Posted 2020-01-31 with gratitude to Chayasara and Eeyorefan12 for all their hard work as betas on this story.
"Nothing works on her," Jane mumbled, folding her arms and scowling. "If she can do anything useful, she needs . . . incentive." The scowl remained.
Bella stayed still, keeping her gaze locked on Jane. She didn't trust the small woman or her brother, who sat beside her.
"It's unfortunate Aro won't let you use Alice or Jasper," Alec said, a note of wistfulness to his voice.
Even the suggestion made Bella's shoulders tighten. They wouldn't, would they?
The other guard members had left so that only Jane and her brother remained. One by one, the grey-clad figures had attempted to elicit Bella's gift with their attacks and attributes. It seemed that Bella's only talent was being unaffected by all but the most innocuous of their talents. Her physical strength as a newborn allowed her to defend herself, but beyond that, she was just an average vampire. The idea made her very, very nervous. She would become vulnerable after her initial strength waned, and while Edward had assured her they would find a way to get her and Alice and Jasper away from the Volturi, each day felt like another proverbial nail in the coffin of her servitude.
And she still hadn't heard from Edward. She darted away from the thought, listening to Jane and Alec whisper to each other. Their lowered voices and hushed tones implied an intimacy that made her even more uncomfortable. They looked more like lovers than siblings.
Eww.
"You can go," Jane said, not even bothering to look at Bella.
Bella didn't ask if Jane was sure.
It was instinctual to head to the library. It was the safest place to which she had access. At least there she felt like she could breathe freely. Still forbidden to go outside, she roamed the castle almost incessantly, familiarizing herself with its many previously unexplored nooks and crannies and cataloguing them in her mind. It was not difficult to appear restless as she did so, given that she was prohibited from wandering outdoors. And newborns were restless by nature, weren't they? Yes, she was fairly sure her behavior would not raise any undue suspicion.
Once Bella passed the third level of the library, she sighed in relief. She was free to speak her mind here, and while it was a small piece of privacy, it was a great weight lifted from her mind.
"My lady," Erastus murmured quietly, approaching from behind one of the shelves.
"Hi, Erastus." She smiled. It was good to see a familiar and friendly face.
"Will you come?" He waved his hand towards a laptop on one of the tables.
"Sure." Her curiosity piqued, she wondered if there was a new addition to the collection.
"I noticed an annotation on your account, perhaps related to a favourite book?"
Bella almost gasped in excitement, speeding over the last few steps. She had to remind herself to slow down and be careful when she finally reached the fragile laptop. If there was an annotation on her file, it meant—
"Oh, thank God." Her voice sounded so loud in the stony space.
A few steps away, Erastus smiled a very small but genuine smile. Bella met his gaze, knowing she'd be crying if she could. In that brief moment of connection, she realized that in being so free with her reaction, she'd trusted him with far more than she could guarantee was wise. She looked back at the screen, suddenly nervous.
"It must be a very exciting book," Erastus said softly. "It's good to see someone so enthusiastic about the collection."
As Bella met his gaze again, she watched him smile evenly and then nod at her, turning and walking away.
If that wasn't Lower Order code for "I've got your back," she didn't know what was. Well, thank God for that and for the news in front of her.
On the screen and under the title, The Fannie Farmer Cookbook, sat a few lines of text in the annotation section: More than half a cow butchered, as per recipe. Butchers coordinated effort, satisfied with outcome. Head of cow, and five neck bones left to make soup at a later date.
Edward was safe. Their family was safe. The wolves were safe. They were all safe. She repeated these words in her mind over and over. But all was not well. Victoria remained at large with some of her minions, too. Tapping at the keyboard, Bella deleted the text Edward had left, considering what she would type in reply. She had to be so careful with this. Her perception of time, already so unreliable for her as a vampire, slipped away in greater amounts than she realized as Jane's voice made her look up.
"You have more work to do. Let's go."
"Sure," Bella said, closing her library account page and clicking on a new search to hide her work. She'd have to reply later.
As Bella stepped into the training space, just a few paces behind Jane, she stopped and stared. Erastus was in front of her, his arms held by Felix and Demetri as they stood on either side of him.
Her first thought was that Jane had heard something that could incriminate her. When Bella had been in the library, there was a chance a tiny bit of sound could have travelled up the stairs. Had it been her exclamation? Erastus's reaction?
Felix and Demetri began leveraging their respective grips on Erastus's arms, and Bella's eyes widened as she understood the significance of their stance.
Erastus made no sound as his arms were detached from his body, but Bella did. "NO!"
"Told you," Jane said to no one in particular as she smiled. She stood with her arms crossed, her habitual and nasty smirk making her lips quirk upward.
Demetri and Felix spat venom on the ends of Erastus's arms and then jammed them back into place. Erastus winced as the tissues knitted themselves back together. Although she'd never experienced it herself, Bella knew dismemberment was extraordinarily painful. Edward had apprised her of this and that the members of the Lower Order had been trained to withstand it by virtue of practice. But to do this in front of her for no good reason—
"I think you can do more than you're showing us, Bella," Jane said. "And I think, for whatever reason, you actually like these creatures." Her lips twisted with distaste. "So we'll keep going until I see some progress."
