Chapter 45: Duplication
Carla
I brush the damp hair out of my face, staring at how it falls around my shoulders in the mirror. My eyes drift downwards, following every inch of skin until they rested on my scar, just above my stomach. I would be even more scarred soon. Stretch marks, stitches, my once perfectly crafted figure gone. I wanted this so badly, but the fear could be overwhelming at times. The doubt, the pending self-loathing. I dreaded the day Michelle's lips moved down my body and realised they didn't exude the same heat they once did. The same lust. Sure, she would still love me. But I wouldn't be the same.
"Car? Everything alright?" The melodic voice calls out from the living room and I shift myself back into reality. "You've been in there a while."
"Sorry, I didn't realise I was being timed." I unlock the door, slipping my head around it to gaze at where she was sat on the sofa, knees pulled up to her chest, scrolling through her iPad.
"I've booked the scan for next week." She says in a matter-of-fact tone, although the words shoot through me like a heart attack.
"What?" I stammer, leaving the bathroom to take a seat next to her. "Already?"
"Well you'll be nine weeks sweetie." She reminds me, pulling up a timeline on the screen. "And while we're at it, I've booked you in for your blood tests."
"Blood tests?"
"For sickle cell and thalassaemia." She prompts as if it was obvious. The complex words circulate my brain, sending me into a state of anxiety.
"...What?" I swallow, willing her to put down her iPad and as if reading my mind, she does.
She places a hand on my arm reassuringly. "It's just tests, to check you don't have any rare blood disorders."
"Well I don't!" I object, realising how childish I sounded.
"Alright." She tries to keep her tone calm, watching how my tongue curls into my cheek. "It's just routine. It's just a few blood tests, hey? It's not as bad as giving birth."
"Oh great, thanks Chelle, that really helps." I strop, fiddling with the tassels on a cushion. We sit in silence for a moment before I dare to open my mouth again. "What if we get to the scan and there's no baby?" I finally look up at her, trying to hold tears back.
"What do you mean?"
"What if it's one of those... You know, phantom pregnancies... Whatever they're called. Where you get all the symptoms because you want a baby so badly."
"We did three tests-"
"Yeah but tests can be wrong, can't they?"
"...I think it's very unlikely for three tests to be wrong, Carla."
"Yeah, unlikely." I repeat, my eyes focused on hers, begging for reassurance. "Not impossible."
Wrapping her arms around me, she pulls me into her lap, sighing into my hair. Slipping her hand under the hem of my top and pulling it up slightly, she laces her fingers with mine, pressing them gently again my skin. "Our son or daughter is in there." She whispers gently, so as not to scare me. "The size of a blueberry."
"A what?" My head whips around, eyes searching her wildly.
"A blueberry. Or a jelly bean." She informs me. "However you want to see it."
"Well... Neither really." I pout slightly. "Makes me hungry." She laughs into my hair as I curl my fingers into a small circle. "So it's that big?"
"Mm." She just nods and I ponder it for a moment.
"...That's small."
"Yeah." She muffles, pulling her iPad out again and positioning it in front of where I am lay against her chest. "Look."
My eyes drift to where she has pulled up a pregnancy app, a flesh coloured dinosaur figure floating on the screen. "...That's horrifying." I murmur and she laughs again, stroking her fingers through my hair as I play with the screen, moving the virtual embryo back and forth. "Wow... Look at it's heart beating." I mumble, watching the dark area of its chest pulsate. I click on the information button, reading aloud. "The brain is developing fast, making your baby's head much larger in proportion to the rest of the body. The inner ear takes shape and the eye lids start to develop. Your baby's eyes are starting to form. Cartilage is forming in the arm and leg buds which will eventually develop into strong bones... Huh... It's crazy that all of that is going on inside of me."
"That'll be why you're so tired all the time." She nudges me and I just nod, still fixated on the screen. "You taken your meds?"
"Yes, I'm surprised the baby isn't off its head on them." I finally lower the iPad, curling into her tighter. "Sorry."
"For what?"
"For throwing a tantrum." I kiss her cheek apologetically, pushing a fallen piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm just scared."
"Me too." She admits quietly. "But have some faith in yourself."
"Okay." I whisper, kissing her gently. "What day is the scan?"
"Tuesday. I checked, we have no meetings."
"Mm." I play with her necklace for a few seconds, absorbing the silence. "You've got to promise not to cry."
