AN: So we're seriously starting to count down here… I've been living with this story so long, even before I actually started writing it, that it feels completely surreal that I'll just be done soon… two more chapters, including this one, and then a short epilogue. I do also have a sequel that I started writing this summer after a comment. I wrote, like, 90% in a couple of days and then it trailed off, for some reason, but I know the rest of the plot so it's really just a matter of sitting down and actually writing it – hopefully I'll get a chance to do that over the holidays!
I don't own anything relating to The 100
See the end of the chapter for warnings
Chapter title from "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen
69
Touch My World with Your Fingertips
Waking up with Bellamy the next morning is both better and worse – better because there's no moment of panic, of thinking him coming back was just a dream, and worse because he actually turns down morning sex.
"Shit, are we already turning into one of those old married couples who only have sex on birthdays and holidays?" Clarke jokes when he rolls out of bed.
"Obviously," he replies with an eye-roll, but then he sighs. "It's just… O's next door."
"Probably having sex with her own boyfriend," she points out, earning a glare.
"If you're trying to convince me, that's not a good argument."
She flops back on the bed with a huff. "You didn't mind when it was Raven and Zeke in the guest room," she reminds him,
"And then you told me they heard us," he retorts. "If you hadn't, I probably wouldn't mind now either."
"We can stay quiet…"
Bellamy shakes his head with a chuckle but does lean down to kiss her. When she tries to deepen the kiss, though, he pulls away. "Just give me a little time to get used to the idea, OK? I promise I'll make it up to you tonight…"
"Fine, but don't think I won't hold you to that."
So she gets up and starts on breakfast while he takes a shower instead, and when Octavia and Lincoln emerge from the guest room half an hour later, she's already got a stack of pancakes done and is scrambling some eggs.
"I thought Bell said you didn't cook?" Octavia asks, sounding slightly suspicious.
Clarke grabs a bottle of syrup from the pantry and puts it down next to the pancakes. "Breakfast foods are the exception," she explains. "Sit, dig in. What do you want to drink?"
"I promise it's safe," Bellamy says as he joins them, and she flicks him with her spatula before finding juice in the fridge.
Everyone does start eating, though, and when the eggs are done, Clarke joins them at the breakfast bar. Once everyone's finished, Octavia goes online to book their flights back to Dublin – she called her boss and 'explained' the situation, and Indra insisted that she didn't need to get back until Tuesday, since Monday's apparently a holiday in Ireland and Octavia wasn't supposed to be working anyway, so they get a late flight on Sunday, giving them five full days in the city. Once that's done, they start making plans, mostly based on what Lincoln wants to do, since he's the one who's never been to the city before.
So they spend the next few days playing tourists. They walk the Brooklyn Bridge, take another trip out to Roosevelt Island, where Octavia's never been before either, and stroll along the High Line, which didn't even exist when she left the US. They explore Chinatown and Little Italy, Soho and Greenwich Village, and eat all the take-out Octavia's been missing. She manages to get tickets for her and Lincoln to both the Statue of Liberty and the observation deck at the Empire State Building on Friday afternoon, and Clarke and Bellamy take advantage of having the apartment to themselves for a few hours. Clarke tries every trick in the book, eventually ending up calling in a favor from Murphy, and gets them tickets to Hamilton – which Bellamy somehow hasn't seen – on Saturday afternoon, and all four of them spend the rest of the day humming along to the songs, until it's time to head to Raven and Zeke's place, since Raven insisted on throwing Octavia and Lincoln, and Wells and Sasha who are heading back to London on Sunday too, a going away party.
Clarke hasn't actually seen Raven since they parted ways on Tuesday, even though they've been texting more or less the way they usually do, and her friend's words have been churning in her mind on and off for the last four days. She's already decided that she's going to bring it up tonight, not because she wants to ease her own mind – or not just that – but because she thinks that maybe Raven needs to talk about it too. She's only a little nervous about it. It's not that she thinks this might actually become something that comes between her and her best friend of a century and a half, not really, but it still feels like it's best to nip it in the bud before it actually has a chance to.
Raven swore up and down that this wasn't going to turn into one of her monster bashes, and Clarke is surprised to find that it's true – when they arrive, it's basically the same group that were at dinner a week ago, plus Murphy, Emori, and, of course, Octavia and Lincoln.
