One more chapter to go! I am holding onto it for dear life right now! lol Thanks again for all of your support. I hope everyone is keeping safe in these troubling times.


Downton Abbey was not just a house and the land in which it stood on was not just an estate. The people who worked within it were not just members of staff, and the people who lived there were not just a part of the aristocratic hierarchy of the world. It was much deeper than that. Everyone, no matter where in the pecking order they were was a part of something that transcended deeper than others might understand. It was like an organism, and everything that played a part in it worked in a way to keep it alive. When something happened it was never just felt by the individual, and like a ripple in a puddle, the complex cycle of emotions made its way through the home and the people like a cascade of energy. Not every person felt the exact emotion that the other was feeling, but they felt something and everything was impacted by the other even if they did not realise it. It was powerful, complicated and was why everything worked well most of the time. The understanding was deep, the people within it loyal and they all made a part of the foundation that made Downton successful when so many others in the same standing were faltering as each passing moment moved on.

It's important to understand that in order to ensure the success of the home, people must take on duties and roles when others are unable. Jobs must be undertaken, continued and work put in to ensure that everything within the boundary remains as it should. Some things should change with the times, and some things should remain stable and static. The British, whether they like it or not, are also complicated in their rituals and propriety that many other nations did not understand, but then that's what made the British unique.

When Lady Mary crumbled with her grief, the agony moved through the ranks in varying degrees. To some, it morphed into worry, to others it bit at their heels when they were reminded that human life was fickle and complex. It was felt, it was used and it was worried about. It created an area of unfamiliarity. The eldest child of the Crawley family vanishing into the night. What would it bring? What would it mean? Would it right itself? Would she return? To the parents and close contacts, it brought about a deeper and more formidable feeling. Why had she done it? Would she ever be ok? Will she return? It even moved further than the house to the village, and people came out in their droves to assist. If anything happened there would be mourning that moved up and down the country as it touched the lives of the people that had been a part of the Downton world.

So when Lady Mary laughed at the dinner table, it brought with it a sense of relief. The people that heard it could feel the shift back to the norm, and they joined in with the happiness because it had felt like none of them could feel themselves until she did. And then, like that ripple, the happiness moved out of the family and into the staff. As now that she seemed to be back on her spot, the others relaxed and so the working environment would be easier. They all took the rough with the smooth, and when the smooth finally returned, they took it in with open arms. It was complicated, but then truly, life can be very much like that sometimes.


Mary stared at the mirror that she had sat in front of more times than she could count. It was a part of her daily routine, and she had only just really gotten back into it, having been out of sorts since her return from the hospital. At times, as she sat there, she would trace her eyes methodically over her own face. Tracing from top to bottom the way that the reflection showed her how she had changed with grief. Normally, although she was slender, her face held itself well. There had always been thinness to her neck, but her face never appeared too thin, to her it had always been just right. There had been slight plumpness to her cheeks. The face that looked back at her looked gaunt. The usual dark brown piercing gaze that she usually held was shrouded by dark circles that emphasised dramatically how much weight she had lost. The cheeks, that used to be quite filling, barely had anything on them. The light created shadows on her face that made her look haunted, and in a way she supposed she was, the light creating shading where bones jutted out in places she hadn't realised they could. It had been a long road, a very long road, and she had come out of it on the other side although her body had paid a price along with her heart and mind. It made Mary feel a little nauseous.

The pots on her desk were calling out to her, like a reminiscence of her past that wanted to have her back where she used to be. It seemed alien almost, like any of the things she had done previously seemed so minor in the grander scheme of things. Although she knew that she could never let them go no matter how small they held their weight in their aristocratic world, a part of her wished she could.

Behind her, she could feel Anna's eyes burning into her reflection like a fire ripping through fine silk. It had been a part of her routine now, and she knew that her friend and maid was just trying to see if she was ok. It was one of Anna's finer qualities, and Mary knew that she was good at reading people even if they didn't want to be read. Mary lifted her eyes so she could look at Anna through the mirror and she watched as the maid instinctively moved her hands through and over Mary's hair without paying much attention to it. Being able to work hair like that was an art that Anna had become very good at. It was as if a force of nature was guiding her hands so she could put her attention on other things. The expression she had on her face was a cross between a puppy and a concerned parent, her eyes scanning as she processed and thought about Mary's wellbeing. It was warming that she cared so much, but Mary was now in a position where she didn't need to be treated like glass.

