CHAPTER 45
(GRACE)
"Oh my goodness". I stop dead as I take in the sight in front of me.
Carrick bumps into me as I have stopped so suddenly and looks over my shoulder to see what I am staring at.
"Good god!" he mutters as he takes in the mountain of cuddly toys piled into the cabin area.
"What's the hold-up?" Mia calls and I quickly step aside so that everyone can come in.
As Mia gets her first look inside she starts to laugh, "Oh wow!" she says, her eyes shining as she takes in all the toys.
"Nobody say a word" Elliot says as he steps inside holding Ava's hand tightly.
"What happened here Elliot?" Carrick says with clear amusement as he moves towards the toys and picks up a cuddly gorilla.
Elliot snorts and shakes his head, "My idiotic brother happened along with my equally idiotic brother in law" he replies as he glances meaningfully at Christian and Gideon who have now appeared and are now both shifting uncomfortably, but have defiant unrepentant looks on their faces.
I also see both Eva and Ana hiding their amusement as they hear what Elliot says.
"And I think that is our cue to leave" Gideon says. "Goodbye Grace, Carrick, Mia … have a safe flight" he says as he grasps Eva's hand and turns to leave.
Christian nods, "Yep, I agree" he says and he comes towards me and kisses my cheek and wraps his arms around me. "Bye mom, thanks for coming" he says.
"You are very welcome" I reply as I savour the feel of him in my arms.
I watch Ana and Christian leave and turn my attention back to Elliot. As soon as he mentioned Gideon, describing him as his brother in law a sharp pain stabbed my chest. I am still coming to terms with the revelations of Elliot being biologically related to Ana and Eva and it still gives me a jolt when the fact is openly mentioned.
"Did they buy the whole store between them?" Mia asks with clear amusement as she takes in all the toys.
Elliot nods, "It was the gift shop at Central Park Zoo, and yes… pretty much. They were like a couple of kids trying to outdo each other. The toys were brought here as there was nowhere else to put them and that's one of the reasons why Gideon sent one of his planes for you guys to bring you to Detroit… I was hoping you would help me out with them when you get back to Seattle?"
"We'll sort it out" I assure him.
I take a step towards my eldest son who has just strapped in Ava and told her that he would see her soon and told her to be a good girl. He straightens and turns towards me.
"Thanks for this mom" he says gratefully and I wave my hand dismissively.
"You seem to have the need to go to California and I totally understand that you don't want Ava around that man" I say. I don't add that I personally cannot understand what Elliot hopes to gain from seeing Frank Lambert and I don't want to see him getting hurt from the experience.
He hugs me tightly, "I do need to do this. My birth mother doesn't want to meet me which I am fine about, she took the time to get into contact with me and explain her reasons. I am confident that she does care and has always cared about me… I mean she didn't have to respond or write to me so she isn't unfeeling and I accept her decision not to meet me. I don't have that feeling about Frank. He denied me from the very start and ran away when he found out about me. He did exactly the same thing with Eva and Ana and they got their moment with him to confront him about that. I don't want any relationship with him I just want to see him face to face once. I'm under no illusions that this won't be a pleasant meeting… I mean to start off with he is expecting Ana and Eva to walk in the door and not me. He only wants to see them as he believes he can manipulate them into helping him get out of the predicament he is currently in".
I stare at Elliot in shock, "Really?" I ask and he nods.
"Oh yeah, he's a complete piece of work. He thinks he can lay it on thick and get them feeling sorry for him and use the influence of Gideon and Christian to get him out of prison. What he fails to realise is they don't actually give a damn. Plus, there is the fact that he wouldn't have been in the position he is currently in if he had faced up to his parental responsibilities. If he hadn't deserted the military and faked his own death to get out of being a dad to Ana he wouldn't now be in the situation he is in, but it seems he hasn't made that connection, or if he has he is ignoring it but Ana and Eva aren't".
"What is the purpose of this meeting with him?" Carrick asks looking at Elliot carefully.
Elliot smiles, "Curiosity more than anything… I just want to lay eyes on someone who I have a biological link to. The only other person on this planet that I have that with other than Ava" he pauses and looks down at Ava who is fiddling with her seatbelt, "Is my birth mom and I've accepted that I'm not going to meet her. I think I want to see him as I want to see his reaction to me, I have a pretty good idea what a dad should be like considering I'm one but Frank doesn't seem to want to be a father so I want to ask him why… I want to ask him why he went out of his way to create children he had no intention of raising and I want some sort of closure, do I think I will get it? I'm fairly certain I will one way or another".
I feel tears building, as I listen to Elliot. I have always thought of him as the light hearted easy going child. The one who hasn't got a care in the world and yet from what he has just said confirms for me that there is much more to my eldest son than meets the eye.
