AN: Still don't own anything from The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings…except for a few posters and figures.

Sorry for not posting sooner. Life's been rough, and I just got around to finishing this chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Please enjoy, and don't forget to review.


Chapter 46: Home and Realizations:

The rest of my stay in Erebor went well.

I visited Dale often, meeting with Bard and his family for dinner, or to go shopping with Tilda and Sigrid. We had a lot of fun, and the girls always presented me with ribbons or sashes from their shop. I always made sure I wore one or two of their gifts, much to Tilda and Sigrid's delight.

Meanwhile, Lord Elrond had replied to my letter about breeding Shan. In the message, he gently apologized, and said that he could not allow Rivendell's horse stock outside of the valley. Bain had been disappointed, but accepted it with only a little bit of moping.

Unfortunately, my horse could not read, and I had not announced Lord Elrond's ruling in front of my stallion, who truly lived up to the definition of the name I had given him -shenanigans.

Whenever I was in Dale, Bain would put Shan in a sectioned off field near the city's walls, where visitors and locals kept their mounts. This included a pair of healthy young mares belonging to his sisters. Shan, being the fine specimen of a stallion that he was, had decided to jump the fence and visit both of these mares. The results became obvious very quickly.

When the mares' pregnancies were discovered, Glorfindel and I were told immediately by Bain, who looked somewhere between embarrassed and terrified at having to deliver the news.

I was extremely annoyed with Shan, since it had technically been his fault, but then, he was a horse, and only did what came naturally to him. Glorfindel, however, was very angry at having to try and figure out how to handle this, especially since this went against what Lord Elrond had written.

But there was really nothing we could do. The mares could not be taken to Rivendell, as the journey there would put both of them and the unborn babies in danger. Too many things could go wrong, and Glorfindel was unwilling to risk it.

So, Bain would get his heart's desire after all. I had considered the idea that he had purposely put Shan close to a few mares just to get the horses he wanted, but that was extremely unlikely, as Bain had looked as surprised at the outcome as anyone else. He had even apologized, and looked ashamed as he asked if there was anything he could do to make it up to us.

In the end, Glorfindel accepted Bain's apologies, but placed the very serious task of taking care of all of Shan's offspring on the young man's shoulders. My guardian knew that those foals would one day have babies of their own, and he did not think Lord Elrond would want any steed of Elf-horse stock put into just anyone's hands. So, none of Shan's progeny was to be let out of Bard's family at any cost, ever, unless they received written permission from myself or Lord Elrond.

Bain gave his solemn word, and from that point on, he made sure that both mares were carefully guarded by those most trusted by him and his father.

After everything had been settled, I had returned to my rooms and laughed about the whole thing, though Glorfindel often muttered something about punishing Shan by turning him into a plow horse.


The one cloud that hovered over my visit was my somewhat awkward interactions with Thorin following my refusal of him.

Even though I knew it could not be helped, for we were not meant for one another, the guilt of causing Thorin any kind of pain or sadness lingered heavily inside me. However, when I asked him for advice, Gandalf said it best.

"You feel things so very deeply, dear one," he said, putting a comforting arm around my shoulder as we sat alone together in my parlor room. "And you are very sensitive to the emotions of those around you. But taking on the emotional burdens of others will one day become a tremendous burden, and cause you great suffering -so much so, that it might break you."

His usually sparkling blue eyes were kind as they looked into mine. "I do not ask you to harden your heart, for that would be a terrible thing to do, both on my part and yours. But you must know that, in this case, the guilt is not yours. Yes, you feel terrible for refusing Thorin, which causes him pain, which you feel responsible for. But this was not your fault."

The arm around my shoulders tightened into a warm, loving hug. "In time, these feelings will fade, for you and for Thorin. You both have family and friends who love you, and will do what they can to lift your spirits. There is a great deal for you and Thorin to do in your realms, so I highly doubt you will be sad and bored for long. A constant stream of distractions would be best for the both of you."

I agreed, and decided to focus on the rest of my stay, which included a number of private parties.

Glorfindel hosted a few gatherings in his quarters, with everyone in our group of friends invited. We tried to keep things informal, but inevitably, Glorfindel, Gandalf, Balin and Thorin would fall into serious chats about alliances, nearby realms, and economic matters. I listened in when I could, but stuck with the more amusing chatter of Dis, who joyfully bragged about her grandchildren, and Tauriel, who told entertained me with stories about her days in Thranduil's court and kingdom.

There were also the occasional lunches or afternoon tea with Kili and Tauriel, as well as Dis and Fili, with Balin and Thorin occasionally joining us. I loved watching the babies play with their toys on the floor with the adults; they were such sweet children, and it was wonderful hearing their carefree laughter, even if little Thorin was on the verge of the 'terrible twos.'

Meanwhile, King Thorin had managed to bully his Council into returning to Kili his share of the Dragon's treasure.

