Chapter 71: A Random Fight #2

The crevice closes up as a wobbling Driller carries the fainted Pokemon over to finish the pile.

Cassandra rushes onto the stage, catching the large bee Pokemon as its wings give out.

"That was wonderful, Driller! You deserve a break."

Driller used Rest!

Missingno and Koja follow behind her.

"Sorry, Cassandra, no time to wait. There are only three foes left to beat."

Koja glances at him. "You mean two, right?"

"Sure. Whatever you say. I wonder how mad Purple is right now?"

The three turn toward the deep purple face of their enemy.

"On a scale of one to ten, how mad are you?"

"TEN!"

"Yeah, that seems like too big of a range. How about on a scale from one to five?"

"STILL TEN!"

"Yeah, that checks out." Missingno scoops Driller from Cassandra and snaps his fingers. The remaining combatants find themselves back in the Champion's room. "Have fun with the last one-slash-three remaining Pokemon."

Purple practically explodes. "So only when numbers are in your favor do you come back here? Hypocrite! Desolate little-!"

"Yup! I can, so I will!" His smile fades as he glares at their foe. "I'll tell you what. Next time I go around messing with people's lives all over Kanto, you can choose where we fight."

"GET THEM!"

As purple points at them, the girl next to him unfurls large, orange wings. She launches up, and prepares to attack. Her mouth lengthens into an orange snout while a large flower erupts from her back along with a myriad of vines. To top it off, literal pipes emerge from her shoulders. From her vantage point, she rains down fire, water, and sharp leaves.

Cassandra and Koja split up, dodging as many attacks as they can. As one fireball breaks the ground, Koja scoops up a handful of rocks, tossing knives at the creature. The vines easily knock them away, and another round is directed at him.

Hey, Missingno. When you moved back here from the stage, you didn't happen to…

"Oh, don't worry. By some time travel shenanigans, all those events were rewritten. Everyone is back."

Whew.

"Why does she seem so strong?!"

Cassandra's cry pulls Missingno's focus back to the battle. She has her hammer in hand, batting away as many attacks as possible.

"What do you mean?"

"Driller is a level 2 glitch, right? If he can beat the other Pokemon, why can't we…" She looks at Purple, then at the girl, then at the pile of defeated Pokemon. "Oooooh." She hits another fireball and hightails it around towards Missingno.

Before she can reach him, the girl turns and releases a stream of flames.

_ used Fire Blast!

The flames cover a wide area around Missingno, and Cassandra digs in her heels to backtrack before being fried.

"Driller! No!"

"Shouldn't that be 'Missingno! NO!'?!"

The smoke clears very anime-cliche-like, and the Barrier surrounding the two flashes a few times before becoming solid again.

"Yeah, yeah. I know you'll be fine. By the way, can I join you in there?"

"No."

"ARG!" She bats away another volley of shots. "Why doesn't she have to be random and funny to be this strong?"

"Because those aren't her conditions."

"..." She backhands one last attack and turns to the Glitch. "Wait, what are my conditions?"

At those words, everyone in the room stops everything and looks at them.

"Your conditions are linked through me. You just need to be random and funny too."

The girl smirks and aims everything at Cassandra. Just as she begins an attack, she is forced to twist in the air to avoid the spinning hammer that flies past her and embeds into the wall, causing a crater. She looks back at the opponent and opens her snout.

"Wow, really?" The words emerge from her stationary jaws. "It might be a terrifying attack, if it weren't for the fact that now you can't do anything… else…"

Her voice trails off as Cassandra shrugs and pulls out another hammer. The girl looks from Cassandra's new weapon to the one still stuck in the wall and back again. Her eyes widen and shake as she begins to weave through the air, dodging the loose cannon fire of hammers. As she dodges, a figure appears in the air by her. Her arm turns into blue scales as the rock turns into a sword and clashes with her. With a simple swing, Koja is sent back while she focuses on staying airborne.

"Hey, Koja!"

He turns to see Missingno waving to him from a lazy-boy in the Barrier.

Koja points his sword at him as it turns back and forth. "You'd better stay in there, or else I might be the one that kills you."

Missingno literally waves the comment away. "Look, just take my advice. It seems weird to you, but you should shout your attack as you do. If it is a random attack, it will make it funnier."

But by saying that, now it will be less so.

