p class="MsoNormal"I awoke to darkness. It was dark. And there was somebody with me. I gently, without much movement, left the bed I was bundled up on and slipped from the room. They stayed asleep and I managed to leave without them noticing. I had a pair of shorts and a shirt on and bare feet but I had to get away from whoever was in there. My head hurt but surprisingly the rest of me felt ok. My leg had healed, leaving a slight wound where the healing was working. But my head hurt much more than any hangover did./p
p class="MsoNormal"Growling I moved down the corridor and down some stairs. I was thirsty and needed a drink. I had to decide what to do. My memories were fuzzy. I wasn't sure what to believe and what to do. Something seemed bad about the whole situation and I didn't care much for feeling confused. I sat at the table with my third glass of water and thought really hard. I needed time to clear my head. To sort through the pain and memories. But I had to stay here. I had something to do. Something important./p
p class="MsoNormal"I remember the burns across my skin, causing me to itch my arm. They were easy to overcome because I burned myself a lot. Didn't I? It hurt to think about so I kept wandering around the room, looking out the large window to the realm below./p
p class="MsoNormal"Something must have slithered out as my brain flinched at my reflection, feeling fists over and over; a constant brutal attack on my body, from the fists, over and over until bones broke. I had to squeeze my eyes shut and breathed through it, remembering that was a pain, an agony, I could endure. It wasn't the end of me. The more I tried to stop it, breathe through the memories pounding up one after another, a face, a uniform, a new pain. I felt my knees tremble as I remembered the water. How it wracked the inside of my body as much as the out. How my brain couldn't cope with it happening all over again. The lashes as skin was stripped away from me washed over me as my knees hit the floor. The lack of food made me weak and hallucinate. The lack of sleep had me shaking. I remember the voices, and the questions. I remember giving answers. But if it was the answer they required I wasn't sure. I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember being placed in uniform. I couldn't remember being told what had happened. I couldn't even remember if I ever accepted the agreement. I just did. I remember the bathtub. I remember my voice breaking from the screams. I remember they didn't stop. I remember counting the hours to one hundred and twelve and then things getting so much quieter. I remember it all, and I remember nothing. And that helped fear slip in./p
p class="MsoNormal"I did remember hacking in Jarvis. I remember laying down foundations to hack into SHIELD./p
p class="MsoNormal"It would not have taken me long to hack into SHIELD, so why was I saying I had various issues? Why was it taking me so long? And the voice that caused me to doubt my very life, where was that now?/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gripped my hair trying to stop the pain in my head. I tried to stop it going over ever bit of detail it could. Until it came to the end of its cycle./p
p class="MsoNormal"Loki./p
p class="MsoNormal"His bare skin, unblemished porcelain. Thor with few scars marking victories in battle. The uncertainty in his voice as he looked to Thor, as his body faintly trembled as time neared. How he spoke to me asking me to fight it./p
p class="MsoNormal"I couldn't fight it./p
p class="MsoNormal"I couldn't see him hurt either. Seeing it, I remember, seeing it made my stomach turn and I was going to vomit. It hurt. It hurt so much more than anything physical. It hurt so much more. I remember feeling scared deep down, feeling enraged, feeling violent, but unable to grasp to why./p
p class="MsoNormal"Feeling my eyes tear up and the pain that stung behind them I ran from the room, struggling to keep my feet under me./p
p class="MsoNormal"Growling I moved down the corridor and down some stairs. I was thirsty and needed a drink. I had to decide what to do. My memories were fuzzy. I wasn't sure what to believe and what to do. Something seemed bad about the whole situation and I didn't care much for feeling confused. I sat at the table with my third glass of water and thought really hard. I needed time to clear my head. To sort through the pain and memories. But I had to stay here. I had something to do. Something important./p
p class="MsoNormal"I remember the burns across my skin, causing me to itch my arm. They were easy to overcome because I burned myself a lot. Didn't I? It hurt to think about so I kept wandering around the room, looking out the large window to the realm below./p
p class="MsoNormal"Something must have slithered out as my brain flinched at my reflection, feeling fists over and over; a constant brutal attack on my body, from the fists, over and over until bones broke. I had to squeeze my eyes shut and breathed through it, remembering that was a pain, an agony, I could endure. It wasn't the end of me. The more I tried to stop it, breathe through the memories pounding up one after another, a face, a uniform, a new pain. I felt my knees tremble as I remembered the water. How it wracked the inside of my body as much as the out. How my brain couldn't cope with it happening all over again. The lashes as skin was stripped away from me washed over me as my knees hit the floor. The lack of food made me weak and hallucinate. The lack of sleep had me shaking. I remember the voices, and the questions. I remember giving answers. But if it was the answer they required I wasn't sure. I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember being placed in uniform. I couldn't remember being told what had happened. I couldn't even remember if I ever accepted the agreement. I just did. I remember the bathtub. I remember my voice breaking from the screams. I remember they didn't stop. I remember counting the hours to one hundred and twelve and then things getting so much quieter. I remember it all, and I remember nothing. And that helped fear slip in./p
p class="MsoNormal"I did remember hacking in Jarvis. I remember laying down foundations to hack into SHIELD./p
p class="MsoNormal"It would not have taken me long to hack into SHIELD, so why was I saying I had various issues? Why was it taking me so long? And the voice that caused me to doubt my very life, where was that now?/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gripped my hair trying to stop the pain in my head. I tried to stop it going over ever bit of detail it could. Until it came to the end of its cycle./p
p class="MsoNormal"Loki./p
p class="MsoNormal"His bare skin, unblemished porcelain. Thor with few scars marking victories in battle. The uncertainty in his voice as he looked to Thor, as his body faintly trembled as time neared. How he spoke to me asking me to fight it./p
p class="MsoNormal"I couldn't fight it./p
p class="MsoNormal"I couldn't see him hurt either. Seeing it, I remember, seeing it made my stomach turn and I was going to vomit. It hurt. It hurt so much more than anything physical. It hurt so much more. I remember feeling scared deep down, feeling enraged, feeling violent, but unable to grasp to why./p
p class="MsoNormal"Feeling my eyes tear up and the pain that stung behind them I ran from the room, struggling to keep my feet under me./p
