October 2, 1998

Calandra lay on the bed in the empty room. She stared at the wall and wished things had gone differently. Wished that she'd figured things out sooner. Wished that she could've done more. But all that wishing didn't do any good. It couldn't bring them back. It couldn't bring any of them back.

February 13, 1981

She sat with Gideon on the bathroom floor. He leant against the wall, breaths coming in short puffs and sweat forming a sheen on his forehead. His eyes were glassy and a bit unfocused.

"You have to take it again." Calandra said. "I'm sorry, Gideon, but you have to take it again."

She held the small glass out towards him.

"It's almost over, I promise." she said, soothingly. "Just a couple more sips and it will be over."

Gideon tilted his head back and she brought the potion up to his lips. He swallowed and grimaced, clutching his stomach. Calandra leant him forward and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a hand towel. Gideon breathed heavily and let out a groan.

Calandra turned her head as he retched into the toilet. She vanished the sick every few minutes and patted Gideon on the back. He leant back and she wiped his face with the cloth.

"One more, Gideon. Just one more." she said encouragingly.

Gideon shook hushed, frowning.

"Just one more. "Calandra said. "I promise. It'll spread if you don't. Just one more."

Gideon opened his eyes and gave a slight nod. Calandra tipped the potion to his lips again and he gulped down the last bit of potion. She watched as his eyes became clearer and more focused. His breathing evened out and the tension left his shoulders. He gave a sigh of relief and sagged back against the bathroom wall.

"Thanks, White." he said, shakily.

"No problem." Calandra said, patting his leg. "You'll need to drink the restorative once a day for five days. It won't make you sick or anything; it'll just rebuild your stomach lining."

Gideon nodded.

"You'll need to eat plain things, too. Just for a bit. No sausages."

He nodded again and leant his head against the wall. Calandra reached into her pocket and pulled out a small ball wrapped in shining green paper. She held it out to Gideon and watched as he took it and unwrapped it, a puzzled look on his face.

"It will help with the nausea." she said. "It's just a peppermint."

He shot her a smile and tossed the sweet up in the air. Calandra laughed when he caught it in his mouth. She gathered up the vials and glasses on the floor and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen. Fabian, Remus, Sirius, and Dorcas all looked up when she entered the room.

"How is he?" Fabian jumped down off the counter.

"He's fine. He'll need to take a potion once a day for a bit, but he's good." she replied.

Fabian rushed past her down the hallway. Dorcas grinned and shook her head, then winced and rubbed her neck. Calandra dumped all the glasses in the sink and went over to check on her friend.

"I'm fine." Dorcas said as Calandra took her head in her hands and tilted it so she could get a better view of her neck.

"Mmhmm." Calandra murmured. "Who healed this?"

Dorcas wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Dorcas!" Calandra admonished. "You know not to try to heal curses on your own. It's on your left side, too! Did you use your off hand?"

Dorcas looked sheepish.

"The others were worse off!" she exclaimed. "You saw Gideon. Fabian and Lupin weren't much better off."

Calandra rolled her eyes and muttered counter curse as she waved her wand over the splotchy red skin on Dorcas's neck. She rifled though a cabinet and pulled down a vial with a light orange potion in it. She uncorked it and shoved it toward Dorcas.

"Drink this." she said in a huff.

Dorcas peered in the cabinet and shook her head.

"It's the last one." she said.

Calandra rolled her eyes and held the potion closer to Dorcas's face.

"Lily will have more ready by tomorrow. I'll go help her brew them myself if it comes down to it. Drink it, or I'll make you drink it." Calandra threatened.

Dorcas huffed, but swallowed the potion.

Calandra turned toward Sirius and Remus and gave them a shrewd look. Remus held up his hands and Sirius shot her a smirk.

"We used the Bubblehead Charm. Sirius got one around Fabian pretty quick, but by the time we got one around Gideon it was too late." he explained.

"They got both of us with some burning curse." he motioned between himself and Dorcas. "It could've been worse."