"I can't promise that." She smiles, cupping my face in her hands. "I always cry."
"Yeah, I cried... Last time. But I was on my own so I felt stupid... I remember apologising to the midwife."
"I wish you'd called me."
"I was about to." I remember back to sitting in the waiting room, Peter's absence setting my nerves on edge. "I got my phone out to phone you and then I got called in." I hesitate. "Anyway... What's the point in raking over that now." Forcing a smile, I nudge my nose against hers. "Just don't miss the appointment because you're out getting drunk."
"I wouldn't miss it for anything." She squeezes my hand, kissing me again. "Anything."
Michelle
I hadn't moved my eyes from where Carla has been doing her makeup for about five minutes. In every flick of her powder brush I could sense stress. The pop of the toaster bringing me back to reality. Keeping myself busy buttering the bread and pouring out orange juice, I can sense her eyes on my back.
She raises an eyebrow at me before I can even put the plate in front of her and my arms fold defensively. "Please. I got the special bread and all."
"Chelle my nerves are shot." She groans, lowering her mirror and picking at the crust disinterestedly.
Taking the liberty of going over, I place my hands firmly on her shoulders, kissing her nose momentarily. "Just try to relax. Ok? We'll get back later and you'll be wondering what you were stressing about."
"Yeah." She just nods nervously. "It's all going to be fine."
"Exactly." I push the plate towards her. "So eat something."
Carla
"I'm knackered." I just say, watching the clock tick torturously on the wall of the waiting room. 10:32am. Two minutes late.
"Well you didn't sleep well last night." Michelle points out obviously, as she flicks through a magazine. How was she so calm? I could feel my heart racing in my chest. "Anyway, we've got nothing on for the rest of the day so you can get into bed as soon as we're home."
The idea sounded so inviting to me right now. To be wrapped up in the warm, crisp sheets, away from the fear and anxiety of the maternity ward at Weatherfield General. I couldn't believe I was back here. Second scan, second baby. Yet once upon a time, the thought of even one would make me spit my wine out with laughter.
"Carla Connor?" The sound of my name causes me to snap round, a friendly face meeting mine. "Do you want to come through?" I can just about manage a nod as I stand, picking my bag up and following her into the clinical looking room. It seemed very similar to the one I had been in at the clinic to have my transfer. Only this time there were faces of babies pinned to the wall, plastic statues of female genitalia and various prototypes of birthing equipment scattered on the shelves. It was, in a word, unsettling. "Nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Austin. Is this your first?"
I hardly hear her through the haze of anxiety that had crept up upon entering the room, and just nod my head, before thinking it necessary to follow up with, "I had a miscarriage a few years ago."
"Ah right." She clarifies it on her clipboard, as if it was a daily occurrence, which in her job it probably was. "You're Michelle?" She guesses, glancing at my wife who reaches out to shake her hand. "Any children?"
"Uh, three sons."
"Wow, a lot of boys in the family then?" She laughs lightheartedly as Michelle's eyes dart to the floor. "Hoping for a girl?"
"As long as it is healthy, I really don't care." I respond honestly. It was the truth; preference of gender was not on the priorities list right now. I just needed to hear the heartbeat. I needed to know they were in there and that everything was as it should be. That I was doing a good enough job.
"Right, we'll get started then." She says brightly. "Just give me a second to get set up."
"You ok?" Michelle asks quietly, reaching for my hand as I try to get comfortable on the bed. I just nod, swallowing hard as my eyes scan the room. Everything was being brought back to me, and I could see in Michelle's that it was for her too. Maybe she wasn't so calm after all.
"Are you ok?" I whisper and she nods, fighting tears for my sake. "I love you."
"I love you." She reaches down to brush her nose against mine, kissing me gently.
"...Ok." I can tell Dr. Austin is hesitant to interrupt, laying a sheet against me. "If you can just pull your top up and tuck this in, it'll just stop any of the gel going on your clothing."
"Yeah she's all designer, her." Michelle jokes. "We'll be forking out thousands for maternity clothes soon."
"Shush, you." I slap her gently, although I'm grateful that her jokes have calmed my mood slightly.
"Ok, this is warm gel. It helps the ultrasound waves to get a clearer image of the baby." I feel a weird sensation as she layers it onto my skin, refraining from telling her that I've heard it all before, staring up at the ceiling intensely.
