Kirishima

After the concert, I was with the boys enjoying several of the attractions, while I couldn't help looking for Bakubro in every corner of the venue. I thought I saw it from the girls' talent show event, but it wasn't the case. Now that I think about it, there was no sign of Todoroki either ... thinking that they could be together made me feel heaviness in the pit of my stomach, but I wasn't going to let those thoughts cloud this fun day. After the stress of Eri's rescue and the loss of Mr. Nighteye, it wasn't just the students in the other classes who wanted to de–stress.

Perhaps the bicolor wasn't even with him, although if that's the case, they're just friends. Just as I share with Kamibro, Serobro, Mina or even Deku, Bakubro could spend time with someone else… Those were the thoughts that I repeated to myself over and over again. Who or rather, why was I trying to convince me of that? I cleared my mind, and got carried away by all the activities of the rest of the students, while we were congratulated on the opening of the festival.

Late in the afternoon, I visited with Sero the worst and best house of terror; I was so scared I could barely walk, and that was the best of all. In the end we laughed at the best of how pathetic we saw ourselves running as cowards, although in our defense, the performance of those in course 1C was by far remarkable; it's amazing to think that some students could be so scary.

Night had fallen, and I was beginning to feel cold. I told Sero that I would go to the bedroom to find a coat, and see in passing if I ran into the blond that I hadn't seen since the presentation of the concert. It was after 8pm, so I assumed he was sleeping, but I wanted to think that he might have contemplated Mina's invitation for the Bakusquad to attend the bonfire they would make to conclude the Cultural Festival.

After searching for one of my favorite coats from the Crimson Riot promotional merchandise, I set out to head to Bakubro's room. Shortly before reaching his room, I noticed that he was on his way to the stairs. It was then that I remembered that the bicolor boy's room was on the third floor and the heaviness cradled in my stomach again. I called him, but received no answer, so I assumed he didn't hear me. Running to get closer to him, I realized that he didn't stop on this floor, but continued upward, and it was being closer to him that I realized that he was listening to music.

When at last I was about to reach him, I froze to see that he would go to meet who had happened to occupy much of his time; Todoroki. I thought about interrupting them and taking the blond with me to the campfire, but my cell phone started vibrating. I took a few steps back just to confirm the sender. It was Mina. I hung up knowing that at any moment I could call her back, starting my way up again only to find a scenario that not even in more unlikely nightmares would I think was possible. A stabbing pain blew my breath away so frantically that even Rappa's waves of fists would compare to the pain that was growing exponentially in my chest.

Bakugou was leaning back from the boy who was staring into his eyes in a way that I never thought it would be possible for him to do so, much less directed at him; in the same way that I'm sure I would also look at the blond when he wasn't looking at me. This contemplation didn't last long, only for the lips of both boys to meet in a slow synchronization that showed assiduous practice. I was petrified watching the scene, at the time I felt my body break; I felt that at any moment I would explode into pieces and that, for lack of air, I would collapse.

The situation, as bizarre as itself, wasn't impression as such, but rather confirming that the assumptions it denied and excused as a defense mechanism had turned out to be true; they were more than friends.

Both were oblivious to my martyrdom, and being there only made it worse. When in a pause they separated, and after the bicolor commented to him, with a smile that few or never would have reminded him to see him show, that he looked "happy", the aforementioned, without qualms or the slightest hesitation, turned the murmur into words the reason for his smile: "It's because you're with me" without taking his eyes off him, and this was precisely the trigger that motivated the boy to whom those words belonged to kiss him with even more frenzy than a few minutes ago.

I had to stifle a sob with the palms of my hands, only to feel them wet from the contact with my face, when had I started crying? He couldn't stay there another second. Every muscle and bone in my body felt stiff. The way back up the stairs was winding and slow; I felt that with each step, parts of my body fell off like stones in a landslide.

Despite my intentions to get to my room, panicking that I would be discovered by one of them, in the rush to go unnoticed, I stumbled on the second–floor steps, only to collide with one of the walls. I managed to activate my quirk, but not quickly enough, causing throbbing pain right in the center of my forehead. I was there, sitting down and dejected that I gave myself up to the sadness that I was trying in vain to contain. My tears flowed like torrents on both sides of my face, without pretending to stop, as if they wanted to drain all the pain I was feeling from me. And I must admit that, had that statement been true, I doubt that all the water in my body would be enough.

I guess reaching this breaking point confirms that, for me, Bakugou wasn't just a friend.

As if it were cruel torture, my mind turned against me, and I began to review the signs that I never knew how to read: when they faced each other shortly after being rescued, the times they practiced and studied together, even the comment in the kitchen the time we get home from shopping; all clear indications that something else was happening between them.

Sitting on the floor, I just held my face in my hands, forgetting that I was in the middle of the hall crying like a child.