"Anna," Mary said calmly to get the maid's attention. "I'm fine." The voice was calm and reassuring and she smiled at Anna.

"I see that, M'Lady," Anna replied softly, pulling a strand of hair around the back to be hooked into the fold. "I just worry. I like to check. I just want you to be happy and back to your own self."

Mary chuckled. "As do I," she quipped. It wasn't laced with sadness or anything sour. It was just a fact to tell it how it was. It was obvious that she was getting there, and although her heart and soul would never be fully repaired, she knew that she was nearly over the line.

"I see his Lordship wanted to throw a nice dinner this evening. Do you think you're up to it?" Anna placed the last pin in Mary's hair and reached to take a necklace that she had paired with the dress.

"I do. I don't mind about the dinner. I know that he just wants things back to normal. What's more normal than all of us sitting around the table listening to Cousin Isobel and Granny at war? From what I know, there hasn't been much going on in the evenings. I must admit," Mary said as she leant forward to allow Anna to put the necklace on "I am looking forward to it a little. I feel for the first time that I could devour a full set of courses and have room for a little more."

"That's really good to hear. We need to get some of that meat back onto your bones." Anna stood staring at Mary with a small smile on her face, her eyes still searching the reflection with a critical eye.

Mary smirked. "Not too much now," she said softly, reaching up to touch the side of her head where the intricate detail was. "I could get into pretty much anything at the moment." It was a joke. She was trying to soften the severity of everything, to make it easier to talk about. It would be frightfully annoying to have to get all of her clothes adjusted so she knew she wanted to get her weight back. Mary had never really had much in terms of gripes about her appearance, she had been lucky in that respect.

Both of them chuckled before Mary stood herself up. The dress that Anna picked out wasn't as tight as it used to be, but it also hugged in specific places so it didn't look like she had lost as much weight as she actually had. It was a maroon colour with intricate diamantés pinched together in even patterns along the netting that sat at the bottom. Mary reached out for a pair of cream coloured gloves from the table and put them on. As she pulled them up to the elbow she could feel how loose they were, and she knew that it was going to be a struggle for them to stay up as they didn't hug her arms like the should have. "How do I look? Do I look ready to take on the family?" Mary gave Anna a twirl.

Anna put her hands together and rested them against her stomach, a little smile on her face. "You look wonderful, M'Lady. We have certainly missed you."

"Not as much as I've missed myself," Mary replied gently. "I'm not there yet, Anna. Not at all. I know I have wonderful support around me but I feel better than I have in such a long time. I went to see Master George the other evening, and although it was very painful, I feel that it did me the world of good. It's given me focus, something to keep me moving forward. I neglected him for far too long, and I do feel ever so guilty about it. I need to concentrate on him now and in the future and not worry about what has been. I pushed him away because he was the reflection of Matthew and I couldn't deal with it. I need to cherish that, let it remind me of Matthew in a good way."

"He's such a beautiful child," Anna said happily. "He's so happy and bouncy."

"Well that's certainly not one of my traits," Mary said coolly.

"Master George isn't just Mr Crawley. I see him sometimes and I can tell that he's your child. You're there, it's just hard to notice through your own eyes." Anna started picking up the clothes that Mary had changed out of.

"I suppose," Mary said, thinking about changing the subject. "So, how is Carson doing? Is he back to his normal full form? Every time I see him he looks like he is beaming."

"I think that's a combination between being back at work and Mrs Hughes if I'm honest. I think that he is really enjoying being back to work though. I actually had a conversation with him earlier this morning, he seemed a little stressed."

"Stressed? Has he gone back too soon? Is there a lot of work that is left for when he was off? We can't have that." Mary moved over to the bed where Anna was collecting the clothes.

"Oh no. Mr Carson would never complain about his work to me. It was about Mrs Hughes actually. Well, not Mrs Hughes directly. It was about an engagement ring." Anna folded the last item of clothing and put them all into a pile.

"I see," Mary said softly. "Is it money? Can he not afford one?"

Anna chuckled. "No, I don't think it's that. He was worried about choosing one. I know he wants to get one, but he is fraught with worry about getting something that Mrs Hughes will not like. I said I would help him if he needs it, but I also said that he would likely see one and know in his stomach that it was the right one. I suppose he could propose and ask Mrs Hughes to pick one, but I'm not sure what he will decide. I told him he doesn't even need to get her one, as most men don't."