"Yeah, it could've!" Calandra threw her hands up. "Especially if you don't heal them properly. Let me see yours."

She stepped toward Remus and moved him around, searching for evidence of the curse. He held her hands and spoke gently.

"Pads already took care of it." he said. "By the time we had Fabian in decent shape I'd almost forgotten about it. We didn't even realize Meadows had been hit. You're right. We should've checked one another better."

Calandra gave him a stern look and turned back to Dorcas.

"You feeling ok?" she asked.

Dorcas nodded.

"I feel loads better now. If Pomphrey knew you were this good at healing, she'd have been after you as an apprentice."

"Imagine that." Remus said, slinging an arm across her shoulder. "Matron Callie, mending bones and fixing boils on specky little first years."

Calandra rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I wasn't particularly good at healing charms in school. You should know it as well as anyone, Dor. You cleaned me and Alice up many a time after a duel."

She glanced around the safe house kitchen.

"Life has a way of honing certain skills, you know." she said sadly.

Remus squeezed her shoulder and Dorcas nodded.

"I'm going to go check on the wonder twins." Dorcas said, setting the vial she still held down on the counter.

She left the room and Calandra leaned back against the counter. Remus ruffled her hair and strode to the cabinet that usually contained a variety of drinks. Sirius stood watching Calandra, his arms crossed across his chest, a wistful expression on his face.

Remus pulled a few bottles of butterbeer out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. He took a long swig from his bottle and ran a hand through his hair. Calandra thought he looked pretty good considering what he'd been living through the past few months. He gave her a tight smile.

"How you holding up, Remus?" she asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." he said.

"Two peas in a pod, aren't we?" she said with a sad smile.

Remus looked away from her and upended his bottle, swigging down the rest of the contents. Sirius watched his friend with a curious expression. Calandra wished that her healing charms were still rudimentary. She wished that she'd never had to learn how to heal cursed wounds or mix healing potions. She wished that this blasted war would've honed other skills. Skills she could use if she could actually go out on assignment, instead of being stuck inside.


March 10, 1981

The journal glowed beside Calandra. She picked it up and flicked to the last page she'd written on. Alice's handwriting worked its way across the page, glowing faintly blue, then darkening to black.

Floo to mine when you can.

Calandra waited for more, but no more words appeared on the page. She hopped up and grabbed her wand. She jotted down a quick note to Sirius and stuck it on the mantle, then grabbed some floo powder and went to Alice's.

She stepped out of the fireplace into her friend's living room. Calandra looked around, nothing seemed out of place. She walked down the hall, searching for her friend. Calandra peered in the kitchen and found Alice there, a bottle of Odgen's open in front of her and a tumbler full of amber liquid in her hand.

"Alice." Calandra said, moving towards her. "I got your message. What's wrong?"

Alice looked up at Calandra with tears in her eyes. She shook her head and a frown creased her face.

"Dorcas is dead." She said.

Calandra staggered back.

"He killed her himself." Alice said bitterly, then choked.

Calandra took the glass from Alice's hands and wrapped her arms around her friend. She stood there numb, letting Alice cry as she tried to make sense of what she just heard. Dorcas was the most talented witch in the Order. She was the last person Calandra would ever have expected to die. She could duel three Death Eaters on her own without breaking a sweat.

Calandra's throat closed up as she thought of her friend. Of her quick laugh and bold personality. What had happened? How had he found her?

A sound reverberated through the kitchen and Alice jumped. She grabbed a small paperweight off the counter and peered at it. It turned from its normal white color to a vibrant red. Alice wiped her nose and rubbed her eyes.

"That's the ministry." She said. "I have to go."

Calandra held onto her as she moved to leave the kitchen.

"Neville's with Augusta. Will you send her an owl letting her know Frank will stop by and get him this evening? I have to go Callie. I'm sorry, but I have to." Alice looked pained.

Calandra gathered herself up and nodded.

"Of course. Go. I'll let Augusta know." She said.