"Chelle." I whisper into the silence, squeezing her hand. I feel Dr. Austin move the probe around continuously, waiting with my breath caught in my throat.
I had never felt so sick in my life.
And then I heard it, loud and clear. Proof that I was really doing this. Proof that I must be doing something right.
I throw my spare hand over my mouth, tears rushing to my eyes as I hear a small nervous laugh from Michelle. "Is that it?"
"Yep." Dr. Austin smiles before turning her attention to what she was looking at on the screen. Her brow furrows, as if inspecting something deeply, the same sick feeling returning to my body.
"...What?" I manage to murmur, and I check to see that Michelle is also looking at her with deep worry. "Is something wrong?"
"...Uh, this might take you by a bit of surprise." Dr Austin turns to us and I see Michelle swallow in fear, not even daring to breathe. "But I'm detecting two separate heartbeats."
"Excuse me?" I practically splutter, restraining myself from jumping up from where I am lay. "What do you mean two?"
"I mean that it appears you are carrying twins." She reveals and Michelle's mouth falls open, eyes fixated on the screen that she finally turns to us.
"Uh... Well that wasn't part of the deal." I suddenly begin to stress.
"Multiple births can be very common in later pregnancies-"
"Uh huh, huh, yeah." I mumble in shock, processing the information. Tilting my head to begin my rant towards Michelle, I notice how she is completely transfixed by the image in front of her, tears sliding down her cheeks. Suddenly, I realise my reaction. I see the happiness and hope in her eyes, the nostalgia. And then the word 'twins' doesn't sound so scary. "...Chelle?"
"Sorry." She snaps her head back to me, brushing the tears off her face. "I'm just..." She clasps my hand with both of hers, her voice so soft and gentle with care. "I'm so happy."
"...Yeah?" I realise, her emotion drawing up mine, scanning the love in her expression. "...Two babies?"
"Isn't that amazing?" She focuses on me and I ponder it. It then dawns on me that maybe she was right. Maybe this was a blessing. I knew this was without a doubt the last chance me and Michelle would have to have a baby. We would never have the time or energy to try for a second. Maybe this way, we really would have our own little family.
A lump forms in my throat at the word. Family. I couldn't believe this was going to be my life.
"Huh... Yeah." I just murmur, turning my head to the screen and finally taking a breath so that I could focus on the black and white squiggles in front of me. I couldn't make much out, just two black holes with what looked like small grey peanuts inside them. My mind suddenly clicks. I was staring at my baby... My babies... My children... The children I never ever thought I would have, especially with Michelle Connor. "I..." I begin, my voice cracking as I feel my cheeks heat up with tears. I remember the recognition and it hits me so hard in the chest. The realisation that there was something inside me that I loved so much. That I never loved before seeing them right in front of me. I ache with memories, the sudden glimmer of the future, the consciousness that I was actually going to be a mother. A sob catches in my throat, squeezing my eyes closed as tears roll down my cheeks. It was such a mix of emotions. Despite being so happy that everything was okay, it was as if it had just hit me all over again what I had lost. Like I hadn't journeyed back to that place until now. I try to control my emotions, feeling Michelle placing damp kisses against my cheek, squeezing my hand tighter. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't apologise." I finally hear Dr. Austin, forgetting she had been here the whole time. "...I'm going to give you two a minute."
"Hey." Michelle whispers, smoothing back my hair and grazing her thumb along my forehead. I dare myself to look at her, eyes connecting, and in that moment I realise she is feeling everything I am. "Look at our babies."
"...Never thought I'd hear you say that when we were on the estate." I manage to muffle through tears and she giggles softly. "I've never... Felt such a rush of emotion in my life. I don't know what to think."
"Well just focus on these two right now." She points her finger to the screen and I stare in the direction, still in partial disbelief.
"Two." I repeat, clutching her hand tighter. "Two, Chelle."
"Mm." She presses a kiss to my forehead. "A family."
"But... I'm going to be really fat." Is all that I can release and she laughs again, plastering kisses on my face. "...It's terrifying."
"I know. I know." She whispers, composing herself for my sake. "We've got time to absorb it, hm? Six and a half months to be exact."
"I can't believe... Everything's... Going right." I mumble, unable to pull my eyes from the sonogram. "This is really happening."