I wrap my arms around him, "I am so proud of you" I whisper in his ear.
His arms engulf me, "Thanks mom" he whispers back.
I watch as he says goodbye to Carrick and Mia before crouching in front of Ava once more and saying goodbye to her. He rises to his feet and gives us a bright grin.
"I'll see you all soon" he says and with that he turns and leaves the plane.
oooOOOooo
"Do you think he's doing the right thing?" Carrick says suddenly and then pauses, "Elliot I mean" he adds.
I look up and smile at Carrick, "It's irrelevant what I think, he believes he is doing the right thing and he seems to think he needs to do it and so as his mother I have to support him" I say.
I glance at Ava who has fallen asleep. We have been in the air for a while and I have been going over everything that has happened over the past few days.
When we arrived in Detroit, first of all I was surprised that it had been Gideon's jet that came to collect us but seeing the menagerie of cuddly toys stacked here I can now see why. I smile as I think of Elliot's exasperated explanation as to who was responsible for them.
The service at the cemetery was nice, it was simple and tasteful and I think Christian was mindful of not going over the top in any way. I have to admit I did feel a little bit awkward and out of place that day, I'm not a snob and yet it was obvious that these were very simple people but I had to put my own discomfort aside as my only role was to support Christian. Yet it appeared that he didn't need it. I think about that and realise that is what made me feel awkward, I was expecting him to need me… and he didn't. No, I wanted him to need me, now we have him back after the years he was estranged from us and he now involves us with his life I wanted him to turn to me but that didn't happen. He spoke to us and thanked us for coming but he did that with everyone who came. He seemed to talk more with Gideon, especially at the wake afterwards at the Apparatus Rooms he and Gideon were constantly talking and whispering to each other.
I felt… superfluous, just another person who was there. I watched as he comforted Hal, and effortlessly eased the poor man's unfounded guilt. I watched as he allowed these… strangers to touch him and embrace him and that is when it hits me, I'm jealous. I am jealous of the fact he has only recently met these people and yet he is comfortable letting them into his personal space and touching him whereas I was denied that for years and I didn't get anything more from him that day than they did.
I try and push away my selfish thoughts as I feel totally ashamed for feeling that way. "It went well yesterday don't you think?" I ask and Carrick looks up at me from his laptop. He has spent the majority of the flight catching up on case files.
"What? Which do you mean the ceremony or afterwards at the wake?" he asks.
"Both" I say and I wait for his response.
He reaches for a mug and takes a gulp of the coffee inside it before setting it down again. He hesitates and then nods.
"It was well organised and tasteful" he says simply.
I cock my head to one side, "But…" I say.
Carrick shakes his head, "But nothing, it was handled well. Christian was mindful of his birth family and he didn't throw his weight or his wealth around. He behaved in a mature and thoughtful manner. I'm incredibly proud of him. He handled that unfortunate incident at the wake well, when his uncle became emotional but I have to agree with what he said, as he should've done more to ensure that Ella was looked after, after Liam died. He should've forced her to return to Ohio if necessary as it would've spared Christian the misery he endured when her life spiralled out of control and arguably, she could still be alive today had he stepped in and taken her in hand".
I stare at Carrick in shock, "If he had done more, we would never have met Christian" I say.
Carrick shrugs, "And Christian wouldn't have been subjected to physical abuse and emotionally scarred for life. He wouldn't have been sexually abused in his teenage years and he arguably wouldn't be suffering with severe mental health issues. After he told us about that diagnosis his new therapist gave him, I have been educating myself on it. Grace you do realise that a large number of people with that Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder if you prefer that term, were subjected to some kind of trauma or abuse during their formative years? Had Hal been more proactive in getting Ella to return to Ohio, Christian wouldn't have suffered any trauma or abuse ergo there is a high chance he wouldn't now be dealing with a severe personality disorder, end of story". He stops and swipes his hand emphatically.
I pause and think about that, "So what are you saying Carrick? Are you saying that you would sooner we had never met and adopted Christian?" I ask.
He stares at me, "You are twisting my words Grace, I'm not saying that at all. The fact is it did happen, all of it happened and as a result of it we adopted our son. We adopted a traumatised broken little boy and then we failed him Grace, we failed to give him what he needed to recover and come to terms with his early life and then we were responsible for handing him gift wrapped to another abuser because of our failures. How are we any better than Ella? How are we any better than Hal as we all failed that boy one way or another".
The silence spreads out between us and I see Mia staring at us her eyes wide.
"If I might say something" she says quietly.
Carrick sighs and rubs his eyes before smiling at her, "Of course you can Mia and I apologise for that outburst" he says.
