After more than five years, this fic has finally come to an end. It has a special place in my heart because I grew through it as a writer. Thank you for the ones who have read ever since and are still reading. I apologize about all the abuse and the pain I have mentioned in here. I hope the ending is worth it. Though I personally like writing sad endings, but happy ones are what I love watching or reading the most and I hope you like that, too. Sorry about all the typos and mistakes. I usually edit this half asleep or never edit it. I hope you enjoy this one long last chapter of Impediments and happy holidays everyone!


The days in the hospital felt so long. Sally hated them the most. Her mother didn't speak. She barely did. The times she spoke were when she told her to eat and study or when she cried in pain when the doctors tried to check on her. She was ashamed of her paralysis. She was ashamed of herself. She cried continuously in the morning when only Emy was around while Stacy and Sally were at work and school. When Sonia visited, she refused to talk to her or see her. Those were the only time she spoke. She wanted nothing to do with Sonia or Tegan. She wanted nothing to do with them. After that she apologized to Sally who was stunned as she stared at the interaction.

"If you want to talk to Tegan, you can," she said in a whisper. "She's your mother after all." Sonia was shocked. Tegan hadn't told her about that part. "But be with someone."

"I don't want to ever talk to her or see her," Sally answered sharply. "You're my mother. She never was and she never will be." Stacy and Emy were quiet with drumming chests but they could sense the triumph in Sara's face and the pain in Sonia's. Despite the pain, Sara still won her fight. She lost everything but her daughter and she did not mind.

Stacy was the one in contact with Sonia regarding the intervention program which was long and expensive and it meant Tegan disappearing in a facility for months and months but it was the proper way to get professional help in her case, to stop being a danger to herself or the people around her.

"She wants to go," Sonia said. "But, honestly, will she ever change? I lost hope, too."

"She has to try. At least for the future."

"She doesn't even think there will be a future for her." Stacy shrugged. That's all she could do. "So I'm not going to see Sally ever again?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "It's not my fault, you know."

"Sally's just shocked right now. We can't get her to talk or say anything. We don't even know how she knew Tegan's her mother and why she hadn't told anyone. She thinks Jeremy's her father. Technically he is and she has to know the truth but I don't know how to tell her something Sara hasn't given me permission to tell."

"You want to tell her that her mother and aunt are incestuous?" Sonia chuckled. "This girl will never get over this trauma. Watch her become another…"

"She's not another Tegan," Stacy interjected shortly. "She has parents who love her and have always been around for her. Nobody has left her when she's young to be with other men and she doesn't have a parent who only sees her worthy if she succeeds in business. We made sure nothing ever harmed her. We made sure nobody hurt her or assaulted her. We took care of her needs and gave her the unconditional love that she deserves like any other human being. She won't end up like Tegan.

Your daughter never felt enough. She never felt complete because of the people around her. Bringing a child into this world isn't fun and games. It's a responsibility. When Tegan and Sara decided to have her, they knew what they were doing. They weren't trying to feel better about a mistake. They were together and in love and your past mistakes also stood in their way. But it didn't change the fact that she was brought into this world with the intention to be loved and cared for and so she got that. So don't blame someone for the trauma you helped so well cause."

"I don't get why you're attacking me," Sonia said hurtfully. "You know I love my daughter so much. I've never…how dare you attack me?"

"You love her. You just didn't know how to show her that love. I am not attacking; I am simply telling you that you need to help Tegan, too. A family is a support system and everyone needs it. Sally has hers but her mother doesn't so if you want her to get better, be with her and around her."

"I don't understand how you think you have the right to educate me about my life and Tegan's. You barely dated Sara for a little bit and…"

"And Sally sees me as a mother to her," Stacy added. "Even when she knows I am not."

"You know that Tegan hates you, though?"

Stacy laughed a little. "Tegan's feelings towards me are none of my business."

"Why are you trying to help her then?" Sonia whispered when the door opened and Sally left Sara's room.

"Because she helped me when Sara cheated on me with her," Stacy answered quickly. "Because she helped me have the kid I've always wanted and I know too well what it feels like not to have someone you love so much and not to feel enough." Stacy smiled at her daughter in the back and waved. "And because helping her will help Sally having her back in her life and there's nothing I care about in this world more than having Sally happy and healthy." Sally waved back with pursed lips. "Take care," she said at last and walked up to Sally.

Sara constantly asked about Sally when she was not around. She had to talk to her but the pain she felt made her unable to utter a single word. Her days were filled with boredom and emptiness. She thought about Tegan but didn't like to ask about her. She didn't care because thinking about her made her cry. She thought about her disability and cried more. Tegan caused that. She was going to be on a wheel chair. People would have to help and support her. Stacy said she would because Emy had a family but it was so hard for her to accept that. Stacy was shown how to help her in the bathroom and how to bathe her as if she was a little child or an old lady on the precipice of death. She cried every time she remembered her state until it was time she left the hospital and Stacy was helping her sit up while her daughter packed her bags and Emy made sure they didn't leave anything in the room.

When her eyes looked into the sun, she began to cry heavily until her daughter cried. Stacy drove silently while Emy sat next to her, eyes on the mirror ahead watching the distressed woman in the back.

Stacy helped her to her room and when it was time to go to the bathroom an argument happened in there. Sally stood at the door while her mother fought with her friend.

"Let me pee alone," Sara shot angrily. "I can do it alone."

"I am just helping you sit on the toilet."

"I can do it alone." They all knew she couldn't do it including her. She cried after saying that. "Sally, leave," Sara shouted. "Leave."

Sally left with tears in her eyes. She sat next to Emy in the room. "If I weren't so pregnant I would have helped her. I've done this before."

"She's been paralyzed before?" Emy nodded. "When?"

"Because of the bike accident. Well, when she was paralyzed, she was…umm…with Tegan…in New York but Tegan did all the work." Sally blushed while listening and Stacy stared as she waited for Sara to call her. "But the first time Tegan hurt her, umm, she needed some help for awhile."

They heard Sara calling for the other woman. Stacy went in and closed the door. They heard crying and mumbling and mispronounced words. "It's going to be hard, Sally. She needs you by her side."

"Were my mother and Tegan lovers?" Sally asked with a tensed up posture. She looked at the empty bed she and her aunt had spent so much time on next to her mother. She remembered all the times her aunt slept over and all the unnecessary comments that were said. She remembered all the moves. All the remarks. All the smirks. All the jokes. The kicking under the table. The sweet smiles. The pain in their eyes. The secrets whispered. The playful sounds behind the door.

"They were," Emy said. "You should let your mother explain everything to you." Sally nodded. "You have to know the truth."

The wheel chair stepped in with red-faced Sara scowling at the specters in the room. Her hair was getting too long and too shaggy and her bangs covered her eyes.

"Don't move your arm, please," Stacy said irritably. "You shouldn't. Just bear it for now." Sara glared at her and Sally watched the interaction silently.

She studied next to her silent mother and dared not ask any question. When her mother began to doze off, Sally left the bedroom and headed towards hers. Stacy spent the night there.

Sally knew her mother and Stacy had been sleeping together. She didn't tell them. She pretended that she didn't know but she did and it made her happy at the beginning when she didn't connect it to Tegan's anger. When she did, she realized that it wasn't going to end well and she was right; it didn't end well. Now she got what she wanted: Stacy living with them and sleeping next to her mother, but it was because she was the only one who could help her.

They told Jessica and Joy that Sara fell off the stairs. It was an easier lie. Sally still didn't ask and nobody said a thing. Sara was too lost in her own mental world to care. Stacy updated her LinkedIn page, telling Sara she was going to give therapy from home. She was already going to do that in the clinic Tegan's family had gifted her. Not any longer. She wanted nothing to do with them.

"When you're ready, tell me. I'll be your manager." Sara nodded. Sally wondered if she'd ever be ready because it didn't seem like it.

Some days were harder than others. Sometimes they returned from school finding Sara crying and Emy just silent. Other times Sara and Stacy shouted so much at each other because Sara didn't like the way Stacy asked so many times if she had to go to the bathroom.

"Don't ask her," Sally said over breakfast one morning.

"She pissed her pants two days ago," Stacy said, rubbing her knuckles. "I have to ask because she doesn't tell me." Sally cried over her mother's incapability during lunch at school. The new counselor talked to her but she refused to say anything other than being tired and overwhelmed. The kids didn't like the new counselor. They liked her mother more.

That afternoon she stalked Tegan on social media. No updates whatsoever since the surgery many months before. She knew the house had been neglected. The lights were never on and the car never left the garage. When Stacy watched her staring out of the window, she told her the truth. "She's in a mental health facility. She'll be there for a long time."

"How did you know?" Sally asked.

"Because I told her to go there."

The conversation was interrupted by Sara cursing as loudly as she could. They rushed to the room. The coffee was all over the bed and Sara's thighs. Sara looked at them with tears in her eyes and a silent cry for help. She couldn't take it any longer. She hated feeling incapable. Stacy helped her take a bath and it was the first after a long time. She continued refusing for so long but she needed one. Sally stood behind the door and watched a little as both women struggled. Her mother was in the tub and the other woman was trying to wash her hair, bent down in her shorts and tank top, fighting Sara's constant groans and curses.

