Chapter 44: Summer plans

My hair blew back while I ran, a slightly chilly wind swept through the Forbidden Forest, and as sudden as it came it went. The trees sung around us, moving in their spot as they bathed with the strong rays of Lady Moon.

Regardless of her unmoving and fortified influence, morning was soon to break. And regardless of that rare cold gust, a day full of warm light hastily approached, and that had made me stop mid-run.

The night had been exhilarating as it always was. Going to sleep on my bed in the castle seemed like a distant memory, thousands of years old. But the pack meeting me on the edge of the Forest, that seemed like it had only happened a second ago. The rat had hurried to cling to the hem of my nightgown when we met, and with that, I had picked it up to put on my shoulder. Our night began at that moment.

We ran, we played and we laughed at the ecstasy of it all, with the full moon shining brightly in her monthly cycle. Her influence swirled in my veins driving me insane and back, feral and back. All staples of a wonderful night out.

I grabbed onto the twisted branchlike horns of the stag as it neared me, its snout coming to smell at my feet. A detached chuckle bubbled out of me as I felt its breath tickle my feet as I ended up standing in the empty space between its horns. Bemused, a thought flickered in my mind of perhaps stepping on the foul remains of some creature of the night, but when the stag raised its head with the rat, curiously clutching to the base of its horns, the thought left me. I hadn't even noticed when the rat had left my shoulder, I had probably been preoccupied with matching the werewolf's run.

Not that it could ever be done by me.

I still held on to the stag's horn with a smile, pushing at it and finding it resisting back when the werewolf crouched next to me, its beady dark eyes watching us play. It had run off between the trees when I had stopped, but it returned when it noticed my following had stopped.

My hands released the stag only when a sharp bark broke through the haze of the looming dawn. The dog appeared from the line of trees. My hand instinctively went out to it, calling for it to come close, but it didn't. The dog ignored my call, and somewhere deep inside of me that felt wrong. Had he been like that all night? Evading my touch?

The dog only came close to nudge the werewolf. Almost as if the dog had predicted it, the werewolf spasmed once, and in my still haze filled mind, I knew what that meant.

It was time for the pack to head back to that decrepit house at the other edge of the Forbidden Forest, and although Lady Moon still reign, the day had to be begun. And the pack left me behind.

As I watched them, the forest became lighter and lighter, and the moon yet refused to start letting go of me. Much I knew that she would remain shinning for a while longer and it was the eager day of approaching summer that took the darkness away from her and me earlier than before.


Merlin said nothing as he watched me glide toward him, surely he had seen me arrive back from a run during the full moon enough times to know in the state I was in. Day had broke outside the castle, but the moon's cycle was ever the same, and in the cozy candlelight corridors in the dungeons, the moon's effect still tugged inside of me more so that day than others. Merlin swung open before I could even begin to concentrate on dealing with him. I sighed contently, a beautiful breath that left me relaxed as I walked into the common room and straight into Gemma Carrow.

I stopped immediately as I saw her; her frame slim and tall, taller than Lily Evans. Like a lamppost, I oddly remember thinking of her once. My thought hadn't changed.

"Where are you coming from?" She demanded, her Prefect badge shone particularly bright as it sat pinned on her chest.

I felt myself stare for longer than I should have. "What does it matter to you, Lady Carrow."

Gemma looked at me strangely, and I looked away, wishing the moon's effect had ceased its lingering before I made it to my House. Because in what other scenarios would I refer to Gemma in that way. At that, the inclination to stare at her was gone, therefore I made to pass next to her to get into our dorm swiftly.

"Anyone else knows about your monthly night excursions?" Gemma said as I went by her, stopping me mid-stride.

Well, someone had noticed my comes and goings. And it was almost comical that it had taken this long for me to have a confrontation. Her words made me wonder if someone else had seen me and kept silent for whatever reason. That seemed unlikely.

The thought of my full moon runs being discovered didn't linger in my head too long. Not with the Prefect of my year standing there, watching me with judgemental eyes that I did not like. My mind was not completely lucidly as of yet, but her scrutiny was familiar. It took me only a second for the memories to shot up like lightning in my hazed mind to realized that Gemma hadn't had me under this much scrutiny since Lorcan Mulciber was in school ruling over Slytherin House and tormenting my existence.

I would not be in that situation once more. No one would put me in that situation again.