Mia nods, "Dad you can't change the past it is what it is. That's the reason why I have never looked into my ancestry because as far as I'm concerned you and mom are my parents. You can't change what has happened you can only learn from it and look forward to the future. There is no point in feeling guilty for what you see as yours and moms' failures. Did you let Christian down? Possibly, I personally think you could've done more, especially when it became clear I was a positive influence. He tolerated my touch and it was my presence which got him talking. I personally think you could've built on that in some way but you didn't – so in that way you didn't do enough. Then again on the other hand in other ways you went above and beyond as you gave him a life he wouldn't possibly have had, had you not given a damn and adopted him. He was four years old. He wasn't a baby like I was and El was. He would've spent the rest of his life in the system and possibly gone down the same road as his birth mother, you don't know that for sure but what you do know for sure is that he certainly wouldn't be the successful man he is today. You both need to stop over analysing what could've happened and what mistakes were made. You both know you made them, Hal knows he made them and that was why he said what he said yesterday. You've got to move on or it will eat you up. Christian doesn't blame you, just as he doesn't blame Hal and he has more right than anyone to apportion any blame as everyone else's mistakes and oversights affected him and his life, but here's the thing… he doesn't. Yes, it has left scars – emotional and physical ones but he is looking forward, he is getting help to overcome them and if he can do it and put the past in the past I sure as hell think you can too".
Carrick and I stare at Mia in shock, totally rendered speechless by everything she has said. I have nothing I can add to that, I know I will always hold a degree of guilt for what I did – or more importantly didn't do but Mia is right we need to move on. Christian has made it clear he doesn't blame us so we need to stop blaming ourselves.
(EVA)
I look at the people around me, my gaze first focusses on my sister Ana. Then it turns towards my brother Elliot, my brother in law Christian and finally to my husband Gideon. My family, the only person missing from this little group is my niece Ava. She has returned to Seattle with the Grey family and Gail… not to mention the plane full of cuddly toys which Christian and Gideon bought from the zoo. I smile at the reaction they received when the Grey family boarded the GEH jet. The looks on the faces of Grace and Carrick were classic as they took in the onboard toyshop.
We are on route to California; a flutter of excitement goes through me at that thought. While we are there, I will be seeing my dad again. Not Frank Lambert, the idea of him would never cause such an emotion inside me, and he is not my father. No, that man is simply the donor who provided the DNA. We will be seeing my dad though, now fully recovered from the gunshot wound which inadvertently set in motion everything that has followed since and brought together the family who now surround me. Plus, I'll be introducing him to Elliot which I am looking forward to.
I notice that Elliot is looking pensive, he has been rather quiet this morning. I have no idea why that is, it could be a number of reasons. The fact he sent his daughter home to Seattle this morning. He knows she will be cared for by Grace and Carrick until he returns but he is a good dad and I know the separation will hurt. Then it could be anxiety for the forthcoming meeting with Frank. I know there is still a part of him which doesn't want to even acknowledge Frank's existence but that has been comprehensively drowned out by the bigger part which wants closure.
"You ok El?" I call across to him and he looks up at me and smiles.
"I'm fine, I'm a bit apprehensive about meeting Frank… not to mention your dad" he says with a small grin.
My eyes widen at that, "My dad?!" I exclaim in surprise.
Elliot glances at Gideon and I realise that he has heard stories of the animosity between my dad and Gideon.
"He'll love you" I say with total confidence. "Admittedly his relationship with Gideon is a bit ropey but that is because he behaved like an asshole at times and my dad didn't take too kindly to it, but having said that things have improved recently, haven't they?" I say as I look towards my husband.
Gideon nods, "Indeed they have, he tolerates me with civility now rather than with open hostility" he says wryly.
Christian sniggers at that before looking sheepishly at Gideon, "Sorry" he mutters at the glare Gideon is throwing him.
oooOOOooo
"Hi daddy!" I say as I throw myself into the waiting arms of my dad. I feel the strong muscular arms encircle me and hold me. He presses a kiss to my head and he holds me tightly.
"Hello sweetheart" he mutters with clear affection.
I could stand here all day like this but I reluctantly pull away as I turn towards Elliot and grasping his wrist pull him closer.
"Dad, this is my brother Elliot who I told you about… Elliot this is my dad, Victor Reyes" I say.
Elliot holds out his hand and I feel my dad move away from me and accept the handshake.
"I'm very pleased to meet you" my dad says and he glances up at Christian and Ana and smiles widely at them.
"Christian, Ana good to see you as well again" he says before he returns his attention back to Elliot, "You were the first kid Frank fathered, is that right?" he asks warily and Elliot nods.
"That's right, he and my birth mom were teenagers and he didn't hang around afterwards, my birth mom gave me up to have a better life than she could provide and I was adopted by my mom and dad who coincidently then adopted this joker a few years later" he says as he points towards Christian with his thumb.
