I wish I could say that I'm late uploading this chapter because I partied so hard last night and spent all day sleeping, but we all know that's a lie.
Friday, February 10th, 2012
The elevator ride up was particularly quiet. The only time anyone tried to speak up was Carol, who thought it pertinent to point out that it would be a lot faster if she could just fly them up to the penthouse. Neither Natasha nor Steve were amused by that remark and Carol just pressed her lips together and shrugged into the back of the elevator awkwardly.
Honestly, Natasha didn't know what to think. She knew Fury had his secrets, but to hide something like this; that there was another powered person out there who could have been an immense help against the Chitauri? What was he? Insane? S.H.I.E.L.D. was partially compromised. Stark had almost died taking that missile up into space. Coulson had died. He didn't think that was a big enough emergency for him to call-in this mysterious powerhouse? Speaking of which, who the hell was she?
She couldn't be the only one asking that question. In fact, given how prone he was to paranoia, Natasha was surprised that Tony really hadn't questioned it. Nat had known Fury for years; had worked under him for almost a decade. Never once had he mentioned a Captain Carol Danvers, or even indicated that he knew that someone with power such as hers even existed. Yes, he started the Avengers Initiative and sought out enhanced individuals like her, Tony, Steve, and Bruce to protect the world, but if he had known this woman existed, why didn't he recruit her? It didn't make sense in Nat's mind, no matter which way she sliced it.
That seemed to be a recurring theme as of late. All of them were doing things that didn't make logical sense when you stepped back and looked at it objectively. Her going off on Sharpton, Clint's impulsivity, Tony struggling with his addiction, Steve's near-constant worrying… The only one of them who seemed to be relatively well-adjusted was Bruce and something had to be wrong if that were the case. Their dysfunctionality even seemed to be rubbing off on Lara who seemed to be on guard every moment of the day, despite the fact that she was successfully able to obtain a restraining order against her crazy ex. It made Fury hiding Carol from them seem almost petty by comparison. That was, until she was reminded of the sheer size and scope of the Chitauri invasion or the fact that Coulson died. Then Natasha would feel justified in being angry again.
After a long and awkward elevator ride, they finally came to a stop on the first floor of the penthouse. Getting off, Natasha and Steve led Carol down the hallway and through the kitchen, into the lounge area. There, they found Bruce and Clint. The former had Lucky in his lap, spoiling the clearly attention-starved animal with lots of pets and scratches. The latter was lying spread out across the loveseat, still in his S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and looking half a second away from falling asleep. Nat had to bite her tongue to hold back the "I told you so" from escaping her lips.
"Up and at 'em, Sleeping Beauty," she said instead, shaking his foot. "We have a guest." Clint peeled open his eyes and sat up, letting out a yawn as he did so.
"Colonel Rhodes is here already?" He blearily looked around, quickly finding that was not the case. "Who's she?" Carol took a few steps closer to Clint and held out a hand for him to shake.
"Carol Danvers," she said as he took it. "I believe we've met before."
"Clint Barton," he supplied in case she had forgotten as well. He pulled his hand back to try and rub the remaining sleepiness from his eyes. "Sorry. I almost died a week ago so I'm kind of groggy on a few things."
"No worries," Carol assured. "It's not like I can be one to judge on things like that."
"If you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here?" Even having an amazingly cute puppy in his arms couldn't distract Bruce from getting right to the point.
"You're Dr. Banner, right?" Carol asked. "I'm sorry, I just want to be sure I've got everyone's names right here."
"I am," Bruce confirmed. "But that doesn't answer my question."
"Right." Carol sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Well, the short version is that I flew into the building." Bruce's eyebrows knitted together.
"Okay, why the rush?" Carol shook her head.
"No," she said. "I mean I literally flew into the building less than fifteen minutes ago." Bruce's eyes widened.
"Because of whatever that struck the Tower?" The grogginess must have really had a hold on Clint, because he still wasn't quite getting it.
"I was what struck the Tower," Carol said plainly, leaving no room for misinterpretation. The gears instantly clicked behind his eyes and he jolted a little from the shock.
"What, like with a plane?!" came instantly pouring out of Clint's mouth.
"We'd be dead if that were the case." Bruce pointed out.
"It took an hour and a half for the Twin Towers to fall," Clint argued. "And with that reinforced staircase, we'd have plenty of time to escape."
