He woke up in an unfamiliar bed. Jeff Fischer and Bane were standing over him.

"That was a close one, Mr. L," said Jeff. "You almost lost your nose."

"What happened?" Tyrion asked shakily. "Did we win?"

"Your dad came and saved us all!" Jeff exulted.

Bane nodded. "Lord Tywin and Lord Mace Tyrell, with the Knight of Flowers and Lord Quagmire. They rode through the ashes and took Stannis in the rear." He paused. "Wow, that came out soundin' different than I had intended. Anyway, it was a great victory. I don't like Tywin much, but I have to admit he pulled our acorns out of the fire this time. Now the Tyrells are our allies, and Joffrey's going to marry Margaery."

"Did Stannis die?" Tyrion asked.

Bane shook his head. "No, he got away, but we took a bunch of prisoners."

Tyrion looked around. "Where are we? This isn't my room."

"This is a chamber over the queen's ballroom in Maegor's Holdfast," said Jeff. "Your sister wanted you kept close, so she might watch over you herself."

"I'll wager she did," Tyrion said grimly. "Can you take me back to my own chambers now?"

Jeff's face fell. "Sorry, dude. Your dad's in the Tower of the Hand now. While you were out, Joffrey fired you and hired him."

"What about Shae? Is she all right?"

"Yeah, she's fine," said Bane.

"Father doesn't know I brought her to King's Landing, does he?" Tyrion asked urgently.

"I hid her in one of Quagmire's brothels. But I've been meanin' to talk to you about her. It's not smart to get so hung up on a prostitute. Remember, she only has sex with you because you're payin' her for it."

Tyrion knew he was right. But he couldn't let go of the idea that she really loved him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By evening, Tyrion felt well enough to walk about. That night he watched Joffrey and Tywin deal with the captured prisoners. Some of them begged forgiveness for their treasons and promised to serve loyally henceforth, and Joffrey welcomed them back into the king's peace and restored them to all their lands and rights. Two of these were Stan and Roger.

A handful remained defiant, however. "Do not imagine this is done, boy," one knight warned. "The Lord of Light protects King Stannis, now and always. All your swords and all your scheming shall not save you when his hour comes."

"Your hour is come right now." Joffrey beckoned to Ser Ilyn Payne to take the man out and strike his head off.

But no sooner had that one been dragged away than a knight of solemn mien with a fiery heart on his surcoat shouted out, "Stannis is the true king! A monster sits the Iron Throne, an abomination born of incest! Joffrey is the black worm eating the heart of the realm! Darkness was his father, and death his mother! Destroy him before he corrupts you all! Destroy them all, queen whore and king worm, vile dwarf and whispering spider, the false flowers. Save yourselves! The scouring fire will come! King Stannis will return!"

"Get him out of here!" Joffrey bellowed. He chopped down with his hand, a furious, angry gesture… and screeched in pain when his arm brushed against one of the swords of the Iron Throne. Blood soaked through his sleeve. "Mother!" he wailed.

"The throne denies him!" the knight cried. "He is no king!" Ser Meryn Trant ran up and stabbed the shouter in the chest.

Queen Cersei ran up to Joffrey, and he fell into her arms. She led him out of the room. He left a trail of blood behind him.

Tyrion shook his head in disgust. The realm had had vicious kings before, and idiot kings, but to his knowledge it had never been cursed with a vicious idiot king. And he was almost positive that Joffrey had been the one who paid Ser Mandon Moore to attack him. He would have to be careful in the future.