– Kirishima! – It was Mina's voice – Are you here, Kiri?! We're late for the campfire! – I didn't want her to see me like that. I wouldn't know how to explain. Product of the deplorable state in which I was, I couldn't determine the origin of his voice, and I ended up causing the opposite effect; I collided head–on with her, making us fall. – Kiri, are you okay? – I turned my torso immediately not to be seen by her, but her hand on my shoulder and my ragged breaths didn't cooperate with my attempt to go unnoticed. – Kiri, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying? – taking my face in her hands. Her touch was warm, but the concerned look on her face only dispelled any attempt to formulate a quarrel. I clung to her, and even though pressing my head to her torso did nothing more than make the wound on my forehead hurt even more, feeling her hug kept what little I had, united. I was crying. – Kiri ... – stroking my back. – Let's go to your room so you can tell me what's wrong with you, okay? – She sounded concerned, and it was understandable.

She helped me up and, as she said, we headed to my room. Once there, she sat on the edge of my bed while I cried on her lap. Girls weren't allowed to go to the boys' rooms, much less alone, but because there was no authority figure to be found in the bedroom, as well as the distraction from the campfire, spending this brief moment with her wasn't an inconvenient, considering that at Bakusquad meetings she was always present, and even dispelled any disturbances that Bak ... Come to think of, it will be difficult to see him in the face again after all this. I won't be strong enough to be with him knowing that I cannot be more than that, his "friend".

After rubbing an ointment on my forehead, he was silent while I wept distended.

– Kirishima, please, tell me what happens – she stroked my hair like a mother who takes care of her son after falling off the bike, however, telling her would not be so easy. – Why is your forehead swollen? – Although my intentions were not to expose them, I had to respect the reasons why they kept it secret. But even worse than that, it was putting into words what, for a long time, I refused to label it: my feelings.

– You must keep the secret, Mina – I stood up, I felt my eyes hot and swollen, as well as my nose and forehead. I must have been a mess.

– I'm not sure I can do that, considering if that's the reason that you have in this state – she took my hands

– Please, I need you not to tell anyone – getting closer to her. It took her a few seconds, looking at my hands that fit in hers, to look up back into my eyes, and bring a hand to my cheek.

– I promise – she finally answered. The biggest obstacle now would be to say communicate what I saw; I felt the undeniable urge to get it off my chest before it ate me up from the inside, but I've always considered that the moment you say things out loud, they become reality and to be honest, I would never be ready to admit that what I saw was real. I wanted to keep fooling myself that what I witnessed was the product of a nightmare or a dream that I would eventually wake up from, but it was only delaying the inevitable.

My throat felt dry, my muscles like I'd been dragged over a rocky path, and my breathing was congested. This would be difficult.

– Mina ... – I couldn't delay it any longer – I'm in love with Bakugou – again my tears began to fall, although the weight on my shoulders lightened a bit. His eyes widened in subtle amazement, then moved closer to me

– There is nothing wrong with that, Kiri. – She kept hearing herself worried – No reason for you to be like this – trying to wipe the tears from my cheek – You don't have to ...

– But he's already with someone ... – I said in a low voice, and the image of both boys kissing slowly drilled me, to the point of bending my back. As I guessed, the girl was dumbfounded, but her hands on my face and hands did not leave me. She was not making a sound now, waiting for me to continue, but it was hard for me to formulate words; It hurt to say his name.

– Who? – He uttered barely audible – Is it ...

– Todoroki – I named, uttering an audible and painful sob. She rested my head on her shoulder, and I clung to her to let out my sorrows. His hand went up and down my back in repetitive motions.

I was dizzy; my body felt as heavy as an anvil and as feverish as a dandelion that, with the slightest breeze, it would fall apart.

– How do you know this? – At last he inquired. Thinking of the single answer meant sticking a dagger through the center of my chest. I wonder if I could ever recover from this pain.

– They were both on the roof, kissing… – The girl made an even greater expression of astonishment, and a chill ran through my body. I felt sick.

– Are you sure about that ...?

– Yes! – holding back to be able to say a merely decent sentence. – I saw them; they both seemed happy… – and thinking about it made me feel guilty. Could I ever be happy for them if they ever made their relationship public?

– I know it's difficult ... – she pursed her lips before continuing – but you must be strong. This is not the end – turning closer to her.

– This hurt too much, Mina – adjusting my grip. – I won't be the one who is by his side, I won't be the first person he wants to see when he wakes up, with whom he'd want to be.

– But you are and will be his friend, because you appreciate and care for him – his hands now caressed my hair – You will overcome this. You are the Red Riot hero! – Taking my face in his hands again. His eyes were dilated. – Trust me, over time, it will hurt less and less. It will be as if nothing has changed, because you will understand that feelings aren't imposed, but transformed. – Not only what she said, but also how she did it, it was as if she were speaking from a personal experience. I wonder who she was thinking of.

I don't know how long she was with me, but it was once I woke up from the sunlight coming through my window that I realized I had fallen asleep. I brought my hand to my forehead, just to remember why it was hot in the first place, and my shoulder blades contracted again.

It hadn't been a dream, and this nightmare was my new reality, in which I would never be reciprocated.


This chapter was cathartic.

Fact # 48

For this chapter I was inspired by a song by Ha * Ash Spanish song "No soy yo" (It's not me) that bears the same name.

"Yes, something changed
Without trying
I got used to your voice
And you, close to me
You were my friend and I,
I confused everything "

...

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