the only living thing left of him. He felt the grass wither away. His grip in the butterflies and lightning bugs dancing about fading as they dropped dead.

He had felt all of it die. All of it.

He really doesn't remember much of that time as his head had been a sundered mess, but he remembers that last sensation was Wen Yuan's hand running over the grass before it withered away.

Was it cruel to prolong his death like that?

He needs time alone. He needs- has to call Wen Ning.

That corruption also needs to be expelled. His skin itches at the thought of it and he looks at Lan Wangji who has chosen to pretend that today hasn't been the most awkward experience of a lifetime as they turn in for the night in their rooms. Plural this time since they no longer have to worry about a disaster involving a sleeping ShiShi.

This also lets Wei Wuxian slip out into the night easier as well once rest is played. Once alone and a dizi and lets the corruption in him slip and coil out from under his skin and along the ground biting and lashing at the air before it breaks away into mist. Lovely. His chest feels lighter for that but more importantly, it means he's not in danger of repeating last time's mistake.

He was not interested in living a life sustained on golden cores and human flesh for a second time. It had already driven him mad once. A second time and he would end his life before he'd even start to change.

"It matters not the path you tread or what dirt, cobbles, or bricks line the way as you stumble, or you stride. All roads will lead you back to me and therefore yourself."

Shut up!

He's not like that. He won't be like that. Wei Wuxian huffs as he steadies himself for the next step of summoning Wen Ning. He lets the notes fly out long and far into the air and waits for his friend to arrive.

He waits.

And waits.

Till at last from the shadows with chains rattling comes Wen Ning. "To be so cruel as to put nails in your head. Let's fix that."

It's messy and gross but he gets them out and smiles as he finally see the faintest bit of clarity in those clouded corpse eyes. It's a comfort. A joy to see recognition as a hoarse, "Master?" leaves that mouth.

"Stop with that. Shouldn't you say something like 'good to see you old friend?'. Mmm, shouldn't our reunion be less formal?"

"You never change." It almost sounds like a laugh.

And then he hears the footsteps behind him. "What is the meaning of this?"

Wei Wuxian swallows as shivers fall down his spine.

a blessed new year to my bro's celebrating. It is so nice to have a birthday not on Yum Kippur for a change.