"I was thinking more about the Other Guy freaking out," Bruce explained. "But yeah, okay. Live in dream land."
"No, I physically flew into the Tower myself," Carol clarified before the argument could progress further. "No planes, no missiles… Just me and my physical body." Then, Carol's brow scrunched in confusion. "Wait, what happened to the Twin Towers?"
Natasha's face fell flat with shock and beside her, she noticed Steve visibly tense. Yup, that was exactly what they wanted to do today; explain the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the intricacies of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to a woman with clearly explosive powers. That sounded like tons of fun! Sarcasm aside, neither Bruce nor Clint seemed particularly enthused about the idea either and thankfully Bruce was quick to pull away from that topic.
"Never mind that," he said. "Are you saying you can fly?"
"Among other things," Carol said.
"Things like…?"
"Blasting," Carol offered. "Energy absorption, lifting incredibly heavy things… You name it, I can probably do it."
"Can you stick your foot behind your head?" Carol made a face at Clint's question.
"Well, no," she said. "I can't do that. I don't think anyone can."
"Amateur," Clint scoffed.
"Captain Danvers already demonstrated her abilities to us," Steve said. "I can assure you that she's not lying."
"But how did she get abilities like that?" Bruce questioned before looking over at Carol. "I mean, are you from another planet, like Thor?"
"Thor?" Carol questioned.
"He's an Asgardian," Natasha provided. "And the only one of us that isn't living here at the moment."
"Ah, I see," Carol said. "Well, I'm not Asgardian if that's what you're wondering. I'm technically not entirely alien either."
"Then what are you?" Clint asked.
"Well, I was human," Carol explained. "But then I stood too close to an alien device when it exploded, and my DNA was sort of trans-mutated. Now genetically speaking, I am half human and half of a species called the Kree, which is why I'm able to do that stuff and more."
Everyone looked at her in stunned surprise; a billion questions easily popping into their heads. Carol caught on and held out a hand placatingly.
"I know, I know," she said. "But it's a long story and I'd need time to explain it all properly. Also, no offence, but none of you seem exactly comfortable right now."
She gave them the once-over, clearly taking notice of the tense ways they were each respectively sitting and standing, and the fact that Clint, Natasha, and Steve were still wearing their uniforms. Even Bruce's uneasiness was clear as he picked at a thread from a rip on his shirt sleeve, which Nat noticed had not been there when they left earlier. She would be more suspicious about that if she did not have bigger fish to fry.
"I don't see how that should matter. I mean if you're ready and willing to talk." Carol narrowed her eyes while Natasha's raised in challenge. Before an argument could get started, Steve stepped in between them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Let's not argue right now," he said. "Why don't we change into more casual attire, and when we come back, Captain Danvers can explain everything to us, alright?" Carol seemed to be placated by the idea, but Natasha had yet to lower her suspicious guard. "Natasha." At the prompting she finally relented.
"Fine." Steve let go of her shoulder.
"Good," he said before turning to Carol. "Please, have a seat, Captain Danvers. We'll be with you again momentarily." She nodded.
"No problem, and please call me Carol."
"Yes, ma'am," Steve said with a nod before turning to head out into the hallway. Bruce and Clint followed suit, but Natasha continued to look at Carol suspiciously for a moment before finally taking steps to join the others.
"JARVIS," she said once she assumed, she was out of Carol's earshot. "Keep an eye on Captain Danvers for me, please."
"Already done, Agent Romanoff."
It was only then that Natasha relaxed. Trusting that the AI would alert them if Carol tried anything funny, she stepped into the local elevator with the others.
Since the Avengers' quarters were on the second level of the penthouse, it was a relatively short ride for three out of four of them. Clint, Natasha, and Bruce got off the elevator as soon as it made its first stop, while Steve remained on board to continue his ride up to the fourth level, which served as his and Tony's apartment. Nat headed straight to her door – the one closest to the elevator – with Clint on her heels.
"Hey, Nat, wait up," he said, but Natasha did not slow down as she flung the door open.
"I'm fine, Clint," she said. "Just let me get changed and I'll be right down." She then moved to shut the door, but before it could do so all the way, Clint jammed his foot between it and the door frame, effectively blocking the action.
"I don't think so," he said. "You and I need to talk. …Again." Natasha was clearly trying her best not to look annoyed.