On Fridays Emy stayed longer and they had dinner in the living room with Sara on her wheel chair. Sally helped her mother eat even when she protested.

"You're not supposed to move your arm," said Sally. "Can you just let me help you?"

"I can help myself."

Stacy rolled her eyes and looked at red-faced Emy. "You okay?" Emy shook her head and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked down between her legs. "Shit," Stacy screamed. "Your water broke." Emy nodded. "Okay, okay…calm down." Emy was calm but Stacy panicked. "I'll, umm…Oh, God…what do we do?"

"Emy," Sara called. "Look at me." Emy looked up. "Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath." Sally watched with wide eyes. "Just call Vivian and let her catch you to the hospital. You have to take her to the hospital. She can't give birth naturally."

"No, I can't. I can't," Emy said quickly. "I shouldn't. My c-section is due next week." She closed her eyes again and squeezed.

Emy gave birth to twin boys and Stacy spent the whole day at the hospital because she was so happy about holding the babies and being around them. Sara hated being left alone. She constantly wondered loudly why Stacy didn't get back home.

"She's sick of me," she mumbled to herself in front of her daughter. "Having to wipe my vagina and getting me dressed like a fucking baby."

"Mum, do you want to go to the bathroom? I can help you." Sara glared at her. "What?"

"I'd rather die than let you do that for me." Sally laughed.

"I've seen you naked." Sally shrugged. "Like I'm your kid."

"Yeah, exactly so shut up and text Stacy because I have to pee." At least she was asking that time.

But she didn't always do that. A few days later, Sally went back home from her piano class and found Stacy distressingly looking into the drawers in her bedroom.

"What's going on?" Sally asked.

Stacy turned around with a messy hair bun and a sweaty forehead. "I can't find any pads in the house," she said panicking.

"Umm, I have tampons left from the last time I…"

"No, no." Stacy walked out and Sally followed. "I need pads. I can't just push a tampon in her." She pointed at Sara lying on her bed with a spot of blood between her legs.

"Shit," Sally said to herself, watching her mother with tears in her eyes. "I'll walk to the store."

"Yes, please. I was going to but I thought you had some." She grabbed her wallet on the nightstand and took out money from it to hand it to her daughter.

"I have money," Sally said, she was still staring at her mother.

"Can you not stare?" Sara shouted then regretted it immediately and bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," Sally said quickly and walked out.

"If you had told me you started, this wouldn't have happened," Stacy said as she tried picking her up slowly to put her on the chair.

"God, no, don't put me on the chair, it will be full of blood."

"I'll clean it," Stacy mumbled and helped her friend. She took a deep breath and looked at the stained sheets.

"I didn't know I had gotten it," Sara whispered. "I didn't feel it."

"Oh."

Stacy often wondered what she could feel and what she couldn't. She often thought about it. That week, during bath time, she looked down between Sara's legs and Sara noticed. She looked up at her again and leaned in. Sara waited for the kiss but it was just a small peck.

"Can I?" Stacy asked softly. The door was opened and Sally was in the apartment.

"Yeah," Sara whispered and waited. It was so quick. She touched her clit and rubbed it and Sara closed her eyes until she came.

They didn't notice it because they were making out when Sally walked in for a short second to ask her mother whether she should heat the food or not but as soon as she walked in, she walked out, closing her eyes and breathing quickly with a drumming chest. She was never walking in on anyone again, she promised herself.

Part of her was happy but the other one was embarrassed and curious. She watched the interaction over dinner. It was way calmer than before but she could sense it was a little bit awkward.

At least it was much better the days after but the bathroom's door was always closed during bath time. Less fights happened, more smiles, more laughter. When Sara's arm and shoulder healed, things began to get better.

It seemed like Tegan was forgotten but not from Sally's restless mind. She wanted to know the truth and she often thought about it at night and during her classes. She was trying her best to focus and study well but she couldn't and her teachers noticed. They told her mother.

Stacy talked to her separately in her room. She was understanding. She knew that what had happened affected her badly, but Sally's concerns weren't about what had happened, but rather about what was hidden. She was curious but was too scared to talk.

"You should know the truth. Sara's worried you haven't asked at all."

"I…" Sally sighed. "I'm afraid I'd know something I wouldn't be able to stomach." Stacy's silence affirmed her fears. She looked down at her legs and Sally instantly knew that what was hidden was rotten.

Nonetheless, she listened to her adoptive mother and decided to ask Sara about the truth.

Sara was on her chair in the living room with her laptop in front of her. She was working which was good because Sara seldom was in the mood to work or do any activity around the house or outside of it. Sally, also, knew that she and Stacy were having a sexual relationship and that was the reason her mother was feeling better.

She blushed thinking about it as she sat beside her mother waiting for her to absorb her request.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Sara still asked despite realizing her daughter already knew what she had spent years trying to hide.

"I'm not ready," Sally said, "but I think I should know." Sara nodded silently. "You are not my mother." Sara shook her head. "Tegan is." Sara nodded and took a deep breath. Her face reddened and she felt herself choking up. "You're my aunt, though."

"Yeah," Sara whispered.

"My biological aunt." Sara nodded, wiping one fallen tear. "And Tegan gave me to you and Stacy to raise me because she was kinda young and not ready? Like, am I a mistake or…I mean…I know Jeremy's my dad. I heard…when I was young and you guys had this huge fight in his house in Calgary, I heard him saying he's my dad or something and I had already felt it. Plus, I look just like his niece."

"He's a donor," Sara said. "He's not a dad. You're not a mistake." Sally furrowed her brows. "How did you know Tegan's your mother?"

Sally looked down and shook her legs. "I…I don't know. I discovered it awhile ago. Like, I already had my doubts because of how close she is and…I've suspected it and that's why I kept asking about her not having a child. I wanted to be proven wrong but everything just seemed fishy. She was always involved in my life."

"Yeah…but is there a specific moment you remember?" Sally nodded. "When?"

Sally shrugged. She didn't want to admit it.

"Please tell me." Stacy was in the room, too. She sat down on the couch and stared at them in silence.

"When you…ummm…when you got your period and started crying in the bathroom." Sara furrowed her brows. "I was young…umm…when I called her and she came over and made me get you milk and then talked to you in bed. I realized you were trying to get pregnant and it didn't happen. She said a few words that made me…uhh, realize I was not yours and possibly hers because I had already heard the conversation in Jeremy's place way before."

Sara nodded and looked towards baffled Stacy.

"And then all those times she got so upset about not having a child. When I slept over before her uterus prolapsed and…Like it was all so clear to me. I just couldn't understand how you breastfed me and you're not my mum. Like there are pictures, you know." Sara nodded. "So I clung to that hope but I was so curious to know if it's possible for a woman to breastfeed without a child of her own so of course I Googled it." Stacy and Sara shared glances again. Sally noticed. "And the answer is yes and, apparently, a lot of women do it. And so it hit me that I've never seen pictures of you pregnant with me. Like there are pictures of us when I was two days old, but you weren't even breastfeeding me then and there aren't pictures of you pregnant with me. I know you said you lost them in the old house but...I guess that's when I just really figured it all out."

"Yeah…" was the only thing Sara could say.

"I just didn't understand why she was so abusive to you. I know she's mentally ill and all but…I just couldn't understand why…umm she didn't want you near Stacy and now I think I know but…" Sally began to sniffle and hiccup. Sara cried silently. The truth was bound to come out.

"I'll tell you everything but you really have to listen and understand because it's just…"

"It's fine. I want to know." Sally took a deep breath and looked at Stacy for a quick second before looking back at her mother…her aunt…her mother.

Sara told her the truth. Not all of it. She tried to be considerate. She hid the fact she had been sleeping with Stacy. She hid some of the details about her life with Tegan. She tried her best to give the tamed version of the story. She revealed the truth but without many details. Still, Sally was too shocked to handle it.

That night Sally couldn't stop crying or thinking. Stacy helped her to the bathroom and washed her face for her. Sara sat in her chair with pain, guilt, remorse and tears. Stacy wiped her daughter's face and comforted her. That night, Stacy stayed next to Sally in her bed until she closed her eyes and fell asleep. She found Sara with a drink in her hand, staring at the window into the abandoned house she hated so much.

"She shouldn't go to school tomorrow," Stacy pointed out. "She didn't realize that things were way worse than what she'd already known."

"No," Sara mumbled with a sniffle. "We did her wrong," she said. "Tegan and I…we did her wrong. Not you," she pointed out.

"Do you think she'll ever see me as her mother again?" Stacy wondered loudly.

"She knew since ever you're not and still considered you as her mother." Stacy nodded. "I think she hates Tegan more now and I am not sure if this is a good thing or…"

"Do you hate Tegan?" Stacy interrupted, halting Sara's thoughts and striking her with a question she hadn't thought of.

"I…I am not sure…I am…" Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. "I can't hate Tegan," she admitted. "I just don't want her in my life but I can't hate her." Stacy nodded.

Silence gave place to wandering thoughts to enter the warm space. Sara stared and thought and Stacy thought about Sara's feelings for her, about their future, about the sex and the kisses, and about the possibility of Tegan coming back in their lives.

"Would you like to contact her?" Stacy asked. "Hypothetically because you can't since she's your abuser."