"Just hit you?" She guesses and I nod. "Yeah... Crazy how it suddenly becomes so real."
"We're really doing this." I bite down on my lip, shifting my eyes to hers. "Really?"
She nods and I pull her down to kiss me. "Really."
Michelle
"Home sweet home." I open the door, allowing Carla to walk past me. "Are you hungry?"
"Not in the slightest." She takes a seat on the sofa, pulling a cushion into her lap. A copy of the scan photo is secured in her grip, already creased down the middle where she was folding and unfolding it in anxiety. It was a good job I had another copy, which I was planning to keep in pristine condition.
"Well, I phoned Sally. We're good to take the rest of the day off so." I take a step towards her, eventually lowering myself into the arm chair. She fiddles with the corner of the photo, bending it back and forth a couple of times.
"What are you doing over there? Come here you silly beggar." It was almost a demand, almost a joke, but I don't waste time in taking a seat next to her, pulling her into me. "I hate you tiptoeing around me like I'm a vicious dog."
"I wasn't." I sigh, running my fingers through her hair. "I just don't want to smother you."
"No you do right." She mumbles and I have to gently remove the photo from her hand, seeing paper cracks slowly forming along the print.
"Good job we've got multiple copies of this, isn't it?" I wave it gently in front of her face, smoothening it out and looking down at what could almost be a sketch. An oil painting. Our world, on a piece of paper.
"Sorry... I tend to fiddle when I'm stressed."
"I know." I reach for the stress ball on the coffee table, slipping it into her hand and she offers me a small smile. "At least you and the babies are healthy, hm?"
"Yeah." She nods quietly, now moving to pick at the piece of cotton wool taped to her arm, where her blood tests had been carried out.
"Stop that." I move her hand. "Play with your ball."
"I'm not a dog." She arches an eyebrow, hesitating before suddenly releasing her pending rant of worry. "Michelle, in a few months time I'm going to have two fully grown babies swimming around inside of me. That's like... Two watermelons... Inside me... Look how skinny I am? My body isn't ready for that! How is my kidney going to cope? How am I going to stop myself collapsing every five minutes? I'm not going to be able to walk anywhere! I'll be tired all the time! Oh my God I'm going to end up with so many stretch marks. My body is going to be ruined. Ruined!"
"...Finished?"
"No Michelle! I can't carry around two fully grown babies!" She continues and I let her. "I'm never ever going to get my figure back. This is it now. This is going to ruin everything I worked for! What if I'm walking and I just fall flat on my face because I weigh so much? You know in Jaws when the whale washes up on the beach? That'll be me."
"...Jaws is about a shark." It isn't really the relevant thing to respond with, but I'm so swamped with her worries right now that it seemed necessary to point out. "I think you might be getting mixed up with-"
"Right well I don't care. What I do care about is that I am about to completely change, Michelle. Completely!" She falls silent, a tear rolling down her cheek as she grips my top and I rock her gently, humming some tune which I'm sure I sang to her when we were kids. We stay like that for a couple of minutes, trying my best to calm her down, to show I am there supporting her. I knew from experience that it was scary. Being 15 years old and not even fully through puberty, knowing my body was about to grow in ways that it shouldn't for a teenager, was terrifying. The fear of what everybody would say, if they would point and laugh at me. The slut of the estate who was predicted to be so careless. It didn't matter how old you got, because I remembered feeling exactly the same when I was forty and I first noticed my bump with Ruairi. It was terrifying but exciting at the same time. But for Carla, I knew this was huge. A massive part of her life had been always being so heavily focused on how she was presented to people. Even from a young age, she never wanted to appear weak, maternal, imperfect. It was natural for this all to hit her after seeing the scan, especially when we had been given the news of twins.
"Right, can I speak now?" I whisper into her hair eventually and I just feel her nod. "Okay. You know, twins, they're going to be smaller? You're not going to have two bumps on top of each other Carla. It's perfectly natural, normal and healthy. Your bump will just be a little bigger. And after the birth, you can focus on getting yourself back to how you'd like to be. I'll help you, ok? But right now you need to concentrate on looking after yourself. Not stressing yourself out. Think about the positives, hey? We're going to have our own little family. There's nothing to be afraid of. I've got you, all the way. We can do this."
"...Yeah." She breathes, her head shifting against the damp of my top. "God I think I'm just shocked... Shocked at the news... Shocked that everything is actually okay... It doesn't seem real until you see it there, does it?"