"Really?" she said. "What about?"
"Your attitude." Natasha raised an eyebrow.
"I don't have an attitude." Clint wanted to comment that she sounded like Lila when she threw a tantrum, but fear of prying ears held him back.
"Really?" he said. "Then why were you giving Captain Danvers such a harsh third-degree? Why did you have the Hulk restrain me?" Natasha's eyes widened.
"What?" she exclaimed. "I never told him to do that! I asked Bruce to do that!"
"Well, I didn't really think I could do it on my own, and I was able to hold the Other Guy back just enough…" Clint and Natasha turned their attentions on Bruce, who shrugged a little uncomfortably. "You guys weren't exactly discrete about the fact that you were fighting, and I didn't want… You know…"
Clint was suddenly more grateful that he did not make that Lila comment. Natasha, meanwhile, let out a frustrated sigh before retreating into her room. She made no effort to try to close the door again, nor did she tell them to go away or leave her alone, so Clint took it as a cue that it was okay to come inside as long as they gave her space. He gestured for Bruce to follow him before stepping inside himself.
Natasha sat on her bed, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Clint moved so he was standing next to the end of the bed while Bruce came to a stop in the doorway. Clint did not think that was the smartest place to be as it could lead to Nat feeling trapped, but he held back from saying anything. Instead, he waited to see how she would react to this intrusion upon her space. She did not, so Clint went on ahead.
"I know you weren't trying to hurt me," Clint carefully broached.
"I swear I wasn't," Natasha said. "I would never…"
"It's all on me," Bruce cut in. "You didn't do anything wrong, Natasha. I shouldn't have let go like I did."
"And I shouldn't have asked you to do that," she said. "I was just thinking about keeping Clint from getting in the way."
"I wouldn't have been in the way." Natasha raised an eyebrow to that.
"Really?" she questioned. "Because when we came back, you were already half-passed out. I cannot imagine what would have happened if you went down all those stairs.
"She does have a point there, Clint," Bruce added. "You tired yourself out pretty quickly there trying to get out from under my grasp – again, sorry about that – but I have no doubt that you would have just as easily become fatigued if you tried to help out downstairs as well."
"Let's not forget the risk of infection," Natasha said. "If you went down there with all of those people, you would have run a very high risk of getting sick and setting your recovery back to square one." Clint let out an exasperated groan.
"You don't think I don't know that?" he rhetorically questioned. "Because I spent the past week and a half recovering and I'm sick of it. I want to be able to do something other than stare at the same four walls and ceiling all day. I want to do my job."
"Well, that's not an option," Natasha said.
"No, it isn't," Clint agreed. "But if people are hurt nothing's going to stand in the way of me helping them; not even getting sick."
"You're deluding yourself," Natasha scoffed.
"Maybe," Clint said. "But if I am delusional, then so be it. I am not going to sit idly by and watch people struggle and hurt. I tried that once, not my cup of tea." At that, Natasha had to relent a bit.
"I know," she said. "I get that more than anybody, but it's not worth putting yourself and others at that serious of a risk for. People could have gotten hurt. You could have gotten hurt. Do you understand that?" Clint looked down at his feet.
"I do," he said.
"Then what's the problem?" Clint shrugged.
"If I could tell you, I would," he said. "But honestly, I don't think I know the answer to that question myself."
"I don't think I do either," Natasha sighed.
Clint looked up at her and was utterly taken aback by how defeated she looked. It was so unlike her. He started to question how that would even be possible when his thoughts brought him back to the conversation, they had just days before. She had confessed that she was afraid of losing him just like they lost Coulson and honestly that little reminder was just what he needed to see the error in his judgment. Not caring about his personal safety put not only Natasha in danger of losing him but Laura and the kids as well. He would be damned if he allowed that to come to pass.
Taking a deep breath, Clint let the sparks settle in his mind before even attempting to find the right words to say.
"Listen," he eventually said. "I know this is a hard time for both of us and me being impulsive doesn't help anything…"
"You weren't the only impulsive one," Natasha interrupted. "I just wanted to get the situation under control as soon as possible. I did not realize what I was asking of who and you were put in danger because of that. For that, I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize for that, Natasha, I do." Nat's eyes went wide as she turned to look at Bruce.
