Chapter 48 – How much can a spark bear?

Rachet P.O.V

Incredible. Astonishing. Amazing.

There were not enough superlatives to describe OC and her transformation. How she had survived being ''poisoned'' for want of a better word, with energon and then survived such an extensive transformation process without any noticeable side effects, had me in awe and beyond shocked. In all my years as a medic, and one who has a reasonable grasp and understanding of the sciences, I could not explain or understand what, why or how it had happened. It was as though Primus himself must have orchestrated it all. I shook my helm as I took in her recharging form.

It was not only the actual process itself that had me baffled and in awe of OC, but the way she dealt with it and simply seemed to ''accept it,'' that I also found amazing. Perhaps it was all her time spent around us and being our liaison, learning about our culture, our physiology that had helped with this rather unusual and challenging transition? Perhaps had she been an ''ordinary'' human being she would not have coped in the least. Still, her ability to adapt, process and accept everything was nothing short of miraculous and highly admirable.

Over the past three years I had developed an increasing respect and acceptance of OC. Her loyalty to us and our cause, her determination, her skills and keen mind, and her sense of humour endeared her to many on the base. I was no exception to this.

When OC returned to us, her life in the balance, I was scared. More scared than I can recall being in an age. I knew if I failed to save her, the impact it would have had on our team, myself included. Above all I knew what a blow it would be to our leader, Optimus Prime. Both OC and Prime had grown to be close over the past two years, in fact I believed them to both have feelings beyond mere friendship and affection. I believed them to be in love.

I smiled ruefully. /Though they both refuse to see it and admit it/. I had now spoken to each of them, individually, on the matter, trying to help them along, to see the light, but I couldn't help but feel that maybe I should have left things alone. It was only done with good intentions, but then the humans have a saying, ''The road to hell is paved with good intentions''. I guess only time will tell if I acted wisely or foolishly.

I checked over OC's vitals and when I was sure she was indeed deep in recharge and all was well with her, I took a moment to step outside into the evening air. It was late Sunday morning. I gave a huge stretch to relieve the tension on my aching cables and wires. This was the first ''break'' I had had since…. Wednesday? I allowed myself to ex-vent deeply and rub the point where the bridge of my nose and my optical ridges met. I was tired. So very tired. /Perhaps I should go and recharge myself?/.

I was about to head back in and make good on that train of thought when my comm link went off. ::Rachet here::

::Rachet. It's Jazz:: Immediately I knew something was wrong. For Jazz to contact me and not Prime did not bode well. /Maybe he has been badly injured?/. ::We are with Lennox at the NEST base in New Jersey. I have some bad news. Some very bad news man:: He paused a moment before asking, ::Is OC okay? Where is she?:: the tone in his voice had my receptors on edge and my processor working overtime.

::What? What is it? OC is fine, she has undergone some significant changes, but she is alive and well, for now. She is in recharge. Jazz WHAT has happened?:: I could not keep the worry from my voice.

::It's Optimus Rachet. He's dead:: There was silence. Or maybe I just did not hear whatever Jazz said next as my processor shut down momentarily.

I closed my optics in grief, pain and disbelief, ::No, it can't be Jazz:: My words were barely a whisper. ::How? When? What's happening?:: I began to fire questions at Jazz, effectively our new leader.

Jazz's voice took on an icy tone with barely restrained anger and vehemence. ::Megatron killed him! After Prime rescued Sam he fought Megatron, Starscream and Grindor on his own as we tried to get to him. He was able to kill Grindor and damage Starscream enough for him to flee but Megatron got to him as he was looking for Sam. He stabbed him in the back and blew his chest apart:: I could feel the utter hatred, rage and self-recrimination burning though the comm link. ::By the time we arrived only a second later, it was too late, he was gone. We were able to save Sam. He is with Bee, Mikaela and another human boy. Bee and the twins headed off with them to an undisclosed location. I contacted Lennox to explain what had happened and to ask for air support to transport Prime's body back to base::

All of a sudden Ironhide's gruff voice interrupted our discussion. ::Come on Jazz, Prime is loaded up, we are ready to depart:: There was no warmth, no civility in his tone. It was cold, it was bitter. 'Hide was pissed.

::It gets worse Rachet:: Jazz continued as though he had not heard Ironhide at all.

::Worse? How much worse can it get Jazz, our leader and our friend is dead!:: I could not believe what I was hearing.

::Well, that slagheap Galloway turned up just as Prime's body was dropped back at NEST base here. He has disbanded N.E.S.T. Lennox, all of us – done! No longer useful. We are to return to Diego Garcia immediately and await further instructions as to what our ''fate'' will be. He dared to call Prime ''a piece of scrap metal.'' Sideswipe and Ironhide want to leave this planet. I can't say I blame them:: I could hear the indecision in Jazz's voice.

