AN: So, the plan for the rest of the fic is to post twice a week – there aren't that many chapters left, after all (how did that happen?)! But as usual, we'll see how that goes…
I don't own anything relating to The 100
See the end of the chapter for warnings
Chapter title from "A Broken Heart Still Beats" by The Rigs
66
Stay Where the Sun Makes Darkness Bleed
For a moment after she wakes up, Clarke keeps her eyes closed and lets the dream linger. Bellamy came back to her, he's lying next to her in bed and she could reach out for him if she wanted to. She's not facing the rest of however long she decides her life is going to be with a gaping hole in her chest.
"Morning."
She was already just lying there, not moving at all, but the sleep-rumpled voice from her left still makes her freeze completely. A moment later, a warm arm wraps around her waist, pulling her against a broad, firm chest and she's surrounded by Bellamy's familiar scent.
She doesn't realize that she's started crying until he pulls away, a gentle finger under her chin to tilt her head up.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asks, eyebrows furrowed, reaching out to wipe away a few tears.
Clarke sucks in a ragged breath before speaking. "I thought it was a dream."
Realization dawns on his face and he pulls her in again, rubbing soothing circles against her back.
"It's not, I promise," he murmurs, mouth right by her ear, breath hot against her skin. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, OK? I'll never leave you again."
Her gut instinct is to argue that he can't promise that, but… he actually sort of can. Yes, things could happen that lead to them parting ways, but at this exact moment, that feels completely impossible. She knows what it feels like to not have Bellamy in her life now, she's never going to let him go again.
She lets his mumbled words and proximity calm her mind for another moment before moving back enough so she can kiss him. His breath is a little stale, and she knows hers must be too, but he returns the kiss anyway, the hand on her back sliding down to settle on the strip of skin between her tank top and sweatpants, which she apparently never took off last night.
When she rolls onto her back and tries to pull him on top of her, though, he holds back.
"Hey, slow down," he tells her, kissing her nose and then her forehead. "You were crying, like, thirty seconds ago."
Clarke takes the opportunity to get her pants off, kicking them out from under the comforter. "I'm fine now, though."
"We still don't have to rush," he insists, smiling down at her and reaching out to tuck some hair behind her ear.
She forces herself to look away from him, despite the small but still present fear that he'll disappear if she lets him out of her sight, staring out the large windows for a moment. It's already light out, mid-morning judging by the way the sunlight is reflecting off the buildings on Manhattan, so they must have slept for close to twelve hours.
"Do you…" she starts, but cuts herself off. Even with him here, next to her in bed, arms around her, it's hard to say it out loud. "You get that you died, right? You were gone, and I… I was never going to see you again."
Tears have risen in her eyes again but she still turns back to him, finding a small frown on his face.
"I don't get it," Bellamy admits. "I don't think I can, not without… but I do understand that you would feel like we have to… make use of our time together, make it count. But the thing is – we don't. We literally have all the time in the world."
He's right. She knows he's right, and still…
"Maybe I just really want to get laid," Clarke says, only half-joking, and he laughs, like she hoped he would.
"You will," he assures her, leaning in for another kiss. "But I, for one, love lazy morning sex, so I'm going to take my time."
She could object, could probably even get him on the same page as her, but… he's kissing her again, slow and deep, his thumb rubbing against her hip, and, yeah, she can wait a little.
As far as make-out sessions go, it's definitely the most chaste they've ever been. Their only points of contacts are their mouths, which move together lazily, Bellamy's hand on her waist, mostly on top of her clothes, and her fingers wrapped around his forearm. Still, it's a kind of nice they haven't really explored before, and by the time he finally breaks away to kiss down her throat, she feels like she's melted into the mattress, whole body turned to liquid.
His hand starts exploring a little more too, sliding up her side and pulling her tank top with it. Apparently, though she doesn't really remember doing it, she must have gotten rid of her bra last night, because soon, his thumb grazes the underside of her breast, making her gasp.
Apparently, that's the final drop for him, because he groans and finally – finally – rolls on top of her, his weight pushing her into the bed. He nudges her top up over her breast, so he can cover it with his hand instead, and she arches against him.
"Fuck, I was going to take this slow," he mumbles against her collar bone.
"That was slow," Clarke points out, tugging a little on his hair to get him to kiss her. "If you'd been going any slower, you'd be putting my clothes back on."
He laughs before claiming her lips again, and she can finally really get her hands on him, letting her fingers trail up his back under the t-shirt, tracing his spine, mapping the muscles she already knows so well. When she slides her hands around and down his stomach, his hips snap against her and she hooks one leg around his to keep him close.
