He stopped and looked down at her. "First, I'm serious about what I said about Cullen. I need to know that you're done with him. That there's no other men out there that I'm going to need to thump so I can be with you."
Shaking her head, she glanced down at the floor. "The Commander and I are no longer together. You will not need to worry about that."
Seeing the sadness on her face, he dropped down to one knee in front of her, taking both of her hands between his. "I'm sorry, Evelyn. I'm sorry that he hadn't told you the truth about Solona and I'm sorry that whatever happened did. You don't deserve that."
"What's done is done, Alistair. You don't need to apologize for something you had no control over."
"I did actually. I could have warned you." He shook his head. "I've known both of them for over a decade."
"It is not your place to speak for others, Alistair. And even if you did tell me something it doesn't mean I would have listened."
He tilted his head slightly, thinking about what she said. "Fair enough. I probably wouldn't believe anyone either." He lifted her hands that he held and kissed her fingertips. "I don't know where our relationship will take us. What I'm trying to say is that I will remain faithful to you as long as you will have me."
Evelyn looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Were you planning on being unfaithful? Is this the warning before it happens?"
He shook his head. "Absolutely not! You know how gossip spreads like the Blight. If I do something stupid, you'll probably know about it before I even do it. Then again, I'm well known across all of Thedas as doing some really stupid things."
Smiling, she pulled her hands away from his to cover his bearded cheeks. "You give yourself too little credit, my lord."
"And you, Madame Herald. Give me too much credit."
"Then we can find common ground together."
He leaned forward to steal a kiss from her before she could say anything else. Pulling away, he groaned as he pushed himself to his feet. Holding out his hand, he helped her up. "I'm way too old to be crawling around on the ground," he joked as he placed his hands on his back and arched backwards. His spine crackled a few times before he straightened himself. "Ow."
He blew out a heavy breath, allowing his shoulders to slump. Staring at her he was trying to think of how he wanted to explain to her about Solona's mission. That she was hunting for a cure for the Darkspawn taint that coursed through his veins. Stroud had told her about the Calling, how they could hear the song in their thoughts that beckoned them to the Deep Roads. But how could he openly admit that he wants to be a father and that she could possibly be the woman who would give him that chance.
"Horse before the cart, Ali," he thought to himself. He could tell her, and she'll be happy or she'll run away screaming.
"What's troubling you?" she asked as she stood up. "Is this something to do with the Warden-Commander?"
"Yeah, it does," he answered. Shaking his head, he lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. "You heard Solona and I talking about special Warden business that she was on."
Evelyn nodded. "I do."
"And Stroud told you about that Calling. How what makes us a Warden is connected to the Darkspawn?"
"Yes, vaguely. I mean, he explained that you're connected to the Darkspawn and that the Calling is – "
"Telling me it's time to make a path to the Deep Roads and fight until my death?" He shuddered as he stopped pacing. Alistair turned to look at her and saw the worry on her face. "Sorry, I don't think before I talk sometimes."
Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around herself. "That's not what it is. I appreciate your honesty, but I was thinking how dreadful that must be on the Wardens. That you sacrifice so much and then you just…" She could not find the right words.
"Fade away, forgotten?" he questioned.
Evelyn nodded. "No one deserves that fate." She held out her hand to him, waiting for him to take it. "Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? You're hearing the Calling?"
"I'm hearing it loud and clear like I'm hearing you now. Thankfully, you've been a welcomed distraction." He kissed her cheek when he saw the smile that brought to her face before continuing. "Solona believes there's a cure for the taint. A cure that will make it possible for us to no longer be what makes us Wardens."
Her eyes widened; lips parted. "Is…is that possible?"
He shrugged. "I don't know but I pray to the Maker, Andraste and anyone else that might listen that it is possible." Pulling her closer, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against his body. "If she succeeds with this and we can be cured. Therefore no one must know what she is doing."
It was all a shock to her that Alistair was being so open to her about this. Something that Solona Amell made a point of telling her that it was none of her business. The Warden-Commander did not want anyone to know about anything that dealt with the Grey Wardens.
"I have scared you now, haven't I?"
"Not at all," she said then paused. "Well…maybe a little. However, I do know that this could not have been easy to tell me and I do appreciate your honesty."
"Phew…" Alistair blew out a heavy breath. "That's good to know but I'm really horrible at lying." He returned his gaze to hers. "I just need you to hold on to this secret. I can't jeopardize Solona's mission."