"No," she said. "I shouldn't have asked that of you, period."
"No, you were right to do so," Bruce argued. "Like both of you just said, Clint was adamant about going with you. Both you and Steve were in a hurry to get downstairs and could not be waiting for another moment. It was not unreasonable for you to ask me to restrain Clint. What was unreasonable, though, was for me to unleash the Hulk, even if it was only partially. That was too big of a risk not only to the both of you, but every single soul in this tower and the innocent civilians in the city beyond. That was reckless and I need to apologize for it. I'm sorry to both of you."
There was a poignant pause as everyone took in the weight of the others' apologies. The air in the room was tense as they stood, unsure of how to break it. It was Clint's chuckling that eventually did it.
"Alright," he said. "So, we're all impulsive assholes and sorry about it. Good to know we're on the same page as a team." Natasha groaned.
"Clint, I'm pretty sure that means we're not doing this team thing right." Clint shrugged.
"We're trying, though, right?" Natasha squeezed her eyes shut as she brought a hand to her forehead.
"We need to get better at this," she said.
"Amen," Bruce agreed.
"How do we do that?" Clint asked.
"Probably by having those team meetings more often," Natasha said. "And training."
"And by taking the time to allow us to recover properly." Clint sighed.
"Got the message the first time, Banner." Bruce shook his head.
"I'm not just talking about you, Clint. We're all recovering from something in some shape or form." Natasha looked down, nodding her head.
"You're right about that," she remarked. Clint found himself looking down as well, his thoughts trickling back to Coulson's death again. Needing to change the subject to something else – anything else – he just brought up the first thing to come to mind.
"Look on the bright side," he said. "At least we learned that the easiest way to tame the Hulk is to give him a puppy." Natasha looked up, giving Clint a confused look before turning to Bruce.
"Puppies?" Bruce shrugged.
"The Hulk has always loved dogs," he explained. "I don't know why, but if he sees one while he's on a rampage, he'll do his best to avoid it and if one approaches me while I'm in the midst of transforming, he'll start to relax. Obviously, it is probably not practical in the field, but it has worked. It's like he knows he could hurt it or something."
"That's what happened earlier," Clint added. "I left the door to my room open and Lucky got out. He managed to traverse his way downstairs and caught up to the two of us. As soon as Bruce saw him, he let me go and started petting the dog." Slowly, he saw the beginnings of a smile cross Natasha's lips.
Good.
"Well, at least, in the end, no one was hurt," she remarked.
"I wouldn't say that," Clint said. "My shoulders are definitely be going to be feeling that for the next couple of days." Bruce looked down guiltily.
"Sorry," he said again.
"It's alright," Natasha said. "We can look past this as long as it doesn't happen again."
"It won't." The firmness in Bruce's voice was unquestionable, easily quelling any doubts Clint or Natasha might have had. The latter nodded her head approvingly.
"Good to hear," she said before getting to her feet. "Alright, I think we've had enough chit-chat boys. We've already wasted a good fifteen minutes and we've got an elaborate space-opera to sit through."
"Oh yeah," Bruce remarked with a sour look on his face. "Something tells me this isn't going to be anything like Star Wars." Clint shrugged.
"I don't know about that," he said. "I mean, anything's got to be better than the prequels." Bruce hummed non-committedly while Natasha shook her head.
"Either way," she said. "I'd change into something comfortable. It sounds like we're in for a long ride."
"Isn't that the truth." Bruce started to back away from the door. "Okay, I'll leave you to get dressed, then." Natasha nodded in acknowledgment.
"See you downstairs," she said as Bruce gave a quick wave and walked off down the hall. Clint started to follow him but stopped and turned back before he even reached the door.
"You know what," he said. "You never answered my question about Captain Danvers. Why were you grilling her so hard?" Natasha's face fell.
"Come on, Clint," she said. "You honestly can't stand there and tell me you don't find her the least bit suspicious." Clint folded his arms in front of him.
"You tell me." Natasha sighed.
"I think it's suspicious that Fury's known that she's been out there all this time and never once called her in; not even for New York." Clint's jaw set in a hard line. "What do you think?" He let out a heavy breath through his nostrils.
"I think you might be right."