::But that is not what Prime would want is it Jazz? We must honour his wishes, you know that:: I reasoned with him.

::You're right man, we will. We will stay and help the humans even though they don't deserve it. For Prime:: Jazz paused a moment. ::OC. You gonna tell her? She is not gonna to cope with this man. First Chase and now Prime. Lil' lady is in for a whole world of hurt::

I ex-vented deeply, ::Yes Jazz she is not going to cope with this at all, especially with everything she has gone through recently. This will likely destroy her. OC and Prime…:: How did I explain this?

::They love each other man, well ''loved'' each other. I know:: Jazz commented matter of factly.

I allowed myself to give a small, sad smile. ::You saw it too didn't you. I guess you know them both better than most don't you?:: I stated.

Jazz gave a snort, ::Man, anyone with half a processor and a spark could see that pair had somethn' goin' on, even if they themselves were oblivious to it!:: Jazz sobered again. ::I don't know how much pain a spark or a heart can take Rachet, but I believe OC is about to find out the hard way::

::Unfortunately, my friend, I think you are right. I do not even know how to tell her this especially seeing as we just had a discussion about this very topic and I may have well, ''opened' her eyes to her feelings for Prime and now…:: I couldn't bring myself to finish that train of thought.

::I feel ya man. Glad it's you and not me. Anyway, I gotta go, 'Hide is firing up his cannon. See you in about 20 joors man:: and the line went dead.

I stood there for what seemed an age, letting my emotions flow through and over me. /Optimus. Dead. It can't be/. How on Cybertron was I going to tell OC this news? How would she cope with it? How will she react? I knew one thing, I had to be ready to take her out if things went – badly. With her powers and her new form coupled with such devastating news I did not want to think what could happen if OC ''lost it''.

I set my dermas in a thin line of determination. /Might as well get this over with. Delaying the inevitable won't change what has happened/. With that, I turned on my pedes and strode back into the Med Bay only to see OC awake and looking at herself in a large mirror towards the back of the room.

She actually looked happy as she examined her new form. /Primus help me, I am about to shatter her world/. I ex-vented heavily for the millionth time today and made my way to her.

OC P.O.V

I had awoken from my recharge all alone. For a moment I panicked as I could not ''breathe'' but then I remembered what had taken place and I ex-vented deeply, cycling air through my intakes. Rachet was not to be seen. /Maybe he is having a well-earned break somewhere?/.

I decided to get up and try walking in my new form. I also remembered there was a mirror in here from one of my previous visits. No doubt a human inclusion as Transformers had no real need of one. I thought I might go and have a good look at my new body and see what ''improvements'' there were.

My first few steps were wobbly /Like a newborn foal/, I thought to myself. I took my time and focused on moving one pede at a time, trying to think about balance. It was a bit weird seeing everything on a different scale than I was used to, it helped muck my sense of balance and perception up at first. By the time I had reached the back of the room I felt more comfortable moving in my new body. I stood there taking in my new form. It was both surreal and amazing at the same time. To think that was ''me'' and yet completely and utterly not me was something else.

I took my form in. I was tall. Not as tall as Optimus who stood at about 28 feet tall. I figured I must be about 24 feet tall. My body was not bulky, but neither was it as petite as Arcee's, it was sturdier than her form, more robust, I guess. My overall colouring reminded me of Prime but with differences here and there. I had predominantly red, gold and blue coloured plating broken up by silver metal.

I looked at my ''hands', or rather ''servos'' now, much larger but still not as big as Prime's. They were silver. Red casings over my servos flared out into sleek red arm guards emblazoned with yellow flames. /Great! Tacky flame decals just like Prime!/ I internally winced.

I let my gaze slowly travel down my body, taking in the feminine swell of my ''chest'' plates, the red Autobot insignia proudly displayed at the base of my neck, my flat metallic stomach where I could see some wires and hoses here and there, but most were hidden behind sleek metal plating. The image of a sun rising adorned the middle of my stomach. /Kind of cool/. Narrow metallic hips that had red and blue metal pleats like the kind you would see on a Samurai and a blue metallic rope or ''braid'' hung about my waist in a cinch and draped off to the side. I smiled. The colour reminded me of Prime's optics.

I had two shapely silver thighs that looked strong yet feminine, my legs tapering down around my ''knees'' were two red metallic guards that had what appeared to be golden feather shaped motifs etched into them. /Strange?/ I thought. My two pedes were at once both feminine and sturdy looking.

What really got my attention though was my helm and my shoulders. My ''face'' seemed familiar in a way. My eyes or ''optics'' surprised me. The Autobots optics were blue, the Decepticon's were red. Mine. Mine were brown with flecks on gold in them. They had not changed in colour. I had a similar mouth to Prime but mine had slightly softer curves to it. I also appeared to have the same plating down the side of my face that Prime had. /I wonder?/. I focused my attention and imagined a battle mask sliding into place. Almost immediately in a similar motion to Prime, a metal mask transformed from either side of my mouth producing a mask over the lower half of my face.

