A Marauder's Guide to Falling Forever

PART FOUR

Written by alliegrl


Chapter Twelve

Marlene brought her fist down on Sirius's door probably more firmly than she had intended. She could hear the echoing sounds of hurried footsteps from inside and she was grateful that he was home. She wasn't certain what she was going to do if he hadn't been, because she could hardly contain her excitement over the opportunity she had been presented with.

Lily would have been a second alternative, but it was Sirius that she wanted to talk to. Needed to talk to.

The door flew open and his face was stony, on guard. She noticed immediately that his hand held his wand slightly raised. But his face immediately relaxed when he realized that it was Marlene standing at the entrance and not some other form of threat.

"Hi," Marlene gushed, then pushed her way into the apartment without waiting for an invitation.

"Uh, hi?" Sirius's tone was laced with confusion. "What are you doing here? I mean, not that I'm not happy to see you..."

"I was at the Leaky Cauldron because Patrick decided to ask the hospital to take me back into the program, and that made me super angry so I was yelling at him and then he kissed me and Rose gave him a piece of her mind so then I was upset and trying to leave but I ran into Peter and he told me that – "

"Wait. WHAT? Patrick kissed you?!" Sirius interrupted her, his voice loudly projecting over her and drowning her out.

"You're missing the point," Marlene ignored him, continuing to ramble on. "So then Rose, that's Patrick's sister if you didn't know, offered me a job at the Ministry because she heard that I wasn't going back to the program and Peter told me that how boring it is, because apparently works there. Did you know that? I never bothered to ask what he did for work. But anyways, there's a lot of opportunity and I figured out that – "

"No. I'm more interested in the Patrick part." Sirius sounded angry now, Marlene wasn't paying enough attention to him but if she had she would have noticed the way his fists had clenched together as though he were holding back from swinging them into the stone wall.

"Sirius! Pay attention!" she chided him. "So if I take the job then I can maybe get access into the Department of Mysteries. I can get my task for the Order done! Isn't that perfect? I can't believe how perfectly this is working out. Oh and Peter said that you're being moody. What's up with that?"

"You can't just barge in here at ten o'clock at night and throw that sort of information at me. How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on anything else you said?" A primitive sort of growl escaped his lips, a vivid indication that he was he frustrated.

Marlene sighed, "Well obviously I didn't initiate or reciprocate so it's not a big deal – "

"Of course it's a big deal! That piece of shit has been waiting in the shadows all this time waiting to ambush and take advantage of you. I knew something like this was bound to happen."

"Did you also miss the part where I said I didn't reciprocate it?" Marlene tried to steer him out of the murky edges of his anger. She hadn't come there to start another fight about Patrick, but she had needed him to know.

"No. I caught that part."

"Okay. So it's done. Patrick and I are no longer friends and you don't need to worry about that, okay? You were right all along and I was being naïve and unwilling to accept that you saw something and I didn't. Now I want you to focus on the rest of what I said to you." Marlene stepped forward to grab Sirius's wrists. They were iron firm from tension. "Merlin, Sirius. Relax your hands will you?"

Sirius let out another aggravated sort of noise and ripped his hands from Marlene's hold. Then he moved his hands to his head to rub his temples, eyes clenched together in rising anguish. Marlene had purposefully been subtle when she threw the bomb in there, hoping that he'd have a less adverse reaction to the news of Patrick's advances. Clearly she was wrong.

Then he took a deep inhalation of breath and let it go. "I'm under a lot of stress, okay? I just wasn't expecting you here tonight. Or this."

Marlene took a step forward towards him and tried to soften her tone. "Peter said that you've been acting funny. What's going on, Sirius?"

Sirius looked up at her and scowled, "Peter doesn't know what he's talking about."

"So if I go and ask Remus or James then they're going to tell me that Peter's crazy too?" Something fierce flashed in Sirius's eyes at the mention of their names, but he stayed silent. "Is something going on with your friends? Just talk to me Sirius."

"Marlene," he groaned, finally moving away to take a seat on the couch. Marlene stood firm, unwilling to follow. "I'm really not in the mood to discuss my feelings right now."

