"Jesus, Spock! What took you so long?" McCoy barked the moment the first officer pulled his fingers off Hope's face, darting over to where she was sitting, pale-faced and dazed, and protectively throwing his arms around her.
Condemned to inaction, not even allowed to touch her for reassurance and support while Spock and Hope had been locked in the mind-meld, McCoy had virtually been climbing the walls, one step closer to losing his mind with every passing minute. But the first officer's instructions had been very clear in that regard.
"It has barely been ten minutes, Doctor," the Vulcan stated calmly, and to his surprise, McCoy thought he could detect actual understanding in Spock's voice, his suspicion substantially supported by the lack of decimal places and generally rather vague specification of the time that had passed.
"Whatever," he grumbled, the veins in his neck pulsating with agitation, then, noticing that Spock looked as close to exhausted as a Vulcan could, the doctor relented, asking more gently, "Are you all right? Both of you?"
"I'm fine Leonard, don't worry" Hope smiled up at him tiredly, taking a deep breath and nestling deeper into his arms.
Spock simply nodded, briefly meeting McCoy's eyes, then returned his gaze to Hope, as if studying her. Or maybe he was just trying to figure out how best to start the conversation that undoubtedly was in order now.
"Were those really my sons?" Hope beat him to it, her voice a heart-rending mixture of hope, dread, and plain disbelief.
"It seems they were, but I don't have an explanation yet," Spock responded earnestly, and the doctor nearly keeled over with shock.
"What are you talking about?" he demanded to know, but the first officer ignored him, the Vulcan's eyes firmly fixed on Hope's face.
"But how could I forget my own children?" Hope all but wailed, gripping McCoy's arms hard and clinging on to them as if to a lifeline.
The doctor tightened his embrace, wanting nothing more than to be her safe haven, the rock she could hold on to in this bizarre and confusing situation, never mind his own stupefaction.
"You didn't," Spock replied, his voice as kind and reassuring as McCoy had ever heard it. "In fact, I think it was your love for them that opened that passage wide enough to let their memory seep through."
"What passage?" McCoy blurted out, getting more confused with every word he heard, but finding himself still being ignored.
"What else did you find in that place?" Hope asked quietly, retreating further into the doctor's arms, quite obviously needing to know, yet afraid to find out.
"What place?" McCoy asked meekly, not really expecting anyone to answer his questions anymore, just glad that Hope was at least aware enough of his presence to seek comfort in his touch and embrace.
"Do you recall anything about that place?" Spock responded to Hope's question, sounding uncharacteristically evasive, almost as if he was reluctant to divulge too much of the information he'd just gathered, even – or especially? – to her.
"Nothing. You told me to stay behind, so I did."
"You left her alone?" McCoy flared up incredulously, allowing the strain of being a helpless bystander to manifest as rage directed towards the Vulcan.
"So, what did you find?" Hope urged the first officer, seemingly oblivious to the doctor's outrage.
"Plenty," was Spock's untypically vague answer.
Another one. McCoy was starting to worry in earnest now.
"However," the Vulcan continued, "I'd prefer to research some things and confer with the doctor in private before going into any detail with you."
Thank God, someone's still aware of my existence!
"Geez! Will you stop beating about the bush?" Hope exclaimed exasperatedly, pushing away from McCoy and sounding almost petulant. "Can't you see that I need to know?"
"And you will," the Vulcan replied calmly. "But the information is quite extensive and rather confusing. And I don't think your mind is ready for the whole of it yet. There must be a reason for you to have blocked all of it in the first place."
"Still, I have a right to know. It's my mind, isn't it?" Hope tried again, but with less vehemence this time.
The fight clearly having gone out of her, she let McCoy pull her back into his arms, rested the back of her head against his chest, and gently squeezed his hands when he softly kissed her hair, the doctor's heart brimming over with tender affection and the desire to just wrap her up tightly and make all of her troubles go away.
"Do you trust me?" Spock asked, sitting up even straighter, his tone serious, but his eyes warm and kind.
"Of course!" Hope answered without hesitation.
"And there's no question you trust Dr. McCoy, so will you give me permission to consult with him first?"
"Consult about what?" she shot back promptly.
"Jenny," the Vulcan said softly, giving no indication that his patience might be wearing thin, other than, perhaps, it being the first time the doctor had ever heard him addressing Hope by her first name. "You need to know that I have been harbouring certain suspicions ever since I learned about your past."
"What kind of suspicions?" Hope asked, sounding completely perplexed, and McCoy was immediately alert and intrigued, too.
"Well, when Dr. McCoy expressed reasonable doubt after you'd first told us about your history, I took the liberty to check some facts, and have been doing some research and a number of experiments ever since."
"You doubted me?" Hope turned around to raise accusing eyes to the doctor, who was busy considering the best way to kill that big-mouthed first officer.
"Not you, love," he tried to soothe her, pulling up a chair to sit down next to her while keeping one arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders. "But I did have my doubts about Starfleet's story. You said yourself that you can't remember anything about your illness, that the whole leukaemia scenario doesn't seem to add up. And I told you long ago that I couldn't find any trace of it in your blood."
"You're right, of course, I'm sorry," Hope sighed, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "I didn't mean to snap at you. This is all just so frustrating and unsettling."
"I know, love," the doctor murmured, touching a gentle hand to her cheek, her growing distress tearing at his heart.
"Why didn't you say anything, Spock?" Hope asked, returning her gaze to the Vulcan.
