Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to MaeSilverpaws1, who is beta-ing this story.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
One Crazy Christmas
Harry noticed as soon as he got home how much Sirius was affected by being alone. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet when Harry and Remus got home, and the hug that he gave them nearly crack Harry's ribs. Harry even joked that the most danger he had been in this term was from the way that Sirius had greeted him.
"Sorry, pup, I just really missed you," Sirius said, who still had an arm wrapped around him.
"Yeah, I missed you, too," Harry agreed, "even if I do talk to you three times a week."
"It's not the same," Sirius shrugged, but he had to admit if it wasn't for the mirror he would have gone mad by now. "Besides, it was weird not having Moony here to mope around with me."
"Sorry mate," Remus said, patting his friend on the back, "but at least cub hasn't been in any trouble."
"Which is the only reason why I'm not really complaining right now," Sirius said. "Though, I have been thinking … maybe you can have a dog as your pet."
"Sirius," Remus groaned. "You know that's not going to work."
"I know," Sirius sighed. "But it has been lonely here. The truth is that I've tried to stay away from this house as much as possible, mostly by going to the pub with Frank and some of the other Aurors. Tonks was even there a few times, even though the girl isn't a full Auror yet all the guys think highly of her … I've had to give some of them words though."
"What do you mean?" Remus questioned raising his eyebrow.
Sirius looked at him with an amused grin, "well she is a lovely girl … surely you've notice that Moony."
Remus grimaced at that, his mouth was thin and he looked annoyed, but he didn't say anything.
"Don't worry though, Remy," Sirius said, "Tonks only sees the guys as buddies, she told me so herself. You don't have any competition there."
"Will you give it a rest already," Remus huffed. "I've told you before that Tonks is a friend …"
"And I told you before, that you wouldn't turn red and start stammering like a fool whenever she's around if that was true," Sirius shrugged and Remus huffed again.
"Really Moony, you should look at yourself in a mirror, I don't think I've ever seen you this red before," Harry added as the werewolf glared at Harry and Sirius.
"Don't you have to get to your room or something," Remus grumbled and both Harry and Sirius laughed but didn't say anymore as the werewolf actually stocked off to his own room.
"He really does like her, doesn't he?" Harry questioned watching him go, now honestly not sure how he felt about that. He wasn't really sure what it would mean to him if either Remus or Sirius had a girlfriend; it had never come up before. Sure he knew that Sirius sometimes went out with a girl … though usually he chose not to think of that, but it would be different if either of his guardians started seriously dating someone. He had to admit though; Tonks would be the ideal pick because she was already a friend/cousin to him.
"Yeah, he does," Sirius said looking thoughtful. "But don't worry pup, it will probably be a few years before he actually admits that."
"What about you Padfoot, do I have someone to worry might sweep you off your feet?" Harry questioned repressing a smirk.
"Get out of here," Sirius pushed him down the hallway and Harry laughed, completely missing the forlorn expression on Sirius' face.
O
Even though Harry was anxious about seeing his dad for the first time, he was still as excited as when he woke up on Christmas morning and opened his presents. Harry saw Hermione for a few minutes before she went with her parents to go to her paternal grandparents' house. They wished each other a Happy Christmas and then she left and it was time for him to get ready to go to the Tonkses' for Christmas lunch. It was an excellent meal; Ted Tonks was a wonderful cook and he enjoyed doing it. The only problem was that Remus seemed to be moody and was acting curtly to Tonks whenever she tried talking to him. It really wasn't like him at all to be so rude and Sirius and Harry knew this had something to do with how they had teased him earlier.
"Hey, Remus, do you mind if I join you," Ted said, it was after the meal was done and Remus was sitting on a chair in the living room by himself, which was odd.
"Sure," Remus smiled at the older man, though he knew that he was closer in age to this man than … he refused to continue thinking about that.
"You seemed a little down, even with the full moon coming tomorrow," Ted said with a look of concern that Remus thought he wouldn't have if Ted knew what he was thinking about his daughter.
"I have a lot on my mind," Remus shrugged.
"Mm," Ted hummed in agreement. "How do you like your new job?"
Remus hadn't been thinking about that at all, but he jumped on the subject. "It's great actually. The best job I ever had. And it's really nice being back in Hogwarts again."
"That's good," Ted smiled.
"Yeah, too bad the job is curse and I probably won't be able to keep it longer than a year," Remus sighed. "I would think about teaching at the Muggle school near our house … probably history … but I'm not sure that would be a good idea."
"Why not?" Ted questioned.
"Until everything is settled in our community I think it's best I don't have a job that demands so much time," Remus sighed. "It's different at Hogwarts of course, because Harry's there and I really like keeping a closer eye on him."
"Maybe that's true, but I'm sure that the Muggles could really use a professor like you," Ted said, "I remember my favorite professor when I was ten and how he actually made me study for the class. I think you might be a lot like him."
"Thanks," Remus smiled.
"So, what's really bothering you, Remus?" Ted asked in a much more serious tone and Remus started to wonder if Ted had noticed what he was thinking about Tonks. "If it's not the moon or your classes …?"
"It's nothing," Remus answered.
"Of course, girl trouble," Ted only laughed harder at Remus's expression, it wasn't everyday that the werewolf looked so surprised and afraid.
"Wh … I …" Remus stuttered mortified.
