Chapter Forty Four: Forgiveness
After the moment of relief passes, I realize I still have something I need to do.
"Ling, Yao, Chien-Po," I say softly. They all look to me. "I'm sorry I lied to you. At the time, it really was my only choice." I bow my head in shame. "I understand if you are angry at me."
When they don't answer right away, I feel my throat grow tight. I look at the ground, ashamed of betraying this loyal bunch of men. I hear a rustle of movement and feel someone place a hand lightly on my left shoulder. I look up into the gentle eyes of Chien-Po.
"Man or woman, Ping or Mulan, you are our friend. Nothing can change that." The gentle giant smiles kindly, and I can't help but smile back.
"Thanks," I say, trying not to get choked up.
"Yeah, that goes for us, too!" Yao states, coming over and punching me playfully in the arm.
"That's right!" Ling agrees. "While we're at it, you got any other alter-egos you want us to meet?" he jokes. I chuckle.
"Nope!" I cry.
Suddenly, I notice Qing running down from the palace to us. He is smiling gleefully, displaying that childish side of himself I adore. He doesn't stop running until his arms are wrapped tight around me in an embrace, and I laugh, hugging him back.
He lets go of me and pumps his fist in the air triumphantly.
"You won! That was awesome!" he yells.
"We won, Shadow," I correct, smiling broadly.
He is sixteen now, but still small for his age, and I will always think of him as my little shadow.
The six of us celebrate for a few moments, and Chien-Po picks us all up for a group hug when I see something in my peripheral vision. It's Captain Li Shang. He stands a few feet from us, distancing himself from us. He is looking at the ground, his hands folded behind his back. My friends notice me staring and follow my gaze.
"Idiot," Yao snarls. "Why you worryin' about him, Mulan? That idiot almost killed you." It seems as if the events of Tung-Shao have broken the friendly bond that was seeming to form between Yao and the captain. Sure, they weren't really friends, but they didn't hate each other either.
No one else comments.
"I'll be back in a minute," I say quietly to the guys. Mushu seems momentarily reluctant to let me go, obviously not trusting of the man who had once threatened my life. But, he decides against stopping me, no doubt knowing that arguing with me never got him anywhere.
I walk the few steps over to the captain's side. He doesn't look up.
"So," I say, not knowing how to start. "Are you this antisocial around everyone, or just crossdressers?" I joke lightly.
He looks at me then.
"Mulan, listen, I… I didn't… I mean… You… You fight good." He smacks the heel of his hand on his forehead. "Great! Now I sound like an idiot," he grumbles. He looks at me in the eyes and seems to attempt to unscramble his thoughts. "Listen, Mulan. I am truly sorry for all of the misdeeds I have cast upon you. I had no right to treat you the way I did."
"Actually," I say quietly, "you kind of had every right." I take a breath. "I lied and betrayed your trust. I apologize."
"No," he states, shaking his head. "You don't need to apologize. You tried to explain to me why you did what you did, and I didn't listen, but I understand now. If anything, I should be thanking you. You saved me…again."
"You know, I wouldn't have had to if you could manage to retain consciousness during battles." I joke. He laughs, and I stick my hand out. "Are we good then?"
"What, everyone else gets a hug except for me?" For a moment, I think he is trying to make a joke, but then he opens his arms. I roll my eyes and hug him.
"Never took you for the hugging type, Captain," I say when he lets me go.
"Call me Shang."
"I'll try," I say, shrugging.
"And I'll try to call you Mulan, then," he states, smiling.
Seeing that we seem to have made-up, the others come over to join us, and we all turn to stare at the smoking roof of the palace, the place where I blasted Shan-Yu.
"Do you think he's actually dead this time?" Ling asks Shang quietly. Shang nods.
"No one could survive being hit like that."
I snort humorlessly. "That's what we thought about burying them alive."
"Sooo, if he's dead, and the other Huns are dead, does that mean…" Yao asks, letting his question trail off. We have learned over the past two years to never hope too much. All of us turn to Shang, expectant.
"Well, there is a more official side to things yet, but-"
"Oh, just say it!" Ling exclaims, impatient as ever.
"Yes, the fighting for this war is over." Shang smiles a smile larger than any other I have ever seen on his face.
We celebrate once more, whooping and hugging and back-smacking. For a while, this war seemed like an endless black tunnel we were forced to march through, one with no end in sight. But, here, here on the palace steps, we have found that light, and we have embraced it.
Or at least we do for a good ten seconds.
"So, not to rain on this parade or anything, but what about… Mulan?" Ling asks cautiously. "I mean, the Emperor can't actually… punish… her after saving him, right?" He looks at Shang, who seems to be at a loss for words. How should he know what happens in this sort of situation? It's never happened before.
"He's the Emperor," I state quietly. "He can do whatever he wants with me."
"You should get out of here."
I look at Shang in disbelief. A suggestion like that, it's not like him at all.
"Go." he continues, urging me to leave. "Get your horse and run before-"
"No."
The others look at me like I am crazy.
"I'm done running. I'm done hiding. I will stay and face the consequences of my actions."