"My lips are sealed."
"I hope not. I've grown to like our conversations."
"As have I."
Nodding, he kissed her softly on the lips. "Any other profound declarations that we need to get off our chests? Or do are we good?"
She cocked her head to the side, thinking. "Um…my brother the mage is in love with a templar recruit. The Tevinter mage is sleeping with the Qunari mercenary. You know Varric and Isabela." She straightened herself as she slid her hands up his chest to his shoulders. "As for me? Well I am an open book."
"Yes, I know Varric and Isabela. They helped me with a problem that I had a few years ago." He kissed her on the right cheek. "I was guessing with your brother and the templar. It was either that or they like making weird noises in the middle of the night last night." He placed a kiss on her left cheek. "The Tevinter and Qunari is a surprise." He kissed her forehead. "As for you being an open book. I look forward to reading you again." He kissed her lips. "And again." His head lowered to kiss the curve of her neck to her shoulder. "And again." He moved to the other side. "And maybe again."
Giggling, she squirmed in his embrace. "I dare say if you'll be reading all night then how will you be able to stay awake for the boat ride tomorrow?"
"I'm sure I'll find a way. I do not want to miss one minute away from you than I have to until we reach Amaranthine."
Evelyn shook her head. "Let's not think about that until we reach Ferelden. Until then, food, wine and see what happens next."
"That would be a good plan. Now, before my guards get twitchy, we should join our companions."
"I will meet you downstairs," she said. "I need to respond to a letter that I received when we arrived."
"Your brother?"
She nodded. "Yes." Lifting up on her toes, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "I will join you soon. I promise. This is something I need to do alone."
"Don't leave me waiting. I get easily distracted and find myself wandering around aimlessly," he said as he parted from her and walked to the door. "Or I could always convince the innkeeper for a tray for us to share here."
"That sounds pleasurable as well, my lord."
Evelyn smiled as she watched him leave, pulling the door shut. The smile faded quickly as she lowered her head and sighed heavily. Dealing with Luca's letter was something that needed addressed and soon before they rode through Ostwick to meet up with Isabela's ship.
Walking over to the table, she sat down and retrieved the letter from her bag. Opening it, she read the letter once more.
Sister,
I was happy to hear that you and Maxwell are well after the events in Starkhaven. It came as a great surprise that father had been possessed by a demon. Once he had been killed, it was like a fog had been lifted from Ostwick. It is too difficult to explain in words but know that I will not allow this to happen again.
Prince Vael has offered assistance to Ostwick to help us rebuild what was destroyed during father's reign. With assistance from our neighboring city-states, Ostwick will be as glorious as it was before. I am sure that you had your hand in this. The offers of aid from Tantervale, Markham, even Wycome and Kirkwall.
I will arrange for us to meet early morn. We will discuss plans for Maxwell's return to the Circle as well as your future after your duties are completed. You stirred up quite an interest in several nobles that are seeking your hand with offers to help strengthen Ostwick.
Until we meet again,
Your brother,
Luca
Tossing the letter to the table, she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sighing, she felt the headache building as her anger began to increase. The pain in her head was matching the pain in her hand. Pulling her hand away, she looked at her left palm. The faint glow from the mark was pulsing with each heartbeat.
"Damn you, Luca! My future!" she thought. "You can rot in the Fade with father, too."
Evelyn had finished her letter with great ire. She wanted to take it herself and shove it straight down his throat. Her older brother had always been an irritation to her. Lording himself over her and Maxwell, making them feel inferior. She needed to get the letter to a courier to have it delivered to him to let him know that she would be there early.
Opening her door, she found Cullen standing there, hand midair to knock on her door. He started when he found himself staring at her. Clearing his throat, he lowered his hand to scratch the back of his neck.
"In…Inquisitor," he stammered. He watched her take a step back from where she was. Straightening himself, he tugged at the hem of the tunic he was wearing. "I beg your pardon. I was hoping to discuss plans for our further travel."
She looked at him, silently. A spark of realization caused her to place the heel of her hand against her forehead. "Oh…yes. I'm sorry, it slipped my mind." She stepped to the side to allow him entrance into the room. Shutting the door, she followed him inside and dropped the letter on the table. "Please sit, Commander."
Cullen pulled a chair from the table and stared to sit but changed his mind when he saw her fold her arms across her chest and watched him. He smoothed his hands down his tunic, tugging at the hem to straighten it. His armor was gone, only a dark blue tunic, leather riding pants and boots. He was freshly washed, his hair still slightly wet. His eyes looked over her body briefly until he heard her begin to talk.