"I don't know why you have to be so worried, any girl would be lucky to have you," Ted patted him on the back and Remus squirmed more than ever.
"I'm not sure you would say that if …" Remus cut himself off there, knowing that he already said too much.
Ted sighed with a deep frown as he looked into the kitchen where his family was talking with Sirius and Harry (he considered them all part of his family, Remus too). He wasn't as blind as Remus seemed to think he was but he didn't want to put more pressure on the situation. The age difference was a little concerning, but Remus was a good man, and his daughter was an odd one just like he was, and he knew they could be happy together. That was if the man in front of him ever got around to doing something about his feelings.
"I might understand better than you think I do," Ted said, patting him on the back, "and ignoring something in hopes that it will fade isn't going to work."
Remus watched as Ted got up and left him in the living room alone again. He heard laughter coming from the kitchen; Sirius was the loudest which probably meant that it was either him or Tonks that told the joke. He sighed, and felt that he had enough of his pity party as he went to join the others. Besides, it wouldn't be polite to be so antisocial during Christmas.
O
Harry felt his hands sweating as he walked through the Muggle entrance of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries for the first time in his life. Remus was standing next to him in the next second, his hand going onto his shoulder and he squeezed it gently.
"Don't worry Harry, everything is going to be okay," Remus said in a soothing voice.
"I know," Harry felt he should say, but that didn't mean he wasn't worried. He really didn't know what to expect when he would met his father for basically the first time. He didn't know how mad his dad was. He didn't know!
"Just take deep breaths if you're not going to stop worrying," Remus smiled at him and Harry gave him a weak smile in return.
"I will," Harry said and walked awkwardly to the room that Remus was leading him to. Harry was sure that they were walking for at least an hour before they got there, even though it had only been five minutes. His heart was racing in his chest as he reached for the door to the room James now had to himself. Harry's legs felt like lead as he tried to continue to move, but it took the extra push by Remus to get him in the room. Sirius, who had gone to the hospital a half an hour early to explain things to James, got up and patted Harry on the shoulder.
"Don't worry pup … and remember, we will be right outside if you need us," Sirius said and soon Harry was alone with the man that was in the room.
James's eyes were on him as soon as the door opened, watching him closely. When they were left along, he noticed everything about the boy and he was amazed by what he saw. Still, tears threatened to come to him because it was only now that he realized how much he had missed.
"You're so big," James said getting up and walking closer to Harry, reaching his hand out and then dropping it as if afraid of what might happen.
"I'm thirteen," was the only thing Harry could think to say to that. He also didn't know what he should do with the man in front of him. He wanted to hug him but at the same time he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with that yet.
"Thirteen," James repeated, sadly thinking about where the last twelve years of his life had gone. How he had missed so much by being in this room. "Then you must have plenty of interesting stories to tell."
"I might have a few," Harry said with a shrugged.
"Sirius and Remus have told me about a few of them," James said as he sat back down on the edge of his bed, his hands going up to cover his head.
"Dad," Harry reach out to him immediately because he didn't know what was going to happen.
James looked up then, "I haven't been much of a dad …"
"That's not your fault …"
"I just wanted you to be safe, Harry," James said his hazel eyes were oddly focused, as if he wasn't used to be paying this much attention and it was starting to put a strain on him. Harry also noticed the dark circle around his eyes which were brought out by his very pale skin.
"I was safe," Harry said, "I just wish I could have seen you before now …" he bit his lip not knowing if he should have said that and felt worse when James bowed his head, his hands going to his head again as if he was trying to steady himself. "I know that it wasn't safe before … and it probably was better that I didn't … but I still wish I could have seen you, Dad."
Harry than went to sit next to James on the bed and put his arm on his dad's shoulders. James looked sideways so that he was looking at his son and seeing the concerned look in the emerald green eyes. "You're so much like her … my Lily …"
"Really," Harry said, he had heard it before but it was different when it came from his dad. "You're not just saying that because of my eyes, are you?"
"No, but those help," James laughed. "It's just the way you are … it's …"
James tried to organize his thoughts but the more he thought the harder it was for him to say anything. This was the worst part of his madness. He wasn't able to express himself the way he did before and whenever his emotions where high he could hardly do anything. As soon as Sirius told him that Harry was coming, convincing him that it was safe for the boy, he had become excited. He had longed to see his son for so long he couldn't help it. Just the thought of seeing his son had put such a strain on James it was hard to sting his thoughts together in a coherent manner.
"It's okay dad," Harry said slowly, hating to see how much of a struggle it was for James to talk. "And don't worry about not saying anything … I'm sure next time I come things will be better."
"Next time," James was able to repeat and a smile came back to his lips as he relaxed a little. He really liked the sound of that and he wish he could say how that made him feel and think but again the words didn't come.
Harry wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do now, because it was clear that his dad probably wasn't going to be able to say anything for awhile. He couldn't really stand the silence in the room, so he decided to tell his dad the many stories that he had about his pranks and other parts of his life. Half an hour later Sirius came in to join them again (Remus stayed outside explaining to someone the cover story that they had come up with about Harry going to Remus, wondering about his father and how Dumbledore had made arrangements for that to be possible). They all stay there until late into the night, even though James wasn't really able to say much, Harry felt good about being able to see his dad and was looking forward to the next time he would see him.