Bellamy shifts away from her to pull his shirt off and she gets rid of her top at the same time, and then he's back looming over her, tugging her panties down her legs. When he leans down to press a kiss to the inside of her thigh, though, she lets out an exasperated whine that makes him give her an amused look.
"Later," she tells him impatiently. "Please, I need…"
The smile turns soft and he nods, pushing his boxers off and rolling on top of her again. She pulls him in for a kiss, and then he's sliding in, filling her up so perfectly, and she has to swallow down a sob at the thought that she might never have gotten this again.
"OK?" he mumbles against her lips, picking up on her emotions, of course.
"Perfect," Clarke replies, pushing against him to get him to start moving, and he takes the hint.
They've had their fair share of morning sex over the last eight months, and it's not better, exactly, but it's still more, somehow. She knows, logically, that it's only been a little over two days since they slept together last, and they've gone longer than that without sex before, but… she literally got him back from the dead, and maybe she's still coming down from some sort of adrenaline high from last night. Either way, it feels like every single one of her nerve endings are exposed, like the briefest touch, even just Bellamy's fingers brushing her arm, his forehead pressed against hers, make fireworks explode in her veins.
Her orgasm surprises both of them, washing over her from nowhere when he slides one hand under her hips to change the angle just slightly, twirls her nipple between his fingers and bites her shoulder lightly.
Clarke has to squeeze her eyes closed against the intense feelings, her fingers digging into his back, probably leaving marks. Not that he seems to mind – he abandons her shoulder to kiss up her throat to her lips, and she immediately opens for him, the kiss deep and dirty right from the start.
She's just starting to come down, her muscles still fluttering slightly, when he slides a hand between them and starts rubbing unrelenting circles against her clit with his thumb, dragging it out, on and on, for what feels like hours.
When he finally does let her float down to earth, she's completely spent, her body feeling like it weighs about a ton.
Bellamy smiles when she opens her eyes and leans in to brush his nose against hers, their lips a fraction of an inch apart. "Good?"
"Don't fish for compliments," she tells him, still breathless, and he chuckles and kisses her again.
His thrusts are still slow and deep, reverberating through her entire body, as if he's happy to keep this up forever. And it's not like she would mind, but on the other hand…
She entertains the thought of flipping them so she's on top for about half a second but discards it since she's not entirely sure she'd be able to do much more than collapse on top of him. Instead, she wraps her legs around him, pulling him deeper and earning a groan that she swallows.
He does pick up the pace, though, like she hoped he would, and it's not long before he's chasing his own release, movements turning sloppy. Clarke slides her hands down his back, letting her nails scrape against his skin on the way back up, and that's all it takes – he comes groaning her name against her neck and stills above her.
She tightens her grip on him, pulling him down completely on top of her, and he allows it for a few minutes before rolling onto his back and taking her with him.
"I thought we were doing lazy morning sex?" he notes, still a little breathless.
She presses a kiss to his chest, right above his heart, which is still beating a little faster than normal, before propping herself up on one elbow. "We did. And then we didn't."
Bellamy shakes his head, but he's smiling up at her. "What time is it?"
She sighs, annoyed at his reminder that they can't just stay in bed all day. "Almost ten," she says after checking the clock on the bedside table.
"We didn't say when Raven and Zeke were coming over, did we?" he asks.
"Nope," she agrees, grudgingly rolling off him to reach for her phone, which is not in its usual spot. "But everyone else is coming over at one, so they'll probably show up soon. Any idea where my phone is?"
He frowns at her for a moment. "You used it in the living room last night and I didn't bring it in here, so unless you did, I assume it's still on the coffee table."
Clarke groans but pushes herself out of bed and goes into the closet to find something to wear.
When she comes back into the bedroom, Bellamy's still lying in the same position, sprawled completely naked over most of the bed. "You're just going to watch me like a creep?" she asks amusedly and he stretches, interlacing his fingers behind his head.
"Yup."
She shakes her head and tries her best to ignore him as she gets dressed. When she's done, she goes back into the closet to find something for him as well, throwing a t-shirt, some boxers and a pair of sweatpants at him. "I can't get back in bed so you're not allowed to lie there and be all tempting."
He laughs but does get up and is pulling the t-shirt on when she turns her back on him to go in search of her phone.
Like he said, it's still on the coffee table, and she finds a couple of texts from Raven when she unlocks it, the first one from almost half an hour ago.