"You're right! Nevermind! Don't do that!"

And now the funny thing is if he does it anyways.

"Ah! Then do it! Ah! No! Don't! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! AAAAAAHHHHH!"

As Missingno yells, Koja looks at the rock in his hand. He furrows his brow as he plunges back into the frey.

As the girl flew around, she felt the same figure appear again. The scene repeated, except this time she was not met with a sword.

"Ninja Weapon: Ninja Paper Fan!"

A normal paper fan sends the foe to the ground, where she reverts back to normal.

Koja lands next to Cassandra. "Random and funny, huh?"

She shrugs. "I guess so." She thinks for a second, pulling out a mallet. She lightly chucks it into the air, landing near the girl and causing an even bigger crater than before. "It's still a hammer, right?"

The girl grows an orange tail with a flame tip, and runs towards them. She expertly weaves between the raining mallets and dodges the oncoming Ninja Throwing Stars and Ninja Throwing Rats. As she reaches them, she brandishes orange claws and Slashes at them. Cassandra blocks with her mallet and Koja scoots away and around to get behind her. As his Ninja Paper Fan falls down on her again, a shell grows from her back, absorbing the blow.

"You shouldn't have stayed so close."

_ used Fire Spin! _ used Blizzard! _ used Mega Drain!

The attacks wraps around her, spreading out and together into a devastating AoE attack.

Cassandra tries to keep calm, but the sparks seared, the ice stung, and the green glows sapped her strength.

"Ninja Weapon: Igloo!"

The rubble around Cassandra morphs into a large covering, which immediately begins to weather away. She takes a deep breath and looks at Koja.

"Can this really be considered a weapon?"

"For a competent ninja, anything can be a weapon if used to defeat the enemy." Koja picks up some rocks and turns them into patches that fill in the holes. "But I'm not sure how much more of this I can take."

"Then we need to finish this with one big attack."

Cassandra reaches both hands into her bag and pulls out a hammer with Missingno's face on the flat end.

"Wait. Why am I a hammer, now?"

"Less talking, more distracting." Cassandra throws the tool through the roof, catching the opponent's eye. It sails upwards, crashing into the ceiling and sticks.

The girl keeps her gaze locked on the igloo, but as nothing else happens a bead of sweat rolls down her face. She turns off the combo attack, clearing the area of snow, flames and lights. She backs up to the wall, where she can see the hammer, igloo, and any potential sneak attacks.

"Ninja Weapon: Scarecrows!"

A dozen falling rocks turn into hay-filled Cassandras that pierce into the ground.

"Do you really think I would be scared of this?"

A dozen hammers fall after them, landing in each scarecrow's hand as they begin to wave them wildly.

The girl takes a step back. She bares her teeth as flames leak out. "I am done with these games!"

The flames jettisoning from her mouth melts everything. The scarecrows, hammers, even the floor around her. She steps on the soft, molten rock as her gaze strains to find the next attack amidst all the flames.

"Ninja Weapon: Floor!"

The flames' tendrils fade out as the floor turns into a steel plate. The girl sees the ninja off to her right, his hands on the ground. She turns toward him, but her feet don't budge. She looks down to find the steel solidified around her ankles. Her flames melt her feet free, but the floor immediately reverts back. She begins to turn towards him, water cannons already sprouting, when movement in her peripherals causes her to pause.

From the other side, Cassandra. From above, a falling hammer with a face.

"Whee!"

The hammer yells as it gets closer to the spot Cassandra is sprinting to.

The spot right in front of the Pokemon(?).

The girl's flames free her, and a small jump keeps her free. The hammer in hand, Cassandra swings at her. She twists in the air, plunging an orange claw at the girl.

The hand goes through with no resistance, causing the Ninja Mirage to dissipate. The real Cassandra shows up below her, hammer ready.

"Ninja Weapon: Teleportation!" Koja appears above her, a rock in his raised hand. "Ninja Weapon: Missingno!"

"Wait, what is happening?" The Missingno in his hand flails as he is swung towards the foe.

The girl pulls out anything to help block the attacks, but the shell, flower, wings, and mishmash of heavy limbs shatter from reality as the weapons connect with her. She drops to the floor, Fainted.

The duo pants as they hit the floor too.

"Let's not do that again."

"Agreed."