"You know, I came all the way over here because I'm concerned about you," she pointed out.

"That's it, is it? Had nothing to do with Patrick or the Ministry or whatever?" he shot back. So he had been paying attention.

"Actually, as soon as Peter told me you've been acting funny it was my first thought. So no, it didn't have to do with Patrick or the Ministry. I could have very easily kept that part of my night private from you, but I chose not to."

"Because I'd find out anyways?" he let out a bitter laugh and Marlene felt a flare of irritation shoot through her.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I said I came over here to talk to you. To see how you're doing. Because I care about you. And we said no more secrets, remember? So hearing about Patrick and the Ministry was better coming from my mouth than someone else's. Don't you think?"

Sirius grumbled. "Yeah I suppose so."

"So? No more secrets. What's going on?"

He looked up at Marlene and the anger had faded. His chest rose and fell unevenly like he had been running and unable to catch his breath. Then he reached his hand out for Marlene to take it. She moved across the room to clasp it and he pulled her down to sit next to him.

"I think Remus is a spy."

At first she didn't understand what he was saying, and them, "What?!" Marlene's voice had raised an octave. "No. What? Remus? Spy? What spy? What the hell – "

"There's a spy in the Order. I just know it. How else has Voldemort known some of our moves before we've even made them?" He must have noticed the confusion on Marlene's face. "You've been gone awhile so I get you don't really know. But in the last few months the Death Eaters seem to know where we'll be, or if we're coming then they disappear before we even get there. Or they ambush us. It's obvious to me that someone is leaking information."

"But Remus? Does anyone else think there's someone in the Order leaking information? Why Remus? Jeez Sirius I don't know what to think."

"Remus has been underground a lot. With the werewolves, right? And we know that they're definitely not willing to work with us. Voldemort supporters for sure. Remus claims that he's still trying to work through them, to get them to switch sides, but I think it's just a front."

"Come on, you don't really think Remus is capable of that do you? It's Remus!"

"I don't know anymore, Mar. Anything is possible at this point."

"We can't turn on each other," Marlene said quietly. "Remus is our friend. You know him. You have to know he's not like that."

"I can't help it Marlene. I don't trust him."

"So is this why you've been distant then? It's not Peter's imagination?"

"I suppose not. Obviously I haven't let my suspicions slip. I've been keeping an eye on Remus from a distance. Until I have definitive proof."

The news was much more shocking than what Marlene had come to share. They sat in silence on the couch, neither one making the move to speak. Marlene felt Sirius's body twitch beside her, as though he were uncomfortable suddenly from her close proximity. She turned to look at him. His gaze was focused forward at the wall, a frown engraved into the lines of his forehead.

"I don't know what to think Sirius," she admitted, because she didn't.

Sirius sounded bitter when he replied, "You don't have to think anything about it. This is my problem to deal with, not yours."

"Your problems affect me too, you know." Marlene couldn't help but feel offended by his remark. Things between them were blurry and complicated, but they would always be affected by the others decisions somehow. She knew that deep down no matter how hard she tried to fight her feelings.

Then he turned, "Do they?"

"Of course they do," she said softly, careful.

Sirius leaned inwards to rest his forehead against hers and she reached across his lap to grasp hold of his hand. It was rough and calloused, like he had spent his entire life working manual labour. His breathing was still uneven and she could feel the warm air blow against her cheeks each time he exhaled. They sat like that for a while, neither one willing to pull away, neither one attempting to move forward.

She missed Sirius. A lot. But she still wasn't sure if she were willing to give into those feelings quite yet. Sirius held true to his promise not to push her, and she knew that it was her move to make. Finally she pulled away, hand still firmly clasped in his.

His eyes opened and she stared into them. The storm of confusion, hurt, and desire swirled around, causing Marlene's head to spin, causing her to wonder whether or not she were in fact ready to admit that she needed him. Then abruptly he pulled away completely and repositioned himself on the other end of the couch.

"So tell me about the Ministry. I need you to distract me so I don't hunt down Lennox and smash his face into the wall."