"No," Sara said quickly. "I am not ready," she whispered. "I don't think I ever will."

"I heard she's accepting the treatment and is very helpful."

"You're in contact with her?" Stacy shook her head.

"Janice told me," Stacy said. Janice was her friend who ran the institute. "She's taking care of her but Tegan isn't giving them a hard time at all which is the opposite of what they had expected." Sara smiled and looked down at her feet. She seemed proud of her lover. Stacy could tell.

"Wish she was conscious enough to realize that telling her daughter would only hurt her daughter and bring hate onto her. I told her many times but her head was somewhere else."

"You know how badly trauma and mental illness can affect someone, Sara. I am not defending her, but she was…somewhere else."

"Yeah, I know. I am just saying I wish she were healthy and I wish she listened to me when I told her she needed help."

Stacy couldn't say anything because things had happened and they were what they were. Sara was guilty, too. She'd neglected the silent cries for help and, instead, slept with her because she had been so tired of facing Tegan, of taking care of her, of being there. But who could blame Sara when she had spent her whole life taking care of Tegan without any results. Nothing could be changed anymore.

"Let's sleep," Stacy finally said.

"Yeah. Let's go." Sara began moving her wheel chair around in the room.

Tegan thought of her lover and her kid as she meditated in her room. She sometimes cried at night and when she thought of harming herself, she called for help. The nurse, if that's what people called her (Tegan didn't know), was nice. She sat by her side and listened to her.

Sometimes she missed Sara so much she cried the whole night until the next morning. Her memory loss hurt her the most. She tried so hard to remember what had happened in therapy but there wasn't any point. Mental exercises helped. The meds helped. The people she met there all did, but she still felt imprisoned in her own thoughts and in her own weaknesses.

Her mother visited almost daily. She was working on selling the house in Vancouver.

"You're coming back with me once you're out. We're starting a new life," Sonia said. Tegan didn't care because she doubted Sara would ever look at her again. She didn't want Sonia in her life so of course she wouldn't want her there, too.

Stacy, though, secretly visited every other week. She gave her updates on Sara and Sally and tried to get her whatever she needed from the world outside. She still didn't understand how nice that woman was and how mean she had been to her.

One morning she informed her about telling Sally the truth. Sally didn't take it well…as expected. Tegan nodded hearing the news and swallowed the lump in her throat. She cried that night while talking to her nurse friend. The next morning, she spilled every little secret to her therapist. She admitted things she hadn't ever thought she would say out loud. She said words only Sara had heard and only once. She remembered details not even Sara had an insight on. That session was long but it left her feeling so good and so exhausted that she slept for five hours after. When she woke up, she was well rested and able to focus.

Still, she barely remembered the events of that day.

And time passed. She remembered nothing. She stopped feeling anything. Stacy delivered news but there didn't seem like there ever was any hope Sally would contact her or try to talk to her ad Tegan didn't have it in her to ask Stacy to do that.

Sally, on the other hand, often thought about her mother and the incestuous relationship both sisters had carried for years. She usually drowned her thoughts by studying or spending time with friends. Other times she slept for long hours and when she woke up she heard the loud arguments coming from her mother's bedroom. Sometimes it was Sara crying and other times it was Stacy.

When she asked about the nature of the relationship, Stacy dismissed her and said they were just roommates or friends. Sally knew too well that was a lie but she still didn't know why they fought so much. They had broken up because Stacy found out about Sara and Tegan. That was the past. They had been sleeping together and, though her mother didn't admit it, she knew that was partially the reason Tegan had lost her shit that day. If she and her mother were sleeping together and Stacy and her mother were also sleeping together, it meant her mother had cheated. That's why Tegan lost her shit.

Being in a wheel chair was also an issue her mother couldn't ever get over. She always needed Stacy around and she hated needing her so much. Sally guessed that was the source of fights. Sometimes when Emy visited with her kids, the house would calm down because Stacy would be so entranced watching the babies and Sara would watch her play with them calmly and admirably.

Stacy usually watched as Emy breastfed them and asked many curious questions about breastfeeding and motherhood, questions which made Sally's chest sting with jealousy. Stacy acted like she didn't have a child or never had one and Sally was right there. When Emy left one evening, Sally caught Stacy crying in front of the bathroom mirror as she stared at her bare chest. When their eyes met, Sally looked down immediately and apologized for standing there, claiming that the door was opened.

"Yeah, it's fine." Stacy wiped her tears and attempted a smile. "You can use the bathroom. I'm sorry I'm taking too long."

"It's fine, mama…I…"

"I don't want to talk about this, Sally."

Sally told Sara the next morning when Stacy wasn't around. Sara's concerned face relieved Sally. She lived with her two mothers but it never felt right or peaceful or whole and she just wanted to feel like she lived with parents for once.

During one night at the end of the school year when Sally was studying for her finals, she was able to hear the loud moans coming from her mother's bedroom. She felt embarrassed and uncomfortable because she hadn't ever heard such sounds coming from people she knew before. She tried to focus on her studying until one screechy cry left Sara's throat, interrupting her daughter outside. She decided to postpone the studying for the morning when less disturbing sounds surrounded her.

She began collecting her books as quickly as possible to go back to her room. She heard her mother's bedroom door open and froze in her place as Stacy walked outside in one grey t-shirt and sweat all over her brows and hair line. Stacy headed to the kitchen and Sally continued collecting her items. They met each other in the hallway. Her mother's hair was in the messiest bun she had ever seen. Both of their faces flushed with heat. Stacy clearly didn't have anything underneath the shirt. She held a bottle of water in her hand and a painkiller.

"What are you doing awake at this time?"

"I was studying," said Sally quickly, hoping the conversation would end before it became more awkward.

"Oh…sorry…umm…I was…"

"It's fine…it's fine."

"No, I was trying to help her do some of these physical therapy exercises the doctor told us about but I hurt her, I think." She held the ibuprofen in her hand and shrugged.

"At two in the morning?" Sally questioned, indicating her disbelief. Plus, she knew the sounds weren't Sara's alone. She could tell. She was old enough to notice.

"Umm…yeah, we couldn't sleep."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Stacy pursed her lips together and nodded awkwardly.

In the morning, Sally avoided talking about the night before. Stacy must have had told Sara because the sneaky and shy looks her mother gave her said so many hidden words. Nonetheless, she saw her mother taking another painkiller and wincing a little bit. At one point she whispered how much in pain she was to her other mother. The latter apologized in a whisper. Sally simply couldn't understand what was going on and she knew if she asked, they were going to lie to her. She avoided them all day and by the end of it, her mother seemed very well.

During finals week, Stacy didn't have a moment's sleep. Whenever Sally left the bedroom in the middle of the night, she found her mother either in the kitchen or the living room with dark eyes that she strove so hard to cover during the mornings. She also saw her taking some of Sara's anxiety pills. Sara seemed irritated, too.

Once Sally was done with her exams and alone at home in the morning with Stacy still going to school to finish the admin work before summer break, Sara let her in on Stacy's fears.

"She's been having anxiety attacks. Like, very terrible ones at night and she can't sleep. I try to make her feel better…like in different ways but it's just bad for her." Sally blushed but when Sara didn't go further. She attempted to hide it by looking down at her hands. "She wants to get you checked."

"Huh?" Sally lifted her face up with confusion clouding her features.

"She thinks that, umm, you should get a physical. You're not a kid anymore and you should switch to a GP because you're too old for a pediatrician now."

"Nothing's wrong with me," Sally argued.

"Listen, she's so fixed on this so please just let her do it. She wants you to get a breast exam. She forced me to get one the other day during my appointment. I think she's forcing literally everyone she knows and now she wants you to get one so she could feel better."

"I'm just sixteen, what the fuck?" Sally stood up angrily. "No." She shrugged.

"Sally, please, just let it happen so she can feel better. I know nothing's wrong with you. She knows. This is traumatic for her. She's been in her head and…it's really fucked up for me too because I'm with her 24/7 and I can't take her whining any longer. Like, that was one of the reasons we couldn't just be together."

"I thought it was you being in love with Tegan," Sally said.

"Uh…yeah, but…you know, I love Stacy, too. I just couldn't stay with her because…"

"It's fine. Whatever." Sally huffed. "That doctor won't look inside my vagina, though, right?"

"No. It's just a breast exam," Sara said quickly. "Unless you're…"

"I'm what?" Sally asked naively.

"Sexually active?"

"Does it really look like I am?" Sara shrugged. How would she know? Her daughter wasn't the most innocent and was definitely sneaky and smart. "I am not."

Stacy relieved her mind a little bit by taking her daughter to the doctor for an exam and making sure she was completely okay. She couldn't really understand how her anxiety sprang up all of a sudden. She had never been that person…ever. She was always calm and sensible but that ticking fear within her that her loved ones might suffer what she had suffered hurt her head at night. She knew it started when she watched Emy breastfeed. Her envy rose up when she watched Sara topless during sex. She checked herself in the mirror and hated herself for the first time. Sara asked her many times why she didn't want to get a breast reconstruction but she refused due to many reasons and one of them was that it was fake and it didn't feel normal. Then her obsession transformed into worry when she massaged Sara's breast during sex and felt a lumpy heaviness on the side. Sara told her it had always been like that and she had been getting checkups all her life without any indication of abnormality. Stacy insisted Sara would get an exam the next appointment they had. When she made sure Sara was good, her obsession transferred to Sally. Sara thought she was going crazy. Sally was young. Stacy argued that her breasts were large and age didn't matter. And once she rested knowing Sally was completely fine, her mind moved onto the second prey…Sally's biological mother.

