A/N
I think ... I think this may be the last day of updates for this story.
There's only four chapters left until it's officially over! So you might get them all today, and the first future-take tomorrow.
It's been a wild ride!
—
"I spoke to my mom."
Edward turns his head to look at me, eyes wide, surprised.
We're curled on his bed, me lying tucked into his uninjured side, his arm around me. We haven't said much since his revelation. It's best we clear the air and set our cards on the table before we exchange "I love yous" properly.
Shifting my head back to look at him better, I shrug. "You were right," I tell him. "I needed to hear her out, for me."
"I was wrong too," he adds, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I shouldn't have turned all my pain around on you. That wasn't fair. It wasn't about me."
Smiling gently, I rub my thumb against his chest, looking at my hand that rests there. "I get it though. I get why you did."
"Let me guess … Esme told you."
Grimacing, I nod. But he's not angry, he tightens his hold on me, silently telling me it's okay. "Doesn't make what I did okay," he whispers. "It led to this. Lesson learned."
"Yeah?" I ask, lifting my eyebrows.
He nods, his eyes roaming my face. "I've learned a lot recently. You've taught me a lot."
"You've taught me a lot too," I tell him quietly.
Biting my lip, I lift my upper body, using my elbow to hold me up, so I can look down at him. "You think we can keep it going?"
His face scrunches up in confusion, looking at my legs, thinking hard. I've no doubt he has no idea where I'm going with this, so I decide quickly to put him out of his misery.
"We can't keep doing this," I tell him, cursing the way my throat tightens and my voice croaks, on the verge of breaking down. "It's so unhealthy, I see that now."
His expression is unreadable; he won't look at me, his heart rate picks up, his body rigid. Panic.
"I want to be with you, Edward." His eyes flash to meet mine briefly, but he can't hold my gaze. "We can't keep running around in circles though, hurting each other and refusing to communicate. We'll destroy each other."
He opens his mouth and inhales deeply, his eyes reflecting the hurt and uncertainty he feels. I need to show him my hand and leave the rest up to him.
"Being with you is a series of extreme highs and crippling lows," I continue, my voice so quiet and so agonised I'm not sure he can hear. "We need to find a middle-ground, consistency. We need to help each other and stop running when we think it's too much."
"I'm sorry," he whispers, so broken. I shake my head and lean to cup his face, urging his eyes upwards to meet mine.
"Stop apologising." I smile softly. "Maybe we needed this. Maybe this is the make or break we need."
"We can't break," he chokes, his eyes watering. "I love you. I don't know what I'll do without you." His eyes plead with me, beg me. "I've never loved anyone in my life —not since … Emma, and that's different. I don't know what to do, I can't … I need you—"
"I'm not going anywhere," I assure him, cutting his anxious rambling off before he works himself up. His eyes meet mine and I can see that he doesn't believe me. "Not if you promise to get help. We both need it. I'll get help too." I take a deep breath and lower my head until my forehead rests against his. "I want us to be a team. To work together. To heal together."
We're quiet for a long time, I don't look away from his face, his eyes darting around the room, his brow creased as he thinks. I don't remove my forehead from his, or my hand from his cheek, keeping him with me, keeping him close.
He swallows loudly, his eyes meeting mine.
When he nods, I can't contain my smile. "Okay," he croaks, clearing his throat. "Okay."
"Yeah?"
Again, he nods, looking worried but determined. "I'll .. get help," he promises. "I'll do anything to keep you in my life."
"Because you love me?" I ask, grinning. He huffs and rolls his eyes, but nods. "Good," I chuckle. "Because … I love you too."
His head snaps back on the cushion, eyes wide, disbelief.
Leaning forward, I kiss him lightly, our lips ghosting, our breathing silent.
"I love you," I tell him, more forcefully this time.
His lips are back on mine before I can take a breath, both of us smiling.
—
A/N
Thanks so much for reading!
Jemster23 is the caffeine to my mornings—essential!