"I wonder if you'll tell." I turned back and I hadn't realized she was right next to me. I took a long step toward her, my face coming to stop a bit too close to her as I looked up into her eyes. Only the moon's effect had the power to make me do such things. Gemma didn't step away, but I noticed her flinch at the proximity and I found that amusing. Her eyes quivered slightly, and she seemed as stiff as a broomstick. And it made me want to think that it was an effect my sudden animosity had caused. I stared up at her blue eyes, my mouth smirking in a way that seemed alien to me. "Will you tell, Gemma Carrow? Will you tell on me?"

She looked down on me over her nose and it would have bothered me, had she not quivered again. Her eyes left mine, and she took a step back. I didn't move, for I was the victor of this little exchange the moment she looked away from me. And the last word would be mine.

"Off to your rounds, Prefect, before our House wakes." She didn't move as I turned and left her in the common room.


I was pushing chunks of potatoes around my plate, eyes glued to a book opened next to it, and dreading that in a short time I would be taking my Potions final.

Truly, how horrible.

It was the last day of tests and I had one left before I could stop studying for the first time in what little I could remember of my life.

I was sitting with Peter at the Gryffindor table. We had met as normally we did after my Care for Magical Creatures test, Peter had waited for me at the gate leading back to the castle from the Grounds. Together we had walked to the Great Hall, chatting about the test we had taken, in his case Divination and my looming dread about Potions.

At the Great Hall, Peter imminently went to his table, sitting close to the edge that was nearest to the doors, and because of that, I knew he meant for me to sit with him. He wasn't like James or Sirius, who tended to grab onto me as we entered the Great Hall and made me sit wherever they wanted that day, which was mostly where James wanted to sit. Which was as close to Lily as possible.

We sat in silence for half an hour. Peter had not waited for the rest of his Marauder friends to start eating. I had tried to give a leg of chicken a bite into, but with my head consumed by Potions, I couldn't stomach it well and abandoned it for bland potatoes. I pushed them around my plate, every now and then I would look up, expecting owls to swoop in through the windows. Expecting mail had become an obsession now when most days I received some. It was delightful being surprised by who would write to me.

As soon as Peter finished his meal, he hunched over a piece of parchment that had first been intended to be for revising his Defence final, but that he was now using for doodling a portrait of me. Every now and then, he would look up and stare at me from the other side of the table and I would do my very best to ignore him while I deprived my body of food in favor of obsessing over my revising for my one last test of Sixth year.

My Gryffindor friends had their Defence Against the Dark Art test the next day, but today we would be going together to take Potions.

I had been wondering about how Remus was going to manage to do his in the state the moon had left him. At the moment he was at the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey fussing over him as she helped him heal. When I voiced that to Peter before arriving at the Great Hall, he said Slughorn had agreed to push Remus' final for two days. He would still be sick, but he had better chances of doing work closer to his best. At that my heart had swollen with pride at how Slughorn was such a wonderful professor that did such a considerate thing for his student. Of course, the Head of Slytherin House was like that.

Peter said that James had gone to deliver books to Remus at the infirmary, Sirius had tagged along. And we were waiting on them. We still had plenty of time before the test. Soon all would be over, and I could take a breather and just have to wait a few days to get my grades.

And then I could concentrate on other stuff that possibly didn't have to relate to school. I could only hope for that.

"Faraday, look up" I heard Peter ask of me, as I had looked down to put a spoonful of potatoes in my mouth. They were cold, and I made no try at hiding my dislike as I gave him my attention. The circles under Peter's eyes were dark and angry, a clear testament to lack of sleep. It was his normal look the day after a run, and I wondered if I looked someone the same. I had forgotten to get a good look at myself before leaving my dorm room that morning.

He stared me down as I chewed and went back to his drawing.

"You're still at it?" I asked him not at all pleased that he wasn't studying for the test he had. I had no idea how he could just do that without a worry in the world, while I could barely even eat out of worry. Peter's cheeks went red at the question and gave me a shrug. I went on. I had to, it was budding me. "Are you planning on doodling on your Potions test?"

Peter's watery blue eyes shot down to his parchment and erased something from it before he gave me an answer. "I'll copy off James."

"You're oddly confident he'll let you."

He looked up, squinted his eyes for some reason I didn't understand, but then he tilted his head to the side. "He will?"

I scoffed shaking my head, but James probably would let him. It was an amusing thought, not that I agreed with copying off someone else labor, but you had to get your stuff done somehow. And if Peter could do it by copying off James, who was I to judge.