"Because none of the facts I found were actual proof. There was no conclusive evidence. Tim McGraw, for example."
"Tim McGraw?" Hope and McCoy repeated in unison, exchanging confused glances.
"Well, you repeatedly mentioned that he and his wife were your favourite 'Nashville couple', as you called them, and that you loved their music. But when I researched them, I found that both their first 'albums' were only released in 1993, and that they didn't get married until 1996, all of which happened after you were allegedly put into stasis. Then I included some songs from the early 21st century in the playlist that Uhura and I prepared for you. And you recognised them all."
Hope had been listening with bated breath, her body tense under McCoy's touch, and the doctor could only imagine how disturbing all this new information must be for her.
"So, it's true then? I was still around after 1991? Having kids and everything?"
All the different emotions, so plainly visible on Hope's face, the confusion, the hope, the doubt, the fear, nearly broke the doctor's heart, adding to his own concerns and misgivings. He'd always doubted Starfleet's official reasons for wanting to keep Hope's history secret, suspecting that there was more to her past that they didn't want her – or anybody else – to know.
"Well, not necessarily," Spock explained. "There's a 68.7% chance that you could have heard any of the songs after you arrived in our time, making you think you still knew them from before."
"All of them?" Hope cut in, her cheeks tinged with a dark shade of pink from the excitement of all that could possibly mean, the good as well as the bad.
"No," the first officer continued, "that would have been my next observation. The probability of you having heard all of them in this century for the first time is no more than 1.27%."
"Oh," was all Hope said, and McCoy thought.
The doctor's head was spinning with all the implications and possible consequences of this revelation, and his mind kept coming back to the mystery of Hope being a mother without having born children.
Had she been in a relationship other than that with Tom? One that she'd blocked from her memory? And if so, for what reason? That thought alone opened a whole new can of worms, instantly creating images of all kinds of abuse, sending shivers of fear and impotent rage down McCoy's spine.
Had she, by any chance, had step-children? Or was it possible that she was in fact older than her body suggested, and actually had had children without leaving any physical marks or medical proof?
"Coming back to the matter at hand," Spock's voice pulled the doctor back to the present, "would it be all right with you, if I filled Dr. McCoy in on everything?"
"You mean he can know, but I can't?" Hope gave a short, disbelieving laugh.
"Well, I did loosen all your memories, but just like when you had amnesia, you need to let them come back to you unprompted, or you'll never know what is real and what is just a product of what you've been told."
"He's right love," McCoy agreed softly, gently turning her around to face him. "Spock's just trying to help."
"I know," Hope sighed, resting her forehead against his shoulder, and the doctor tenderly stroked her hair. "It's just so hard. It is my life we're talking about after all. But yes, of course, I'm all right with you learning all about me."
And turning back to the first officer, she smiled, "Go ahead, I don't have secrets from Leonard. Just like I suppose I don't have secrets from you anymore."
-x-x-x-x-x-
The Vulcan raised a bemused eyebrow, but before he had the chance to say anything, Jenny quickly added, "Just kidding, Spock. I'm really grateful for what you did!"
That seemed to appease the first officer, who gave her a curt nod before addressing McCoy, "I'd like to share as much as possible with you, Doctor, and the most efficient way to do that would be to meld with you, too. Would you allow me to do that?"
Feeling Leonard grip her shoulder sharply, Jenny turned and saw that the doctor's face seemed almost frozen with fear.
"To be honest, Mr. Spock," he said, and Jenny could hear a slight tremble in his voice, "I don't feel comfortable with someone poking around in my head. You know that."
"I'm quite aware of your reluctance, Doctor. You've expressed your dislike of 'Vulcan voodoo', as you call it, several times. But since it was you who suggested melding with Lt. Hope in the first place, I thought you might have overcome your aversion."
Jenny had to admit that she'd thought the exact same thing, and now wondered what the story behind Leonard's sudden change of heart was. After all, he hadn't seemed worried about mind-melds in the least, when he'd made the suggestion. She'd have to follow that up later, when she was alone with the doctor again.
"It would only have to be a very light, superficial meld, anyway. No poking around, as you put it," the first officer explained, but Jenny could tell that McCoy's mind was made up.
"I'd rather not, Spock. Unless it's imperative."
"It's not," the Vulcan confirmed, "but telling you everything would take much too long. I'd have to edit, tell you only what I consider the most important facts. And, of course, I'd have to ask Lt. Hope to give us the room."
McCoy cast Jenny a questioning glance, his eyes begging her to agree, and, of course, she immediately nodded her consent. Her heart went out to the doctor, as it dawned on her just how hard suggesting the mind-meld must have been for him. More proof of how deeply he loved her, and how far he was willing to go to help her.
"Of course, anything you suggest, Mr. Spock. I'll leave you two to discuss whatever you found in my head," Jenny tried to sound light-hearted, getting up and smiling lovingly at the doctor, as she patiently waited for him to finish running his omnipresent tricorder over her. "Just one more thing. Is it bad?"
The first officer took a moment to contemplate her question, then met her eyes and told her, "Truthfully, I can't be completely sure yet, but everything considered, I really don't think so."
Feeling somewhat relieved by Spock's words, Jenny hugged Leonard tightly and whispered, "I love you so much!" in his ear, before leaving the room to find a quiet spot for herself and let the events and impressions of the past hour settle.
If there was anyone who could help her solve this mystery, which had taken on a whole new dimension today, it was those two marvellous men, both of whom she would trust with her life anytime.