With one difference.

It appeared to protrude slightly further than Prime's, curving down a bit, almost like a beak of some sort. /What in the world?/. I focused and withdraw it and it slid back into place. /Amazing!/ As tempted as I was to continue doing that over and over for a while, I restrained myself. This is serious.

Atop my brow was a large blue chevron slightly swept back and from it a single, large golden metallic feather which curved over the top of my blue helm. As if that wasn't awesome enough, set behind my neck and shoulders were six large, curved metallic spikes, three on each side of my body. They were golden in colour too. And had similar markings to my feathers. /I wonder what on Earth they are for and what they do? And what's with the ''feather'' motifs?/ I thought to myself. All in all, I looked - badass and pretty cool if I do say so myself.

I laughed out loud. ''Not bad OC, not bad at all. Could have been worse, I'd say you landed on your feet.'' I laughed yet again as I turned my body from side to side trying to admire different angles. I was about to try and work out what those things on my back were for when I heard the doors open and Rachet walked in.

I turned to face him, ''Oh, hi Rachet, I was just… '' I stopped. His face was hard, and his dermas set in a thin, determined line. I could sense waves of pain, anger and worry radiating from him. ''Rachet, what is wrong?'' That cold feeling in my spark made itself known again, intensifying with each step Rachet took towards me. I placed my servo on my chest.

''OC. I need to talk with you about something. Come with me please.'' He gestured for me to walk ahead of him.

I followed his instructions coming to stand beside the berth I first woke up on. ''Rachet, what is going on? Please tell me, I know something is not right?'' I paused a moment taking in his visage and the torment and pain I saw there made my spark stop. I forced the whispered question out of my dermas, ''It's Prime, isn't it?'' I felt my knees start to weaken but I would not fall. Not yet.

Rachet closed his optics for a moment and cycled some ''air'' before he gave a slight nod. I closed my optics and brought one of my servos up to cover my mouth, while the other wrapped about my waist tightly. ''OC… I… I don't know how to say this to you. Optimus is… dead,'' he started to reach for me.

My world crumbled. It fell apart at the utterance of those three words. I felt a strangled cry erupt from the depths of my soul, torn from my dermas. It was a sob of disbelief, of fear, of pain, even greater than the pain that tried to rip me apart when I was being transformed. This was pain I had never known could exist. I stood there my body shaking, trembling with utter grief and despair.

I closed my optics and saw Prime's face, those beautiful optics staring into me, that small smile that tugged at his dermas when I had amused him in some small way. /NO… Not again… not again….WHY?/. I felt my insides turn to hot, liquid magma as I was consumed by anger and hatred. ''NO, NO, NO!'' I screamed. I brought both of my servos in front of me now. I could feel the fire burning through me. My servos lit up, flames leaping high into the air, my whole body felt as though it was on fire and in truth, I think it was. I was vaguely aware of various objects around the room beginning to float and rise into the air.

I didn't care.

I hurt, I hurt more than I had ever hurt in my life. I had to release this pain, it was consuming me, tearing me apart, swallowing me whole. ''PRIME….CHASE…. NO… NOT AGAIN… I CAN'T LOSE HIM TOO… NO…"'

''OC! PLEASE, LISTEN.'' I could vaguely hear Rachet's desperately trying to reach me.

I snarled at the figure before me, ''GET AWAY FROM ME – LEAVE ME NOW!'' My whole body was shaking with rage and pain. ''RACHET GET AWAY.. I CAN'T STOP.. LEAVE!'' I gave a loud scream that sounded almost like a screech, anguished and bitter, filled with rage and terror, pain and desolation. The flames grew bigger, the room started to shake and vibrate. I felt like I was about to explode, and I didn't care. If Prime was dead, if Chase was dead, there was nothing left for me here. I would join them, happily.

I felt a pair of strong arms around my torso and a sharp prick in one of the cables in my neck, I screamed in anger and shock and flung whoever did that to me across the room, sending two large fireballs in either direction. I turned on them, only to see Rachet's injured form crumpled against the wall, trying to stand. He held out a servo, pleading with me.

I felt some of my pain and rage, dissipate at the sight of my friend and what I had done to him. The flames began to die down, the maelstrom of objects crashed to the ground. ''Rachet,'' I sobbed, ''I'm sorry. I can't… so much pain,'' and I stumbled to my knees. I put my servos out to stop my fall. Raising my helm slowly I saw Rachet. He looked at me with such sorrow and guilt.

''OC, I'm so sorry. I HAD to.. it will be okay. I will be here for you.''

And with that, I shuttered my optics closed and fell into the awaiting abyss.