Some stupid part of her felt relief; this wasn't about what had happened in the library, but the feeling was fleeting. They were hell-bent on making her do something she had no idea how to do. "But I can't; I don't—"
She watched Erastus tremble and his face twitch as Felix and Demetri took up their places beside him again.
"Then you'd better try," Jane said.
She'd forgotten that she didn't need to breathe until she felt air moving through her lungs in a way her body remembered it needed to do when panicked or angry as a human. She became aware of a bubbling sensation within her that felt surprisingly familiar. Her fuzzy human memories associated it with vague recollections of her withdrawal. The feeling was startling, as if something were lifting from within her skin. There was no effect that she could see on anything around her though, and another shrieking snap echoed through the room as Erastus's arms were removed just as expeditiously as they'd been before.
"Stop!" she called out.
"Perhaps we will," Jane said, frowning briefly as she studied Bella for a moment. Then her lips curved upward again in a wicked smile. "Let him go."
Demetri and Felix stepped away quickly, and Jane tipped her head slightly to the left in what Bella recognized as the precursor to Jane's using her gift.
"Please, he hasn't—!"
Erastus's screaming reverberated through the room, and Bella's sense of helplessness grew with it.
"Please, Jane—!"
"Do something!" Jane's voice was shrill with frustration.
Bella did, leaping towards Jane and trying to knock her over. It was a clumsy maneuver, and Jane only rolled with the movement, kicking Bella into the wall as she stood. Erastus's high-pitched screams of agony continued unabated as he dropped to his knees.
"I can do this for days, but he won't be much use to anyone after that, so I suggest you do something else." Jane sounded both mocking and amused as she continued to employ her gift, smiling the whole time.
It enraged Bella to see, and the bubbling returned, blistering along her body as if her anger was lifting some second skin. Instinctively she stepped towards Erastus, kneeling on the floor beside him and cradling his head in her hands. His screaming stopped.
Startled, she stared at him, and he stared back, his eyes wide with shock.
"Interesting," Jane said, but her tone suggested something else.
"Are you—?" Demetri asked.
"Yes," Jane snapped. She tilted her head to a greater degree, her smile gone.
Bella watched her warily. The bubbling in her skin had stopped for now, but it was as if something hovered above her body, tingling in its place as she kept her hands on either side of Erastus's face. A sense of panic swept over her, and the sensation began to fade. Jane was still using her power on him. What if she couldn't—?
Just as she'd feared, Erastus's screaming began again. He wobbled back and forth on his knees, struggling for balance as she steadied him in her arms, his own detached limbs twitching on the floor beside him. Bella tried to renew her feelings of rage and anger, but all that came to her was panic and guilt. Horrified by what was happening right before her, she made the mistake of looking away, only to find Demetri's gaze locked on her.
Like a car barreling headlong into her, the memory of what he'd done smashed into her consciousness again. There was no reaching for rage. She was rage. She growled at Demetri and Felix and Jane, and only a very small part of her registered the silence that had taken the place of Erastus's screams
Jane's focused posture broke, and she laughed so explosively, the force of it caused her to fold herself almost in half. "Well, it seems all we need is you around, Demetri. Apparently, you're enough to trigger her gift all on your own. Aro will be delighted to hear it."
Bella let go of Erastus and snarled at the other vampires, her lips curling back as she hissed and crouched.
"My lady," Erastus whispered, his voice almost hoarse. He looked horrified by her display of animosity.
Jane stepped towards Erastus and pushed his arms back onto him. The sight snapped Bella back to herself, and she eyed Erastus closely. Vampires could not tire, but she could read the stress in his features as surely as in any human face. Perhaps the Lower Order could fatigue? When he saw her watching him, Erastus turned his face away from her as if he couldn't bear her scrutiny, almost as if he were ashamed. Her heart ached for him.
"We're done," Bella said. She eyed the other vampires darkly. When she addressed Erastus, it was much more gently. "I'll walk you back to the library."
Jane's voice had the same effect as nails on a chalkboard to Bella, sending the sensation of a chill up her spine as she heard the words. "Aro will be very pleased to know that we've uncovered your gift. Be prepared to demonstrate it for him this evening."
Screw you, Bella thought.
But she said nothing in return, only waiting on Erastus, who had stood up without assistance, quickly resuming his usual demure posture.
Marcus the Lesser was in the reading room when they entered the library. It was unusual for him to be there, and Bella couldn't help but wonder if he'd heard or had already surmised what had transpired.
Her question was answered almost immediately. "Dominic will tend to you," Marcus said softly to Erastus.
Erastus nodded to him and then Bella, who frowned as he walked slowly away. She moved to follow, but Marcus put out a hand.
"It is best if he has a few minutes to regroup."
"Of course," she said.
Marcus smiled weakly at her. "I would never address any of the other guard members so, or if I did, it would be the last thing I said before I was punished."