Speaking of the devil, James and Sirius arrived from visiting Remus at the infirmary or wherever else they have been. They liked to wander off, that much all knew. They looked as tired as I must have looked as well with the run we had. James had a pasty smile on his face, and he stared at me as if I grew a second head, Sirius on the other hand, didn't seem too amused. His expression was dark, much darker than just being exhausted. Flashes of the full moon run crossed my mind for some reason, and it made me wonder what was wrong with him. James sat next to me, and Sirius sat next to him on the other side. Peter greeted both but was met with just head nods his way.

Like many times before, I thought that perhaps this was not the best time to breach the subject with James about staying with his family for the Summer. Oddly enough, he was staring at me in a way that seemed painful to me, though I felt no ill intent coming off him. "All right, James?"

"We need to talk."

"Yes," I said immediately, but then I wondered about what he referred to. A part of me hoped it wasn't that he had received words from his parents about possibly harboring me. That would truly be horrible, and I couldn't even begin to wonder how I would face him considering all the time I had been given by Dumbledore to make a decision. "About?"

James rumpled his air, as he slightly turned in his seat to face me. I didn't like the sickly sweet, calm expression he had."About you talking to certain people in certain dormitories when you said you were going to be studying."

My stomach dropped in a very familiar way I didn't like.

When I spoke, it was really hard to not do so through gritted teeth. Something about this sudden conversation was already not sitting well in me. "How do you know I was talking to Regulus in his dormitory?"

"Aha! You admit it." James said, his face looking pleased with my question.

At that, I could only stare confused, and wondering just what the hell was he coming to me with that. What did it matter? But most importantly and the question that was bothering me the most as I dead stared at James was how in the hell had they known.

"We saw you on the map," Sirius spoke up from the other side of James. My eyes narrowed down onto Sirius, who apparently could read my fucking mind. He didn't seem as pleased at my acknowledgment as his friend was. As I looked at him, he appeared far, and when his gray eyes landed on me, harsh and unflinching a heavy sensation settled inside my stomach. I didn't know what it was, but my skin chilled.

I had completely forgotten about their map.

My stare left Sirius, I couldn't look at him. Peter squirmed under my gaze when it went to him, but if it was because he too had seen me in the Slytherin boys dormitory on their map or just that it made him uncomfortable to be stared at, I didn't have the inclination to know. For the moment, I didn't care. All I could think of was of my name on that blasted map and how my Marauder friends could always track me on it. Even in the sanctity of my House. "I think that counts as stalking."

"It was a coincidence," Sirius said, but he didn't meet my eyes.

Cold frustration bubbled inside of me. I edged away on my seat, needing space as I wondered just why they were looking into my House at such a time to catch me conversing with a dorm mate. The thought emerged, that since it was them, it had probably to do with a prank. The term was a week away from ending, of course, they were planning some sort of mayhem involving my House. I would have left it at that if I wasn't peeved of Sirius' words feeling like a lie. His tone didn't sit well with me and it was evident in my voice as I spoke at him. "It was a coincidence that you were looking at your map into the Slytherin dormitories at that one moment?"

Sirius remained silent under my scrutiny, not meeting my eyes. He looked forward, but not at Peter who had gone back to his doodle, though his quill wasn't moving over the parchment. So my attention went to James. He looked at his friend and then to me. His pleased expression had gone, overcome by a more somber look. "Yeah, it was."

I sighed with a grimace grabbed my book bag and stood up.

In all honestly, I didn't care if they used their little map to look into what my dorm mates did in Slytherin House or to look where I lurked. What peeved me was that they were bringing it up. Pushing it onto me, berating me as if I had done something wrong.

I had done nothing wrong.

"Faraday, don't go," James said as I moved away, but I ignored him

Saying nothing, I went past him in direction of the doors giving Peter a half-hearted wave of goodbye and fully ignoring Sirius as I passed behind him. For a moment, I felt like I was being too mean walking away, but I had more important things to worry about and if they were going to be like that, I would do better being alone before the Potions. At that moment I felt my bun being grabbed.

I stopped mid-step before my head went back too hard, and turned back to Sirius, who was standing reaching to me from his spot on the bench.