"Isabela informed me that she had spoken with her crew and they will have the ship ready for transport. Allowances have been made for the King and his entourage to join us for the voyage."
"Is that wise? Too many aboard could deplete necessary supplies."
Evelyn shook her head. "Accommodations have been arranged for this. Isabela has assured me that there will be no problems." She stared up into his amber eyes, frowning. "It has already been settled, Commander."
Folding her arms across her chest, she shifted her weight. "I am meeting with the bann in the morning to settle final family business here before we leave," she said, turning away from him. "I would like for you to take Maxwell, Lysette and Varric with you to ensure everything is ready with the voyage. Dorian and Bull will escort me to the castle."
"I strongly advise you not to do this, Evelyn," he said, taking a step towards her. He stopped when she retreated, shaking her head. "You can not trust your brother. You've said so yourself. I don't feel comfortable about letting you walk in there and – "
"And what? Do my duty? Do what I have to do as a Trevelyan and the Inquisitor?" she said, voice full of anger. "You gave up the right to be concerned with me when you decided to shag that tosser, Amell."
"Tosser? Seriously, Evelyn? You're going to start throwing out insults?"
"Would you rather me say slag?" She folded her arms across her chest as she glared at him. "Or maybe just come right out and call her a bitch? Would that be easier for you to understand, Commander Rutherford?"
He ran his hand through his hair, blowing out a heavy breath. "Let me explain. Please?"
"No." She pointed at him as she took a step closer to him. "You lied to me. How can I trust anything that you tell me?"
His jaw slacked to speak then closed to prevent himself from saying something he would regret. He was regretting a great deal since running into Solona in the corridor that evening. "I did not lie to you."
"You didn't? You told me it was a…how did you say it?" she began to say as she dropped her hands to her sides. "Youthful infatuation? And then I find out that you two make it a habit of shaking the sheets whenever you're within range to drop trou for nearly a decade."
Cullen snorted as he folded his arms over his chest. "That is unbecoming of you, Evelyn, to speak in this manner."
"Maybe having to face near death at the hands of my own father, having the man that I thought I loved turn his back on me, and being lied to by everyone that opens their mouths around me. Yes, I am unbecoming. I deserve to be rightly pissed at you and everyone else."
Shaking her head, she turned away from him to run her hands over her face. Feeling his hand on her shoulder, she spun around to distance herself again.
"No! Don't touch me!" she said with tears streaming down her face. "You broke my heart, Cullen. You lied to me. Told me that there cared for me but then you went and slept with her right after she arrived in Starkhaven."
Dropping his arms, he lowered his head. "I am sorry – "
"You're sorry?! You're sorry for what? Inability to keep your trousers on?" She walked over to the door and opened it. "I'm done with this conversation, Commander. Get out."
Cullen stood there looking at her, unable to move. His eyes were now focused on the man standing in the doorway. Dorian stepped into the room, staring at the Commander with a raised eyebrow.
"Cousin?" Dorian said turning to look at her.
She turned away, wiping the tears from her face. "Commander Rutherford was just leaving," she said, keeping her back turned to both men.
The mage turned to look at Cullen and frowned when the other man approached him to leave. Stepping to the side, he allowed Cullen to leave the room before stepping inside and shutting the door.
"I should have known better than let him in here," she said, wiping the heel of her hand over her eyes. "I was hoping that maybe…just maybe that he'd not say anything and just let it go."
Walking up behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulders to pull her back against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, Dorian placed his chin on her shoulder. "No, you shouldn't have let him in here alone." Hearing her groan, he held her tighter. "And no, he shouldn't have said anything either." Spinning her around, he embraced her once again, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder as she cried. "You need to move on."
"I know," she said, wrapping her arms around him. "But it still hurts."
"It will," Dorian said, pulling away. He moved his hands to cover her ears and tilt her head forward. Kissing her on the forehead, he smiled. "But you're beautiful. Intelligent. Extremely dull and boring. And you have an extremely gorgeous King Alistair downstairs waiting for you."
She pulled way from him to run her fingers over her puffy eyes. "I can't go see him like this. I look horrible."
He looked at her, tilting his head to the side as he gave a half shrug. "You do look frightful, cousin. Clean up and come join us."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'm really not in the mood to be around people right now."
"You can't stay locked in here," he said.