"He lives!" is Murphy's greeting, and Emori smacks him lightly over the head. "What, everyone knows what's happening, right?"
"That doesn't mean you have to be so blunt about it," Emori tells him with a sigh.
"Don't worry about it, man," Bellamy assures him, patting Jasper – who launched himself at him the moment they entered the room and still hasn't let go – on the back.
There's a lot of hugging for a while, happy exclamations of how glad everyone is, and it takes a moment before Clarke realizes Raven's not present.
"Where's your better half?" she asks Zeke.
"She said it was a frozen margarita evening," he replies with a shrug. "So kitchen."
She squeezes Bellamy's hand to get his attention and then nods in the direction of the hallway. He smiles, squeezes back quickly before letting go of her hand, and turns back to Harper and Monty.
Raven's at the kitchen counter, pouring tequila into a blender, and Clarke wraps her arms around her from behind, leaning her chin against her friend's shoulder. "Hey."
"Hey, babe." She puts the bottle down and smacks a kiss on Clarke's temple before pulling away to open the fridge and find lime juice. Clarke leans against the counter instead, watching in silence until Raven has added all the ingredients.
"Are you OK?" she then asks.
Raven turns around to give her an incredulous look. "Me? You're the one who's just been through an emotional rollercoaster. I should be asking if you're OK, not the other way around."
"Yeah, but…" Clarke hesitates, looking down at her hands. After a moment, she hears the blender turn on and then Raven leans against the counter next to her, nudging her shoulder. "I was thinking about what you said the other day, how I… I got him back."
She looks up in time to see realization dawn on Raven's face. "Ah."
She has to look away again, not able to meet Raven's eyes as she continues. "I just… I'm so happy, happier than I've ever been, but I feel guilty too, because why do I get this when you…"
"Hey," Raven cuts her off, squeezing her hand. "Don't even think like that, OK? I am so happy for you, both of you, you have to know that."
She does, of course. That doesn't stop the niggling guilt in the pit of her stomach when she looks at Raven.
"No, I know that, I just…"
"No." Raven shakes her head. "I'm not going to say that there wasn't a time when I would have given anything to get Finn back. You were there, you know that much. And yeah, I still… I don't miss him, not exactly, but sometimes I still see something or hear something and I think, 'oh, Finn would love to hear about this'. And that sucks.
But we had our time together, more than forty years. And it didn't feel like enough at the time, of course not, but… looking back, I can see that. And even if he did get the opportunity to come back, I don't know if he would have taken it. And that's OK.
But you and Bellamy? You guys were just getting started. Your time wasn't supposed to be up yet. And I am so glad it wasn't, because you deserve this, both of you."
Clarke thought she had convinced herself that she and Raven would be fine, but hearing her actually say it makes it obvious that she really hadn't – it's such a relief that she feels tears start rolling down her cheeks. Raven wipes a few of them away with a half-smile. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
Clarke shakes her head. "No, these are… not happy tears, not exactly, but… relieved, maybe? I didn't really think you'd be upset about this but I just… I don't want it to get between us somehow, OK? You're my best friend, I can't lose you. Not over something that's… basically the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Raven pulls her into a tight hug. "Good thing you're not going to then."
They stay like that, clinging to each other, for a few long minutes, before Raven pulls away, surreptitiously wiping away a few tears of her own, and goes back to the frozen margaritas.
"Hey, did you consider that this actually might not have anything to do with you?" she asks after a moment, pouring the drink into a pitcher and starting a new batch.
Clarke frowns. "That what has nothing to do with me?"
"Bellamy being recruited," Raven clarifies. "I mean, obviously the whole keeping his memories thing is for your, and his, benefit, and the extra time you got that day as well… maybe in case he decided to move on or agreed to go back without insisting on keeping his memories. But they could have already been planning on recruiting him."
Clarke tries to think it through objectively, which is of course completely impossible. She can't just turn off the feelings. But it does sort of make sense…
"I guess you're right," she finally says. "Especially with what that guy or whatever told Bellamy, that they've been having trouble recruiting lately."
"Exactly," Raven agrees. "If you think about it like that, he'd actually be an ideal candidate – barely any family, just a sister who lives in a different country, not that many friends, especially not before you two met, basically no social media presence. A year ago, they could have wiped his memories and put him on the other side of the country without having to worry about his past life catching up with him."
