Kurt could see light coming from underneath the bedroom door. He opened it and saw Sebastian lying in bed, wearing his glasses with a book on his chest and his eyes closed. Kurt closed the door quietly, slipped his clothes off, and laid them on the dresser to wear the next morning. He turned the light off, and carefully removed Sebastian's glasses and the book and put them on the nightstand. He turned back and stood looking at his sweet and snarky boyfriend who made him smile every day. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before walking around to his side of the bed and slipping in as gently as possible. The instant he was under the sheet, Sebastian rolled over and wrapped himself around Kurt and snuggled in, all seemingly instinctual as he didn't wake or say anything.

Kurt's thoughts rattled, floated, and zoomed around in his mind, keeping him from falling asleep. He interrogated himself. How had he let so many years pass by without asking anything specific about his mom? He knew that his dad didn't like talking about her because it made him sad, but sadness aside, he felt cheated out of the memories he could have had. He had been too young for the memories he had to stay frozen in his mind. He could remember bits and parts of things, but he knew that if his dad had shown him photos. Were there photos? If his dad had shown them to him and talked about them, he would have been able to recall the events himself from the repetition of hearing the details.

Kurt knew he would never be able to hold it against his dad. He had never managed to hold on to a grudge. He had forgiven everyone who had hurt him, even if they weren't sorry. He believed that saying – that holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. He was still angry right at the moment though. He wanted to know everything, but he didn't want to hurt his dad. He wondered why it couldn't be easier somehow. Maybe telling the stories to the tape recorder would make it easier.

He was stuck between wanting to touch Sebastian and not wanting to wake him up. He loved the feeling of Sebastian cuddled up on him, so he focused on that and on his rhythmic breathing and tried his own version of counting sleep where he thought of a word, and then had to think of five songs with the word in them. He could hear pitter patter on the window. Rain.

Raindrops keep falling on my head.
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red.
Crying's not for me.
'Cause I'll never stop the rain by complaining
Because I'm free.
Nothing's worrying me.

His mind wandered to hanging around his dad's shop as a kid and the radio station being set to oldies and hearing that song so many times. He moved on to trying to think of another.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

He thought about how he needed to rewatch The Sound of Music with Sebastian to push away the memories of singing it with Blaine, Rachel, and Mercedes in their TV Christmas special. He forced himself to think of a new song.

I'm singing in the rain,
Singing in the rain.
What a glorious feeling.
I'm happy again.

He remembered doing the mashup of "Umbrella" and "Singing in the Rain" with Holly Holiday, which brought a smile to his face. He always appreciated her enthusiasm and effort to get her students involved in learning. His mind searched for another song.

Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter.
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade.

He stopped. Rachel's botched audition, which led her to getting accepted. No. He was not thinking about that. New song. Nothing came to mind. He realized that he was wrong. He was still harboring anger towards Rachel. He took a deep breath. He'd have to deal with that later. He needed to sleep. Another song. He needed another song.

I love a rainy night.
It's such a beautiful sight.
I love to feel the rain on my face,
Taste the rain on my lips,
In the moonlight shadow.

Showers wash all my cares away.
I wake up to a sunny day.

'Cause I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.

A few tears streaked down his cheeks. His attempt to keep himself from crying failed and so did his efforts to keep from waking Sebastian up.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Sebastian reached up and ran his thumb across Kurt's cheek.

"I don't know how to answer that. I was trying to be quiet and let you sleep."

"You were thinking of songs again, weren't you?"

"Yeah. And I chose rain as the word because I could hear light rain outside. And a song popped into my mind that I don't even consciously remember learning, but it was there in the back of my mind. I used to be afraid when it stormed at night. And when I was about six, I think, my mom took me out in the back yard. It was in the summer, so it was warm. She sang this old country song and stepped out into the rain and danced around. She encouraged me to join her. She picked me up and we danced and danced and got soaking wet. It's been a long times since I thought about that. After that, I wasn't afraid."

"Sing it?"

"I only remember part of it." He sang as much as he could remember.

"Do you want to go outside with me and dance in the rain?"

