"Battle speed!" Davos shouted.

In his ship, Black Betha, he was sailing at the head of the Baratheon fleet towards King's Landing. The river that had seemed so narrow from a distance now stretched wide as a sea. The city had grown gigantic as well. Glowering down from Aegon's High Hill, the Red Keep commanded the approaches. Its iron crowned battlements, massive towers, and thick red walls gave it the aspect of a ferocious beast hunched above river and streets. The fleet would have to pass below the castle to reach the harbor and city beyond.

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Atop the castle wall, Joffrey was the first to spot the approaching ships. "There's my traitorous uncle," he said.

"Get to your marks," Tyrion ordered the archers, a mixed force of men and foxes. They got in position and nocked their arrows. "Hold fast," Tyrion told them.

"Shouldn't we be attacking?" Joffrey questioned.

"I said hold fast," Tyrion repeated forcefully.

Joffrey looked down and saw a single Lannister ship leaving the city docks and approaching the Baratheon fleet. "Where are the rest of them?" he asked.

Tyrion studiously ignored him.

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Davos's son Matthos was standing next to him on the deck of Black Betha. "Why are they only sendin' out one ship?" he asked.

"I don't know," Davos said. He called to his own archers. "Draw your bows! But don't fire until you can see the people on that ship!"

However, when the Lannister ship got up close, they saw there was no one on board at all.

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Bane climbed up the stairs to where Tyrion was and handed him a flaming torch.

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As the unmanned enemy vessel passed, Davos noticed a green liquid pouring out of the hold. "Wildfire," he groaned.

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Tyrion dropped the flaming torch over the wall, lighting a beacon at its base.

Down below, Bronn stood on the shore of the bay outside the city with a bow in hand. He saw the beacon lit and nocked a flaming arrow. He drew and fired a high arcing shot into the middle of the bay.

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Davos watched the fire arrow sail over his mast and hit the deck of the Lannister ship. It ignited the wildfire. The green flame spread rapidly, engulfing the deserted vessel and spreading to the water around it.

"The water burns," Davos muttered. "Just like in McGucket's stupid song."

He called for his son to get down, but too late. The Lannister ship exploded! Matthos was caught in the full force of the blast while Davos was catapulted into the bay.

All the ships at the front of the fleet were destroyed in the explosion. However, Stannis himself was on a ship at the very back, along with Stan and Roger, and he was unharmed.

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On the walltops, Joffrey watched the conflagration gleefully. "Serves Stannis right!" Bane was enjoying the sight too, but the Hound was terrified by the sickly green flame. He was having flashbacks of the time his brother had shoved his face in a fire, and this fire was so much worse. As for Tyrion, he was both fascinated and appalled by the destruction.

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Chaos reigned amongst Stannis's fleet as the horrified men tried to get away from the burning wildfire. The substance ignited everything it touched in sickly green flames.

"Prepare to land!" Stannis ordered his officers.

Lord Stan Smith stood next to him. He questioned this order. "If we land so far from the gates, won't we be easy prey for enemy archers?"

"The Imp has already played his trick," Stannis asserted. "He can only play it once."

"Hundreds of men will die," Lord Smith predicted gloomily.

"Thousands," Stannis corrected him. He made for the port bow and shouted to his men, "Come with me and take this city!" They cheered and followed him over the side of the ship, into the longboats.

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Joffrey saw the longboats approaching and began to panic. "They're coming ashore!"

"Rain fire down on them," Tyrion told the captain of the archers.

"There are too many of them for that!" Joffrey cried.

"I think it's time for you to go inside," Tyrion said to him. Joffrey turned on his heels and rushed down the stairs.

Bane drew his curved sword and licked the blade like a psycho. "Now that the baby's put to bed, let's get down to business!"

"Bane, I want you and Sandor to lead a sortie beyond the gate to kill anyone who reaches the shore," Tyrion said.

The fox and the Hound nodded. Tyrion turned to his squire. "Jeff, go around to the King's Gate and bring any men you find there to reinforce us."

"Sure thing, Mr. L. I've got your back, little dude!"

Right before he left, Sandor Clegane grabbed the captain of the archers by the front of his tunic. "Keep the flamin' arrows away from me, or I'll strangle you with your own guts when I get back!"

Bane tugged at his arm. "I think he gets the message. Come on."

Tyrion's archers loosened volley after volley at Stannis's boats. Stannis led his men through the hail of arrows, sustaining heavy casualties. When they reached the walls, the Lannister soldiers started dropping rocks down on them. One of them hit Roger in the leg. "Ow, ow!" he moaned. "My femoral artery!"

There were crossbowmen amongst the attackers as well and now that they were up close to the walls, they returned fire at the archers on the battlements. "Move along the wall to the gate," Stannis ordered.

Right when they reached the gate, Bane and the Hound and their troops came out to meet them. The Hound waded right into the thick of the fighting, cutting one of Stannis's men in half with his sword. But then a man who had been set on fire came rushing toward him and he froze up. He couldn't move. He couldn't even think!

Luckily, Bronn was nearby and he dispatched the burning man with an arrow before he could touch the Hound.

Sandor regained his senses, but showed no sign of wanting to rejoin the fight. Instead, he said very loudly, "Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king." He turned and ran down the shore, away from the city. Bane and the others tried to continue fighting for a while, but it was no use. In the end, they had to retreat back inside.

With the sortie defeated, Stannis ordered ladders put up so some of his men could try to scale the walls. Other soldiers got a battering ram to batter down the doors.

Jeff came back with more men. "What'd I miss, Mr. L?"

"We've got to launch a counterattack," Tyrion said.

"It's too late for that!" a Lannister soldier called. "They're literally already at our gates!"

"I know another way outside," said Tyrion. "We can sneak up behind them."

"Why should we fight for a king who won't even fight for himself?" another man demanded.

"Don't fight for Joffrey or his kingdom," Tyrion said. "Don't fight for honor, glory, or riches, because you won't get any. Instead, fight for your city. If Stannis's men get inside, they will burn your houses and rape your women." The hammering of the ram against the gate interrupted him. He strained to make himself heard above the noise and shouted his famous line, "There are brave men knocking at our door! Let's go kill them!"

The men cheered.

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Tyrion crawled through a culvert, followed by his soldiers. There was a grate at the end of the tunnel. He knocked it open with an axe. Then he led everyone outside.

"Get up the ladders!" a Baratheon officer was calling. Tyrion came up behind him and chopped through the man's right leg with his axe. The officer toppled over and Tyrion hit him again, in the neck this time.

"Attack!" Tyrion shouted. Tyrion's men (and foxes) killed the guys around the battering ram and toppled it over. They did the same with the ladders.

"Halfman! Halfman! Halfman!" they chanted.

The battle was going well, but then someone rushed at Tyrion and swung his sword at the dwarf's face! Tyrion shouted in pain as the blade sliced through his nose. He realized that his assailant wasn't a Baratheon man. It was Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard! Why was he attacking Tyrion? They were on the same side, weren't they?

Tyrion collapsed to his knees. Just as Mandon was about to raise his sword again, Jeff Fischer of all people rushed forward and stabbed the traitorous knight in the back of his neck with a spear. Mandon Moore went down.

Jeff rushed to Tyrion's side, holding him up as blood poured from his wound. Tyrion passed out.