A/N
Thank you so much for the reviews and the recs!
A few people have been recommending songs that are so damn perfect for this fic.
The gorgeous Lay brought Liability by Lorde to my attention - Check it out! And a good few of you pointed out I Get Off by Halestorm (when Bella is in her room, teasing Edward).
I'm going to point you in the direction of Tom Walker, Leave a Light On.
If you think of any others, let me know! I feel a playlist coming on LOL.
—-
When I wake, Edward is gone, his side of the bed cold, long abandoned.
I'm running down the stairs quickly, hoping he's here, somewhere.
He's not.
I don't get it.
The house is eerily silent.
I don't like it.
I know what this means. But the silence is deafening, ringing in my ears like a loud chorus of "I told you so."
I try to fight the crippling agony that courses through my body at the realisation of what this means. I don't know when I began to hope. I can't pinpoint anything when it comes to Edward; the confusion, the emotional turmoil, the elation … they all blur, bleeding lines that I can't find in the darkness that consumes.
Stupid girl.
I fight the pain like a trooper, just like I always do.
He's making me feel, again. Even in his absence, I feel … pain.
No tears fall because ... this is how it always goes for me. I'm used to it by now —or I should be.
They always leave. They always forget -discard me, move on without me. It's what everyone does. Just like Edward said they do to him. He didn't give me enough time to show him that … we're the same. He didn't give me that chance.
Protecting himself at all costs.
"Same shit, different day." I sit at the kitchen table, staring at a crack in the far wall, faded wallpaper; it used to be crisp white and bright. Now it's dull, almost yellow.
I know how it feels.
I groan, grabbing the front of my hair in my hands, frustrated with myself for letting it get this far. For allowing him to run away, for no longer feeling strong enough to fight.
When I think of how he treats me in public, I want to claw his eyes out. The threats, the possessiveness, the scathing words, the arrogance ... the fact that I'm clearly not the only person he's fucking. There's a long list of reasons I should be the one running.
And then I think of the few times —those rare moments— when he lets his guard down. The first time we were together in a bedroom, his bruised face and his apology in bio, when we sat in almost-silence by the river, last night -after he beat Tyler to a pulp, this morning in my bed ... those little moments, those teasing peeks into who I believe he really is.
How did I get so deeply tangled in his web? Why can't I fight my way out?
This was supposed to be a bit of fun. A game.
—
A/N
I know a lot of you will be disappointed. But, bear with me?
I don't think it's realistic for one unguarded night together to change Edward's outlook. And he may have opened up a little, but there's still so much more he's keeping hidden away.
Rest assured though, the turning point is coming!