Of course, she couldn't tell Sara and worry loudly but her anxiety remained and her mental health deteriorated. Sara didn't let her have sex with her since that time she accidentally hurt her during it. She didn't mean to. She was thrusting so quickly with her head thinking of million other things. Since then, Sara hadn't let her touch her. She was hurt for a few days afterward and didn't want to go there again. Sex wasn't easy for them. They had to perfect all the positions for Sara's comfort and Sara rarely repaid the favor anyway.

However, when Stacy explained her fears to Tegan and voiced her loud anxiety, Tegan seemed to be the only one who understood where her fear was coming from. "I just want to make sure you're fine and this makes me feel better that Sally is and will be fine. I can't even explain it…I just can't sleep at night."

"I already had one after my surgery months ago but I'll get another one. Don't worry," Tegan said calmly. That was a different person Stacy stared at. "I do think you should take care of your mental health," she suggested. "You gave me that advice and I truly hope you should take it, too."

"Do you not hate me anymore?" Tegan chuckled.

"I will always be envious of you but, honestly, I can't hate my daughter's mother." Stacy smiled. "How is she?" Tegan asked.

"Sally?" Tegan nodded.

"She's good." Smiled Stacy. "Umm, Sara's sister is visiting and she's busy around the house. She doesn't like Joy much but she's hoping this time it's different." Tegan's smile fluttered "We told them Sara fell, Tegan. We didn't tell them the truth. When they asked about you, we told them you had to move to Calgary for business that year." A sigh of relief escaped Tegan's throat. She pushed her head back and closed her eyes. That fucking job…she's never getting back to it if her life was normal again. She's never surrounding herself with her father's toxicity again.

Summer passed smoothly and Stacy visited Tegan weekly. None of them had ever thought they would be able to sit regularly and talk to each other like normal human beings. Tegan's mental health was so good according to her doctors and therapists in the institute. She was going to be released in October that year. She truly couldn't wait.

Sara and Sally watched as the house got sold and the new owners moved in at the end of the summer. Sara cried during those terrible nights of memories and longing. She missed her sister so much yet she couldn't ever bring herself to even contact her. She always reminded her daughter the option was available for her since Tegan was her mother but Sally always refused.

Truthfully, Sally wanted badly to talk to Tegan. She wanted to sit in front of her and ask her dozens of questions but she knew that if she let her in, she might hurt herself and Sally was always the type of person who ignored the problem until it went away. She bottled up and neglected the issue. She rarely expressed her emotions and did not really care about anything other than her mothers being healthy and herself having food on the table, education, and friends. She thought that life wasn't supposed to be so serious and it was just temporary and as long as the people around her were safe and sound, she was okay.

Sara knew that Stacy visited Tegan. She just wasn't aware how regularly Stacy visited her. She preferred not to ask in order to protect herself. When she asked why Stacy did that, no clear answer was given.

"I guess…I don't know. I would want someone to visit me if I were in her place."

"Sonia?" Sara asked.

"Still…I would rather it's also a friend."

"You guys are friends now?" She could sense the jealousy in Sara's voice.

"It started with me reassuring her you are alright and Sally's fine and then…I guess we are now." Sara chuckled. "She's going back to Calgary in October, you know."

"Good," Sara said. "This chapter is over."

Stacy wished it did yet Sara still cried at nights when she remembered her.

A month before Tegan's final departure, she showed Stacy the consent she received from the center to have her hair dyed.

"Can you please do it for me?" Tegan was happy that day. She had talked about a change of look for so long. She felt like a new person but she wanted to look different, too.

Stacy dyed her hair for her. They were in her bathroom together and both of them never thought they would be so intimate. Once done, Tegan hopped into the shower and Stacy waited outside in the bedroom. After the shower she helped Tegan straighten the newly dyed hair. Tegan decided to add golden streaks to the light brown she chose for her hair. She did look different, much younger than the days before.

A very sudden peck on her lips caught her by surprise. Tegan had said, "Thank you." And before she could respond she felt the kiss. Tegan's face was red but not guilty or scared.

"I'm sorry," Tegan finally said as she stared at the frozen features. "Maybe I shouldn't have done that." Stacy shook her head. "I just needed to show some affection. I need some human contact and it's not romantic…it's just…I needed it badly." Stacy nodded. "But I do apologize for surprising you like that."

"Do you want a hug, Tegan?" The younger woman nodded quickly and Stacy opened up her arms with a deep breath leaving her lungs to embrace the woman she never thought she would ever have in her arms. "I am happy you are working so hard to become the best version of you." Tegan nodded through the embrace. A soft sniffle was heard. "I know it's hard."

"You have no idea," said Tegan. "I am sorry for everything I have ever said and done to you."

"It's…fine…I really..."

"It's not fine." Tegan let go of the embrace. "I didn't understand love. I didn't understand feelings. I just understood being safe and understood that the only person I could be safe with and around was Sara and yet I hurt her. I didn't realize I could be safe around my mother, around you, around Emy, around me, around Sally. I couldn't realize that love isn't possession and it alters and it's different for people. I definitely didn't realize that I was hurting everyone trying to keep Sara for me."

"Sara loves you," Stacy said. "She truly does. Despite everything, she just loves you so much."

"I put her on a wheel chair," Tegan remarked. "She can't ever walk again because of me, how can she love me?" Stacy shrugged. "I do hope I can get her and Sally to forgive me one day but I still need more time to heal and think and just live life as a functioning adult without depending on her as if she's my oxygen."

"That's a good decision," Stacy affirmed. "I'm sure she will forgive you. I don't know about Sally to be honest. She's…you know…she's a bit cold and doesn't reveal many emotions but who knows."

"I scarred her for life." Stacy shook her head. "I hope she can just…forget this trauma."

"She's a very strong person with a good support system." Tegan smiled. "Don't worry about her."

"I am not worried," Tegan mouthed. "I never realized how lucky she is that you are in her life." Stacy blushed and felt proud of herself for the first time ever. "And you and Sara…are you…a thing?" The question was whispered timidly. Stacy shook her head. The red turned a shade darker on her skin. "But you live together and sleep on the same bed and…"

"I am technically her nurse." Stacy had said that before. "We did have sex, though." Tegan nodded. "I kinda…get her off in the shower every once in awhile."

"That's nice," mumbled Tegan. "I would pay for that right now." She laughed to herself but Stacy's face became so red with embarrassment Tegan couldn't help but laugh more. "I am not going to ask you to do that. Don't worry." Stacy nodded quickly.

She told Sara what happened late at night in Sara's bedroom. Sara was too quiet after it. She didn't say anything and Stacy bit her lower lip in apprehension.

"You should stop going there," eventually Sara said. "Or…do but…don't give her a chance to think you are available for her needs."

"She's moving back to Calgary soon, you know." Sara nodded. "Are you jealous?"

"Of whom?" Sara raised one eyebrow.

"Of me spending time with her?" Stacy wished Sara would be jealous of Tegan flirting with her but she was too old to convince herself with such imaginations.

"No, I'm actually worried about you." Maybe it isn't an imagination. "I think, maybe, she's getting attached and dependent on you."

"No, no." Stacy sighed. "This is not the case. She just wants a friend. I was able to tell she just wanted support." Sara shrugged. "Do you want her in your life still?"

"I don't think I can be myself around her anymore," Sara admitted in a whisper. "Whenever I miss her, I remember the abuse and that day and how hurt Sally is."

But Sara lied to herself because she loved no one more than Tegan and daydreamed of the good life they could live now that Sally knew the truth. She didn't really know whether Sally accepted their relationship and that's because she didn't tell Sally they had been sleeping together since ever. She only told her they remained in love but were separated due to the fact they were siblings. She knew Sally was aware of the affair but nobody talked about it. She also understood that Sally was aware that she and Stacy were sleeping together but she also didn't talk about it. She felt too awkward and too embarrassed. Stacy wanted to tell Sally, but she stopped her. They weren't really together, why would she tell Sally? She knew Stacy wanted them to be together but the little spark of hope inside of her that waited for Tegan's revival in her life stopped her. Did she really love abuse? Did she really not have any self-control? Was it her fault Tegan just made her a prey? The questions often kept her awake at night until that morning she learned that Tegan had returned to Calgary leaving one note for Sally only.

The note was handed to Stacy and passed to her daughter.

Dear Sally,

I am in no position to apologize and beg for forgiveness neither from you nor from your mother, and this is why I did not write a note for her. However, I will say that I do hope a day would come that you and Sara would forgive all my past mistakes, failures, and injuries.

I was always told to get proper help but I always ignored Sara's wishes until it was too late. Now that I have spent six months in therapy, I can say that I have lived a life full of abuse inflicted on other people and it is a life I regret and wish to never go back to. I am still working, I am still healing, I will always work on my healing journey till my dying day and it isn't only because I want forgiveness from you or Sara, but it's because I want myself to be able to live with me, I want to have healthy relationships with people in my life…whoever they were. I don't want to be that Tegan anymore and I am far away from her and I hope to stay as far away as possible till the end.