HEADS UP – leaving now, U might want
to get dressed
The second one arrived five minutes ago.
Srsly, just got off the subway – GET UP!
A third text arrives as she looks at the screen.
Downstairs, last chance
Footsteps announce Bellamy's presence and a moment later, his arms slide around her waist from behind. "Do you know where my phone is? I'm assuming the battery's…" He cuts himself off, and Clarke feels an unpleasant lurch in her stomach.
She's sure they'll get to a point when the mere mention of the word 'dead' won't be like this, but it's probably going to take a while.
"No, but Raven'll be here in a minute, she should know."
He tightens his hold on her and buries his nose in her hair. "OK. Love you."
"Mmm, love you." She twists around for a kiss and then reluctantly pulls away when there's an impatient knock on the door.
"Oh," Raven says with a frown, hand raised, when she opens the door. "You're up."
Clarke rolls her eyes but steps aside to let them in. "It's almost like you told us you were on your way."
Raven breezes past, followed by Zeke, who at least shoots Clarke a half-apologetic smile.
"Yeah, well, you didn't respond, so I figured you were busy," Raven replies.
Clarke sees no reason to confirm her suspicions, so she just shrugs. "Didn't hear my phone, I left it out here last night."
Raven gives her a scrutinizing look, as if expecting her to crack under the pressure and admit to… what, exactly? Fucking her husband who was literally dead for two days? Clarke just returns the look placidly, and eventually, Raven huffs and turns around.
"We brought breakfast burritos," she calls over her shoulder. "And we should try to figure out how to deal with the Norms, so chop chop."
Zeke sighs. "Sorry about her, you know how she gets when she's on a mission."
"I do know, and it's not like she's wrong," Clarke replies. "We do have to figure that out."
Still, when they get into the living room, Raven is giving Bellamy a tight hug, which is a nice reminder that she's not actually heartless, just… focused.
They're talking in low voices, so Clarke and Zeke busy themselves getting breakfast set up on the dining table to give them some privacy.
"By the way, Clarke said you probably know where my phone is?" Bellamy asks Raven when they pull apart.
"Oh, yeah, your phone and wallet are in the top drawer of the desk," she replies, and he disappears to find them and then gets his phone charging on the kitchen counter.
"Breakfast and then planning?" Clarke suggests when he's back.
"We're waiting for Wells and Sasha anyway, so yeah, might as well eat," Raven agrees, taking a seat at the table, and the other three follow her example. "By the way, I did some hacking last night – like that paramedic said, there's no record of a nine-one-one call from your cell phone on Saturday night, or from anywhere in this general area. Nothing's been registered in the police or coroner records, you're still the same person – same social, same date of birth, all of that – and you two are still married, so basically, it's like it never happened."
"Apart from all of us knowing it happened," Zeke pipes in. "And, you know, your sister and best friend."
"Minor detail," Bellamy says with a snort.
Clarke has grabbed her phone and is checking her outgoing calls list. "It's still here," she says, holding the phone up so the others can see the registered call.
"That is so weird," Zeke mumbles, shaking his head.
Bellamy frowns. "Well, yeah, but… in the grand scheme of things, is any of this really any weirder than the whole concept of Soul Keepers?" When the other three just stare at him, he shrugs. "I guess that's just because I'm new to the whole thing then. But trust me – it's all weird."
"Anyway," Raven adds. "I figured you'd want to know that you don't need a new identity or something. I mean, if you did, you'd probably have gotten one the way the rest of us did when we started out, but still. Nothing about this situation is normal, so I thought it couldn't hurt to check."
"Good to know, thanks."
By the time there's another knock on the door, the food is gone and they've moved to the couch, where Raven is unpacking her photo albums from Zeke's backpack.
Clarke goes to let the others in, and is immediately pulled into Wells' arms. "Happy for you, Griffin," he mumbles in her ear and she squeezes him back tightly before letting him go.
"You and me both."
Sasha pulls her into another hug before frowning at her. "And you didn't…" She pauses, frowns as if trying to figure out how to phrase whatever it is she wants to say. "You had no idea…"
"Sash…" Wells hisses.
But Clarke gets it, so she just offers Sasha a half-smile. "You saw me yesterday, did it seem like I had any idea this would happen?"
"No, of course not, I'm sorry," she quickly apologizes. "I just… why wouldn't you get a heads up? I don't get it."
Clarke huffs a laugh. "That makes… a lot of us, honestly. Come on, Raven's been chomping at the bit since they got here, we should get started before she spontaneously combusts or something."