"I hope you're sure about that, because here comes Chi-Fu," Ling states uneasily, pointing at the top of the staircase.
"That was a deliberate attempt on my life!" Chi-Fu squeals as he stomps down the staircase. "Where is she?! Now she's done it! What a mess!"
I take a step forward as Chi-Fu approaches, holding myself tall and straight, glaring at him. That last thing I need this idiot thinking is that he can intimidate me.
Suddenly, I feel something on my left shoulder. I look, and Mushu is standing beside me, his hand on my shoulder. No, he is not standing beside me, he is standing with me.
"We're in it until the end, remember?" he whispers.
I feel another hand on my right shoulder, and there stands Chien-Po. Ling, Yao, and Qing stand in front of me, Qing reaching his hand back and putting it in mine.
Chien-Po looks sterner than I have ever seen him and speaks to Chi-Fu as if he was explaining something to a disobedient child.
"If you want to hurt Mulan,"
"You will have to get through us first," Yao finishes.
Abruptly, Shang moves to stand in front of us.
"All of us," he states.
"Stand aside!" Chi-Fu squeals. "That creature's not worth protecting!"
'Great,' I think, 'I'm not even considered human anymore.'
"She's a hero!" Shang defends.
"Tis a woman! She'll never be worth anything!" The counselor declares smugly. My hands clench into fists. What I would give to hit him-
I guess Shang feels the same way I do. He grabs Chi-Fu by his collar, lifting the man off the ground.
"Listen! You pompous-"
"Put him down!"
We are all shocked when a rough new voice enters the altercation. Suddenly, we realize we are nowhere near as alone as we thought we were. In fact, we are surrounded on all sides by a circle of at least ten guards, all with crossbows aimed at us. Cautiously, Shang drops Chi-Fu and backs away towards us.
"We are under orders to arrest Fa Mulan on account of treason," the guard who told Shang to drop Chi-Fu announces to us. "Surrender her now, or be charged as accomplices!"
In response, my friends move closer to me, protecting me.
'No!' My head screams at me. 'This isn't how this was supposed to work! Why won't they just give me up?!' I ask myself that question, but the answer is clear: They know I would do the exact same for any of them.
"This is your last chance!" the guard warns once more. "Three… two-"
"Wait!" I shout.
Surprisingly, the guard obliges. I untie my sword from my hip and press it into Mushu's hands. He stares at me, bewildered.
"You know what to do," I whisper, reminding him of the promise he made to me long ago, his promise to bring my father's sword back to him should I be unable to.
Before any of my friends can stop me, I shove my way past them until I am out in front of the group. "I surrender!" I proclaim, throwing my hands in the air.
Everyone stands in silent shock for a moment. Unfortunately, Chi-Fu is the first one out of it.
"Well! What are you waiting for?" he yells to the guards. "Shoot her!"
The guard shakes his head. "We have been ordered to bring her in alive," he states to Chi-Fu. He then looks to me. Gesturing at two of the other guards with his head, he orders, "Arrest her."
Before I really know what is happening, I am on the ground. There is a hand pressing down on my face so that my cheek is smashed into the cold ground, and I feel the guards grabbing my wrists and beginning to tie them together. Their actions are swift and rough as if they expect me to fight back as I did earlier when I was running up the steps. Can't they see I have no need to fight against my own country? Of course not, I'm a traitor to them.
After my hands have been tied behind my back, I am hefted to my feet. I look at my friends whose eyes show their want to help me and their simple inability to. I remember dimly a time when I was young, and I told Mushu that a woman could do anything, if only she were given a chance to prove herself. I smile weakly at my friends.
"Thank you," I whisper.
"What for?" Shang asks.
"For giving me a chance. For letting me prove myself to you." I look all of my friends in the eye. "No one has ever done that for me before."
And then, I am jerked away, and I feel a burlap bag pulled over my head, leaving me in darkness. I am shoved forward, the guards on either side of me gripping tight to my forearms.
As I'm led forward, I think absentmindedly of a little nursery rhyme my mother sang to me as a child. The one about the three blind mice. I sing the lyrics in my head.
'Three blind mice
Three blind mice
See how they run
See how they run
They all went after the farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
Have you ever seen such a sight in your life?
As three blind mice'
It's strange that I feel connected with this children's rhyme suddenly. I was the blind mice. I ran into this war not knowing what to expect, blind to how terrible the outcome could be, not only for myself but for my family. I went after something bigger than me: the law. And now they have got me, and they're gonna chop off my tail, or more specifically, my head.
I stumble when we reach the first set of stairs, as no one warned me about them. When we have made it down only two steps, however, I hear an authoritarian voice that could only belong to the man who rules this country.
"Stop!" the Emperor demands.
And the guards obey.
Author's Note: Hey there! So, soes the Three Blind Mice thing make any sense? I kind of just thought of it the other day and decided to use it. By the way, I DO NOT own that song. It is not mine, but I am unsure who the credit goes to. Anyways, Merry (late) Christmas to everyone that celebrates! Also, looks like this is my last posting of 2020, so have a happy New Year!