"No." I whisper, begging myself to hold back tears for her sake. It was such a bitter-sweet wave of nostalgia. But I couldn't upset her more, not here. "I'm going to go to the shop. What do you want?"
"...Toffee popcorn." She decides and I let out a laugh. "And uh..." Sitting up, she stares into midair, contemplating. "...And meatballs... And peanut butter."
"Not together." I pull a face.
"Ooo." Her eyes light up at the idea and I can't resist leaning in to kiss her.
"Right I won't be long then." I stand up, pulling my coat on. "Text me if you want anything else."
"Ok." She murmurs, before I am pulled back by the call of my name. "Chelle?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smile softly, taking in the way she gazes at me with pure love. "I love you too."
The chilly November air tempts goosebumps to prickle up my arms beneath my coat, grateful to enter Dev's and feel the warmth soothe me. Grabbing a basket, I mentally check off everything Carla had asked me to get. It was the strangest pile of items that I had probably ever gone shopping for, but at least it would keep her content. It's only when my eyes fall on the bags of premature nappies in the corner of the shop that I freeze up. It was as if my mind was trying to keep the floodgates of memories from throwing themselves open. My hand goes rigid gripping the basket, preventing it from falling to my side.
"Chelle?" I hear a soft voice as a hand slips onto my shoulder, whipping my head around to face Steve. Why, of all the people, was he here now? "You ok?" He follows where I had been gazing, fixating on the nappies and reading the situation.
"Yeah... Fine." I just mumble, brushing the hair out of my face. "You?"
"Yeah." He just nods, awkwardness ensuing and I shift uncomfortably.
"Right." I respond bluntly. "Glad to hear it." I try to move past him and he places his hand back on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. Lifting my head, I shoot him a glare, making him aware that I was not pleased about the physical contact he was making with me. "What?"
"You know, I think about him all the time." The words fall out of my mouth, and it is perhaps the most sincere I have heard him since we were together. "It just hits you sometimes, doesn't it? When you're least expecting it."
"Yeah." Is all I can muster, avoiding eye contact. I had done very well at holding it together until now, and Steve McDonald was not about to break me.
"You know, if you ever want to talk about it-"
"I don't." I confirm, managing to slip past him and dumping my basket on the counter, Dev's eyes scanning me cautiously.
"Afternoon." I don't know whether it is an attempt at sounding bright or an attempt at being sarcastic, but either way, I just shoot him a forced smile. "Two for one on car air fresheners, interested?" He waves his hand proudly around the box on the counter and I stare at them for a moment, realising how trivial car air fresheners were. Car air fresheners were probably Dev's most talked about topic of the day. The top of his priority list. Right now, the top of my priority list was stopping myself having a PTSD episode. "Michelle?"
"No." I practically snap at him and he looks taken aback. "No thank you. I'll just pay."
"Ok." He grits his teeth, trying to remain polite as he offers me the card machine. "Seventeen-" I beep my card against it before he can even finish dictating the amount, cramming everything into the bag for life I had brought with me. Spinning around, I bump straight back into Steve, who had been standing directly behind me.
"Oh what do you want?" I shout at him, practically making him flinch in shock. "No, I don't want to talk to you about our dead son!" The words leave my mouth, making me shiver. His brow furrows and I can see the hurt behind his eyes at my words. Why was I like this? Why was I lashing out all of a sudden?
"...I was just waiting to pay." He indicates to the basket in his hand and I swallow hard. Of course he was. He wanted to get on with his life, like everybody else.
"...Sorry." I hesitate, feeling myself suddenly crumble. I burst into tears, feeling him catch me in his arms and finally giving in, sobbing into his chest. He still smelled the same. The weirdly comforting smell of cab drivers aftershave and his menthol vape liquid.
"Hey." I feel him smooth my hair, a wave of nausea surging inside me at the thought of letting him see me so weak again. "Michelle, why don't we go somewhere more private, hey?"
Any other time, I'd have probably slapped him for the use of terminology, or at least winced at the thought. But I knew going back to Carla now would just be dumping all my hurt on her. So instead, I just nod my head, allowing him to guide me out of the shop.