This is not a note about me. This is about you, Sally. In this letter you will find the bank account information which has the money your mother and I have saved for you since the day we learned we were having you. This money is yours to get into the best college of your choice. Your mum and I believe you'll get a scholarship and you won't need it. If so, you're free to do whatever you want with it. You can, however, only withdraw the money once you're eighteen. I wanted to keep on adding to it till then but I am currently jobless and I do not believe it is healthy or safe for me to go back to such a toxic work environment as this.

In Calgary, I will rebuild myself and my past. I will try to fix the mistakes of our parents by fixing who I am. I would love to hear from you. I would love to talk to you. I know I have hurt your mother a lot by trying to take you away from her. I know I hurt you, too. I know all of that and I will always be sorry, but I will always wish for the day we meet and talk and be a family again.

Take care, my dear.

Love,

Tegan.

Sally didn't give a damn about the letter and stated vehemently that she didn't need Tegan's money because she indeed was getting a scholarship and if she needed anything she would get a job.

"She's as stubborn as you are," Stacy told Sara. "Just like you."

"She's my kid," Sara said proudly.

Sally demanded to contact Jeremy during the beginning of eleventh grade. She sat down with her mothers and expressed her need for keeping in touch with him. An argument was sparked between her and Sara that night.

"He's just a donor."

"He's the closest I have to a father and he's close to us."

"He's not close to me and you don't need a father," Sara shouted angrily.

"You don't know what I need," Sally answered calmly with gritted teeth. "It's my decision."

"No, it isn't," Sara said with tears running down her face. "It isn't. He signed the papers and we did, too. You can only legally contact him when you're eighteen."

"Mum, you're being so unbelievable right now." Sally tried not to raise her voice because her mother was sensitive and her condition made everyone sympathize with her. "I just need to have a chat with him. I'm not going to leave you. I didn't do that for my birth my mother, what makes you think I'd do it for a strange man?" Sara shrugged as she hiccupped. She looked like a little girl with her newly cut bangs and shoulder length hair. Stacy had messed up her hair but nobody commented on it.

"Sara, come one, calm down," Stacy said calmly, putting one hand on Sara's upper leg and rubbing above the jeans. "Shhh. It's not worth all this crying." But Sara hiccupped and shook her head.

Sometimes it was just bad for her and Sally understood because her therapist explained the trauma her mother had been exposed to. She had her good days, her calm days, her bad days and her really bad days. Usually those came with her menstrual cycle when her hormones interfered with her medications and her mood swings added to the mental and physical pain. Everyone around her wanted those periods to end except her. Of course they didn't tell her that. Stacy, especially, wanted them to end because it was so hard for both of them to deal with those.

Physical therapy was pointless and everyone surrendered to the fact Sara was never moving her legs again.

Grade eleven came to an end and no news of Tegan was heard. Stacy told them she was staying in her mother's house in Calgary and still going to therapy. She didn't work but she had an organized and a healthy lifestyle according to the last time Stacy talked to her. Such details interested Sally because, deep down, she wished one day her biological mother would be alright so that she could contact her. She didn't think she could forgive her soon, but she never knew how she would feel meeting her.

That summer, Sara allowed for Sally to finally meet up with Jeremy. He had kids and he was married. A talk on the phone sealed the deal and Jeremy took the next flight to Vancouver a week later to meet up with Sally. At first, it was an awkward house meeting with Sara and Stacy around. He told them that Tegan knew about this trip because they do talk often and they are still close.

"She was not very happy about it, I admit."

Good, Sara thought. "It's what Sally wants," she remarked. "She wanted to get to know you."

"Like…I don't want you to be my daddy or anything. Like, I have two great mothers, but I do want to get to know you because, like, I knew you were…like the donor since ever. I just thought you were my dad and mum didn't tell me because I was a mistake but then I understood the whole thing and I just wanted to, like, you know, get to know you."

The next morning, Jeremy took Sally out bowling. She introduced him to her best friend Brianna who thought it was so cool Sally finally met her donor. Brianna was the only friend allowed in the house after the incident. Stacy didn't think it was appropriate for people to come over when Sara was just too much going on. Except for Brianna who was always welcomed and who knew that Sara's condition happened because of Tegan. Sally broke down and told her one day. She, of course, didn't tell her everything. She told her that Tegan was actually her mother and Sara and Stacy adopted her because of Tegan's mental state and loss of past lover (a lie she had to make up with her mother's consent since she couldn't tell her Tegan and Sara were a couple). That's why Brianna was happy that Sally got to meet the donor. Sally had told her he was a friend of the family but she never thought she would meet him.

Jeremy took them out to a diner where the three of them dined together and talked about school vibrantly until Brianna had to go back home leaving Jeremy and Sally alone at the table. It was quiet at first but soon conversation birthed more knowledge and they realized they had a lot in common. They loved the same color: red. Their favorite fruit was pineapple. Tegan hated pineapples or red. They both enjoyed swimming way more than basketball. Jeremy told her about his kids and how fun they were and how lucky he would be if she ever met them.

Then Sally asked what she didn't dare ask. "How's umm…her?"

Jeremy nodded with a mouthful of ice cream in his mouth. "She's umm…she's good." He nodded again. "She does a lot of volunteer and charity work. It's taking her whole time."

"That's good." Sally didn't know what to say. "Like she's mentally…"

"Oh, yeah, very healthy. I let her babysit my kids." Sally smiled a little. She knew Tegan must love that. She wanted kids badly. "She doesn't really talk to her father much, though."

"Oh."

"Yeah. She kinda blames him for the deterioration of her mental health."

"Yeah, he was an asshole, honestly." Sally never liked him and knew that he never liked her back.

"Can I tell her that you asked about her?" Sally nodded. "She'll be so happy."

"Yeah, but I still don't want to talk to her. Whenever I hear mum's cries and moans of pain, I feel like shit." Jeremy nodded understandably. "She hurt her so much."

"I know. I Know."

He was understanding. He didn't try to justify or give excuses. Everyone knew Tegan and everyone knew Sara and everyone knew the pain both held and had to put up with so nobody tried to pick a side or defend one while accusing the other.

And days still passed. Sally found solace in her best friend and her mothers. Sara still cried at nights sometimes and still tried to know every detail about Tegan from Stacy. Time brought longing. The sex made her miss her lover. Why did she love her so much? Whenever Stacy went down on her, she imagined it was that woman who had hurt her. What hurt the most was Stacy being so close to her, talking to her often, making sure she was fine, and contacting her when Sara wasn't around.

Sally's friend decided to come out to the mothers before anybody else in her family. Sally knew. She had always known. She had known since they were ten and talked about genitalia. She never said anything. When Brianna told her she let a girl go down on her in a party, Sally felt jealous she had that thing done to her. She felt jealous her mothers slept together and she never slept with anyone. She felt jealous when Brianna came out and received the hugs and the cheers from both mothers while she couldn't even like anyone around her since that boy she had liked years before.

"I mean I know I don't look gay and, like, a lot of people think it's just a phase but I am and I like girls only," Brianna explained to Sara. "I just don't know how to tell my parents because, like, I don't know, they keep asking me about boys and how come I haven't dated since grade ten and now we're almost graduating and I…I don't like boys."

"Honey, you don't have to look gay," Sara said. "Stacy doesn't look gay." Stacy was standing by the kitchen counter with arms folded. "I don't look gay with this hair." Sara ruffled her soft locks. "When I was your age I had the longest hair ever, too." Sally giggled. "She's laughing because she's seen pictures."

"I'm sorry. It was just horrible," Sally said nicely. "And you looked gay, mum." Sara blushed and Stacy smiled.

"It's really all about the vibe," Stacy said. "Like I don't look gay but I have the vibe."

"You're bi," Sally commented.

"She hasn't slept with a man since ever. Pretty sure she's not anymore." They exchanged a mischievous knowing smile which both teenagers understood and felt uncomfortable realizing.

When they went back to Sally's room, Brianna burst out in loud and uncontrolled laughter. "Your mums are fucking," she exclaimed.

"Shhhhh." Sally put her hand on her friend's lips, covering them. "They'll hear you."

"You should be happy."

"It's really just frustration sex. They don't tell me about it. It's been happening since ever. Like I hear sounds but, yeah, they pretend it's something else."

"Damn, though." Brianna plopped on her friend's bed. "They're so hot."

"Eww."

"Milfs." Sally wrinkled her nose and Brianna laughed in return. "

During grade twelve, while Sally was working so hard in school in order to get that scholarship she dreamed of, a lack of fortune hovered over her right before her eighteenth's birthday. It was in early March when she collapsed in the school's bathroom due to a sudden asthma attack and shortness of breath.

She was hospitalized for two days and then sent home with major warnings against movement without the portable oxygen mask. Her bronchitis was terrible but there was nothing anybody could do in the hospital except wait and watch and give medicine.

Sara lost her mind back then and Stacy didn't know what to do exactly. At nights, they lay next to her listening to her hard breathing and waking up every second when she coughed or when she moaned or when she shifted.

"Why does her asthma keep getting worse?" Sara wondered at night as she sniffled. "It worsens with age."