Mary stood staring at herself in the mirror as she thought and pondered about what Anna was saying. If it was causing him such distress, was there a way that Mary could help him? Was there something she could do to ease his troubles? "Anna," Mary said softly, turning to look at her friend. "I think I might have an idea and I would like to run it past you."

"Go on, M'Lady." The folded clothes were brought up to her chest as she stared intently at the other woman.

"What if I gave Mr Carson a ring? I have plenty. I mean, he could borrow it and propose to Mrs Hughes and then he could take the time to choose one with Mrs Hughes if he wishes. At least then he can propose and ask her what she would prefer. Do you think that a good idea? Is that a bit much?"

Anna smiled. "I think that is very generous, M'Lady. It might be something he would consider if you put the idea to him? I know he wants it all to be perfect, and I find that quite endearing, so it might offer him some relief if he was able to let Mrs Hughes choose the ring she wanted, but at the same time allow himself to propose with a ring in hand. Did you have a ring in mind?"

Mary pondered for a second, her mind going through the various rings she had in her possession. It would not be right to give him something extravagant as he wouldn't accept it through fear of damage and it not being his place to hold such finery. "I have a basic band, the one with the small three gems. They're not real diamonds, but it has that fine pattern where the metal crosses. Do you know which one I mean?"

"I do. It's lovely, basic, but beautiful. I'll go and fetch it. Do you want it right away?" Anna placed the folded clothes on the chair. "It might be in your jewellery box in here actually if I remember correctly."

Mary nodded and smiled. "I'll give it to him after dinner, I think. Do you think he might think I am interfering?" Of course, she knew that he likely wouldn't. More than anything, he would reject the idea because he didn't feel that it would be justified. Mary wanted to do something for him, and she had yet to even pay back a sliver of what she owed him. If this would ease his mind and make it simpler for him then it was an opportunity to take with both hands.

"Mr Carson would never think that, Lady Mary. He would see the sentiment behind it I'm sure. Of course, he might want to do it his own way and pick, but he would never think you are interfering. Not at all." Anna handed Lady Mary a small velvet-covered box with the ring inside. "It might ease his worry to know he can propose, but at the same time take the time to choose the perfect ring."

Mary took the box into her hand and opened it. It was a fine silver band. The band split into a fine twist where the gems were encased. It had been years since she had been given it, and it wasn't anything extravagant. It was beautiful though, nothing too precious, but precious enough to convey the sentiment behind an engagement ring. "Yes, this will do just fine. Thank you, Anna. I suppose I better get downstairs and show my face."


The room was alive with conversation as the occupants of the table took their second course, and Carson kept a watchful eye over everything as he usually did. Everyone looked happy, and the sound in his ears reminded him of how it used to be and how it should be. The food had been cooked and arrived flawlessly, with comments being made about how good it was, especially the salmon mousse. The wine he had chosen had gone down a treat, and everything just seemed to be in his favour. Mrs Patmore had outdone herself, the footmen were doing everything right and Lady Mary was grinning like a Cheshire cat. That in itself was worth everything.

Lady Mary was sat next to Tom, and they were chatting with each other in quite an animated fashion about the estate and children. Everyone else was also in pleasant conversation, the usual sort of chatter that came during dinner aside from Isobel Crawley and the Dowager who had begun to argue. It had started quite quiet, with the sarcastic comments and subtle hints of hostility in their words. As it progressed, the words and volume were getting more and more argumentative and they could all hear the Dowager's voice begin to strain. Neither woman built to concede or back down, it was going to reach a peak in a few short phrases. Most of the family members around the table had halted their conversation to take interest in what was unfolding, a few had wide eyes as the exchanges became sharper and the blows more deadly. Both of them wanted to prove that they were right.

"You mean like a buffoon!" The Dowager hissed, causing everyone to stop what they were doing.

The room fell into stunned silence, each of them looking at one another as they waited to see what was next. There was a small noise from the end of the table where Lady Mary was sat, a little snigger coming from behind her lips as she looked down at her hands with an intense concentration. It was if she had sealed in the air that was forced against the seal that was her lips, and it was whistling as it tried to escape. There was a gentle rhythm to her shoulders as she shook with the laughter that was trying to escape, and she had to bring her hand up to her mouth as she tried with all of her might to remain silent. Then the laugh escaped, and the chuckle evolved into a deep belly laugh that she tried so desperately not to choke on. Tom's face creased, and then his shoulders began to move as if the laughter itself was as contagious as the flu.

