p class="MsoNormal"I found myself almost crashing into a huge foreign object on the floor. Scraps were laid in piles around the device. I shook as I lifted and poked at it, feeling a calmness over this scrap metal discarded. I knew it was a healing device though it was hours from being complete. I knew when I picked up one piece and another and started moulding it to my way that this was joy, this was contentment that I didn't realise I had. I felt calmness inside as my hands worked with the contraption. It pulled things away and soldered new things. I was moving with speed and ease, my body fitting into this new skin. I was enjoying this and was glad I'd pushed those memories far away from me./p
p class="MsoNormal"An hour must have passed, the sun was starting to rise, shining through the window so I was able to enjoy it. Wherever I had been before I didn't see the sun. I saw darkness, flickering lights. I heard the wind whistle, keyboard clacker and screams and taunts echoed in ears. I didn't see the sun, or hear birds. I didn't feel this joy. But I felt it now and I didn't want to go back, and I didn't want to think about it, crumble again./p
p class="MsoNormal"I looked back at the metal to distract myself and think logically about the next steps. I stared and when my brain calmed again I saw in my head the next steps and it was to create a motherboard an intelligent format to get this healing device to work. I wanted to be able to make changes, make it more suited as time went on. I worked for a few minutes, my hands deft in moving wires and chips where they needed to be. I picked it off the side, the once soldered metal now cold. I slipped it into its slot, wires and information connected so that the machine started whirring./p
p class="MsoNormal""What are you doing?" I jumped at the sound of the voice and moved to a distance from the voice that left me almost cornered but with more fighting room to face the intruders. I recognised them but the names so far from my reach my head started to hurt. I moved so that the bench was between us but something told me that wouldn't stop them from attacking me if they wanted to. But I had to give some room where I'd be in control; keeping stock of the sharpest metal shards for maximum injury./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you playing with the thing?" I looked to the metal contraption and the man in the t-shirt that had 'def leppard' in yellow writing across the middle. "Yes, that thing." I blinked. I fixed it, was I not supposed to?/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gave a short nod./p
p class="MsoNormal""What did you do?" Two more arrived. Loki. I remembered him. Thor. I remembered him too. Their names started to come to me./p
p class="MsoNormal""She fixed it." Loki said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fixed it?" Tony Stark. I was starting to remember him. His face was cut. It was still cut. I didn't do it but it bothered me./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't worry about his face." Loki said. "Did you fix the thing for the beast?" How did he know I was thinking about Tony Stark's face?/p
p class="MsoNormal"I glanced at the machine, then at Tony. It wasn't working, but I think I did it right. It was for him right?/p
p class="MsoNormal"My brain hurt and I was struggling to recall how I knew him./p
p class="MsoNormal""She's fixed it. For you." Loki's voice took on an edge. "But she doesn't remember you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""She doesn't remember Tony?" Natasha looked to Tony and he seemed surprised. How did I tell them I don't remember any of them. She stepped around the machine looking at it from the other side, opening the door. Was she the one to be ill? It hurt to look at her./p
p class="MsoNormal""She doesn't remember anyone."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why is she still here then?" They all turned as one. I felt the darkness and glanced to the sun. I didn't escape. I'd forgotten everything and was too busy thinking about running from my thoughts that I didn't realise I should have escaped. I could have been gone. What if this machine didn't heal? What if it was supposed to kill?/p
p class="MsoNormal""Stop." The man named Loki demanded of me. He had his hand raised in a stop motion, giving of waves of fury. I stopped. I straightened and waited for the next order, remembering that I didn't want to go back. I tried to empty my mind, waiting for that voice to come back and scream at me. "Don't do that." A slight waver in his voice, a slight crack./p
p class="MsoNormal""Loki, would you mind?" He shook his head to Tony Stark. He took a deep breath./p
p class="MsoNormal""It will heal him. She's fixed it up so it would heal the beast. She knows that much." They looked at one another and I felt my heart move rapidly in my chest. I didn't know what to do, I was so confused and the strange feeling to my body was so alien I didn't feel safe./p
p class="MsoNormal""What's wrong?" Natasha asked. Loki locked eyes on me and I waited. For the blow, for the order, for the voice, I wasn't sure./p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony stepped forwards towards me and I stood still, eyes locked on Loki waiting. I tried to instil the calm again but my brain was trying to think of ways to get out of it, to kill them and run for freedom./p
p class="MsoNormal""I wouldn't do that, Stark." Loki warned keeping his eyes on me. He kept approaching. I saw two shards, one a little heavy to throw, that would have to be my fighting one, but there was one that would go at a distance. The one named Steve warned him to stop but Tony kept coming closer to me. I remembered the blowtorch would hit hard and do some damage, and then the lid on the metal device I fixed was heavy to break a neck./p
p class="MsoNormal""Stark don't." Loki broke eye contact with me to reach for Tony. Natasha did the same and Tony flicked her hand away./p
p class="MsoNormal"Protect Natasha./p
p class="MsoNormal"I grabbed the shard advancing to Tony my feet dancing through the metal. Tony advanced back quickly as Loki moved between us./p
p class="MsoNormal"Natasha./p
p class="MsoNormal""Enya!" I paused. Was he my captor?/p
p class="MsoNormal"He was too close to Natasha though. She as close to him. I continued advancing. Loki didn't move from in front of Tony and kept his body between us. I wouldn't be kept anymore./p
p class="MsoNormal""Enya stop."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Get away from her!" I lunged for his chest and he moved him and Tony back in time. I was quick to do it again and again, Steve moving to help too./p