From what I could gather, the Dwarves had feared putting a vast amount of gold into Tauriel's hands, because she had been Thranduil's former chief guard. When Kili had stated his intention to marry his Elf Maiden, with or without his uncle's permission, the Council firmly believed that Tauriel's feelings towards Kili had been a ploy, so that she could 'charm' the treasure into her possession and give it to Thranduil.

Desperate to keep the treasure out of the Elf King's hands by any means necessary, they had all voted against Kili keeping the reward that was rightfully his. But now that Tauriel had clearly cut ties with Mirkwood (or Greenwood, as the Elves called it), Thorin's councilors had relented. Kili would have his share of the treasure, to do what he wished, and it was clear that he wanted to share it with his wife.

But even though Thorin would no longer be required to assist them financially, he wanted very much to stay in their lives, which was something everyone in his family agreed with.


Throughout all of these private parties, balls, feasts, and other entertainments, Thorin remained ever the gentleman, in spite of his disappointment. He had even thanked me for giving him time to think about his life, and the ability to find new purposes to focus on. He also said I would always be a friend to him and his people, and that as long as he and his heirs ruled, I would be welcome in Erebor.

Because of Thorin's words, my spirits did feel a bit lighter. As I left Erebor once more, I knew that a tiny bit of guilt would always remain in my heart. But it didn't hurt as much as before.


Our stay in Erebor had stretched out longer than expected, but it had turned out for the best. We made good time on our journey back, and reached Rivendell just as the air took on the first chill of winter.

Waiting for us was the usual crowd of friends and family, but I noticed that Estel was actually here, instead of out training with the Twins. Over the last few years, his presence in Rivendell was becoming a rarity, and every time he returned, both Gilraen and I were stunned at how much he had changed.

This time was no exception.

As we rode into the courtyard, Estel waited just long enough for Shan to halt before running up to greet me. Since it had been almost a year since we had last seen each other, I couldn't help but look at him with new eyes.

He was taller and a bit more muscular, with a slim waistline and slightly broad shoulders. His face had long ago lost all signs of chubbiness, and now had high cheekbones dusted with a short beard. His dark hair came just to the shoulders, and had a gentle wave to it.

Yes, my young foster brother was indeed handsome. It was easy to see how Eowyn would fall for him, though I knew Arwen would be the one to look beyond the surface and see the great man and King that lay beneath.

Rough, gentle hands reached up to swing me down from my saddle, a brilliant smile on Estel's face as I squealed in protest at him lifting me like a child. It was a favorite activity of his, ever since he had discovered he was strong enough to help me off my horse without collapsing under my weight.

As usual, my reaction got a laugh out of him and everyone else around us as they came to greet us and welcome us home.

Behind Estel came Gilraen, a great big smile on her face as she pulled me into a tight embrace. Erestor was next, who proceeded to mutter something into my ear about wanting notes about Mirkwood for a book he was writing.

Lindir bowed his head slightly in a show of respect, but the small smirk on his face was teasing as he came to hug me.

Finally, the courtyard went silent as Lord Elrond descended from the overlooking balcony, a look of pride and joy on his face. He said nothing as he approached me and swept me up in a warm, tight hug.

"Welcome home, daughter," he whispered, his voice full of love. "You have been missed by many, but possibly most of all by me."

I laughed a little, and hugged him back. "Thank you, Ada," I softly whispered back. "It's good to be home."

After our hug ended, he turned towards the crowd to address them. "My daughter has returned from her journey to Mirkwood and Erebor, where she successfully helped continue our friendship with our fellow rulers. This night, we welcome her and her companions with a great feast, and entertainments in the Hall of Fire."

There was quiet, polite cheering and applause, much different from the boisterous atmosphere of Erebor. Dale had been more restrained, but even they had been much more energetic in expressing their excitement.

I then found myself swept up and rushed off to my rooms by Ethelwen and Gilraen, who happily chatted to each other as we traveled through the familiar hallways.

Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed in Rivendell since I'd been gone, and as always my room was spotless. The bed had fresh, clean sheets that smelled faintly of mint and lavender. Everything had been dusted, the clothing left behind washed and aired, and towels waiting atop a warmer. A hot bath had been prepared, a thick layer of scented oils floating on the top, along with a scattering of rose petals.

Gilraen looked quite pleased with herself, and I know that she had something to do with the bath waiting for me. In the past, she had been too busy with Estel and her duties around the valley, and Ethelwen had been the one to order my bath.

I realized then that without Estel to guide and look after, my friend was very likely going to be suffering from 'empty nest' syndrome. Her son had been the center of her life for so long, and now he was grown and leaving on longer and longer journeys. Boredom and loneliness would soon wash over her, and that made my heart sink a little.

'I really am going to be needed here –for her at least.'

That lessened my regret at refusing Thorin's offer to remain in Erebor. Gilraen was an older sister/mother figure to me, and if she needed me, I was going to be there for her –no matter what.