Tom held up his hand. "I'm sorry," he gasped as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes moving to Mary as he did as he watched her give the biggest toothy smile. Then he laughed deeper as she brought up her napkin to cover her face, her cheeks turning a deeper shade of red.

The laughter moved around the table with more and more people joining in. It was the sort of laughter that encased a room, and some people were only laughing at the other people laughing and not even on the subject matter. The whole table erupted, aside from the Dowager and Isobel. Even Edith, who was smirking into her glass, was trying hard to stop herself from losing her resolve.

"Well," Isobel huffed. "I'm glad you all find this so amusing." There was a scowl on her face that she was able to maintain for a short moment before she moved her eyes to Mary and Tom and the lines softened. It didn't take long for her to let out a little laugh and put down her fork that she had been gripping with an intense force.

Violet Crawley's eyebrows were so far north on her forehead that it looked as if they were trying to be a part of her hairline. One after another she moved her gaze to each person around the table, the look of disgust so clear that it reinforced some of the laughter. "Have we all gone mad?" she exclaimed sternly, reaching for her glass and making eye contact with Carson so she could get it refilled.

The laughter got louder and carried on until almost everyone was feeling the strain in their sides, the aching increasing as their muscles got tired of the non-stop movement. Robert had been forced to put his wine glass down after nearly choking on a mouthful of red. The last thing he wanted to do was waste anything.

Cora was beaming. "What a wonderful feeling," she said happily, clapping her hands together and watching as her family beamed around her. A stray tear had left her eye and she wiped it away with a napkin. "It feels like such a time since I have laughed like this."

Robert nodded his head and returned the smile to his wife before turning his attention to Mary, who was still laughing with force. It made him feel warm to see her laugh like that. It had been such a time since he had seen such pure and happy emotions on her face. Then he moved his eyes to his Mama, who looked completely lost and filled with disgust. This just made him want to laugh more, and he had to lean back into his chair and try and keep himself straight. It took him a moment to compose himself, and he let out a huge sigh before reaching out for his glass again. "I think I would like to make a toast," he said proudly, moving himself to a standing position as he lifted his glass. "To the future. To laughter and most of all, to family."

Chairs were pulled out and everyone got to their feet to raise their glasses and repeat what Robert had said. The energy in the room had lifted dramatically, and all of them looked happy in that current moment. Even the Dowager's face had softened just a little bit.

Then, a quiet voice came from the end of the table, and Mary lifted her glass higher. "To Matthew," she said, closing her eyes for just a second so she could picture his beautiful face.

Everyone looked around at each other, their eyes reflecting their thoughts of the fallen man and then followed Mary's gesture. Matthew's name echoed around the room, and even Carson and the footmen bowed their head as a sign of respect.

"To Matthew," Robert said last. "A fine fellow who we all miss dearly."

Everyone took their seats again and they continued with their evening. The mood was charged, and people talked happily with one another. The dispute between the Dowager and Isobel stopped, although they all knew that it wasn't over and that it had just been deferred to another point in the evening or the days to follow. The laughter had been cathartic to everyone, their hearts feeling light in their chest for the first time in a while. Mary felt like she had been recharged, her whole mind and body fully using that boost where it was required. For those that had worried for Mary, seeing her laugh in such a way had eased this worry away and proved she was most certainly in a better place. Things were hard, life was hard, but then the whole point was that no matter what, you had to hold on to what you had and move forward. Family. Life. The Crawley household was doing just that, and in comparison to the months gone by it was a complete contrast. The air felt free as if the tension had evaporated. It felt as if the dust of the past had been removed. They would never forget the pain and the sadness, nor the loss of a great man, but they all knew that it could not hold them back. They were overcoming it like they had to, and every day put them closer to normality once more.


I know some might think that Mary would not offer the ring etc but I liked the idea so thought I would bring it into fruition. In terms of the scene where they were all having dinner, I didn't want to go into too much detail about what they were arguing about. I wanted to focus on how it made people react and feel :) I hope you've enjoyed.