Clarke hums. "I guess we'll never know."
"Unfortunately not."
"Hey, what's happening with the margaritas?" Zeke asks, coming into the kitchen.
"Almost done," Raven replies, starting the blender.
Knowing that she and Raven are fine makes it easier for Clarke to relax, and while she definitely doesn't get drunk, she does drink a couple more margaritas than she had planned and by the time they're leaving, she's pleasantly buzzed, leaning a little on Bellamy, who's completely sober since he's driving.
"Did you have a good night?" he asks when they're making their way to the car, Octavia and Lincoln some ways behind them.
"Mmm, I did," she assures him with a smile.
"You and Raven work through whatever it is you've been worrying about?"
She pulls away enough that she can frown up at him. "How did you know about that?"
He chuckles and squeezes her tighter. "Come on, Princess, I know you pretty well by now. Every time you've gotten a text from Raven in the last few days, you've been frowning and biting your lip. I knew something was up."
"You're way too perceptive," Clarke complains, leaning her head against his shoulder. "But yeah, we talked. I didn't actually have anything to worry about, but you know me…"
He just hums, doesn't push, probably because he knows he doesn't need to.
"I was feeling guilty," she continues after a moment.
It's obviously not what Bellamy was expecting, because he actually stops and turns to face her, a confused look on his face. "Guilty? For what?"
She shrugs. "Just… I got you back. Raven, she…"
"Oh." He pulls her into his arms, his lips brushing against her hair. "You know none of that is your fault, right?"
"I know, yeah."
"Hey, what's the hold-up?" Octavia calls, and she and Lincoln join them a moment later.
"No hold-up," Clarke says, stepping out of Bellamy's arms and claiming one of his hands instead. "Come on, time to go home."
-100-
Octavia wanted to go to Aurora's grave while they were in town, and claimed it was something she and Bellamy needed to do on their own, so the siblings head out early on Sunday morning for the drive to Paterson, while Clarke and Lincoln spend the day at the Met, indulging their love of art. When the Blake's get back, they grab dinner before it's time to take Octavia and Lincoln to the airport.
They've already made plans to spend Christmas in Ireland, so for the first time, it's a completely normal farewell – Bellamy still hugs Octavia for long enough that she starts squirming, but they're both smiling when they pull apart.
"You're still a weirdo," she tells him, but it's fond.
"Always were, I don't know why you thought that would change," he shoots back, turning to Lincoln and offering his hand. "Thanks for taking care of her, man."
Lincoln just nods and shakes his hand, but Octavia bristles. "I can take care of myself, Bell."
"I know," he assures her. "But that doesn't mean you can't let someone else do it now and then, OK?"
Her eyes stay narrowed for another moment, but then she sighs. "Fine, I guess you're right. OK, we're going."
"OK, have a safe flight," Bellamy says. "Call when you land?"
Octavia rolls her eyes. "It'll be the middle of the night, I'll text when we land. That way you can get your weird protective urges satisfied, and I won't wake up your poor wife who just wants to sleep."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Are you OK, though, really?" Clarke asks when they're on their way back home a little later.
Bellamy's driving, and he does look relaxed – he rolled down the window before they started and has one hand hanging outside, is singing along with the radio under his breath when a song he likes comes on.
At her question, he glances at her with a frown. "I'm fine, why?"
"Just wanted to make sure that saying goodbye to your sister hadn't turned into some… emotional trauma or something," she replies with a shrug.
"Nah, I'm good. Plus, we'll see them again soon."
He's right, of course. "No, I know, just… like I said, I wanted to check in."
"I'm fine, really."
He flashes her a quick smile before focusing on the road again, getting on Cross Bay Boulevard that'll take them back home. The sun has almost set, the last few rays still illuminating the sky to the west, the end of another beautiful summer day.
"Listen, I was thinking," Bellamy says, breaking the silence after a while. They're just passing Forest Park where a bunch of kids are still playing in the baseball field despite the darkening skies. She can't hear them, but she can imagine the shouts and laughter.
"That's always dangerous," she teases, smirking when he rolls his eyes.
"Mature. Anyway, maybe we should… I don't know what you call it, activate ourselves in the Keeper app?"
Clarke frowns at the question, but it makes sense, really. If this had been a 'normal' Keeper/mentor situation, Bellamy would have already started his training, not quite from day one but definitely by now. And now that Octavia and Lincoln have left, there's really nothing stopping them from actually getting to work.
