A/N
Chapter 90! Holy Hell ...
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Rose leaves eventually —at her mom's insistence— and I sit quietly, alone, in the waiting room, staring at the blank wall.
I turned my phone off a couple of hours ago, after noticing numerous missed calls from my mom.
Screw her. She's the least of my concerns right now.
I sit, inwardly warring with myself; glad that I don't have parents who can demand I return home, and equally jealous of those who do.
Being so alone affords me time to think.
I have no doubt, especially given current circumstances, that I'm in love with Edward. When we're good, we're so good, and I've never connected with anyone so deeply before.
We're two damaged souls in a raging current that threatens to pull us under. Our foundations are weak and precarious, always on the verge of crumbling under us. When defensive, we're toxic, we self-destruct, deflect and destroy; always feeling as though we need to stay one step ahead of the other.
But we feel —I see that now. We feel so much more than many others; whatever the emotion, it hits us harder —anger, abandonment, hurt … love. We're capable of it all, but it consumes us so vehemently.
We get each other. Not many people would, not many people do.
Thinking back to the start, when Edward and I were so destructive; I'm assaulted with images of our time together, our words reverberating through my mind. The rough hands, the harsh words … the games, the endless toying, the push and pull. It seems like a lifetime ago. His Friday fights, his black empty eyes, his anger; my games, the endless flirting and flaunting to get a rise out of him, the goading, the teasing …
And then I think of us recently; the soft words, the tender touches, our day smiling and laughing in the snow, cuddled in his bed, talking for hours on end. No animosity, no anger. Small flashes afforded to us, showing us what we can be.
I know that I want it. I know that it'll take work and we'll make mistakes, but I want it, more than wanted anything ever before.
I can only hope Edward does too.
Suddenly, the world around me comes back into focus, the colours find their saturation.
I need to go to him. I need to see him.
I need to hold on to the hopefulness I feel.
We need to talk. Communicate. And it needs to continue from there —open up and make a promise to each other that no matter what the world throws at us, from now on, we'll handle it as a pair, as a partnership.
It's the only way we can work.