Alice gave her a hug and disappeared down the hall. Calandra stood there in the kitchen staring at the countertops trying to fight the urge to Confringo something. She grabbed a notepad off the counter and wrote a note to Augusta. She whistled for Button and attached the page to his leg.

"Go to Augusta." She said and turned back to the counter.

Calandra swallowed and grabbed the bottle of firewhisky off the counter. She took a long swig as she walked to the fireplace. She took another one as the green flames swept her back home. Calandra strode to the window as soon as she stepped into the flat. She stared at the graying sky and drank, trying not to picture Dorcas's lifeless body out there somewhere.

Tears streamed down her face as she tried to make sense of it all. Dorcas was younger than she was. She had her whole life ahead of her. She wasn't supposed to die. Not like this. She was supposed to die old and gray and wrinkled after a long life full of adventure. Dorcas wasn't supposed to die. Dorcas was supposed to live.

Calandra held onto the windowsill and cried. She turned the bottle up once more and swallowed the burning liquid. She should've been there. She should've joined the Order; her father be damned. If she'd joined, they might have sent her out. She could've helped. She could've done something. Calandra shook her head in disgust. Footsteps sounded behind her and Calandra smelled Sirius's familiar scent of cigarettes and caramel.

"Cal." He said softly.

"How?" she turned to him.

Sirius looked pained. He took in her bloodshot eyes and tearstained face. His eyes flicked down toward the bottle in her hand and he sighed. He ran his hands through his hair, then stuffed them into his pockets.

"He found her in Dover." He swallowed. "She was working on defensive warding. The Aurors found her there. Traces of his magic were everywhere."

"Alice?" Calandra swallowed.

"No." he said. "Moody went with Taylor and Davies. Someone reported a….a disturbance. The place was….he wasn't around when they got there. He'd destroyed it."

"How did he do it?" she asked, needing to know.

Sirius shook his head at her. Calandra put the bottle to her lips and swallowed her pain. She wiped her mouth and stared at Sirius, eyes burning into his.

"Tell me." She demanded.

"Cal." Sirius's eyes pleaded with hers.

"Tell me." She repeated.

"It won't change anything." Sirius said. "It won't-"

"Damn it, Sirius!" Calandra cried. "She was one of my best friends. Tell me what he did to her!"

Sirius swallowed and looked away.

"Infinita Ignem." He whispered.

Calandra tried to swallow, but her throat felt numb. Her shoulders trembled as she shook her head. She gulped down the rest of the bottle and threw it against the wall. Tears streamed down her face. She slid down the wall with the dregs of the firewhiskey and sat among the glass, sobbing.

Infinite Fire. He'd burned her alive. Calandra clutched her hair in her hands and tried to keep herself from shaking. Dorcas. Sweet, impulsive, courageous Dorcas. Who never backed down from a fight. Who knew more curses and spells than the entire Auror department put together. Who could put ten Death Eaters in a full body bind. Who always looked for the brighter side of things. Burning alive.

It was horrible. The incantation didn't actually cause death. It kept the victim alive, constantly burning from the inside out until the caster stopped. Stopping is what caused death. Who knows how long it lasted? How long did Dorcas suffer? How long was she stuck in that hell?

Calandra felt soft hands on her shoulders, and she jerked away. She couldn't touch anyone right now. She couldn't have anyone hold her while she swallowed her grief. It wasn't fair to Dorcas. Not when Dorcas had been so completely alone. So, Calandra sat there on the floor, broken as the glass beside her.


April 2, 1981

She had nightmares for weeks after. Horrible dreams where she was standing outside a small house with large windows. When she looked inside, she could see Dorcas standing in front of a thin cloaked figure. Calandra would run to the door and try everything in her power to open it, but it always remained shut. The cloaked figure would raise a wand and Dorcas would scream. Horrible, awful screams that tore Calandra's mind apart. She'd use every spell she could think of to get inside. She'd slam herself against the windows, she'd Bombarda the walls, she'd use everything; even the Unforgivables, just to see if they'd work. They never did. She was always stuck outside as Dorcas writhed in the air, burning alive, and begging Calandra for help.