"I don't know," Stacy whispered. They looked at the half sleeping body with her lips partially open and an oxygen mask covering her face. "We should tell…" Stacy cut herself off.

"We should," Sara finally said. "We have to. She has to know." Sara cried some more until her daughter's voice rose up.

"Mum," the teenager wheezed. "Mama."

"Yes," both said immediately. While Sara tried to sit up but failed due to her disability, Stacy immediately did so. "Yes, baby."

"Bathroom," she breathed. "Urgent."

"Yes let's go." Sara watched as her daughter held on tightly to that other woman and walked slowly with great support so she wouldn't collapse on the floor. The door stayed open and Sara heard as Stacy helped the kid and encouraged with reassuring words. When her daughter returned, she was shivering so Sara hugged her small body immediately and began rubbing her arms. That sickness took so much weight away from her. She looked sickly pale and small.

In the morning, Stacy and Sara sat at the kitchen table with the phone in Stacy's hand. She was going to make the call and inform Tegan that Sally had been sick for the past five days and she wasn't getting any better.

"Hi, Tegan." She took a deep breath and Sara watched intently with a flushed face. Stacy never talked to Tegan in front of her.

"Yes…hello." The noises were loud behind her. "I'm sorry, hello," Tegan said again. "I'm at the café and it's noisy."

"Umm, I'm just calling to tell you that, umm…" Sara wanted to speak but she didn't. She wanted to say it. "Sally is a bit sick…we tho…"

"What?" Tegan exclaimed. "Sick? What do you mean by sick?"

"Asthma and bronchitis." Sara heard the sniffling and sighed. "Tegan?"

"She's okay, though…right?" She was crying. "Can I talk to her?"

"She's asleep," Stacy said. "She's okay. We just thought we should tell you."

"Is Sara there? Is she taking care of her?" Tegan asked through tears.

"I am," Sara answered rigidly. "She's my kid. I am taking care of her." Sara rolled her eyes and began wheeling herself out of the kitchen.

"I didn't mean to," said Tegan softly. "I didn't…" She sighed and gave up on her justification. It didn't matter.

"It's fine," Stacy said. "I'll fill you in, okay?"

"Can I talk to her when she wakes up?"

"I'll ask her and call you."

Sally was barely able to speak, anyway. When Stacy told her that Tegan wanted to talk and make sure she was alright, Sally protested and shook her head.

Her sickness worsened in the next couple of days. Stacy thought it's best if they kept her in the hospital because they truly didn't understand what was going on. Tegan called almost every hour of the day to an extent Sara told Stacy to turn her phone off.

Tegan begged to talk to Sally but Sally refused constantly. Tegan cried on the phone and pleaded to at least just say a few words to her kid. When Sara finally allowed it, Tegan talked and talked and apologized and cried and pathetically hiccupped while Sally said one "Okay" and "I am tired. I wanna sleep" at the end.

But that's how it all started once again, how Sara and Tegan began to talk once again. Rejection after another. An attempt after the other. A try after another try. Eventually, Sara found herself on the phone with Tegan the night of her daughter's birthday.

They talked and cried in secrecy. Sara told her about the pain she had been through and Tegan told her about the regret she lived in, about the journey, about the sadness, about the feelings she wished Sara would understand.

"I know you would never trust me and you have the right not to do that, I just wish one day you'd forgive me and we would talk again like friends or sisters or even acquaintances," Tegan wished out loud.

Sara wished they could be lovers again but she didn't say it. She would never say it. Whenever she remembered, she hated herself for wishing her and Tegan to be lovers again.

After that phone call, Sonia visited because Tegan wasn't allowed to visit nor see Sally. She wasn't allowed to because Sally didn't want her to.

Sally was nicer to her grandmother than before. While healing, she sat around flipping through old albums of young Tegan when she was a baby and a teenager, understanding more about her birth mother. Sara didn't mind it but she still felt hesitant and scared that Sally would leave her one day to be with Tegan.

"She's leaving for college anyway," Stacy said one night. "She's not yours forever."

"I know." Sighed Sara.

The more she talked to Tegan, the less she interacted with Stacy until the sex stopped completely during May. Stacy knew why and warned and watched.

Of course, Sally didn't know about the calls and the flirting and the laughs and all of that because Sara knew what her daughter's reaction would be. She loved Tegan so much and she knew she couldn't live without her. She had to hide it until it was the right time…again.

Due to her sickness, the only MD scholarship Sally was able to get was in Calgary. Out of all the odds in the world, she had to end up there. She cried for days because she wanted to stay in British Columbia where her mothers and friends were.

That was also a problem because Tegan lived in Calgary. Jeremy lived in Calgary. Sonia lived there. It meant Sally away from her mother and close to her biological parents. Sara didn't like that at all. She voiced her concern on the phone and told Tegan exactly why she didn't like it.

"I understand you," Tegan answered calmly. "Why doesn't she just take the money that we saved for her and get into the college of her choice?"

"I don't know," whispered Sara. "She doesn't want it."

"Yeah, she's just like you." Tegan sighed. "Can I make a suggestion?"

"Yeah?"

"I will move," Tegan said. "It might be healthier for her and you if I move from Calgary while she's here. She's not ready for me to be in her life and I am not going to impose."

"Where would you go?"

"I…I don't know." Tegan sighed again. "I was thinking of moving out of Canada…like all of it?"

"What?" Sara's heart drummed quickly and her nerves got to her immediately. She was fine knowing Tegan was close despite not being in the same city. Part of her wished and believed sooner than ever they would be back together. It seemed like the pain she had endured for the past two years was beginning to diminish. She didn't know herself sometimes. What if Tegan never healed? "Where would you go?"

"Sara, my life here is not healthy. I am healthy now but I want to stay like this forever. Being around toxic people is just not a good thing. I want to get a job and I've been looking abroad…in Europe. I want somewhere far…I want a new start. I hurt so many people and I just truly would like to start over."

It made sense. It did. Tegan was trying, she could see it. "Okay," Sara said. "I understand you."

They didn't share words of love at all. It was just hard for Sara and harder for Tegan. They only talked about their daughter and lives and that's all.

However, one day when Sara was on the phone, her kid heard her as she stood in the room without the older woman realizing. Sara was discussing where Sally would stay. She wanted her to stay in a dorm to get to know college life and experience it like her and Tegan did but Sonia was offering accommodation.

"I don't want her to be around Stephen much, though," Sara said. "Look what he did to you," she mumbled.

"She won't be." Sally didn't hear the other end but she knew it was her biological mother. "Mum and dad don't talk at all by the way. She knows he's the reason behind my latest deterioration." Tegan chuckled and Sara remained quiet. "I can't believe this is like two years ago. It feels like yesterday."

"I won't ever forget it," Sara whispered.

"I am sorry for this." It was always like that. They would always go back to that traumatizing day and Tegan would apologize. Sometimes she would cry. They soon would forget the issue and go back to their discussion and sometimes they would just hang up and cry separately.

"Anyway, I'll have to ask her but, honestly, Tegan, I don't think she'd like staying with Sonia. She doesn't even wanna be there. She's crushed." When she finished her sentence, she felt the muffled sniffling behind her. Sara turned her wheel chair and bit her lower lip as her face began to heat up with guilt and embarrassment. "I'll have to talk to you later," she said quickly. "Bye."

"I just can't believe you're talking to her so normally again," Sally said through heavy tears. "Why would you do that? Do you hate yourself? Do you hate me? Do you hate Stacy?"

"Sally, you don't understand," Sara said loudly. "She…"

"I don't want to understand," shouted her daughter. "I don't want to," she repeated. "All I know she almost killed you and she will never change and we tried so hard to get back to our normal life and you still can't walk because of her and you tell me I don't understand?"

"Let me speak," yelled Sara.

"No," Sally screamed. "I don't want to hear it. I hate her. I hate the way she treated you and the way she thinks she has the right to talk to you again. I hate that she's my fucking mother. I just hate her and right now I hate you for talking to her."

The fight lasted all day and all night. Stacy attempted reconciling the two but Sally was so heartbroken that she spent all night crying in bed. Why couldn't her mother be satisfied with Stacy? Why couldn't her mother be normal? Why didn't she have a normal life? She had incestuous parents and a step-mother whom she considered as her mother. She had a donor. She had a messy life and she couldn't even talk about it to anyone…not even to a therapist because therapy made her feel worse.

That part, too, scared her because it reminded her of Tegan. Tegan hated therapy and ignored it till deterioration and she, too, despised it so much that she felt it was like a chore Stacy forced upon her.

Sara tried to talk to her but Sally didn't give her space. Two…three…four…and five days. Sara told Tegan and Tegan cried again and apologized again and promised she would not interfere if her presence caused a problem.

"I don't...," Sara hesitated. "I don't want you out of my life or her life."

"How do you forgive me after all of this?" Tegan was startled with Sara's ability to talk to her so normally.

"I realize that was not you and you have tried and still are trying…I love you, you know," Sara finally said it. It was timid…it was shy.

"I love you so much," Tegan announced confidently. "God knows how much I love you and that's why I don't want to affect your relationship with Sally because I caused this mess to begin with. We were good and I…I destroyed it like I usually do and right now all I want is to fix everything."