I soaked in my bath, letting the dirt from the road wash away and my sore muscles relax in the hot water, while Gilraen helped unpack and Ethelwen went to her rooms to rest.

When I reentered my room, clean and refreshed, Gilraen was admiring a necklace Dis had given me as a parting gift - a trio of small roses crafted from three kinds of gold: yellow, white and, of course, rose. There were tiny diamonds scattered around the petals, and the emeralds that formed the leaves.

"It's lovely," my friend commented as she tucked it into my jewelry box. "I see you have many other things that you received during your travels."

Her tone had no hint of jealousy or anger, just curiosity. As she pulled out each item and handed them to me to put away, I explained each piece to her.

Sigrid and Tilda had given me various shawls, ribbons, and lengths of material, all in colors far brighter than anything we had in Rivendell. There were bright blues, radiant reds, and emerald green fabrics. They hadn't given me too much, but it was enough to create several outfits that would complement each other.

Bain had not known what he could give to make up for his mishandling of Shan, but in the end, both he and Bard had offered to extend Dale's friendship and protection to anyone I wished. I, of course, suggested Estel. I did not give them a name, nor did I explain my relationship, but I did say he would have a message from me as a sign of his identity. They also agreed to provide any assistance needed, for which I was grateful.

Balin's gift had been a little odd. It was a small axe, one that could be hung from the hip on a belt. The blade was fine steel, light and strong, crafted by the finest smiths in Erebor. The handle was ebony, with finger grips all along it, so that I could grab it firmly no matter where my hand rested. I wasn't sure how I would use it, but I thought it was a sweet gesture.

Thorin, of course, had insisted on a gift to me, and it was locked in a box that I could not bring myself to open right now. For he had given me one of the greatest honors he, and his kingdom, could give.

Inside a small mahogany box was a pendant, crafted of mithril and in the shape of a heart the size of my thumbnail. From the bottom of that heart was a teardrop of stone. The stone was not a large one, no more than the size of my smallest fingernail, but it seemed to have a strange, shimmering sheen to it.

Thorin had quietly slipped me a small, black velvet bag with the box in it, and asked me not to open it until I had gone beyond Dale. He whispered that when I wore it, I would always carry a part of his beloved kingdom with me.

"The stone is one of the most precious," he quietly whispered, as he bade me a private farewell. "When the Arkenstone was removed from the Mountain, it was discovered that the rock surrounding it had taken on a strange gleam, like the one that came from the Heart of the Mountain. We carved out every bit of that rock which bore a small bit of light, and most of it resides inside the Great Treasury, under heavy guard."

He smiled as I stared at the bag in my hand. "Yes; the stone in this pendant was touched by the Arkenstone. It does not shine as brightly, but it is noticeable. I hope you will wear it often, and think of me…and my kingdom."

That Thorin would honor me with such a tremendous gift spoke volumes. This was his goodbye, a symbol of his letting me go. He knew I would always remember him now, whenever I looked at the box or wore the necklace.

And I would wear it; I swore it to him. Like I swore that I would think of him, and remember him fondly, always.

But to Gilraen, I only said it was a gift from the Dwarf King, and that she should put it away, for it was close to the evening meal, and there was still much to do.


Dinner was a lovely, elegant affair, with food I loved and flavors that were familiar to me. The conversation and laughter that filled the air matched the food, and everyone had a wonderful meal.

Afterwards, Lord Elrond raised a toast to me, my name echoed by all who were there. Estel, seated beside me and who had entertained me thoroughly with tales of his travels through the wild with the Twins, raised a glass with a bright smile and drank to my safe return and my health. Meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir, who had been out on a patrol of the border when we had returned, sat with Glorfindel, chatting about Mirkwood and how the safety of that realm was protected differently than ours.

From the dining hall, Lord Elrond led us to the Hall of Fire. There would be dancing and songs, of course, but what everyone truly looked forward to were the tales of all we had seen and done in the lands of Elves, Men, and Dwarves. It was a pity Gandalf had left us at the valley's border, for if he had stayed, it would have been an even more entertaining evening with him telling the stories.

Estel listened to everything eagerly, clearly wishing he had gone with me. I remember telling him everything about my last trips, and how his eyes had widened when I had described the people, the buildings, and their cultures. He was clearly waiting for the day when he might travel to those places himself.

Discreetly turning my gaze towards Gilraen, I watched her sigh and take a sip of her wine. She knew her son well, and could sense that his desire for adventure and long journeys was growing. The next time he left, it could be a very long time before he returned.


I tried to savor that evening, and every one that followed.

For, in searching through my fading memories of film details of this world, I knew Estel would learn exactly who he was, and what his destiny might (or would) be. He would be angry and hurt, and he would express his anger by leaving the valley, coming and going over the span of many years.

I would have to save up every happy moment and memory that I could, because all too soon, everything would change.


AN: I'll try and post again as soon as I can, but I'm not sure when that will be.

Thanks so much for reading!