"That might be a good idea, yeah," she agrees. "It'll still take a week before we get any Transfers, though, since they're assigned a week in advance, but yeah." Since they still have forty-five minutes or so left of the drive, she opens her app to adjust her availability right away. "There, done. Yours might get updated automatically, I'm not sure, we'll check when we get home."
"Great."
She slides down a little in her seat, popping her feet up on the dash and leaning her cheek against the headrest, watching Bellamy openly.
"What?" he asks after a few minutes. "Something on my face?"
"Nope. I just like watching you."
He opens his mouth, as if about to say something, but closes it again and reaches for her hand.
"Did you and Octavia have a… nice is probably not the right word," Clarke starts after another silent moment. "A good day today?"
He drums his fingers against the steering wheel as he considers the question. "I think it was good, yeah. O wasn't… she never really went to the cemetery before she left, just for Mom's birthday and holidays and stuff, when I basically dragged her, so I think it was good for her to actually sit down and… I know 'talk' sounds weird, but…"
"No," she interjects. "I don't think that's weird at all. Not that… I obviously don't know what it's like…" She had thought about it, though. If she'd be able to visit his grave at all, if she'd be able to talk to him like that… gratitude at never having to find out surges up inside her, making a lump form in her throat. She swallows it down before she continues. "I think it's probably good, if you can do that."
Bellamy's fingers are still interlaced with hers and he squeezes her hand now, probably picking up on what she's not saying.
"Yeah, I think she realized that too. I took a walk, wanted to give her some privacy, but she… OK, she was crying when I got back, but I think it was good crying. She looked lighter, somehow."
"That's great."
"Yeah. And we stopped by Miller's parents' place before heading back, they just got home yesterday. His mom's always had a soft spot for Octavia, I think she saw her as the daughter she never had, so she was thrilled. It was nice."
"I'm glad."
He smiles and lets her hand go to wrap an arm around her shoulders instead, pulling her closer, and she happily settles in for the rest of the drive with her head on his shoulder.
"There's probably another reason I'm actually OK with O and Lincoln leaving," Bellamy picks up their previous conversation after a while.
"Yeah?"
He huffs. "This is going to sound… I don't know, weird? Bad maybe?"
Clarke turns to press a kiss to his shoulder before settling in again. "You know you can tell me anything."
"I know, yeah." He pauses, fingers drumming against the steering wheel as he thinks it over. "I think… I mean, it's been great seeing her, getting to hang out, and I'm definitely looking forward to doing that again, hopefully on a somewhat regular basis. But… I feel like what she is in my life has… shifted. Does that make sense? She's still my sister and I'll always love her, but… her entire childhood, she was basically my whole life. My reason for doing… everything, pretty much. Sure, we had Mom, but she was always working or out or… so it was always just me and O. I think that's why it was so hard on me when she actually left, because for a long time it felt like I didn't have a purpose anymore. Who was I, if I wasn't Octavia's big brother, if I wasn't taking care of her?"
It tugs a little at her heart, to hear him put it into words, but it's good that he's come to this conclusion on his own, so she doesn't comment.
"But now, it's… she's my sister, and that's enough. She doesn't have to be my whole life, I don't have to define myself based on her anymore. She has a great life, a great boyfriend, and she's happy. I can call or text her when I want, and we can go visit them a couple of times a year, and they can come here, and that's… that's how it's supposed to be, you know?"
"It is how it's supposed to be," she agrees. "Not that I'm an expert or actually have any siblings of my own, but, you know."
Bellamy laughs a little, a low chuckle that makes his chest rumble.
"Glad that you agree anyway."
"I basically always agree with you."
"That's definitely not true." His thumb brushes against her skin, slipping under the arm of her t-shirt briefly. "You know another bonus of not having my sister and her boyfriend staying with us anymore?"
The way his voice has dropped half an octave or so makes it easy to figure out at least in what direction he's going, but she decides to play dumb. "No, what's that?"
"Sex anywhere and anytime we want."
She can't help but snort at that. "Right, because we have so much sex outside the bedroom normally."