Steve tried to change as fast as possible. It was a lot harder than one would think it would be, given that getting it on was rather seamless. Straps and zippers all easily slid into place and the layers of armor came together easily. However, taking them off was a bit harder. The straps were murder to try to undo and the zippers always seemed to get stuck on the way back down. On the one hand, that was probably good because they didn't want the uniform to come apart in the middle of a battle. On the other hand, it was a pain. It felt like the only way to get it off of him was to have someone else take it off of him.
Maybe that was the point. Steve felt a wave of excitement come over him at the thought of his boyfriend specifically making his uniform so that way he had to take it off of him. He let it go quickly, though, seeing as he probably did not have time to change clothes and take care of any ramifications that came with fantasizing about Tony. There was a flaming space captain waiting downstairs, after all.
Honestly, Steve wasn't sure what to make of Captain Danvers. He did feel indebted to her for finding Tony and getting him to safety during that whole debacle in D.C. However, at the same time, he questioned why she was not up front about her abilities from the get-go. Tony, he understood. He did not seem surprised by Carol's powers, so it was clear that he knew about them, but at the same time, when he last saw her, he was very heavily intoxicated. It was quite possible that Carol had demonstrated her powers to him and he wrote it off as an alcohol-induced hallucination. Conceivably, he could have known about it and not known at the same time, so Steve could easily give him a pass on that one.
There were other people, though, that he was unsure he could extend the same benefit of the doubt to. Carol was only one of them. She had good company in Fury and Commander Hill. After all, they couldn't have known about this. Looking back on how they had acted when they came to drop off Tony, it clearly a bit suspicious. They gave nothing but vague answers and hadn't truly explained what had happened and how Carol found Tony. At the time, Steve was just so relieved that Tony had been brought back to him relatively safe, but now he was certainly questioning it a lot more.
After about fifteen minutes of struggling, Steve was finally able to get the suit off and was able to change into jeans and a black sweater. He was just pulling the shirt over his head when JARVIS spoke up.
"Col. Rhodes is making his approach to the Tower." Steve quickly jerked around to check the time on the alarm clock behind him. It was nearing eleven o'clock – a little over a full hour before Col. Rhodes was due to arrive.
"Are you sure, JARVIS?" Steve asked as he moved to the bedroom door.
"I have been in direct communication with him," the AI responded. "So yes, I'm sure."
Steve opened the door and sure enough, he could see the glinting silver of the War Machine armor pass by the living room windows. Only stopping to make sure his clothes were straightened out, Steve headed across the hall to Tony's office. It was directly attached to the assembly station for Tony's suits, so that was likely where Rhodes would be entering. He hit a button on the wall to get the MK13 suit out of the way just as Rhodes touched down on the landing pad.
Rhodes went through the whole disassembly process at a brisk pace. The only thing that slowed him down was the machinery tasked with removing the heavy plates of armor. Once he was finally free of the bulky protective gear, he jumped down from the assembly station and rushed for the door.
"What happened?" was the first question out of his mouth. Steve frowned.
"You heard about the Tower being struck?" Rhodes gave him a look of disbelief.
"Of course, I heard about it," he said. "Why else do you think I hauled ass down here?" Steve did not have an answer for that, but luckily for him Rhodes didn't wait to find out. "Is everyone okay? They're saying on the news it was a missile." Steve nodded assuredly.
"Everyone's fine," he said. "Well, Pepper sustained a minor cut to her cheek, but everyone else is fine. No explosions, nothing serious happened." That last part was somewhat of a lie, but Steve did not think he could explain Captain Danvers to him right then and there. Nonetheless, Rhodes seemed to relax a bit at that.
"That's what Tony said on the phone," he said. "I thought he might've been downplaying it."
"Doesn't he always?" Rhodes shrugged.
"He wouldn't be Tony if he didn't."
"So you talked to Tony," Rhodes answered in the affirmative. "And I take it he didn't explain what's going on."
"No," Rhodes said. "Do you know?"
"What I know barely even makes sense," Steve answered honestly. Rhodes nodded.
"Sounds about right," he said. "Where's Tony?"
"In his corporate office with Lara," Steve said. "They're trying to come up with a good explanation as to what happened." Rhodes snorted.
"They better." Steve nodded in agreement, knowing the sentiment was easier said than done.
"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Rhodes shook his head.
"Nah," he said. "I just need to sit down and relax for a minute." He then moved to sit behind Tony's desk and motioned to one of the chairs across the room. "Why don't you have a seat, too, Captain?"