Sure enough, Raven gives them an impatient look. Her eyes soften, though, when both Wells and Sasha greet Bellamy with hugs and exclamations of how happy they are.
She gives them five minutes, which is really a lot of restraint for Raven. "OK, guys, come on! We have two hours to come up with some sort of explanation for Bellamy's sister and best friend that's not 'sorry we pulled a morbid, not-at-all-fun prank on you'. Focus!"
Her words make all of them sober up and they sit down on the couch to brainstorm.
"Right, you're the one who did this last," Wells says, turning to Clarke. "So… how did you convince Bellamy?"
She thinks it through for a moment. "I have no idea. That whole day is a bit of a blur, honestly…" Bellamy squeezes her hand and she gives him a grateful smile. "How did I convince you?"
He frowns as he considers the question. "I'm not sure. In the end, I think it was just… it seemed so unlikely that you'd make up something so crazy. Like, why would you go to all that trouble? Especially since you didn't get anything out of it. If you'd been, I don't know… trying to get close to me because I was loaded and you wanted money or something, that would have been different, but with the whole round-the-world-trip, you were actually spending money, so…"
"OK, well, I do still have plenty of money, but I'm not really that keen on sending all four of them on a trip like that, so anything else?"
"You taking me to that Transfer definitely helped," he supplies. "And the app, that made it feel more… real I guess, possible. I mean, I assume Raven can build apps or whatever, but why would you do that just to fuck with me?" He pauses. "I should be able to download the app now, right? Not… I know you guys'll have to do the initial explanation, but if they have trouble believing you, it might be easier if it comes from me. Especially for Octavia."
"You should be able to access the app, yeah," Clarke tells him, and he goes to grab his phone while she turns to the others. "Does anyone have a Transfer that might work as… a demonstration? I'm guessing you guys are on leave," she adds, to Wells and Sasha. "Raven? Zeke?"
Raven has pulled her own phone from her pocket and is tapping away at it. "We're both off for the next few days too," she says without looking up. "You want me to send out a general alert to the gang?"
"Yeah, it might be good to have as a back-up plan."
Bellamy returns to the couch and gives Clarke his phone with the app store open, and she finds the app quickly and gets it downloaded before handing it back.
"Hey, Jas," Raven says, apparently having called Jasper. "Listen, do any of you have a Transfer that could work as a demonstration for Norms?" She's quiet for a moment, getting up from the couch and wandering in the direction of the bedrooms as she listens. "Yeah, we need to explain the whole thing to Bellamy's sister and friends so they won't think the whole dying thing was some sort of morbid joke now that he's back…" She cuts herself off and pulls the phone from her ear, and it's clear why – Jasper's voice can be heard all the way back to the couch for a moment before she disappears from view.
"I guess we forgot to call them," Zeke says, unnecessarily.
"Apparently," Clarke agrees with a snort, turning to Bellamy, who's focused on his phone. "Is it working?"
She's not expecting him to say no, but there's still a tiny ball of anxiety in the pit of her stomach, that maybe it's been some mistake, that he's not really supposed to be back after all.
"Yup," he replies, showing her the app, which is just displaying an empty week in the standard calendar at the moment, the days greyed out just like in her own app. "I guess I don't have any assignments yet, is that normal?"
She grabs her own phone and opens the app. "You usually start out sort of shadowing your mentor, so it's completely normal, but in this case, you're not on active duty," she explains. "See? Mine's the same. I… I took some extra time off, I wasn't sure when I'd feel up to going back. Maybe you're on the same leave."
He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer, and she lets the warmth from his body calm her heart, which started racing just thinking about it. "I'm here, Princess," he murmurs in her ear, just for her, and she nods.
"I know."
She does. It's just going to take some time before she can really wrap her mind around it enough to not give into the fears that are still lurking in the corners.
"OK, so that's done," Raven says, coming back into the room. "Maya had to take over because Jasper wasn't making much sense after I told him Bellamy was back, but she promised to check her own and his assignments, and Monty and Harper's, and get back to us if there's something that would work." She huffs. "They're all obviously happy you're back, but we're not actually getting any closer to a solution."
Bellamy keeps his arm around Clarke's shoulders but leans back against the couch and runs his free hand through his hair. "Honestly, I think Clarke's way was pretty good. Give them the background, or at least what we know, show them the photos and then I'll be the… icing on the cake, sort of. No, that sounded weird."
"You'll be exhibit A," Raven decides, scientific as always.