"I don't want to wake everyone else up, going down the hall and opening the door to the lanai."

"We can be very quiet in the hall and we can go out through the sunroom, so we don't open sliding doors and wake anyone up."

"Yes."

They slipped off their boxer briefs and put on their swim trunks and water shoes and went outside. Once they were outside, Kurt wrapped his arms around Sebastian's torso and pressed his hands against his shoulder blades. Sebastian let his hands drape around Kurt's waist. The both turned their heads slightly so they could stand chest to chest. Sebastian began to hum and then sing. He swayed and moved to the music.

Love me tender. Love me sweet.
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete.
And I love you so.

Love me tender. Love me true.
All my dreams fulfill.
For my darling, I love you.
And I always will.

Love me tender. Love me long.
Take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong.
And we'll never part.

Love me tender. Love me true.
All my dreams fulfill.
For my darling, I love you.
And I always will.

Love me tender. Love me, dear.
Tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
'Til the end of time.

Love me tender. Love me true.
All my dreams fulfill.
For my darling, I love you.
And I always will.

Kurt pulled back just enough to look at Sebastian in the pale light of the faux candle that Sebastian had grabbed on their way out of their room. "I love you too, Sebastian." He kissed Sebastian gently, as they continue to sway slightly despite the lack of music. The kissing built until they were breathing the same air and Kurt pulled back to catch his breath. He began to smile and laugh. "I love you so much. Thank you for being ridiculous with me and dancing outside in the rain with me."

"Let's get one of those waterproof speakers we can sit out here and we can play music from one of our phones so we can dance as much as you want, rain or no rain."

Kurt began to hum the song as they continued to sway. "I am yours, you know. The song says 'Tell me you are mine.' I am. I am yours. Completely." He began to hum "I'm Yours" instead.

Sebastian smiled and heart swelled with joy hearing those words. He knew Kurt didn't do things halfway, but hearing him say the words felt amazing. "Sing it."

Kurt nodded and sang while they continued to sway dance. It began to rain harder, but that didn't bother them one bit.


Sunday morning, Kurt and Sebastian got up early and went down to the beach to watch the sunrise again. When they came back, everyone else was up.

"Oh, hey," James said, as they came in the front door. "We thought you two were still asleep."

Sebastian responded, "We went to watch the sunrise."

"Breakfast is almost done. I was on my way to wake you up."

"Sounds good," Kurt said. "We'll be right back after we change."

They jumped in the shower and washed the sand off quickly before the got dressed and went back to sit at the dining room table with everyone.

"Nice sunrise?" James asked.

"It really was," Kurt answered. "It was a very intense salmon color this morning. Just a few fluffy clouds in the horizon."

"Sounds pretty," Carole said. "We're going to Castillo whatever-it-is after breakfast, right?"

"If you both still want to go. I wasn't sure."

"I definitely want to," Carole said. "Burt?"

"I'm sorry. What?"

Kurt said, "Castillo de San Marcos. Do you still want to go there?"

"Yeah, sure. Sounds cool. I've never been to any kind of castle before."


When they got there, Burt took Kurt aside and stayed outside and walked around while everyone else went inside.

"I know you've been here before. I want to talk for a while, if that's okay."

"Yeah, sure."

They walked for a bit until they were alone.

Burt took a deep breath. "You remember after Finn died and we were in his room, working to sort through his stuff?"

"Of course. That was a rough time."

"It was. I remember saying something about how Finn didn't have a prejudiced bone in his body or something."

"Yeah…"

"I was wrong about that, wasn't I?"

"Yeah. He never was comfortable about it. He refused to help with Dave when he was really coming after me. The girls in Glee got the guys to go confront him. Not Puck because he was on probation. But Mike and Artie, and then Sam ended up stepping in when Dave pushed Mike into Artie causing Artie's wheelchair to tip and knocking Artie to the floor. Dave punched Sam and he got a black eye, but he knocked Dave into the lockers a couple of times and landed a few good hits from what I was told. Finn refused to go with them. When you asked him where he had been while it was going on, the truth was that he was standing back and doing nothing."