The Volturi were harsh. She didn't doubt what Marcus said.
"You do so much for them, and they treat you like you're nothing to them." She almost winced, hearing the bitterness in her own voice. "You're not lesser, no matter what they call you."
She watched Marcus's sad smile flicker again. He turned his gaze towards the stairs and then back to her, inviting her to follow. Bella did.
When they'd reached the third level, Marcus spoke again. "There is great wisdom in knowing one's place in the world."
Marcus was not one given to platitudes, subservient or otherwise, and Bella eyed him quizzically. She wasn't sure he would understand the phrase "That's a pile of horseshit," so she chose not to voice it. They walked at a slow and even pace, Marcus stopping occasionally to move a book or straighten a chair while Bella struggled to find the words she needed to move the conversation in a slightly different direction.
From the lower levels of the library, she could hear the murmuring of quiet voices. One was definitely Erastus's, but she couldn't identify the other.
"I think we've given them enough time," Marcus said softly as they walked down more stairs and approached the unassuming side door that led to the little break room.
Inside, Erastus sat in one of the ancient upholstered chairs, his hands wrapped around a cup of hot water at which he was staring. He looked up as they entered.
"Thank you, Dominic," Marcus said softly.
The shorter vampire nodded and turned to leave, closing the door softly behind him.
"You are yourself, Erastus?"
Bella could listen to Marcus's voice all day. It was low and gentle, the kind of voice that made one want to hear what he had to say. She couldn't help but compare him to the vampires around him—his gentle attentiveness stood out sharply against the indifferent cruelty of the guard and its leadership. Aro could learn a great deal from him—not that Aro ever would. She'd seen enough to know how rigid their kind were by nature.
"Yes," Erastus said. Unlike Marcus, his voice sounded hollow. His gaze flickered to Bella for a brief moment before he returned his attention to the cup in his hands. "I thank you for your help earlier, my lady."
His words had been murmured so quietly that Bella almost missed them, but she also had no idea how to respond. How could she accept his gratitude when she had, however inadvertently, been the reason for his suffering?
Bella thought she knew what Erastus might be going through. The members of the Lower Order had dealt with such atrocities for so long, the concept was nearly unfathomable to her. Still, she certainly understood feeling powerless and the sense of shame that might accompany that condition. It amazed her that these men continued to be the gentle creatures that they were in her presence. She thought again of the torture Erastus had suffered at Jane's hand and wished that her ability had manifested in time to prevent it instead of merely curtail it. He was probably still reliving the experience, she realized as she watched him. She wondered if anything she could say or do at this moment would be helpful in distracting him from whatever negative emotions he was feeling.
"I have matters I must attend to," Marcus said, straightening slightly, "but, Erastus, I leave you in good hands."
Bella gave him an incredulous look, abruptly unnerved. He was leaving her with Erastus?
Marcus nodded towards her, smiling a little.
What the heck was she going to say to Erastus?
And then they were alone.
"Um . . . " Bella began, then faltered. She scrambled for something to talk to him about, latching onto the first thing that came into her head. "You said you knew Emily Dickinson?"
To her great surprise, Erastus began to laugh.
She stared as he chuckled, opening his eyes and putting his cup down on the table beside him. He stared at the wall in front of him. "Marcus was right, then, but Marcus is almost always right." The laughter faltered.
"Why is Marcus almost always right?"
He inhaled and exhaled slowly. It seemed very human of him, and if she understood his relative age, she knew that his humanity was a very long time gone. But the Lower Order always had seemed more human to her than the other Volturi.
"She was . . . I loved her."
Bella's eyes widened.
Erastus chuckled again. "To answer your question, Marcus was as hopeful as I was. And hope, as I think you know, can be a very foolish thing."
It was awful to hear these words, and every part of her rallied against them. "No. You're wrong. Hope is essential."
"You are so young."
"And you're unbelievably jaded if you really believe that hope is a product of my youth." She narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you really believe that, and I don't want to be lied to by you."
Erastus nodded a little. "We all must have some hope, yes. This is true. We must hope for food and small joys and for the absence of frequent cruelty."
The absence of frequent cruelty. How awful.
She wished it was Marcus here with her, for her next suggestion was ultimately meant for his ears. "What if you never had to worry about cruelty again?"
"You mean, in death?" He spoke so genuinely, it was heartbreaking. It also threw off her purpose entirely.
"I mean, what if"—she stammered, and then her courage failed. "Never mind." She couldn't mess this up. It had to be right. And it wasn't right, not yet.
Erastus eyed her still, his head tilting slightly, the hope that had begun to bloom there now wilting in his gaze. "As you wish, my lady." He stood, and Bella understood that she was, for all his politeness, dismissed from his presence. She stood as well, her mind fraught with frustration and uncertainty, turning and walking away in search of the laptop she'd been using earlier. She needed to take advantage of this moment alone and reply to Edward's last message quickly. She wished she could have continued her conversation with Marcus, but knowing she could be called to the throne room at any moment to demonstrate her talent, she would have to find another opportunity—and it needed to be soon. She was running out of time.
DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