Clarke bites her lip. "I'm still sort of worried they'll think it's some weird prank," she admits. "I mean, it took you, like, half an hour to convince me, and I know all about it and could see that your Number was gone. They'll just have to… take our word for it."
"It'll be fine," Bellamy assures her, squeezing her a little, more confidence in his voice than just a moment ago. "I really think the photos will be more efficient than they were for me – Lincoln's a professional photographer, he should be able to tell they're not fakes."
"Good point."
They spend the next hour and a half putting together a bullet list as a starting point for their explanation, picking out pictures from Raven's many albums to use as proof, and just discussing what to say in general, what they might be able to use or show the others that would make it easier to convince them.
"Hey, have you checked your email?" Wells asks at one point.
Bellamy frowns. "No, why?"
Clarke realizes what Wells must mean and takes over. "You're not on active duty yet, but you might have gotten some information by email," she explains.
He's already tapping away at his phone. "Nope, nothing."
"Check your bank account too," Sasha suggests. "I assume the standard payment is still issued when you start out."
"Payment?" Bellamy asks, eyebrows raised.
"You knew we got paid," Clarke points out.
"Well, yeah, but I figured that was as a normal salary. You know, when I actually start working."
"You'll get that too, but you also get… a start-up payment, I guess you could call it," Sasha explains. "Back when I started, it was… seven thousand two hundred, a year's pay, but that was in sixty-three."
Clarke can tell exactly when Bellamy gets into his bank account, because his eyes widen almost comically for a couple of seconds and then he blinks rapidly, as if he thinks the numbers will change if he does. When he just continues staring at the phone, she gently takes it from him to check herself.
Someone made a deposit of sixty thousand dollars yesterday.
"Sixty thousand, that checks out," she says, logging out of the app and putting the phone on the table.
"It checks out?" Bellamy says incredulously. "That's more money than I've ever seen…"
"I know," she replies, patting him on the leg. "I meant it checks out with a year's pay."
He just shakes his head, still looking a little dazed. "Fuck, that's surreal."
Raven snorts. "So you die, have a conversation you can barely remember with some sort of face-less man, come back to life as someone who handles souls, but this, this is surreal?"
The room's quiet for a moment, and then everyone bursts out laughing at once.
When they've pulled themselves together, Raven checks her watch. "It's almost one, you might want to go hide out in the bedroom before everyone gets here," she tells Bellamy. "Unless you changed your mind and want to start with that part."
He immediately shakes his head. "No, that would be… not a good idea."
Clarke looks from him to the others. "Should I go with him? I'm pretty sure they're going to know something's up with me not being… you know."
Raven lets out an exaggerated sigh. "You can't keep that smile off your face for half an hour?" she asks, but she sounds more amused than annoyed.
Clarke's pretty sure she hasn't actually been smiling all morning – she's definitely gotten choked up more than once when the memories of the past few days washed over her, and she was frowning down at the photos they've put together in an empty album she had lying around until they all started laughing, and that wasn't just her – but she also knows that she must look a thousand times better than yesterday anyway, even without it. She got a good night's sleep, so she probably doesn't look completely exhausted, her eyes aren't red-rimmed any more… she doesn't want Octavia or Miller to think it took her two days to get over losing her husband, their brother and best friend. Even if it's just for a little while.
"I think you should be there for the explanation," Bellamy says, deciding it for her. "And I mean, it's not like any of them are going to be asking why you're not a crying mess or anything. Even if they think it's weird, they won't push like that."
He's right, of course, so she just walks him to the bedroom and lingers for a long kiss before closing the door, just to make absolutely sure nobody spots him before they're supposed to.
When she gets back to the living room, she slumps down on the couch and leans her head on Raven's shoulder.
"OK, that's better," her friend says amusedly. "Seriously, you know he's in the other room, right?"
Clarke pinches her side. "I know. I'm… nervous, OK? I've basically been lying to all of them for the past eight months. Bellamy had trouble forgiving me for lying for, like, two. This is way worse."
"Is it, though?" Zeke asks, sounding genuinely curious. "I mean, lying to a significant other isn't the same as lying to a friend."
"He's right," Raven decides. "I'd say it probably evens out – lying to your friend for eight months and lying to your boyfriend for two. And it wasn't even really eight months, if you look at it like… efficient friend time or something."
Clarke snorts. "Efficient friend time."
"Shut up, you know what I mean." The doorbell rings at that moment and Raven gives her a meaningful look. "Showtime."
Chapter warnings: explicit sexual content, references to death