"Te…"

"Talk to your kid, make her feel better, promise her I will not be in her life or yours and I will travel far away. I won't be any harm for anyone…and be with Stacy if it's healthier…if it's better."

"It doesn't make me happy," Sara admitted. "Part of me wishes I could elope with you when Sally…you know goes to college…but I'm scared," admitted Sara.

"No, Sara," Tegan said. "It's not the right time." She sighed. "Don't lose your Sally for me."

Tegan was right. It was like she was talking to another person…a completely changed human being. Sara loved that sensible version so much but how long could it last? Till when? When was the face of the monster showing again?

Eventually, Sara listened to Tegan's advice and comforted her daughter with a promise that she and Tegan wanted the best for her and if talking made her hurt, they were not going to do it. She told her about Tegan's plan to reassure her…nothing more.

During the following week, Sally went shopping for new clothes and essentials multiple times with her mother. Sara hated being out in her condition. Usually, when she left the house in a wheel chair, she remembered how badly Tegan's abuse hurt her and that's when she despised Tegan and felt safe around Stacy. However, during that week, she didn't hate Tegan. She really just felt bad for herself and for the past Tegan had to endure. She also accepted the reality that she had been struggling with back pain and multiple threats of disability since ever, especially after that bike incident that she had caused to herself.

She resigned to her reality and she found it much better to do so. Resigning to her reality felt peaceful. It felt better. She couldn't walk, but that was okay. At least her daughter was hers. At least everything was fine.

The night before Sally left to Calgary, she insisted she would sleep between her mothers. Stacy offered to go to the other room to stay there but Sally insisted both were in bed next to her. She woke up in the middle of the night and started crying about leaving her mothers.

"You shouldn't be so attached," Sara whispered while stroking her daughter's hair. "I'm not yours forever."

"Why not?" Sally asked naively.

"You're your own person and you should depend on yourself," Stacy said. "We're not going anywhere. You'll visit us in the holidays."

"Plus, you're staying with Sonia. She's a lot like me." Sara convinced her to stay with her grandmother only because Sally's asthma attacks were frequent and alarming and Sara couldn't bear Sally facing those alone especially after her recent ones.

"No one's like you," Sally said, holding her mother tightly. Maybe Sara did something wrong that her eighteen year old daughter faced that amount of separation anxiety. Maybe she shouldn't have gotten so close to her. That attachment wasn't healthy. She knew it wasn't

Or maybe it was. She really didn't know.

Tegan was supposed to be travelling to London the next day, too. She secretly and stealthily talked to Sara about the job she found there. Sara's last word to her before leaving the phone was, "So I'm never seeing you again?"

"Maybe…not soon." They both cried separately. Sara was saying goodbye to her daughter and her lover whom she hadn't seen for more than two years and she heavily missed her despite the pain that her mind decided to neglect.

Next morning at the airport, Sara cried more but Stacy didn't. Sally, surprisingly, didn't as well. She was better than the night before.

"I'll call you when I get to Calgary."

"Yeah," Sara said through sniffling. "Always call."

"I told grandma I don't wanna see Tegan at all and she told me Tegan is moving to London?" Sara nodded. "Great…good riddance." Though Sally sighed in content, Sara could detect that sparkle of disappointment in her daughter's eyes. Maybe she wanted to see her and talk to her but was just being the stubborn person she always was. "Anyway, I'll call and FaceTime and everything, mum. Don't worry." Sally kissed her mothers' cheeks and said goodbye.

That night, before Sara could even think about being alone, the doorbell rang and Stacy ran to it. It was ten in the evening and Sara was reading in bed.

It was strange that someone was visiting unannounced at such an hour at night, but it was stranger to see Tegan as that person standing there in front of her.

She stood there with a stunned face, eyeing the changed form of the woman she remembered so well. Hair longer and darker in color than the last time she saw her when she dyed her hair for her, skin older and full of aging spots and body much slimmer than before, but the smile still the same and still bright.

"What are you doing here?" Stacy whispered. "I thought you were…"

"Yes, I was but…I mean I don't know if she wants to see me or not, but I want to see her badly before I go. My flight is tomorrow morning but…"

"Come in, come in," Stacy welcomed with a long sigh. "I'll get her. She's reading in bed."

"Can I?" Tegan gestured.

"No," Stacy's rejection was loud and resolute. "I have to warn her first." Tegan nodded, accepting the fact that she had no saying and no will to change anything. "Sit down. I'll tell her."

Sara didn't believe it at first. She stared at Stacy for a long second until the latter repeated the news and asked whether she would like to see her sister or not.

"Yes…yes…" Sara laughed jovially, putting her arms up like a child for Stacy to help her on the chair. "How do I look?"

The pangs of jealousy in Stacy's heart were present but neglected. "You look beautiful," Stacy said honestly. Sara, despite her incapability and old age, looked much better than the woman seated outside. Her hair was longer than before as well but her skin brighter and healthier and so was her body.

The meeting was bittersweet. Tegan burst in tears immediately while Sara sat there observing the changes. They didn't know how to talk to one another and awkwardness was present. Tegan looked older than her sister and Stacy facilitated the conversation.

"I just wanted to say sorry in person before I left. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't do it…I mean…" Tegan chuckled. "I don't actually think I will ever forgive myself but I truly wish you would one day forgive me."

"But I do," Sara said. "I do." Tegan shook her head. "You don't know my heart better than I do."

"As long as you're in that chair, you won't." Tegan smiled. "Every struggle you face because of it, you will remember that time and you will hate me a little inside. It's okay to admit it to yourself. Even if you love me, you shouldn't forgive me."

This made both Sara and Stacy stare at the youngest woman with speechless glances. She was right, Stacy thought and though Sara knew it at heart, she refused to admit it to herself.

They talked so much that night. They talked about everything and everyone and all changes until Tegan began dozing off on the couch. Stacy offered Sally's bedroom but Tegan rejected and said the couch felt comfortable. She didn't want to sleep in her daughter's bed the first night she was away.

Sara couldn't sleep all night due to worry and excitement she hadn't felt since those early days she met Tegan. Her stomach was in knots and her face was red with passion.

In the morning she begged Tegan not to go. She begged Tegan to stay. She begged her to be there so that they could rewrite their story.

"No more impediments. Everyone knows the truth. It's just you and I right now."

"What about Sally?" Tegan asked. "Your daughter hates me, Sara."

"She's yours, too," Stacy interrupted…which was a surprise. "She won't hate you forever."

"I really don't want to cause any rift between Sara and Sally."

"I don't want it either, but now she's eighteen and I've been waiting since ever for her to go to college so that we could tell her. It was our deal from the beginning. We would tell her at eighteen so we could be together."

"Yes, Sara, but that's before I did what I did."

The conversation lasted for days and those days lasted for another month. Sara and Sally talked daily and Sally didn't know her biological mother had taken her bedroom and was sleeping there every night while her biological aunt begged to be with her.

They also didn't kiss and they didn't talk about sex. When Emy visited, she was skeptical and hesitant and it was only once. Vivian still hated Tegan and still hated the fact such a relationship had happened.

Tegan made up her mind to leave when she received a better job offer in Scotland one October morning. "It's better," she told Sara quietly. "I would love if you came with me. We could start over and tell Sally about it. We don't have a home here and Stacy deserves to have her life in here. I mean she and Emy are very close and now because I'm here, Emy can't even be here."

"Elope together?" Tegan nodded.

"Without any impediments. Just you and I…just together," she said.

And they did. During that October, Tegan and Sara moved together to a different country and a different continent and when Sally knew, she stopped talking to both of them until those letters were sent in November of that year. Sally was supposed to read them before Christmas, but towards the end, she stopped.

She stopped reading and she did not want to continue. In Spring break that year she visited Stacy and that's when Sara asked Stacy to read the letters, too.

Sally did not want to go back to Calgary after her first year of university. She wanted to stay in Vancouver. She barely talked to her mother and still didn't read the letters. Stacy was able to get her admission in the MD program of the University of British Columbia. Sally, eventually, agreed to use the money in the bank and finally decided to continue the letters towards the beginning of December that year.

Still the decision was not made.

"And that's the story, Sally," Tegan said. "Here we are. After more than a year, we're still waiting for this final impediment to just be erased. We're begging for your acceptance."

"I can't believe it," Sally said. "I am just…speechless." Sally sighed and fell into her pillow. "Mama helped? I thought she…"

"Yeah, Stacy helped," Tegan affirmed. "I am so thankful for having her in your life and Sara's and mine."

"You really have changed, Tegan." Sally's tears were running down her face. "I still need to think. I am tired."

"Of course, honey. We're here for you. If you need anything, call me or Sara."

"Okay," Sally said and hung up before a proper goodbye. She wanted to burst into tears.

She slept for too long and cried for too long and three more days passed without a decision made.

She visited Brianna in her tiny apartment and they ate pizza and lazed around. Sally fretted about her messed up cycle out loud then began crying due to fear of illness.

"Sally," Brianna said as she sat up, "don't cry. We can just go to the doctor, you know."

"I am just so sad. I don't know what's going on with me. I got three periods this past month…three," Sally said. "And for a day or two then it just stops. I literally got one three days ago and it was so heavy and I woke up today with nothing."

Brianna shrugged and sighed. "Let's just go to my doctor. She's nice."