She realizes, about half a second too late, that she's making it sound like they've had this long, normal relationship with lots of traditional sex in the bedroom, which isn't really true either. Which… it's not like she's been keeping a tally or anything, but she's pretty sure most of the sex they've had has been in a bed. Sure, they had a lot of sex in a lot of different places during their trip, but that was vacation sex – even if they were on an extremely extended vacation – and vacation sex is different. If he notices, though, he doesn't mention it.
"Then maybe it's time to start…"
Night has fallen by the time they get home, and the apartment is dark, apart from the streetlights shining in through the window. Clarke flips on a few lights, just enough to see where they're going, and makes a detour to the kitchen to get something to drink.
She hears Bellamy come up behind her when she's opening a cupboard to get a glass, but still jumps a little when he pulls her hair over her shoulder and leans in to press a kiss to her throat, pushing her up against the kitchen counter with his body.
Her hand automatically slides into his hair to hold him close. "I didn't realize you wanted to get started on the anywhere-we-want-sex right away," she teases.
"No time like the present," he mumbles against her skin, his other hand sliding under her shirt and up to cup her breast through her bra. "Plus, once I started, I couldn't stop thinking about how I've never actually fucked you on this counter."
His words send a thrill through her and she tilts her head, leaning it against his shoulder, to give him better access.
"Well, we'll just have to rectify that then, won't we?"
"That's what I was thinking, yeah."
His mouth abandons her throat and Clarke takes the opportunity to turn in his arms and pull him down for a proper kiss. He returns it eagerly, deepening it as his hands slide down her sides to lift her up onto the counter. It's the perfect height, and she immediately wraps her legs around him to pull him closer, the coarse material of his jean shorts rubbing against her through her panties and making her moan into the kiss.
Bellamy seems to want to slow things down, his hands staying anchored on her hips, thumbs brushing her skin. She's happy to take his lead, at least for a while, enjoying the slide of their mouths together, the heat from his chest warming her even from a few inches apart.
When it's no longer enough, she starts undoing the buttons in his shirt, one by one, pushing the garment off his shoulders when she's gotten them all and continuing with the button in his shorts.
"Someone's getting eager," he chuckles, shrugging the shirt the rest of the way off before finding the hem of her shirt and pulling it up and off.
"Well, you weren't moving fast enough," Clarke retorts, getting the button and zipper and pushing the shorts down his hips, getting his boxers in the process.
"Fuck, I love how bossy you can be during sex," he exclaims, leaning down for another kiss.
She gets the clasp of her bra undone and tugs him closer, arching her back to press against him, the feeling of skin on skin perfect. A moment later, she feels his hands slide up her thighs, pushing her skirt up, and then his fingers hook in her panties, and together they manage to get them off without too much trouble.
She has to break the kiss to suck in a breath when Bellamy pushes two fingers inside her, curling them up just right to hit that perfect spot. His mouth trails down her throat, kissing and sucking the skin until he gets to her breast, where he pulls a nipple into his mouth.
It doesn't take long for her to get off like that once he starts rubbing circles against her clit with his thumb, and her muscles are still convulsing when he pulls her forward the inch or so needed for him to be able to slide into her.
"Not even letting me catch my breath, huh?" she gasps, even as she digs her heels into his back to urge him on.
His fingers dig into the skin on her lower back and he bites her shoulder lightly before responding. "Sorry, did you need a moment?"
His tone is teasing, and Clarke retaliates by running her nails down his back a little harder than strictly necessary, making him hiss, and then squeezing her internal muscles around him on his next thrust.
"Fuck, you want this to be over before we really get started?"
She lets out a breathless laugh and pulls his mouth down to hers, fingers tangling in his hair. He kisses her back hard, taking charge of it immediately, nipping at her bottom lip before coaxing her mouth open. Her nails dig into his scalp in a way that must be bordering on painful, and he slides one hand around to grope her breast, twisting her nipple between his thumb and index finger. When she lets out a sound, he picks up his pace, slamming into her hard and deep on each thrust, and soon they're both chasing their release together.
Bellamy gets there a moment before her, stilling deep inside her, and fumbles a hand between them to push her over the edge along with him.
They stay like that for a long moment, foreheads touching, catching their breath.
"Round two in bed?" he then suggests, kissing her one last time before stepping back and pulling out of her.
She pretends to consider it for a moment as she evaluates the state of her legs. In the end, she decides to risk it and jumps down off the counter.
"Race you!"
Chapter warnings: explicit sexual content