"Tea." He places a mug down on the windowsill next to the armchair in Streetcars and I manage a small smile. "And uh, I opened the posh biscuits and all. Don't tell Peter." He offers me one and I just shake my head, confused as to why I was a worthy cause for the posh biscuits. Although it was Steve, maybe he needed any excuse. "So, is it just a bad day or is there something I've forgotten?"
"No, you haven't forgotten anything." I sigh, lowering my head into my hands momentarily. I knew Carla wouldn't thank me for revealing our secret to my ex-husband before we had even told her dad, but it didn't seem like I was left with much of a choice. "We had a baby scan earlier."
"We?" He frowns, his eyes dropping to my stomach, mouth falling open in shock. "You're cheating on Carla? Who with?"
"No I'm not!" I snap, furious at his insinuations. "I'm not cheating on her with anyone."
"Then... How'dya get pregnant?" He sounds genuinely confused and I scrunch my face up in annoyance.
"I'm not pregnant." I inform him. "Carla is."
"...So she cheated on you?"
"No! Nobody's cheated on anyone!" I shout again, his mouth slamming shut. I roll my eyes as his expression falters, as if trying to work out an advanced maths equation. "Me and Carla are having a baby."
"...Eh?" Is all he can respond with, taking a second to process the information. "...How... How does that work?"
"I'm not here to give you a lesson in sex education, Steve." I huff, collapsing back in the chair. "And while we're on the subject, keep your mouth glued shut. Not a word, to anybody. Nobody knows except Kate."
"...And I don't think anyone will be guessing either." He inputs and my eyes flicker closed, taking a deep breath to calm my rising temper. "...Who's the father?" He persists, his eyes growing wide. "Is it Peter?"
"No Steve!" I yell, tempted to throw my mug straight at his gormless face. "Stop asking stupid questions!"
"It's not a stupid-"
"We're a gay couple, Steve. There isn't a father." I shut him up and his eyes shift to his lap.
"But technically-"
"Oh I give up." I stand up abruptly, realising I was getting nowhere. "I didn't come here to explain how insemination works Steve!"
"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. It's not important." He begs me and I stop in my tracks, exhaling again. "Please, sit down." I lower myself slowly, weighing my eyes against his. "So, you went for a scan... Is something wrong with the baby?"
"No..." I sigh. "It just triggered a lot, that's all. I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I was in one of those rooms... Being told that Ruairi... That there was something wrong." I pause, studying him wearily. "Only I couldn't let it hit me until now... It's not fair on Carla, it's tough on her too."
"Oh 'cause... Yeah." He remembers, nodding in understanding. "Look, Chelle." He reaches for my hand and I pull it away defensively, screwing my nose up in disgust. "...You're starting a whole new life for yourself here. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and... Thoughtful about the past. It would be unnatural if we went through the motions without anything resurfacing." I realise it is maybe the smartest thing he had ever said, confused as to how dating Tracy Barlow had imparted some kind of wisdom on him. "But your heart doesn't only accommodate a certain amount of love, for a certain amount of people. You know? Love can expand as people come into your life."
"...Has Tracy got you reading Ken's poetry books or something?" I frown.
"No." He seems confused by my words, continuing all the same. "I'm just saying." He dares to pat my hand and this time I don't pull back. "Don't ever feel guilty for moving on with your life. The people who've left won't be any less important."
"Hello." I murmur as I enter the apartment, observing where Carla was sat with the fire blazing, feet up, face mask on. "You look relaxed."
"Well you took your time." She responds, without evening opening her eyes. "I had to find some way to entertain myself."
"Yeah sorry, I uh, I popped into the factory." I lie convincingly. "To check in with Sally, make sure everything was ticking over."
"Well as long as you remembered my popcorn, I don't mind." She finally turns to smile at me and I reflect it, pulling it from the bag and throwing it at her. She catches it effortlessly, ripping the bag open with a hungry expression on her face. "Mm." I busy myself as she mumbles in satisfaction, taking my coat off and unloading the shopping. I momentarily debate telling her why I actually took so long, but she seemed so content finally, I didn't want to ruin that. "So how was the queen of her empire?"
"...What?" I snap out of my trance, turning to see where she has an eyebrow raised.
"Sally."
"Oh!" I remember, going over to sit on the back of the sofa. "Yeah she's loving the power as ever."
"...You ok?" She slows on munching her popcorn, reaching a hand up to stroke my cheek.