"Uh," Steve fidgeted. "I don't know. We have another guest waiting downstairs."
"This'll only take a minute." Shrugging, Steve went over to pick up the chair (which was a bit too heavy for a normal person to carry on their own, but Steve could manage just fine) and brought it over to sit in front of the desk, facing Rhodes. A tense moment of silence passed before Steve finally spoke up.
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I'm getting an overwhelming feeling that this is one of those conversations that end with you telling me that if I hurt Tony, you've got a dark alley and a bad idea that'll make me want to shut my mouth." Rhodes' eyebrows raised in alarm.
"No," he said. "Who the hell said that to you?"
"Lara." Rhodes rolled his eyes.
"That girl is overdramatic to a T," he said. "I think that's why she and Tony get along so well."
"I know she didn't mean it literally," Steve said. "But the message still got across."
"Well, that isn't what this is," Rhodes assured. "So, you can relax."
"What is it, then?" Rhodes shrugged.
"Nothing more than me wanting to get to know the man my best friend is dating," he said. "You know, since this is really the first time, I've gotten to talk to you with nothing else going on." Steve would beg to differ on that, but at the same time he figured that Bruce, Clint, and Natasha could handle Danvers on their own, at least for a little bit. So, Steve found himself nodding.
"Alright," he said. "What do you want to know?" Rhodes put his elbows on his desk clasping his hands together.
"How have you been handling everything that's been going on with Tony lately? Be honest." Steve had to take a deep breath before answering.
"Not well," he admitted. "I mean, I try to be there as best as I can for Tony, but it feels like I'm not doing enough."
Because I'm not enough. Steve had to bite his tongue to keep that thought from slipping out.
"Trust me," Rhodes said. "You're not the only one who feels like that." Steve slowly nodded.
"I know," he said. "You, Pepper, and Happy have been dealing with this for years and if anyone knows what this is like, it's you guys, but the thing is… I feel like I'm doing more to hurt him rather than help him." Rhodes raised an eyebrow.
"How so?" Steve looked down.
"Well, I tried to ignore the problem for months and that hurt Tony."
"Steve," Rhodes said, prompting him to look back up. "We're just as guilty of doing that. Hell, we tried to ignore it for years. That's even worse."
"Why didn't you do anything sooner?" Rhodes sighed.
"Part of it was because it was easier to enable him than it was to speak out," he admitted. "But the other part was that it didn't hit us how out of control the problem was until he and Romanoff threw that wild party. You know about that, right?" Steve nodded with a slight grimace.
"I've heard the stories." It was Rhodes' turn to look down.
"Yeah," he said. "I'm not entirely proud of what I had to do there."
"From what I've heard, Tony couldn't have been stopped any other way," Steve pointed out.
"No, he couldn't have," Rhodes agreed to let out a sigh. "It still doesn't make it any easier to justify to yourself, especially when you now have all the information and hindsight."
"True enough," Steve said. "But for what it's worth, I sincerely hope that you never get put in that situation again."
"Thanks," Rhodes said. "And for what it's worth, I hope you never get put into that situation, period."
"I hope so, too," Steve agreed, a note of sadness in his voice. Again, Rhodes raised an eyebrow.
"What else is wrong?" Steve frowned.
"It's still the same thing," he said. "I don't feel like I'm doing enough for Tony."
"Oh yeah?" Rhodes said. "Why would that be?" Steve sighed.
"Homophobia," he said. "If I could put it into just one word, it'd be homophobia."
"You're still afraid that doctors will mistreat Tony because of his sexual preference?" Steve bit his lip, trying to come up with the best way to explain.
"It's a little more than that, though," he said. "Honestly, at this point, I think I'm just afraid of me being outed and what the consequences of that would be for both me and Tony."
"Don't worry about Tony," Rhodes said. "He's already been dragged through the mud over this. He's strong enough to go through it again. Hell, this time might even be easier for him given recent changes in attitudes."
"How do you mean?" Steve asked.
"Uh," Rhodes said. "Let's just say people weren't as progressive about the issue twenty years ago as they are now. I think certainly he would have gotten a more positive reception for coming out. Although, the way he came out still probably would have been a train wreck…"
"What happened?" Rhodes looked up, surprised.
"You don't know?" Steve shook his head.
