AN: Sorry about the lack of new chapter on Wednesday, this week kicked my ass and I was basically trying to keep my head above water with work! Hope this is worth the wait :)
I don't own anything relating to The 100
Chapter title from "The Show Must Go On" by Queen
68
Fairytales of Yesterday Will Grow but Never Die
Raven's words pick at something in Clarke's mind, and she has to make a deliberate effort to push them away as they get the food from the delivery guy and get it set up on the dining table.
It's not a normal lunch with friends in any way. Everyone, herself included, keep stealing glances at Bellamy every few minutes, as if they're all expecting him to disappear at any moment.
Which he doesn't, of course. She's getting more and more sure that he won't as the day goes on.
Raven's phone dings around the time Clarke realizes that she's eaten way too much food.
"Hey, Monty says he's got a Transfer for us in a couple of hours," Raven says, eyebrows raised. "If we still want it?"
Clarke turns to Bellamy, who shrugs. "I don't know, does anyone still need convincing?"
Miller swallows down the last of his Pad Thai. "I think we're good. What's a transfer, though?"
"It's what we call the process where we help souls move on," Clarke explains.
Lincoln frowns. "That sounds very… technical."
"It's what it's been called for as long as I've been doing this," Raven notes, pushing her plate away. "So I actually think it pre-dates any type of technical transfers. But I know what you mean."
Bellamy taps away at his phone for a moment and then looks up. "The word 'transfer' is from the early fourteenth century, apparently, and the original meaning is to 'bear across, carry over, bring through', so it actually makes sense. We just have these modern associations that makes it weird."
"Do you seriously have an entomology app on your phone?" Octavia questions with an exasperated look. "Or did you just download it?"
He rolls his eyes. "I already had it. And it's etymology, not entomology – that's the study of insects."
"OK, so that explains what a transfer is," Miller brings the conversation back to the topic at hand. "But why does Monty have one? I assume it means he's one of you guys, but still, explanation please. How can you 'have' something like that?"
"Oh, right, we didn't talk about that part either," Clarke says as she realizes it. "So, like Zeke explained earlier, we help souls pass on to the afterlife, but it's not… we don't just wander around waiting for people to die. A soul will pass through the nearest Keeper at time of death, but it's easier all around if we're prepared for it, so we're assigned… I guess you can call them cases. Souls that we're in charge of helping. Raven asked a few of our other Keeper friends earlier if they had any Transfers they thought would work as… a demonstration, sort of, if any of you had trouble believing us."
Bellamy's been nodding along as she's been speaking, and when she stops, he takes over. "Clarke actually took me along to one when she told me, it was… definitely an experience. So if anyone still does need convincing, or just want to see what it is we do, we can show you."
Jackson and Miller exchange a look. "Yeah, I think we're good," Miller then says. "It still sounds completely insane, and it's going to take some time to get used to. We might have follow-up questions later, stuff we haven't thought about, but we believe you."
Octavia is looking thoughtful. "I think I kind of do want to see. Not because I don't believe you," she hurries to add. "Just, like you said, I'm curious what it is you guys do."
"No problem," Clarke assures her, turning to Raven. "Ask Monty to send it to me. Or do you want to handle it?"
"Nah, you go ahead," Raven says. "Four people is already a little conspicuous, we don't want to attract too much attention. Besides, if you don't need us, I think we'll head home, pick up Lola from Jasper and Maya on the way."
Clarke feels a flash of guilt because she hasn't even thought about the dog in the last couple of days. Granted, she's been kind of distracted, but she still feels bad.
"Of course, you should," she replies with a smile. "Give Lola a bunch of kisses from me, OK?"
"Will do."
Clarke's phone dings at that moment, and she pulls it out to find that Monty has sent over the Transfer – Michael David Johnson, male, 59. July 30, 5:57 PM. COD: road traffic accident. The coordinates show a spot on Central Park West, near The Lake.