"Yeah fine. Just tired." I plant a kiss on her forehead. "Did you choose a film?"
"Yeah. It's just one of those soppy rom-coms." She waves her hand towards the TV. "But I'll probably fall asleep on you anyway."
"Do you want something more substantial than that popcorn?" I stress, standing up to check the cupboards. "I can order take-out?"
"No, I just want you." She pouts slightly when I turn to face her, sighing and heading back over. "Sit down, give me and the babies a cuddle."
"Babies." I smile at the word, wrapping my arms around her and letting my hand fall against her tummy. "Ok, you've got me now. Press play then."
Carla
"...Chelle?" I whisper, my eyes fixated on the television, where Bram finally kisses Simon on the Ferris wheel, their friends applauding below.
"Thought you were asleep." I hear her respond, her fingers resuming in my hair at the sound of my voice.
"You know when you were pregnant?"
"Mm?"
"When did you realise you loved your baby?"
"Uh..." She hesitates, thinking back. "I guess maybe when I saw him for the first time at the scan. Or when we got home and Dean pretended the sonogram was talking to me. He put on this stupid baby voice... And I was like... Wow this is actually happening. That was the day I decided abortion wasn't an option... I just couldn't do it. Not when I'd seen him right before my eyes."
"...Were you scared?"
"Terrified." She answers honestly. "Terrified of the unknowing. Terrified of the pain. Terrified that I realised I suddenly loved something so much... That I thought once upon a time I never wanted."
"...Does it hurt?" I dare to ask, although the answer was obvious. "I know it's stupid but... Is it really really bad?"
"Well... I was practically a virgin. Just got unlucky on my first try, hey?" She swallows, careful of how to phrase her words so as not to scare me. "So... Naturally, I was never prepared for it..." She pauses again and I know what she is going to say before it can even shakily leave her mouth. "And the second time... It was a different kind of pain so... I wouldn't be able to compare. Neither do I want to."
"Yeah." I nod understandingly, taking a moment to absorb her words before sitting up. I knew she was crying before I even saw the tears staining her cheeks. "Chelle..." I whisper, gently grazing my thumbs across her face. "...Today must have been hard for you. I'm not stupid."
"Yeah it was." She finally admits to me. "But it was also... So happy... So hopeful."
"Bitter sweet." I respond knowingly and she just manages a small smile. "Mm." We sit in silence for a while as I continue to brush the tears from her face, studying how she wrings her hands in her lap. Eventually I drop down, taking both of them in mine. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"
"Of course." She murmurs, weighing up my expression. "...Carla... This... Today... It's made me realise how lucky we are. How blessed life is."
"Hashtag blessed." I bite my lip gently, unable to stop the smile creeping across my face and she nods, laughing softly through tears.
"Hashtag blessed." She repeats, giving my hands a gentle squeeze. "...You can do this. You're the strongest person I know. Whether it's one, two, or seven babies, you're gonna ace it."
"Seven? Don't tempt fate." My expression fills with worry, feeling slightly nauseous at the thought. "...There was a woman in California who carried eight at the same time."
"Yeah, I think that might be a stretch." Michelle decides, tilting her forehead against mine. "God, I love you so much. Thank you for everything."
"You don't have to thank me for things I want just as much as you." I manage a quiet giggle, smoothing the hair out of her face and pondering the future for a moment. "...As if there's going to be four of us." Suddenly, a bizarre thought hits me and I pull back instantly. "Oh my God."
"What?" Michelle's face creases with anxiety, looking as if I'd stopped her heart pumping in her chest.
"...How am I supposed to breast feed two at the same time?" I stress out loud and she exhales sharply, rolling her eyes.
"Carla you scared me then."
"Well this is scary!" I point out, images running through my head. "I'm gonna be like one of those... Refillable drinks machines... Like the ones at Nando's... Where you can fill multiple glasses at once."
"Well at least you have two breasts." She nudges me. "Think about poor Gemma with four babies! That's gotta be like feeding time at the zoo."
"Yeah..." I realise. "I suppose they're managing aren't they? And they've got double as many as we'll have."
"We're gonna be absolutely fine." She promises me and I let myself believe her, because I trusted her more than anybody. I knew she would never let me down. "Hey? Our little adventure. It's going to be amazing."
Couldn't resist could I hahaha. I'm loving reading your reviews ee, let me know what you think of the big news!