"I know from Natasha it had something to do with a 'sex tape' being released," he explained. "But outside of looking up what the term meant, I didn't look into it any further."
"Why not?" Steve gave Rhodes a confused look, wondering why he could not see the obvious.
"Because I respect Tony's privacy," he said. "He went to the trouble of getting that information redacted from his S.H.I.E.L.D. file. He obviously doesn't want it being brought up, so I never asked him." Slowly, Rhodes nodded in understanding.
"That's very chivalrous of you," he remarked. "But I think it's important for you to know and understand the story behind that."
"Why?" Steve asked.
"Because it's just such an important part of Tony and his life," Rhodes explained. "I mean, it was probably the biggest turning point in his life until Iron Man happened."
"But he doesn't want people knowing about it," Steve pointed out.
"He doesn't want people talking about it," Rhodes corrected. "There's a big difference. Everyone already knows about it."
"That might be true," Steve said. "But I don't want to violate Tony's privacy like that."
"You won't be violating his privacy," Rhodes assured. "Hell, it'd probably be easier for me to tell you rather than try to have him explain it."
"Why is that?" Steve asked.
"Because I don't think Tony truly remembers the entirety of what happened." Steve paled.
"I'm guessing alcohol had a role to play?" he asked.
"Oh, it was much worse than alcohol," Rhodes stressed. "Thank God it only happened the once, though."
Not liking where this was headed, Steve swallowed hard against the sinking feeling that was consuming his stomach. Despite his hesitance, he looked Rhodes right in the eyes and said, "alright, tell me what happened."
Yay! Rhodey's here! Now I can stop feeling guilty about underutilizing him because look, I'm utilizing him now! Also, I don't know if you can tell, but these next couple of chapters are going to be the two-shot I originally planned on making separate from this story, so we're going to take a bit of a detour here, but hopefully, it'll be worth it!
Alright, now that I got to the good news, it's time to give you the bad news. I have only written up to chapter fifty-five and to be honest, I haven't been able to write too much in the past few weeks. I wish I had a good excuse, but sadly I don't. The major thing that's been keeping me from writing is the fact that I have Asperger's Syndrome and with that comes hyperfixations. Normally, that's good if what I'm hyperfixating on is my writing, but right now that isn't the case. So what am I hyperfixating on? Well, a few weeks ago I started watching this TV show and I kind of got my family watching it, too. You might have heard of it, especially if you spend a lot of time on Tumblr. It ended back in November after blowing up the internet by making one of its major ships cannon, and if you can't guess from that, it's Supernatural.
Yeah, Tumblr pulled me into that show, and then I pulled my family in, and now all I'm doing, if I'm not watching the show on Netflix, is reading Destiel fanfics on AO3. Like, I've gotten so obsessed with the show it's not even funny. The only one who I think might have gotten more into it than me is my mom because she read all of Revelations in one night after we started watching Season Four, and yesterday we got a new kitten and she ended up naming him Castiel. (Which IS the perfect name for him, but still.)
Anyway, as a result of this obsession, I've been neglecting to actually write anything, which is bad if I want to finish this fic any time soon. I'm already frustrated because I'm on chapter FIFTY-FIVE and still nowhere near done. I thought this was going to be the faster, easier, streamlined version, but apparently not. As of March 10th I'll have officially been writing this fic for two years and as much as I love this world and the characters, I just want to be done so I can take a break for a bit. I need that. Why can't I let myself have that?
Despite all that, the next chapter should be coming out tomorrow. I also have enough chapters pre-prepared to keep uploading throughout January, but after that, I'll be going on yet another hiatus. This one will be a little more sporadic than the last, mainly because I still plan on updating on days of major Marvel releases like WandaVision, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Loki, and Black Widow (provided they're not all pushed back again by COVID.) I think another part of the problem with writing this fic is that we didn't get much in the way of new MCU content in 2020 thanks to the pandemic, so inspiration was a little hard to come by. I think my most productive weeks were when Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was airing. After that, I just hit a slump I couldn't pull myself out of.
Regardless of my excuses and reasonings, I've made this author's note long enough. All I ask if you've made it through this mess of word vomit is to leave a review. Who knows, it might give me the inspiration I need.
Remember kids, the author isn't smart.
Originally uploaded to FNN on 1/1/21.