"You use an app?" Octavia's voice comes from behind her, and Clarke jumps a little when she leans over her shoulder to get a closer look.
"My reaction exactly," Bellamy says with a chuckle.
"So how does it work?"
Clarke clicks out of the map and shows her the information about the Transfer. "This is the information we get, and then the coordinates open up the map. There's even a navigation feature, which shows us how long it'll take to get to the spot by foot, car or public transportation."
"So it's basically Google Maps?" Octavia asks with an amused look.
"Pretty much, yeah."
"So we're going up to Central Park?" Octavia continues. "Maybe we can fit in some sightseeing while we're out, Lincoln's never been to New York before?"
"No?" Bellamy asks, looking at Lincoln.
"Born and raised on the west coast," he explains. "I didn't leave California until we moved to the UK when I was twelve, and I haven't been back since. Well, except the trip to Las Vegas."
"Then sightseeing it is," Clarke decides.
They get the leftover food packed away in the fridge and then get ready to leave.
"Hey, O, do you guys maybe want to stay with us instead?" Bellamy asks when they're in the hallway. "I don't know how long you'll be able to stay in town, but…"
Octavia frowns at the question. "Shit, I don't know. What did you tell Indra when you called the gym, Linc?"
"Just that there was a family emergency, luckily," Lincoln replies. "Though you should probably call her, she did say that we should take our time, but an update might be a good idea. I'm sure if you tell her Bellamy was in an accident or something, we can stay the rest of the week."
"Yeah, that should be fine," she agrees, though she looks a little hesitant. "I don't like leaving her in the lurch… but it's still pretty slow, the big after-summer-rush doesn't usually get started until mid-August. And you don't have anything booked, right?"
Lincoln squeezes her hand with a smile. "Nope, nothing until next weekend."
"OK, I'll call Indra in the morning, then," Octavia decides, turning to Miller and Jackson. "I assume you don't mind getting your apartment to yourselves again?"
Miller snorts. "Yeah, because you two have been such horrible roommates."
Bellamy finds his car keys in the bowl by the door and holds them up. "Why don't you two take my car home, and then we can take the subway there later and pick up O and Lincoln's things and take the car back?"
Miller swipes the keys. "Sounds good."
Octavia and Lincoln's discussion about what her boss had been told made Clarke think of something, though. "Hey, Miller?"
"Yeah?" He turns to her, eyebrows raised.
"Have you talked to your parents? You know, told them about…"
He shakes his head, and she gratefully trails off.
"No, they're on holiday in Florida, I didn't want to… they'll be back on Saturday, I was going to tell them then, but I guess now I don't have to. And we haven't told anyone else, right?"
Jackson shakes his head.
"Great, no more damage control!" Raven exclaims. "Now come on, this hallway's nice and all, but it's a little crowded."
Miller and Jackson head down to the garage while the others leave the building, heading to the subway together. Raven, Zeke, Wells and Sasha continue to Borough Hall while Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln catch the orange line at York.
They get off at 7th Avenue and spend the next couple of hours showing Lincoln Central Park, seeking refuge from the heat with frappuccinos at a Starbucks before making their way to the location in Clarke's app.
It's a place she must have passed hundreds, if not thousands, of times during her many years in New York. In fact, she walked past here the day she met Bellamy, after he pulled her out of the way of the cab a couple of blocks further up the park.
"Lots of people around," Bellamy now notes, scanning the T junction. "You want to sit down?"
There are a couple of benches along the wall to the park, the trees casting some shadow on them, and they claim one with a good view of the intersection.
"So how does this work?" Octavia stage whispers after a few minutes. "And you said the soul picks the nearest Soul Keeper, what if it goes to Bell instead of you?"
Clarke shrugs. "I suppose it could," she admits. "But I've never had that happen when I've been assigned to a Transfer, even with other Keepers close by. But I guess if it does, he gets his first taste of this and I can do the explaining."