"No," Sally said and closed her eyes. "Or yes, but tomorrow."

She slept over at her friend's place and they both crashed in the tiny queen-sized bed. They woke up cuddling the next morning and when Sally's eyes grew wide open, Brianna burst out laughing. Sally pushed her off and got up.

Brianna took her out walking in the city until they found a nice breakfast café where they ate right before Sally's OB-GYN appointment. Her best friend accompanied her inside as she requested with an unnerved body and mind.

Normal questions were asked at the beginning until the ones that troubled her and embarrassed her the most came in.

"Have your periods been like that for a long time?"

"No…umm only in the past two months," said Sally casually.

"When was your last sexual intercourse?"

"Oh…" Sally blushed as she glanced at her best friend quickly. "I haven't ever…umm…had one."

"It's okay, Sally, even if it's with a woman, it still counts."

"No, no, I haven't actually ever had one…like ever." Her face was too red and a tiny giggle escaped Brianna's throat in response to that. "I mean…I have with myself but…"

"It's fine, okay, I got it." Sally felt like she wanted to cry. "Get changed inside, Sally, so that I can give you an ultrasound."

It wasn't just an ultrasound. It was a full exam that Sally wished she didn't have to go through. Brianna mouthed she was sorry, but Sally ignored her and waited.

More questions were asked after. Those were about her mental health. Had she taken any anti-depressants? Yes, she had. When did she stop them? When she was seventeen. Was she upset? Yes, she was. Was she anxious? Heavily. Was she seeing a therapist? No. She should. Sally burst out in tears and she didn't know why. She just cried and her friend embraced her and rubbed her arm.

The doctor recommended therapy. It was probably a very hormonal thing she was going through. She also prescribed birth control to fix her issue and she was due for another checkup in a month to continue fixing the issue.

When Sally went back to her place with Brianna, Stacy wasn't home. Sally collapsed on her bed and cried so loudly and so heavily for a long amount of time as her best friend watched while stroking her hair.

"Your mothers?" Sally nodded. "I wish I could make you feel better." Sally took a long hard look at her best friend. They both had blue eyes and both knew Brianna's treasured feelings for her.

"I'm a virgin," Sally broke the silence.

"So?" Brianna put her head next to her. "Do you not want to be a virgin?"

"I wanna know what it's like to be eaten out…" Brianna laughed. "Don't laugh."

"I'm not…I just wish I could help but I don't know how you'd feel about that." Sally didn't answer. "I could make you feel so much better." Sally was crying. "If you'd like of course. I don't want anything to change."

"But maybe I like you and want it to change?"

"Do you, though?" Brianna was hovering over her. "Or are you sad and emotional and jealous?"

"I don't know."

"Tell you what," Brianna said with a quick peck which colored the paleness of her best friend's cheeks, "I'll go down on you and we can do that whenever you want if it's the only thing you want. If you feel something more, tell me, because I feel a lot more than just sex." She kissed her and that time Sally deepened it and enjoyed it through tears.

"What if I get my period on you? It barely stopped yesterday." Brianna laughed. "I'm serious."

"I went down on a menstruating girl. Don't worry." When Sally wrinkled her nose, Brianna kissed it.

She was nervous and extremely sad and tired. She cried through it all and moaned and laughed and gasped when two fingers were inserted. She hadn't had anything inside except her own fingers. She hadn't even tried that vibrator Tegan had gotten her. She hated it and it was awkward for her to use it knowing who had gotten it.

She kept Brianna's head closely attached to her crotch as she moved with the motion of her best friend's face. How delicious and beautiful was that. Maybe she was a bisexual after all, maybe she was sad, maybe she was a lesbian, maybe she wasn't anything and maybe she was everything. She didn't care; she just enjoyed the moment and came hard and that was better than any masturbatory act she had ever done. Then she lifted up Brianna's face and kissed her, tasting her own fluids and both fell asleep.

Stacy knew what happened because she walked in on them asleep and thankfully they didn't wake up. She smiled at her daughter after, waiting for her to say it but Sally didn't talk about it. That night, Sally announced she was visiting her mothers for Christmas.

When Sara was told, she didn't sleep that night due to her excitement. She was so happy. She wanted to show Sally how good she was and how she could move both feet willingly and even stand if she held onto something or someone. Sally was going to freak out at that surprise. Her physiotherapist told her in six month she would be walking with a cane only and maybe in a year she would be walking again. Tegan felt too nervous and it felt too good to believe but she held onto that hope.

All was good. All was fine. All was okay as long as Sally's back in her arms.

Sally told them not to pick her up from the airport and she would be very upset if they did and it would be too awkward if Tegan did so alone so Sara respected her daughter's request and waited by the window anxiously. She knew Sally was coming but her anxiety was heightened and she expected for anything wrong to happen. She hadn't seen her daughter for more than a year and she could cry thinking about it. Tegan hadn't seen Sally since she was a young teenager and though Tegan's nerves were worse than Sara's, she concealed them well in order to calm Sara down.

Sara cried so much when Sally was inside rambling about how colder Canada was compared to Scotland. They hugged for a long time and Sally cried, too, eventually.

"You look so beautiful," Sara said with a hand over her daughter's shiny hair. "You had it cut." Sally nodded at her shoulder-length locks. "It looks so good."

Tegan stood in the back awkwardly. She didn't say anything and Sally was horrified at the change in her looks. That was not her aunt at all. She was still pretty but it wasn't her.

Sally walked up to her with pride and confidence despite her trembling heart. "I am here because I want to give you a chance to treat my mother the right way. I don't fully forgive you but I understand you are human and you are my mother, too, and my mother loves you so I am here." She turned around again, facing her seated mother. "And I am not okay with incest, but I can't stop you from loving who you love or from being happy and I've always sensed it but I truly wouldn't want to hear any details about you guys in the bedroom."

Sara laughed a little and nodded.

They chatted with restrained engagement. Tegan's legs were shaking and Sara was too nervous for her. Sally could see it all. Both mothers had cooked and before they could gather around to eat, Sally had to reach for her birth control from her bag to swallow one pill. Both mothers eyed the tablet well, knowing exactly what that was.

"I didn't know you have a boyfriend," Sara said with a smile. She felt a sharp knife cutting through her chest. Sally hadn't told her and Stacy hadn't as well.

But Sally almost choked on her water. Out of reflex, Tegan reached for her back to start patting it. Sally shrugged her hand off. "I don't have a boyfriend." She looked down at the pills and opened her mouth in realization. "No, umm, these are for something else."

"Something else?" Sara's brows were furrowed. Still the same. She was a worrywart and she was so loving. Sally never thought she would find her independence from her mother but it happened. God, she missed being her mother's daughter.

"Okay so I haven't told Stacy so she wouldn't freak out so don't tell her and you, too, please don't freak out." But what Sally said already freaked both mothers out. "I am just having hormonal imbalances. My period is messed up. Got a checkup last week and the doctor recommended this."

"Oh," Sara said while chewing her mashed potato. "Which doctor?"

"Brianna's gyno." Tegan was quiet. "She also told me to get back to therapy so I am going back to therapy when I go back." Sally sighed. It felt like getting something out of her chest. "I also…I think…I mean…Brianna and I are…a thing." She huffed and looked down at her food.

Tegan looked up again with wide eyes while Sara's mouth was in an excited '0'. "You're…?"

"I don't know what I am and I would not like to put a label on it but I really like her and I slept with her…last week and she's…my first." That time she blushed and when her eyes met Tegan's, her mother's face looked rubicund and beautiful. She smiled at her and Tegan's sheepish smile was returned immediately. "Now I would like us to forget I ever said that because it looks like I still have to embarrass myself in front of you guys and nothing has changed."

"I'm glad," Sara said. She was too happy to stop smiling. She nudged Tegan's leg from underneath the table. Tegan didn't recognize it at first but when she did, she almost gasped. Sally noticed. "I nudged her leg and she's surprised because I can do this now." Sara nudged her daughter's leg. "I can move them now." She grinned widely. "I am improving."

The excitement was bright in that room. For a moment, Sara considered asking Sally to sleep over in her bed between her and Tegan like old times but she shied away from it and said goodnight to her daughter before departing. In the morning, she woke up to her daughter right next to her with her head on her shoulder.

"When did you come here?"

"Jet lag kept me awake. Tegan woke up at five and told me to take her place next to you if I wanted and I've been here trying to sleep ever since."

"You're creepily watching me?" Sara laughed, pecking her daughter's head.

"Yeah, I miss you so much."

"No impediments between us?" Sally shook her head. "You forgive me?"

"I was never angry with you." Sally kissed Sara's cheeks. "No impediments between us." She smiled and got up with a yawn. "And now we should get some breakfast because I'm starving and Tegan is making me all the food I love spoiling the shit out of me."

"You deserve all the spoiling in the world," Sara said, asking for Sally to help her.

They ate their breakfast by the French window watching the tiny drops of snow falling. Sara never imagined her fate would be aligned and perfected to fit the image in her head but patience birthed chances and chances bred love and understanding and that's all she wanted from the world: a tiny little family like she had dreamed of when she was a younger woman seated at the desk in her dorm daydreaming about the new roommate with chopped up bangs that made her laugh for days.