Sirius tried everything he could think of to help her get one night of sleep. He went to St. Mungo's and brought back a dozen different bottles; sleeping draughts and comfort concoctions. Calandra took more potions than she could count. None of them worked. Dreamless sleep didn't even work. Lily brewed an extra strong batch, but all it managed to do was make Calandra numb in her dream. That night was the worst. She just stood, frozen outside the window as Dorcas begged her for help.

Every time she'd drift off, she'd live through Dorcas's screams. She was going crazy without sleep. It took everything in her to make it through the day. She begged Sirius to stun her, but he refused. She tried to stun herself but none of the spells were strong enough to knock her out for longer than five minutes. She stumbled into the Potters' house later that week and asked James to do it. Calandra knew Lily wouldn't, but James might. He gathered her up and took her to Alice's.

Alice didn't look much better than Calandra. Her round face was thin and hollow. Her eyes were tired and sunken. Alice broke down and cried all over Calandra, and Calandra followed suit. They shared their regrets with one another. Wishing they could've done something to stop the horrible thing that had happened.

The two women holed themselves in the bedroom and shared bottles of Odgen's, toasting in remembrance of Dorcas. They reminisced of times in school and told story after story of happy items they had shared with their friend. It was the first time Calandra had laughed since she'd heard the news. She fell asleep with Alice's head on her shoulder, resting her cheek against Alice's soft hair.

Sirius found her there, later that day. Frank told her afterward that when Sirius saw that she was peacefully asleep he had uttered "Thank God" then sunk to his knees against the wall and offered Frank all the gold in his vault at Gringotts if Alice were to ever decide she wanted it.

Calandra went home that night and pulled out her photo albums. She and Sirius sat in bed, eating sweets and laughing over pictures. She leaned against his side and flipped through the pages, telling him stories of shenanigans she and Dorcas and Alice go up to in school. Some of them rivalled his and James's. She set some photos aside from the others and Sirius shuffled through them.

"What are you doing with these?" he asked.

"I thought Rhea might like to have them." Calandra said.

A guarded expression passed over Sirius's face. Calandra felt her heart drop. She sat up and studied him.

"Sirius." She said carefully.

He rubbed his hand across his face and picked up one of the pictures.

"Rhea's been missing for the past three weeks." He said. "They just got word from her this morning."

"What happened?" Calandra asked. "Is she ok? Did he go after her, too?"

Sirius shook his head.

"She's in America. Meadows sent her to the states." He said.

Calandra sagged back against the bedpost.

"She gave her a bag." He said. "It was a portkey. Took her to somewhere in Montana. Meadows knew someone out there."

"Rodney." Calandra said. "He was her uncle."

Sirius nodded.

"Rhea showed up on the doorstep of his old house. It wasn't even locked. She could get through the wards, easily. She found a note in there from Meadows telling her to stay there until she sent word it was safe. She tried apparating out but couldn't. She would've splinched herself trying to go that far, anyway."

"How'd she get back?" Calandra asked.

"She didn't." Sirius said wearily. "She found some old addresses in a book. Went down the list. Wrote to everyone. Left owl treats on the windowsill and caught one. Fawcett's mum got the letter about seven this morning. The Macdonald's got one not long after."

Calandra stared down at the pictures on the bed.

"She knew, didn't she?" she asked tearfully.

"She's known for months that he was after her. After what happened in Kent, it would be foolish to think he wouldn't come for her. For all of us." Sirius said. "From what we know he didn't know about Rhea, though."

"She sent her away." Calandra said. "To keep her safe."

Sirius nodded. Calandra looked down at the photo she held in her hand. Dorcas flew into the frame and turned upside down on her broom. She made a funny face at the camera, then righted herself laughing. Calandra stared at Dorcas's smile, thinking back to how easy it was when she'd introduced them to Rhea. How Rhea had made her light up. Calandra stacked up all the photos and closed the photo album.

"Send these to her." She held them out to Sirius. "She should have them."