"I see."

"Remember when Sebastian confronted you about teasing me about my fashion choices and stuff?"

"Yeah."

"That gave Finn enough support to continue to believe that I was the one who needed to change. If I would just dress normally, Dave would leave me alone. Before ou came downstairs and walked in on us arguing, he told me that he was putting his underwear on in the shower so I couldn't possibly see him undressed. That's homophobic dad. I'm not a predator, but he treated me like I was. It wasn't until he came back from Georgia that he sort of changed. The morning that he snuck out of the apartment, which was the day after Blaine had told me that he had cheated on me – that was the first time Finn offered me a real, heartfelt hug. He said all of that stuff at your wedding and sang that completely inappropriate song to me, but nothing really changed."

"That's difficult to hear."

"What were you going to say about going through his stuff that day?"

"Oh, yeah. I said that I should have hugged him more. And through talking to the therapist and doing a lot of thinking, I was right. I should have hugged him more. I should hug you and Carole more. I've come to realize that I'm not a very demonstrative person, even though from my perspective I thought I was doing a good job."

"From what little I heard you say last night, I got the impression that you never saw your parents be affectionate."

"I didn't. My dad built up the tire and lube shop from just doing oil changes when he was in high school and started working at the shop. When the owner needed to move out of town, he sold the place to my dad. I was maybe ten at the time. His dad helped him by selling some land he had that he wasn't interested in farming anymore. I did a 2-year mechanics program at LCC back before they added more university type classes. They offered several 2-year certification type programs. Nursing, accounting, secretarial stuff, things like that."

"Okay."

"So, my dad ran the shop and my mom worked as a secretary for one of the elementary schools. It was a the perfect job because whenever there was no school, she was off, so she didn't have to pay anyone to watch me or Andy. Up until we went to school, our grandma watched us – my mom's mother. She didn't put up with any nonsense. Boys were to be tough and never cry. If we cried, she'd give us a reason to cry by whipping us with a switch that we had to go out and choose."

"Oh, God."

"Well, we learned quickly to keep our feelings to ourselves because I'll tell you what, being switched hurts like hell. And if it happened we got exactly zero sympathy from our mom and dad because we must have brought it on ourselves."

Kurt's heart hurt for the way his dad had been raised. "Thank you for not raising me that way. I mean that. I can only imagine what a mess I would be if you had switched me for showing my emotions."

"Yeah." He chuckled and shook his head. "Your mom wouldn't have let me get near you with a switch. She would have grabbed it from me and tossed me out on my ear and told me that I wasn't welcome back until I could be a good father."

Kurt smiled. "She was a mama bear then."

"Oh, yeah. She let you be exactly who you were. I was the one who struggled. I learned to never raise my voice. I learned that you having feelings and expressing them was good for you, but I never really learned how to show my emotions very well."

"I would imagine not after what you said."

"There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, Kurt. A lot. And the hardest thing is to know that I unintentionally hurt you. That's the last thing in the world I would do."

"I know, Dad. I know."

"I mean, I knew you were gay from the time you were a toddler. You never once wanted to find a princess that needed rescued. The stories you made up were never about a prince and a princess unless the girl was the prince's best friend. But I didn't do anything to make it easier for you. I didn't know what to do. Honestly, counseling and therapy wasn't for regular, normal people. It was for seriously deranged people. I know that's wrong now, but I didn't then. There was no such thing as the internet. I couldn't go online and look things up. And when it did makes its way to homes in Lima, I'm sure that what I would have found online in the mid-'90s would have been things on how to prevent you from becoming gay. I saw a book like that in the bookstore. I didn't see any on how to raise a gay son."

"I don't know if there are books like that now. I'd like to think there are, but I've honestly never looked."

"I should have tried harder. But honestly I didn't want you to be gay. Not because being gay is wrong or sinful or whatever, but I knew how hard it could make your life. And then I made it harder myself because I should have at least sought out some grief counseling."