She does hope it won't happen though – she still remembers her first ever Transfer, and even though it was pretty standard, it still left her literally shaking for half an hour after. She'd rather Bellamy does his first when there aren't any other people around.
She knows what to look for by now, and catches the lights changing, the truck that was waiting for a green light on the side street starting to roll forward, and then the sleek, black car running the red light and right into the side of it.
She vaguely registers Octavia's gasp next to her, as if from a great distance, and then the memories fill her mind – what seems like a happy childhood, losing a parent in his teens, marriage and children and then another funeral for a parent, nothing out of the ordinary.
When Clarke comes back to herself, she's leaning against Bellamy, her head on his shoulder. "OK?" he mumbles and she nods.
"Yeah, it was fine." She glances at the truck that's blocking most of the street, the wreck of the other car half under it, the people gathered around. "Time to head out?"
"Good idea," he agrees, pulling her to her feet and supporting her when she stumbles a little.
She's almost forgotten that they have company until Octavia loops an arm through hers. "I could barely tell anything was happening, but I'm guessing you experienced… something?"
Clarke nods. "I am pretty used to it by now," she says. "But yeah, we get a glimpse of the person's life, their memories. It can be pretty overwhelming at first, and even after all these years, I'm affected by the more… difficult ones. And it's always more or less draining."
She feels Bellamy's arm tighten around her shoulders. "Do you want to head home, get some rest?"
"We need to get your car and Octavia and Lincoln's things from Miller," she reminds him. "I'm fine."
"It's only a little after six, there's plenty of time for us to bring you home and then head over to Forest Hills," he insists. "We're not in any hurry."
"That would just be a total waste of time," she tells him. "Seriously, I'm fine. A little rattled, but nothing a bit of sugar can't fix. Why don't we cut through the park, I can grab an ice cream or something, and then we'll catch the subway at Lexington and 63rd?"
She looks up at him, lets him scrutinize her for a few minutes, and has to hide a smile when he sighs. "Fine, if you're sure."
"Very sure."
In fact, she barely even needs the ice cream, feels perfectly fine by the time they pass a street vendor in the park, but Bellamy insists, so she gets them all one, to make it feel less like medicine.
Bellamy texts Miller when they're about to get on the subway, and he texts back that he'll order food, so they end up staying for dinner before they load themselves and Lincoln and Octavia's bags into the truck to head home.
It's only a little after nine when they finally get back, but it's been a long day, and nobody seems to be up for anything that requires too much brain activity or energy, so they just lounge on the couch, watching some old I Love Lucy episodes that Octavia finds on a channel Clarke didn't even know they had. After a while, Bastet emerges from wherever she's been hiding all day, sniffs the newcomers and then settles down stretched out in Bellamy's lap, her head on Clarke's thigh, and starts purring.
When Octavia's yawned five times in as many minutes, Lincoln clears his throat. "Bed?" he suggests, and she nods.
"Yeah, I'll fall asleep soon either way," she admits, standing and stretching.
"You know where the guest room is?" Bellamy asks, and they both nod.
"The towels in the bathroom are clean," Clarke adds. "There should be toothpaste in the cabinet over the sink, but I don't think I have any spare toothbrushes, sorry."
Lincoln squeezes her shoulder as they pass. "We've got it, don't worry. Night."
"Night."
A moment later, the door to the guest bedroom clicks shut.
"Another episode?" Bellamy suggests, and Clarke snuggles in closer.
"Sure."
Apparently, though, she manages to fall asleep halfway through the episode, and wakes up when he lifts her into his arms to carry her into the bedroom.
"I'm awake," she mumbles, rubbing her eyes, and Bellamy carefully puts her down.
"Good, I hadn't decided if I was going to wake you to get you to brush your teeth and get undressed or not, now I don't have to."
She shoves him away lightly, but then catches his hand to pull him along towards the bedroom. They get ready side by side in the bathroom, brushing their teeth in silence, and then crawl into bed.
