A/N

Happy Friday!

"He woke up much sooner than they anticipated," Esme tells me, sitting beside me, her hand grasping my free one, my other holding Edward's. "He was so disoriented and panicked." Her eyes water, her chin quivering as she watches him sleep. "He asked for you, and panicked. We couldn't talk him down, he was so confused."

Biting into my bottom lip, I watch him closely as he sleeps, my eyes sweeping over inch of him I can see. I feel awful that I wasn't here, unable to stop blaming myself for his outburst. His obvious fear will haunt me for a long time.

They had to close his stitches again after his panic attack, putting him back under sedation, wheeling him away and working quickly whilst he slept, the doctor extremely unimpressed with the commotion that was allowed to result from Edward waking. I almost laughed, he clearly doesn't know Edward.

We sit for a long time, watching him, neither of us breaking the silence.

Haunting silence.

I'm so done with endless silence.

"Carlisle spoke to the doctor," Esme continues. "You're welcome to stay as long as you want."

I break my focus on Edward only for a second, to look at Esme. "I was here through the night," I admit, biting into my bottom lip again.

"I know," she smiles, squeezing my hand.

I look back at her surprised, chuckling softly when she rolls her eyes, her smirk playful. "I'm not that useless a mother." My mouth drops open and I shake my head, but she lifts her free hand to silence me softly. "I know I haven't been the best, I've let him … self-destruct and I'll never forgive myself for that but I just got so … lost." I watch the tear that leaks from her eye as it glides down her face, my heart breaking for her. "I felt like the only way I could be there for him was to not give up on him and provide him with a loving home, hoping that one day he'd realise …"

She sniffs and turns her attention back to Edward, reaching forward to sweep his hair off his forehead. "He was lost too," she continues, her voice breaking. "We didn't know what to do … but we couldn't turn our backs on him, not like everyone else did." Taking a deep breath, she traces his eyebrows. "I'll never forgive myself for not being enough, for not doing enough … for just … giving up."

This time it's me who squeezes her hand, hoping to give her an ounce of the comfort she needs. "You did so much. So much more than anyone's ever done for him."

She smiles softly, but shakes her head. "We were here, but we weren't really there for him, you know?"

I nod, because I get what she's saying, but I don't agree. "He's mastered keeping people at arms length," I tell her. "You told me that." She laughs quietly, wiping her eyes.

"You managed to break through his walls." Her voice is soft and kind, her eyebrow quirked, her expression mischievous. I blush, she laughs. "I don't want to know how you did it," she adds, shaking her head, her smile wider.

I groan in embarrassment, making her laugh a little louder.

"I'm going to get some coffee and food," she announces, standing and stretching. "And find Carlisle and Emmett. Would you like anything?"

I shake my head, returning her soft smile, watching her leave before I turn back to Edward, giving him my full attention once more as I shuffle my chair closer to his bedside.

For a long time, I don't move, watching him, holding my breath, counting every one of his.

Back to the suffocating silence.

The steady beep of the monitor pulls me into a restless sleep, my head rested beside Edward's arm on his bed, emotional exhaustion taking hold.

—-

A/N

Jemster23 is the marshmallows to my hot chocolate, endless sweetness and I love for her for it!

The girls in my Facebook group are like the loud screeches of an alarm clock when you're not ready to wake up.

Jokes! I love them ... they know that.

Thanks for reading!