Colonnello vaults over the backrest and lands on the couch next to Reborn with a bounce. He slings an arm around the hitman and settles in because they still have another two hours before they need to be on the road to their next mission.

Reborn looks over in shock. "What are you doing? I have a boyfriend, Verde's going to be home any time now."

"No," Verde says immediately, sitting on the armchair with his laptop propped up on a throw pillow.

"Babe, come on," Colonnello urges in his best sleazy frat boy voice. "You know I'm better than that loser."

Verde shuts his laptop and turns to stare at them. "Are we really doing this?"

Reborn gasps, head snapping around to stare at Verde with wide eyes. "Honey, you're home early!" He grabs at his clothes as if trying to cover himself, despite being completely dressed.

Skull glances over his shoulder from where he's lying on his stomach watching TV. The show is a re-run anyway so he rolls onto his side to better watch the drama unfolding.

Colonnello stands abruptly, squaring off with an exasperated Verde. "Reborn's my bitch now."

Luce tuts from where she's claimed the hammock, her squirrel curled up on her baby bump after it passed out from a sugar rush. "Don't call him that, it's rude."

"Reborn's my love-muffin now."

Reborn blinks a few times. "Actually? I'm fine with bitch."

Lal raises an eyebrow at Luce and then tsks at Verde from where she stands at the doorway, having just come back from the kitchen with a protein shake in hand. "It's best to ignore it, otherwise you're just encouraging them."

"Who's that?!" Colonnello cries outrage, pointing aggressively at Lal.

"She's no one to me!" Reborn blurts out, theatrically leaping up from the couch. "She-she's a neighbour who came to borrow…a cup of protein powder!"

Lal frowns.

Colonnello laughs and then quickly gets back into character. "Whatever! You mean nothing to me. I've just been using you as a replacement for my one true love; Fon!"

Skull sits up and slaps Fon's shoulder several times. "You're in this too! Quick, say something."

Fon looks around in confusion, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to Skull and not really following along because he was meditating right up until Colonnello got too loud. "Um. The baby's not mine?"

Reborn puts a hand to his stomach with a gasp.

Viper guffaws and drops some popcorn from where they're stretched out over the two-seater couch, the bowl of popcorn on their chest. They throw in an illusion of a bump on Reborn's stomach.

"No, Fon's my cutiepie," Colonnello corrects.

"Sorry, you go," Reborn offers.

Viper adds a lump under Colonnello's shirt too.

Colonnello puts a hand to his stomach with a gasp. "Fon, you won't take responsibility!?"

Fon shakes his head slowly. "No, I would rather not. You have fun though."

Reborn waves at Viper off to the side. "I still have the…" He points to the illusion around his stomach.

"Yeah, I know," Viper says, and grabs another handful of popcorn.

Reborn turns to Colonnello in shock. "I'm pregnant too!"

Skull squeals and stands up, then sits down because he's interrupting, but then stands up again because he's really enthusiastic. He grabs Fon by the head and shakes the man around.

"Skull," Fon says firmly, grabbing the stuntman's wrist so his head won't be assaulted again. "Skull, you're getting too excited. Come and sit down with me again."

Skull sits down but he's bouncing a bit.

"Is the baby mine?" Colonnello asks sceptically. He doesn't remember what the plot is anymore.

"Who knows at this point?" Reborn admits.

Lal sips her protein shake. "It's not mine, I don't have a penis."

Verde raises an eyebrow at Lal. "Judging by this convoluted plotline, I don't think your lack of a penis makes any difference."

"Well what's your excuse then?" Lal complains.

"I don't have one," Verde deadpans. "The baby is mine. There. Done. We're done. Can we stop now?"

Colonnello gasps again, even more dramatically than all his previous gasps combined. "Reborn got hit by a car!"

Reborn flops to the ground.

"No, no," Luce says, far too upset by this happening. "He survives though and makes a full recovery."

Reborn sits up.

"But he has a rare cancer!" Viper chimes in.

Reborn gets a bit confused as to how he's going to act that out but lies himself on the couch, pulls a blanket off the backrest to lay over himself, and pretends to be sleeping.

"Damn it, he was my favourite character!" Skull wails.

Colonnello pauses. "No, fuck you, I'm your favourite character."

Skull shrugs. "It's just because Reborn was such a player, that I feel like I can connect with him on a deeper level, because him and I both have such a voracious sexual magnetism-"

"Shut up, Skull," Viper complains. "You're ruining the experience."

"What experience?" Verde snaps back. "This is hell."

Colonnello snaps his fingers and points at Verde. "It was just a nightmare all along!"

Viper boos and throws popcorn. Colonnello catches a piece in his mouth and the rest bounce off his chest and shoulders.

"Wait," Luce cuts in. "But what happened to the babies?"

Lal rolls her eyes. "They grow up to be soldiers, the end."

"Can one be a martial artist?" Fon asks. "Because I feel like Colonnello's baby might have been mine."

"You didn't want your daughter in the first place," Colonnello points out. "It's a soldier, I said so."

Reborn lifts his head from the couch. "I want mine to be a mass murderer."

"Mass murderer, martial artist?" Fon suggests.

Colonnello throws up his hands. "One is a COMSUBIN soldier, and the second is the fucking anti-christ apparently."

"I'm okay with that," Reborn muses, sitting up.