April 10, 1981
Calandra tore open the package the owl left on the windowsill. She slid a paring knife under the tape that held the cardboard flap down and pulled the book from the box. She immediately flipped the volume open and leant against the wall as her eyes flew over the words. She didn't even hear Sirius pad into the room. He yawned and rubbed his eyes.
"What do you have there, love?" Sirius asked sleepily.
Calandra glanced up at him.
"The new book I ordered." She murmured, flipping the page. "Abba just delivered it."
"Mmm." He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "It's got to be close to five in the morning. Come back to bed."
Calandra smiled and pecked him on the cheek. She followed him into the bedroom and propped herself up on the bed. Sirius flung an arm around her and nuzzled close. Calandra ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair as she read. Soon, Sirius drifted back off to sleep, soft snores echoing around the room. Calandra snuggled close to him and continued reading. Hope surged through her just like it did every single time she opened a new book.
Surely, the answer would be in here. This would be the key to get her out of the box.
But the book led her no nowhere.
She groaned in frustration and tossed it to the foot of the bed. None of the books ever held any of the answers. She had no idea how her father kept finding her. She concealed herself when she went anywhere. She and Sirius carved new wards into amethyst and moonstone pendants for her to wear when she went out. It helped, she couldn't deny that. It took him longer to find her when she wore them, but just barely. And he still always found her.
Calandra sighed and pulled the book from the nightstand over to her. Anima Nell'arte. She went back to it all the time, this book Sirius had gotten her for her birthday. It was so beautiful. Not just the paintings that were illustrated on the pages, but the words. Lorenzo Romano had written more about his life in this book. His first book was very technical and offered great advice on magical paintings, but this one was full of stories about the painter's life.
It was quite tragic, Lorenzo's lot in life. His mother died when he was a child, then his fiancé died a week before their wedding. He painted her hundreds of times in every medium he could get his hands on. He insisted that she would come back to him if only he could paint her clearly enough.
Calandra felt a pang of sympathy wash over her. Sometimes she felt the same way. If she could just paint her mother lifelike enough, she could just step right out of the painting and wrap Calandra in her arms. But she never tried. Her mother's portrait was the one she never even attempted. Because she knew it couldn't bring her back. Lorenzo summed it up quite well in his book; Death guards her; Death always guards her. Had not Death come for my love she would be here.
May 9, 1981
"I've got to do something!" Calandra said, frustrated.
"Do you know how much danger you're already in?" he asked. "Officially joining would be a death wish. You might as well put a target right on your forehead."
"Well, I won't just sit here and do nothing!" her voice rose. "You don't know what it's like, watching everyone you care about go off on assignments and all you can do is sit at home hoping they get back safe."
"That's not all you do." He turned away from her. "You're always at the safe house helping with the wounded. Always helping Fawcett."
"Because that's all I can do!" she practically screamed. "I can't go out with you. It would lead them right to you. I'm stuck in unplottable boxes, having to help clean up or research. I need to be able to help."
"You need to stay safe!" he grabbed her.
"Like you?" she bit out, lifting her chin.
His shoulders sagged, but he didn't let go of her arms.
"That feeling, right there." She said. "What you're feeling right now. Wanting me to stay safe, not wanting me to join. I want that for you, too. But I'm too late. You're already a part of it all and I spend every single day not knowing if you'll come home."
"I spend every day not knowing if you'll be there when I get back." He said. "Constantly worried that he'll find you."
"But you have a choice!" she said. "You get to choose to go fight. I don't even get that choice! He's already taken so much away from me. I don't want him to take this."
He wrapped his arms around her, and his voice shook.
"It's not that I don't want you to join. I know you want to fight for what's right."
His hand came up and tangled in her hair. She pulled away from him and squeezed his arm.
"Then why are you fighting it so much?" she asked.
He ran a hand through his hair and breathed a deep breath.
"Everyone that I care about is in danger. Everyone. I don't have a bloody clue how to keep anyone safe and sometimes it feels like we're fighting a losing battle. People are dying left and right and I can't stop it."
He turned away and paced to the table.
"All I want to do is keep them safe, and I can't." Sirius clenched his head in his hands. "He, he himself, went after James last month, Cal. And it wasn't even the first time."
"That's why I want to help, Sirius. I want to help keep him safe. James is my friend, too!"
"He's my brother!" Sirius's voice rose, then he paused and went on quietly. "My brother. And there's an army out there trying to kill him. They weren't satisfied taking the one from my childhood. They want this one, too!"
Sirius gripped the back of the chair in front of him, his shoulders shaking. Calandra watched as he shook his head and tried to compose himself. He looked up at her and his eyes were shining.
"It's bad enough that I can't keep my own brother safe, Calandra. I'll be damned if I don't keep you safe."
He jerked out the chair and collapsed into it. He stared at the floor.
"I can't stop you from joining. I'm not trying to trap you here. But I'm begging you. Please. Don't join until we figure out how he's tracking you. Please."
Calandra stared at his trembling hands and his slumped shoulders. She went and leaned him back in the chair until she could sit with him. She studied him, this wonderful, courageous, witty, beautiful man. The man she'd do anything for.
"Ok." She said. "When we find out how he's tracking me and get rid of it I'm joining. Until then I'll lay low."
She leant her head forward until their foreheads touched. They sat there like that, breathing each other in while the clock in the kitchen ticked the seconds away. Calandra wished he never had to leave.
May 20, 1981
"Longbottom wanted to know if you want to have dinner with them tomorrow." Sirius said as he flipped through the post.
"Sure." Calandra said absently. "You coming, too?"
"Can't." he said. "Have to go out to the country."
"Where?" Calandra asked.
"Scotland." he said vaguely.
Calandra studied him, then. His face was drawn and his lips were pressed into a thin line. There were large shadows under his eyes. She chewed on her lip and wondered where exactly he had to go. She knew not to press for all the details. The Order were becoming more and more secretive with everything. He already pushed his luck more than he should with her listening in on conversations she probably shouldn't hear and going with him to the safe house.
He glanced up and gave her a quick smile. Her heart melted at the gesture and she smiled back.
"I won't be gone long." he said. "Just a day or so. You'll hardly miss me."
She rolled her eyes and dropped a kiss to his cheek. She sat on his leg and wrapped an arm around his neck.
"You say that every time." she said. "And every time I always miss you."
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." he quipped. "Isn't that a famous muggle saying."
"It is," she said. "But I'd rather not know if it's factual or not. My heart is plenty fond of you when you're right beside of me."
"I'll hurry home, then." he said with a twinkle in his eye.