p class="MsoNormal""Enya stop!" I stopped as Natasha's voice demanded it so. Loki locked eyes back with me again. A thousand emotions flittered across his face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Drop it." I did so./p
p class="MsoNormal""Brother,"/p
p class="MsoNormal""She thinks we are the enemy. She was protecting Natasha."/p
p class="MsoNormal""The last thing she remembers is for me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""She's struggling to remember anything coherently." Loki kept his eyes locked with mine. I felt warmth drip off my fingers onto the floor steadily./p
p class="MsoNormal""Tony scared her." The American war hero was upset by this. "She's been through a lot."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Enya doesn't get scared."/p
p class="MsoNormal""She isn't scared." I heard unspoken words; emshe's calculating how to kill you. /em"She's confused about events. She doesn't remember Dr Banner. She thinks we're the ones to give the orders."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Does she have anyone before all this who can prove the truth to her." What truth?/p
p class="MsoNormal""Darcy." Tony suggested. "Darcy will reconnect everything for her."/p
p class="MsoNormal""She may flip the other way, Tony." He shrugged at Natasha and she disappeared./p
p class="MsoNormal""It's not polite to wake a lady." The Captain looked unhappy. But they remained watching me as I kept eyes locked to Loki. My brain hurt and I felt the voice start again screaming in a language my brain couldn't understand. But my emotions flooded with relief, with calm, with peace. The more I looked at Loki the stronger the emotions flooded through me whilst the louder and more painful the voice became. Nothing made sense yet nobody spoke. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"I heard footsteps and Natasha appeared silently, with a just woken woman. She had curly brunette hair and an easy face to look at. She was wearing a really long shirt and was bare legged and bare footed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Enya, this is Darcy." This Darcy stepped forward and waved./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hi Enya. Thought maybe you had forgotten about me."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Hi Forty-nine. Thought after yesterday you had forgotten about me?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Never Thirty-seven./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"We should go get Twenty-one. Forty just died and you know they were close./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Agreed. Let us take him some food. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"The conversation was surreal. This woman had the conversation with me, but she was different. She didn't have red hair. And she was alive./p
p class="MsoNormal"Thirty-seven was dead. As was Twenty-one. And Nineteen. So was Fifty. And Forty-six. All my brothers and sisters. Hydra, hydra kept me captive. They trained us to be soldiers. But I escaped. I was free. I was found by Miah. And all her friends were there too. And then Loki. These men intervened. But we saved the world. I was happy. I had a home with Loki. And Warren. There was Warren. But Dr Banner was sick. I came to help him. But people were after me. I had to stop them but I couldn't. They held a control over me I didn't want. I tried to beat it; but they beat me until I broke. And then I helped bring them down so they would break. They didn't and we are here. And I was staring at a copy of Thirty-seven in front of me alive and well./p
p class="MsoNormal"It wasn't Thirty-seven./p
p class="MsoNormal"It wasn't Thirty-Seven./p
p class="MsoNormal"Nothing was what it seemed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Darcy./p
p class="MsoNormal"My brain released flood of information and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus on anything. I sank down as if I'd been punched in the gut, resting my head on the floor. Darcy apologising for looking like Thirty-seven. Tony helping build machines. Dr Banner guiding through science I hadn't grasped before. Miah making pancakes on pancake night. Pauline helping with my tools. Renny cleaning my arm burn. Loki kissing me for the first time./p
p class="MsoNormal"I could barely breathe as everything flooded with such torrent that I almost blacked out./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't!" I heard one shout. "Let me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Your funeral." He said with some glee./p
p class="MsoNormal""Brother,"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I got her into this. Don't. She needs some space." I felt the steps through the ground before I heard them. I saw Loki move towards me so full of purpose. He looked worried and concerned. Maybe, maybe he was worried I would hurt him. And I had at one point. He didn't move like a guy that had lashings. He was a God. And I was a mortal. And I had done some damage./p
p class="MsoNormal"I didn't see any escape from this and my head hurt. As he approached I started hyperventilating. I was supposed to be strong, so why did I feel so weak? I had all this information in my head; but I wasn't sure where it all fit. He went to bend down in front of me but I was up and back, putting space between us, still trembling. He kept approaching and Wanting him to stop I lashed out. He caught my wrist as my fist missed his face./p
p class="MsoNormal"Our eyes locked again./p
p class="MsoNormal"I heard everything in that one look, fingers locked tight but not painfully so around my wrist. The fury that raged wasn't at me, or the others. They were facing those that caused this pain to me. The concern, worry, was all for the state I was in. He vowed to me in that look to never let it happen again. He was going to destroy everything that connected to that building./p
p class="MsoNormal"The strange confusion and pain subsided minute after minute and then the tiredness came. He lowered me to the floor as the exhaustion took hold./p
p class="MsoNormal""You can get Dr Banner. He'll be perfectly fine in the device. Once he's done, we will go home." He didn't look away as I sank my head on my knees and he let go./p
p class="MsoNormal"It struck me that he looked so calm, to others they thought he was calm, cold even, but the rage in his eyes was borderline terrifying. He was so angry I was surprised he wasn't shaking with rage, that he hadn't burned the world to the ground with his fury./p
p class="MsoNormal"I heard them leave and for a moment I could breath and try to create order in the rockslide of my mind./p