His go-to call for attention was evident, so as soon as he completely let go of my hair, I gave in to his demand. Why the fuck not? I turned to Sirius, my eyes sifting slightly to glance at James who was shaking his head at Peter. Made me wonder what was going on between the two then, but I had a pressing matter and I was saying nothing waiting for Sirius to break the silence. "You and my brother are close?" His speech was slow and low, and his gray eyes dead stared at me.

"Regulus," I began saying, fully knowing that I should thread the topic with care, and sure that there was absolutely no reason to keep the truth from Sirius. Not in a matter that involved his brother. I tried to be lighthearted as I told him the truth. "Is one of the few people in my House that I can trust."

Darkness stretched on his face as I spoke and my honestly my honesty not helping whatever this situation this had become. I knew Sirius held ill content toward my house and its members, but he had never said such a thing nor had shown any emotion to me being cordial to his brother. I wondered what had changed that but that thought didn't linger as he spoke."I wish you weren't in Slytherin."

Like a shower of cold water, his words killed whatever light heartiness I had felt. "That's not a nice thing to say."

He stared at me for what seemed a long time in silence. I don't know what he expected my reaction to be at his words, but I'm sure as hell he didn't think them before saying them. His gray eyes looked to his friends. I noticed James gave him a look with the corner of his eyes, but whatever passed between them was indecipherable to me. After that Sirius' eyes came back to me. "Are you angry?"

It was a stupid question. One I didn't feel like giving an honest answer to. Of course, I was angry, my privacy was breached and I felt powerless at the prospect.

"Don't spy on me again."

"It wasn't spying. It wasn't." He pressed edging closer to me, his arm dangling close to mine in a way that took my attention. I didn't say anything to the spying thing, I wasn't ready. Instead, I concentrated on watching how his fingers made to grab at my hand but didn't for I pulled it away before that could even happen. I looked up at him at that, and our eyes met. I don't know what expression I had on my face, but it was enough for him to let out a sigh. "Let's pretend like this conversation didn't happen."

It wasn't a proposition or a question. It was a statement he knew I would agree to, and I did.

I decided to sit down again, making it my answer. This time, I sat next to Sirius for it was the closest seat available. He took it in stride and sat back down. The atmosphere in our incomplete friend group wasn't the normal one, but if I didn't sit down now, I would probably end up evading them for a couple of days. In all honesty, I was still angry. It would take me a couple of days to get through it, but better it be in good graces with them than not. Besides, it was almost mail time. After that it was Potions. And the end of my suffering. I could get through the next couple of hours easy enough.

Peter was excitedly asking James about which Quidditch games they would be attending during the summer when a flock of owls flew into the Great Hall.

There was commotion while the birds delivered letters and packages to the students. I stared at them flying, wondering if I would be getting any. I had gotten a dozen the day before, and I wasn't expecting anything, but I did hope every day.

Sure enough, a familiar dark owl landed on the empty plate in front of me. It had a letter in its beak. Peter had stopped talking, I met his eyes when I went to grab my letter. He had gone pale. Before I grabbed the letter, an arm shot up and grabbed my wrist. I looked down then to the person it belonged to and found that James was reaching over the table in front of Sirius to hold me. His grip was strange and strong, his eyes a bit wild behind his glasses. I pulled my arm away forcefully, but he didn't let go.

"I know this bird, it won't peck me." And I did, I couldn't remember the name, but it was Regulus owl. I grabbed the letter the bird had with my free hand and it flew away. Only then did James let go of me. I thought of heard him call my name softly. I was about to stuff the letter into my bookbag, but before I managed that the letter was taken from my hand.

"Hey! That's mine!" I said looking up to see that it had been Sirius the one to take the letter from me.

"This—" Sirius began and I watched his face swirl between emotions that I couldn't quite catch until his expression settled to repulsion. "What the fuck is this?"

"Give it back," I said and when I tried to take back the letter, he pushed off the bench, standing on the alley between tables. I watched him crumble the parchment in a fist. He was glaring intensely at me and that petrified me on the spot. I had thought I was done receiving this kind of pestilence riddled hate from a person I cared about. "Sirius."

"Explain this to me, now." He said venomously.

I edge back, not really expecting a reaction from him like this toward me because honestly I never thought I would be in this kind of situation. And it rattled me how quickly I was in this sort of situation with him again in such a short while.

"Pads," James said standing and placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Let's go somewhere else." Though consumed by Sirius' horrible glare, I understood what James was asking. I could hear the silence around us, and at the time of the day, every loud voice sounded like a scream. We would soon have the attention of all in the Great Hall if we didn't already.