For a second or two, Clarke considers rolling on top of him, but she did just fall asleep in front of the TV, so even if she actually was feeling up for it, she's pretty sure he'd – very gently – turn her down and convince her to go to sleep instead.
So she settles in on her side, his arm going around her almost automatically so she can use his shoulder as a pillow comfortably, and throws one leg over his.
Their standard sleeping arrangement, basically.
Bellamy pulls the comforter up over them and then tightens his hold on her, his thumb slipping under the t-shirt she pulled on for bed to rub against her hip.
"So overall, a pretty successful day," he says after a moment.
She can't help but snort. "Yeah, it went fine. Nobody freaked out too much, nobody stormed off in a huff…"
He pinches her side. "I did not storm off in a huff. I told you I needed to think and then very calmly went to do that in the bedroom. How is that storming off?"
"Yeah, yeah." She lets her eyes slide closed. "And the Transfer was fine? Octavia said she barely noticed anything, so I'm guessing it wasn't too obvious what was happening."
"No, it was fine. If I hadn't known what was happening, I never would have thought you were doing anything other than taking a break on a bench. I mean, it wasn't any different from the one you took me to back in January, but this time I knew what was going on."
"Good," she says. "And it was a good one for a show and tell, pretty basic memories, nothing out of the ordinary."
He's quiet for a long moment before he speaks again. "Would that have been bad, if the memories had been… you said bad memories makes it more difficult, right? More intense… draining?"
Clarke considers the question and her response for a moment. "Yeah, bad memories are more intense, but I'm honestly not sure if that would be obvious to someone else while it's happening. I've never seen myself during a Transfer, obviously, all I can go by is how I feel after and how other people look. Remember I told you about the one I had the day we met, the man who had been abused as a child and then lost his wife and daughter and started drinking? After that one, I was so shaky I actually had trouble walking for a few minutes. But I don't know if I looked any different from now. And I've seen Raven, Zeke… most of my friends during Transfers, I've never actually seen anyone react. Even in the beginning, when you're first starting out, it's after that's worst. Once you're back to yourself."
Bellamy hums and slips his hand out from under her shirt to slide up her back and tangle in her hair. When he's been quiet for a long moment, she thinks that maybe he's fallen asleep, but then he says, "It kind of slipped my mind, what with all the other stuff going on but…" He pauses, and she twists around to be able to look at him.
"What?"
His mouth tugs up on one side and he reaches out to run his knuckles against her cheek. Clarke leans into the touch.
"Just… the Transfer today, it reminded me that… you did that. For me."
"Oh."
The memories are still crystal clear in her mind, of course. She doesn't think she'll ever forget them – she'll carry his happiness and grief and fear with her forever. She kind of likes it, in some strange way.
"We don't have to talk about it," he hurries to go on. "I get that it must have been hard. But… if you want…"
She sighs and settles back down against his chest, his fingers sliding into her hair again immediately, blunt nails scraping against her scalp.
"It was," she says after another long moment.
"What did you see? Unless it's… I don't know, I mean, they're my memories, you know, so it's not like it's personal for you, really, but…"
She presses a kiss to his chest. "No, I get what you mean." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I saw when Octavia was born."
Bellamy huffs what is not quite a laugh. "Fuck, I didn't think I remembered that. I remember after, when I got to hold her, but before that…"
"I think we can see memories that people have repressed," she muses. "Or I really hope some of the memories I've seen have been repressed…" His mouth presses against the top of her head and she snuggles impossibly closer, relishing the warmth from his body for a moment. "OK, let's see… one of Octavia's birthdays, maybe five or six? She was jumping on the bed, so happy… and you were happy too, this… uncomplicated happiness I don't think people really experience except when they're little."
"That one I do remember," he says, and Clarke can tell that he's smiling from his voice. "She turned five, and I was ten, she was so excited to be exactly half as old as I was."
