The Doctor sat in the med bay for far longer than he meant to. He was stuck in place, his thoughts racing. He couldn't shut them off even if he wanted to.
She said he could kiss her. Anytime! He just had to ask. Did he dare? He knew how he felt about her, but he had always assumed she didn't feel the same. They were friends, very close friends, but that's all he would be to her. But, clearly not. Not if she wanted him to kiss her. He just had to ask.
Did she want him to make the first move? Well, that suggestion was most certainly the first move, but it was a very noncommittal move. It made him the one to decide. Did she do that on purpose? Make it so that he was the one who had to decide if they would move their relationship forward.
Of course, she did. She knew him all too well. She wasn't going to make the first move because she wanted him to be sure about this decision. She was letting him inch out of his comfort zone instead of throwing him out of it.
But was she aware of what that meant, a relationship with him? She knew about regeneration and didn't seem to care that he was hundreds of years older than her, but she had to know that a relationship with him could only end in hearts breaking. She could leave him, or die on one of their adventures. Even if she died of old age, he would have to live on having loved and lost her. He wasn't sure he could survive it.
Would it be better just to never open that door? One day, she would leave, as they all do, and he would be forced to live with the what-ifs. Would that be any bearable than the alternative? Rose would be forever etched into his hearts, no matter how much time passes or what face he wears, this he knew. Could he really spend the rest of his life mourning what could have been?
No matter what, he would lose in the end. The Doctor, in all his years, had never come across a problem he couldn't solve, being so clever as he was. Maybe, he thought as he finally made his way out of the med bay, this was not a problem to be solved by brains. This was a problem for his hearts.
The Doctor stood outside Rose's door for a solid ten minutes before he finally knocked.
"C'mon in!" Rose shouted through the closed door.
Her room, as always, was an organized mess. Everything had its place, it just happened to not be a tidy place. Her books remained in her bookshelf, when she wasn't reading them of course, the collection growing larger by the day. Her clothes were in her wardrobe, practically shoved in there haphazardly. She had trinkets proudly strewn all over her dresser from the places they'd been. He didn't even have to look in the bathroom to know there was make-up products sitting all over the place on the vanity.
It was all very Rose.
Immediately, his mind wandered back to what she had said. Anytime, just ask. Did she want him to ask now? How long had she felt that way? Did she truly know how he felt? Maybe she was just joking.
"Doctor?" The sound of his name made him look up. Rose was starring at him, eyebrows furrowed. "You alrigh'?"
He suddenly became aware of the fact the he'd been standing there for who knows how long in the middle of the room. He had to calm down, act normal. So, he simply nodded and made his way to her bed, kicking off his trainers and pulling off his suit jacket and tie to place on the end poster of the bed. She wouldn't stop looking at him quizzically, though. It was making him more antsy. Of course, when he normally had a problem, the one person he'd want to talk it through with was Rose. But he couldn't exactly talk to Rose about Rose, now could he.
When Rose made herself comfortable at his side, pulling him toward her, his hearts practically jumped out of his chest. She closed her eyes and soon her breathing had slowed, signaling she was asleep. How she was so completely calm was a mystery to him. Here he was, the Doctor, the great Oncoming Storm, nervous as a schoolboy in front of his crush while she was cool as ever, completely asleep. Of course, she was far more than just a crush, she had so quickly become his everything.
The Doctor lied still, wishing he could fidget to take the edge off, but not daring to disturb Rose. He spent too much time in his own head, but then again, where else was he supposed to go? In the end, though, his fatigue won out. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was that soon, he would know. He just had to be patient.
A/N: Well, that's enough chapter dumping for one day, I hope you all enjoy! You have no idea how happy your comments and suggestions make me so feel free to write below and tell me what you think!