Evelyn lifted her left hand to show the glow of her mark. "Now when I'm pissed off and emotional. I really don't want to go waving this thing around."
He stared at her hand, nodding. "Yes. We wouldn't want the locals soiling themselves if that went off." Turning to leave, Dorian walked to the door. "You really must learn to control that thing. I was excited about teasing you endlessly about your entrance into womanhood."
"Womanhood? What are you tal – " She stopped herself, her mouth agape. "Oh!"
"Yes, oh…" he said, turning to look at her as he reached the door.
"Wait, please," she said as she retrieved the letter for her brother, Luca. Picking it up, she walked over to Dorian and handed it to him. "Can you please have the innkeeper get this delivered to the castle for me? It's important."
"I'll assume you'll want me to attend this dreadful meeting with you?" he said, accepting the letter.
"If you and Bull can. It may be unpleasant, and I'll need support if it goes wrong."
"If I must," he said. He raised his hand to brush her hair to the side and sighed heavily. "When we get back to Skyhold, we must do something about your hair. Vivienne will be in shambles seeing you return in such a frightful mess that you are."
Evelyn smiled at the mage. "Good night, Dorian."
"Do say hello to our Ferelden King upon his return, cousin," he said stepping out of the room. "I do expect lots of details soon."
Shaking her head, she rolled her eyes. "I don't kiss and tell, Dorian."
"Like I said, dreadfully boring."
Evelyn shut the door and moved over to the water basin. Picking up a washcloth to clean her face from her tears, she felt like an idiot. She should not have let Cullen get to her like he had after she told herself she would not going to let it.
"If he wants her, he can have her," she thought as she ran the cool cloth over her face. "He didn't love you. If he did he would have said something before now."
She looked at herself in the mirror and exhaled heavily. Fatigue and stress were weighing her down until she wanted to do nothing more than just lay down and sleep until morning. Yet, she knew she made a promise to Alistair to join him. Once again, someone was at her door again. Walking to the door, she opened it to find a daisy being held out in front of her.
"I tried to find you something more fitting but this was it," Alistair said. "Although, I don't think the innkeeper's wife was too happy that I stole the flower from the flowerbed in front of the inn."
Accepting the daisy, she smiled. "Thank you." Stepping to the side, she allowed him entrance into her room. "I'm happy to see you again. I was just on my way to tell you that I wouldn't be down tonight."
Alistair motioned to his guards to set the tray of food down on the table along with two bottles of wine and glasses. He thanked them and shut the door before turning to face her again. Frowning, he saw her with her head down low, holding the flower to her nose.
"Tired?" he asked, stepping in her direction. He reached out to her just as she lifted her head to look at him. "Have you been crying?"
"It's nothing," Evelyn said. Seeing the look on his face, she knew she would need to tell him what happened. Taking in a deep breath, she continued, "Cullen can here to discuss tomorrow's trip. He said he didn't want me to go into town to speak with my brother." She left out the part of Cullen not wanting Alistair and his men to make the voyage with them. "Then he tried to apologize to me for what happened in Starkhaven with Amell."
"That bastard," Alistair cursed as he reached out to bring her closer to him. Wrapping her in his embrace, he kissed her forehead. "You, Madame Herald, are making it very hard for me to ever want to leave your side."
"You know that will need to happen as soon as we return to Ferelden," she said, looking up at him. Wrapping her arms around him, she placed the side of her head against his chest and closed her eyes. "This is sudden for both of us. Maybe too sudden actually."
He looked down at her, saying, "You're not happy with – "
"Not at all. I am happy," she said, pulling away once more to look at him. "I am a novice when it comes to relationships. Truthfully, besides what little brotherly relationship I had with Seb, Cullen was the only other man that I had a closeness to."
He tilted his head forward to kiss her. "Then I will be the one that right all of the wrongs you've had prior to my entering your life in Redcliffe."
Chuckling, she smacked the palm of her hand against his chest. "And me without a pike."
"Mental note," Alistair said as he released his embrace on her and tapped his finger against his chin. "When I return to Ferelden, I will need to commission Wade for a master pike. A pretty one with lots of bright colors."
"You'll do no such thing," she said, laughing.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, kissing her on the lips. "Come, let's eat. I'm starving." Alistair's smile grew as he pinched her chin between his thumb and index finger. "Although it's not food that I truly want."
"And just what does my lord desire?" she asked.
"You," he answered before kissing her.