"That's cute. Then… when you got your acceptance letter to college, opening it with Miller." She can feel him tensing underneath her and she knows that he knows what's coming. "Your mom. When you found her and the funeral."
"I'm sorry."
She has to look up at him again. "Why? You're the one it happened to, I just got the… rerun, sort of."
"Still. I remember how I was feeling back then, I wouldn't wish it on anyone to have to experience that."
She knows what he means, of course. And it's not like she can tell him that experiencing his grief for his mother was nothing to her own grief over losing him, especially not since she got him back in the end, but…
"So was the next memory when I met you?" Bellamy asks, pulling her out of her dark thoughts. "That must have made the list."
She has to smile. "It did, but I got your big fight with Octavia first."
Bellamy winces. "Oh, shit, I forgot about that. That must have been fun, my feelings were all over the place back then."
"No wonder. And then you met me."
"And then I met you. Best day of my life."
It makes her feel all warm inside. "Yeah?"
"It wasn't for you?" he asks, though he sounds mostly curious. "I mean, I know I have a hundred and fifty years' worth of days to compete with, but still."
"Well, when you put it like that. Though yesterday is pretty stiff competition."
"Me too. So then it was basically cute moments between us, right?"
This time, Clarke actually laughs. "More or less. Stargazing at Raven's Halloween party, the day you found me at the library and asked me to lunch – you were so nervous!"
"Can you blame me?" he retorts with a huff. "I was practically stalking you."
"But in a good way. Then there was…" She has to actually think for a moment. "I'm guessing the night after I told you about Soul Keepers and all that, you were trying to make sense of that and come to terms with… everything."
"Yeah, that was the night after you told me," he confirms. "It took me ages to fall asleep, my mind just kept churning, and then I had strange dreams… OK, then what?"
"The next one was in Dublin, when Octavia gave you the ring." She pokes him a little in the ribs and he interlaces their fingers to stop her. "No wonder you were acting so weird when I got up that morning."
"I was hoping you didn't notice," Bellamy admits.
"Nope, I noticed. It just slipped my mind, I guess. Next was the Eiffel Tower… just out of curiosity, what was your plan if you actually had proposed then?"
He's quiet for a moment. "I didn't really have a plan, honestly. I mean, I was pretty sure you'd want at least Raven there, and I wanted Octavia and Miller, so I probably would have suggested waiting until we got back to the States, maybe even New York."
Clarke hums thoughtfully. "Honestly? I think I prefer the way it worked out. I didn't have time to get all stressed out about it, and I didn't have to do anything."
"Perfect wedding?"
"The most perfect."
She yawns, and he tugs her closer, and for a moment, she forgets what they're talking about.
"Then what? Actual proposal and wedding?"
"Hmm… no, first meeting your grandparents in the Philippines."
"Ah, of course. And then the proposal and wedding?"
"Yup, the grand finale."
Bellamy hums, his breath warm against her skin, and she feels sleep tugging at her.
"So should I prepare for another freak out in the morning?" he asks before she can slip under completely.
She considers the question thoroughly for a moment. "I don't know, honestly. I mean… it was really only… only the one morning when I woke up… without you," she then says, fighting to keep her voice steady at the end and not quite succeeding. "The first night, I just stayed on the couch, dozed now and then, until Raven and Zeke showed up, but the second night… well, apparently Raven drugged me and I'm guessing Zeke put me to bed. Waking up in the guest room, alone, was…"
Clarke trails off, because she doesn't have words for it. There's no way to describe the moment of confusion and then the horrible feeling when everything came crashing back.
He rolls onto his side so he can wrap his arms around her more completely and she gratefully presses her nose against his throat, breathing him in. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," she tells him.
"That doesn't mean I'm going to stop saying it any time soon. And I'll be here to remind you tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that…"
Clarke feels the corners of her mouth turn up a little at the reminder that they really do have all the time in the world.
"Forever?"
"Forever."
