"Hey," Viper says. "Have any of you ever played Dungeons and Dragons before?"
Skull shrugs and no one else cares enough to answer.
Viper hums.
The world falls away to a blank white space before being built up again as a typical wild west American film. Everyone sitting abruptly falls to the floor, Fon's sandwich disappears from his hands and Lal has to duck around a man riding a horse before she gets run over.
"Uh," Colonnello begins, looking down at his new clothes. He's really not into the suspenders and cowboy boots look. "I was actually doing something."
"This will be fun," Viper assures him.
"No, I don't care about fun, I was doing something-"
Reborn shoots the twenty-sided die in the air with his fancy pistol. The die spins as the world is frozen around their little group. They are currently surrounded by ant people one side and lizards on the other, about two hundred all up, the entire town on fire behind them.
They started fighting the ants when Luce decided they would help defend the town but the lead lizard got badly injured and Lal decided that was a great time to become overlord and so killed the leader in front of literally everyone here.
The die lands on a 20.
"Crit!" Reborn cheers.
"He's cheating!" Skull cries. "That's cheating. Like four twenties in a row, fuck that."
"I'm on your team, why are you complaining?" Reborn scoffs and lines up the shot.
The world restarts for a moment, in blips of six seconds, and the biggest ant guy crumples to the ground.
"Wait, was that the queen?" Verde asks.
Right before the ant army loses their shit.
"That's a mountain," Skull says, sitting on top of their horse-drawn caravan.
The colossal-type creature is made of the same rusted red stone and dust of the craggy cliffs it just separated itself from. It opens three sets of jaws with razor sharp teeth and roars, shaking the earth.
"I want to ride it," Skull says.
Viper sighs, that heavy kind of sigh that all Dungeon Masters inevitably do. "Please, is no one going to stop him?"
Fon shrugs, lazily petting the horse he's riding on. "It turned out fine last time."
"No," Viper says. "No, no. It did not. This is Skull's seventh character in as many days."
"I do feel like that is in character for Skull," Fon muses.
"You are missing the revolution!" Viper yells. "You are going literally in the opposite direction to where you should be!"
Reborn has his pistol pointed vaguely upward at the creature. "Do you think I can kill it?"
"You are a fucking fourth level wizard, Reborn, you can't do shit against it, you goddamned murder-hobo!"
So they do end up killing it, actually.
Fey-Marie screams, shot down by a hail of arrows right in front of them after months (in game) of travel together.
"Saveā¦" Fey-Marie chokes. "Save my sister-"
There's a rustle of plastic as Luce opens a packet of dried banana chips. Luce winces at how loud it was. "Sorry."
"Should we break for lunch?" Lal asks the others.
Fey-Marie continues to make choking noises, rather pointedly. The row of archers on the rooftops around them also turn to give the group angry glares.
"I'm hungry," Verde votes.
"Plus eight dagger," Reborn muses and picks it up.
So of course he gets possessed, and everyone else has ran off causing chaos in the newest town they've come to, so no one suspects it when he kills them all.
"I don't like how enthusiastic you were about that," Colonnello muses, now dead.
"I was possessed," Reborn says dismissively. "Anyway, I died too."
Fon tsks, because he's the one who finally managed to take Reborn down, before dying swiftly after.
Viper is wheezing off to the side. "Party kill with a fucking mild suggestion spell, that's the dumbest-"
Skull says nothing but everyone looks at him anyway.
"Okay, not the dumbest," Viper allows. "But that was close."
Lal is frowning. "Was Reborn even allowed to be that enthusiastic? Shouldn't he have struggled against the suggestion a little?"
"I mean, yes, but it was more fun this way," Viper explains.
"I didn't have fun," Luce sighs.
.
A/N: Actual conversations my friends have had when playing.