My dad smiles and after shaking Christian's hand he turns his attention towards Gideon who has been standing silently at the side.
"Hello Gideon, how are you?" my dad asks as he holds out his hand to my husband.
"Very well thank you Victor… and yourself?" Gideon asks.
My dad nods, "I'm good thank you, fully healed now" he replies. I watch the interaction between them. It is still work in progress but considering my dad used to ignore Gideon for the most part, this is considerable progress as he made the first move rather than just replying to Gideon after he spoke to him.
"Shall we get off the tarmac and head into the city?" I ask as I look around.
My dad nods and moves towards the cars waiting for us along with Angus who is quietly standing beside them.
"Hi Angus" I say as I throw my bag into the waiting car and he smiles at me and nods in greeting before acknowledging everyone else.
After a short drive I am looking once more at my dad's simple little house on the quiet street where he lives. I sigh contentedly, I love it here. We all troop inside and sit down, as my dad goes into the kitchen to organise some refreshments, I watch as Gideon follows him and I smile, he is trying. He is making a real effort to get along with my dad and improve the relationship they have.
A few moments later they both return. I look up in surprise as I see they are both laughing. Gideon places a tray down on the table and my dad follows with a second and puts it down beside the first.
"Help yourselves, that's coffee, that's tea" he says as he points.
After we have all settled down, my dad looks around at us with a questioning look on his face.
"So… what's the plan?" he asks.
Gideon places his mug down and sighs. "We're waiting on Arnie to call us. He has organised everything and he knows we are all here now. The plan is, when he calls, we go to the military prison which is currently holding Frank. Frank believes it is Eva and Ana who he is seeing. He requested to see them. From what he said to Arnie, he believes that Frank is under the assumption that he can manipulate the ladies into feeling sorry for him with the view to them pulling some strings and giving him a get out of jail free card. Needless to say none of that is going to happen, and he is going to get the shock of his life when El walks in and confronts him".
Victor nods, before turning towards Elliot, "What do you hope to get out of it?" he asks.
Elliot shrugs, "I'm not expecting anything, I just want to see him face to face once. Call it curiosity, call it closure, call it whatever you like I just want to interact with him once to say I've done it. I have made contact with my birth mother and whilst we haven't met personally, we have communicated via letter and I am satisfied from what I read that she loved me and did what she thought was best for me so I have my closure there. I am under no illusions that Frank didn't give a damn so I'm not expecting anything and am just going to play it by ear. I'm a dad myself, and I have sole custody of my daughter and as I am raising her alone I know how a dad is supposed to behave".
My dad nods, "Where is your daughter now?" he asks.
Elliot smiles as he thinks about Ava, "She's staying with my parents at the moment while I am here" he replies.
Before my dad can say anything else, Ana's phone rings and I see her fumbling in her purse to retrieve it. She glances at the screen and then looks up. "It's Arnie" she says.
She answers the call putting it on speaker so we can all hear.
"Hi Uncle Arnie" she says brightly.
"Hi Annie, so you are all in California?" he asks.
"We are" Ana confirms, "We are in San Diego, with Eva's dad" she says.
"Good, right then everything is organised I assumed you would be in San Diego so I have arranged for the meeting to take place tomorrow at 11am. It won't take you long to fly up here and I've arranged permission for your plane to land here on the base".
Gideon leans forward, "Hello Arnie. Do I need to advise my pilot of anything?" he asks.
"Hello Gideon, no I was already aware that it was one of your fleet which was bringing you all and we have all the relevant details so we are expecting you, all the clearance has been sorted so all you have to do is land between 10am and 10.30am tomorrow morning".
"And the room has been set up and cameras are in place so Eva and I can watch what happens?" Ana asks and I smile. We had made it clear we want to see what happens and we also want the option of being able to go in there if Frank starts kicking off.
"All sorted" Arnie says simply and with total confidence.
"Thank you" Ana replies, "So we'll see you tomorrow morning then?" she adds.
"You will, so till then…" Arnie says.
"Yes, till then" Ana replies.
I watch as Elliot now leans forward to speak, "Arnie, this is Elliot… I just want to say thank you for doing this" he says gratefully.
"No problem, it's my pleasure. I have to say I am looking forward to Frank getting his comeuppance and coming face to face with his past" Arnie replies with obvious enthusiasm which makes me smile again.
I can't help but glance at Ana and as we make eye contact, she grins at me and it's as if an unspoken agreement passes between us. Yep she is looking forward to it as well. With that we all say our goodbyes and Ana pushes her phone back into her bag.
"There we go, so we have the rest of today to relax" she says.
There are murmurs of agreement as I lean back and sip my coffee.