Sirius shrugged James off. "No, I want to hear it here."

I remained silent, not really knowing how to begin or if mattered. I understood Sirius' reaction; I had heard enough school gossip to know of the profound hate he held toward his family. I had heard enough from him to never speak of the matter to him or in front of him. It was one of the reasons why I never even mentioned my letters to the Gryffindor boys, less they began to ask questions and it ended up in that topic. But even though I understood him and his anger, I did think that it was unfair that he was being like that to me. He read the letter! I was just being polite to his mother in my declining. I wasn't going to stay with her.

"I want my letter back." I ended up saying.

"Tell me why my," His first grew tighter and I thought my letter was to get grind into dusk in his hand. "—why this hag is writing to you."

His gritted words made me stand. I wanted to look away from his expression full of hate, to glance at Peter who most likely still sat cowing at the exchange, or to James who had tried and failed both with me and then Sirius to evade the situation that was unfolding. But I couldn't. I was stuck on Sirius unsure of what to say or do. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me! And to her, by the looks of it. She invited you to stay in her hellhole of a house." His words felt like years of resent and anger descending on me, and I regretted staying when I should have walked away to only worry about Potions.

"She did, but-"

"But you're writing to her!" He yelled and the hate and anger he exploded with made me quiver. I felt myself shrink, not because I thought I had done something wrong, but because there was nothing I could say to appease him.

"You have to stop," James said, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder again, only this time he was pushed away. "Sirius."

Sirius neared me, inches away from my face, his voice sounding threatening close to a venom I once knew too well. "I'm waiting Faraday. Anytime now, any bloody explanation. I'll even accept excuses and lies if you are convincing enough."

That was an insult, one that stunned in a way that made me feel like I was back at the beginning of sixth year before I met the Marauders or became friends with Lily. Back when Lorcan Mulciber had made it his business to torment me. And the very last thing I would have in Hogwarts again was a tormentor. Even when in my very core knew that Sirius would never be that way to me. Though that certaincy didn't sway away the anger that set on my face, I couldn't keep it off it even if I tried. "Why should I explain my actions to you?"

"Faraday." Someone whimpered or begged me, if it was Peter or James I couldn't tell. I was lost in gray eyes recovering from shock to be filled with looming hate and resentment.

"Because we're friends." He said with a voice as cold as ice. "Or used to be."

"Used to be?" I felt like an idiot repeating his words, but of all he had said that was like a knife to the heart. A little voice at the back of my head was telling me to walk away, to leave it at that and fix it when we both calmed down, but that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to be the only one leaving hurt. "That's good; I wouldn't want friends that treat me like you do for being polite to a stranger."

His eyes full of hateful feeling drastically changed to an expression I was more familiar with, but one I hadn't expected at this moment.

Sirius face changed into a bored look and I felt like whatever friendship between us was damaged beyond repair. And his words drove it in harder. "I thought you were different Miss Ambrosius, one of us. But no, you're one of them. Another frumpy Slytherin elitist on her way to becoming a Death Eater's wife."

"Sirius, that's too far," James begged as he still held him back.

James' words had been distant to me as if he hadn't said them from farther up the table than he was. But he was right, it was too far. His words were a knife. The sharpest knife that had ever impaled my heart and there was no going back. This brought to me a dilemma I liked to ignore, the fact that my friends were Gryffindors whose primary enjoyment in school was finding ways to torment the people of my house just because of a rivalry and hate I didn't quite want to understand. I had seen it a lot, and I had even experienced it before coming from Sirius and James, but never did I thought one of them would use it to hurt me. Not with the dark whispers going through the wizarding world and my house.

My head down, I took a deep breath before I answered him before I dared to look Sirius in the eyes again. The Sorting Hat had placed me in Slytherin because that was who I was, there was no changing it. "No need for a husband, Sirius Black. I'll be the Death Eater."

And with that, I walked away finally from the train wreck of a situation that had emerged. My mind dead set on going to Dumbledore's office.


AN: Hello, thanks for reading! I and truly sorry for taking so long to write this chapter. And sorry if this chapter seems out of place or if what happened between Faraday and Sirius seems out of place and/or rushed. This fic has changed a lot since I made the plot, and there are things from the original plot that might not work but that I like so much that I've been working on getting to them somehow.