"I'm not angry with you, Dad. I'm not. Would it have been easier for me if you had learned more about what it's like to be gay? Maybe. I wouldn't know where to learn about that, even now. I mean it's just been since 2003 that being gay is legal in all 50 states. I get that there wouldn't have been much for you to find in Lima about it. 'Don't Ask. Don't tell.' Only ended two years ago. It's not like you would have found a world of support somewhere. There weren't any pro-LGBT groups around. I still can't get married in Ohio and it's 2013. To be completely honest, the only thing I can think of that you could have done to make it better for me would have been to specifically tell me at some point that being gay and being straight were equal to you. That you personally would be friends with a gay person just as much as a straight person. And that being gay wasn't a moral issue. Actually, I have a question for you."

"What's that?"

"Did you go to school with Mr. Ryerson?"

"Yes."

"Well, that explains a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"No wonder a bunch of the guys I went to school with were afraid I'd try to peek at their 'junk', as they called it. Mr. Ryerson is a pervert. You know that there are heterosexual perverts too."

"I suppose there are. I never thought about it."

"I think you knew quite a few. You just don't think of it as being perverted. How many guys did you know that would try to sneak a peek into the girls' locker room or try to feel a girl up in a crowded space where she couldn't determine who was the one groping her? Or pinch girls on the butt as they walked past?"

"Oh. I guess you're right that I never considered any of that perverted."

"All of those things were invading someone's privacy or touching them without consent. Think about this. I'm absolutely certain that if a guy had been doing those things to you that you would have considered them perverted."

"You're right. If a guy had grabbed my crotch, I would have decked him. Girls put up with it."

"Because they weren't strong enough to deck someone. Plus, they were probably just told, 'Boys will be boys. Just ignore them.' Or something else equally sexist. The trouble comes down to guys being on the receiving end of the boys-will-be-boys behavior. You didn't want a guy pushing you into a locker and blowing into your ear or licking it. You didn't want someone running his hand down your butt while standing in line to get your lunch. You didn't want a guy to stand across from you in the shower and enjoy watching you shower. Guys don't want to be on the receiving end of masculine behavior. Guess what? Girls don't either. They just don't really get much of a choice about it."

"Yeah, I get that. I never thought about it that way."

"I crushed on him because he held my expensive satchel and my designer coat when Puck and one of the other Neanderthals through me into the dumpster. That's literally all it took, Dad. He was nice enough to hold my expensive things while other jocks dumpstered me. That level of nice was what caused me to develop a crush on him."

"Oh, God, Kurt."

Kurt went on. "I never, ever did any of those things I just mentioned to Finn. I stared at him from across the room because he was cute. I helped him with his homework and his singing and picking out an outfit. If I had been a girl, what I did would not have bothered him at all. Those two things are probably the two most hurtful things you ever said."

"Be specific."

"When I told you I was gay, you told me that you loved me just the same, which mean everything to me. You also said that you weren't totally in love with the idea, but that there was nothing you could do about it. That hurt. There was nothing I could do about it either."

"I get that. Not the best response I could have given. What was the second thing."

"When you took Finn's side about Sam. I just wanted to sing with him. I didn't know whether he was gay or straight. He showed up to school in Lima with bleach blond hair. That's not exactly the look most straight boys choose. Finn went to him and told him that if he sang with me that it would paint a bullseye on his back, targeting him for bullying. It would have been in Glee Club. Ten other students, plus Mr. Schue would have seen it. That's it. The only way the whole school would have known was if Finn and Puck told the rest of the football team. I won't ever bring it up to Carole, but whatever Finn told her about my behavior was way out of proportion. I was far too shy about that kind of thing to have done anything overt like touch him or say anything that made him uncomfortable like 'nice dick' or whatever the equivalent inappropriate remark would be to 'nice rack' that guys say to girls all the time. It hurt that you didn't even ask me about what had gone on between us. You made me feel dirty and like you thought I was a pervert."

"Given what you've said already, I'm sure that was part of it. I despise Sandy Ryerson. He's a vile man. That's why I wouldn't let you choose to be in the choir your freshman year when you signed up for classes. I didn't want you to be around him at all, but I didn't have the power to get him fired."

"Mr. Schuester blackmailed Finn to join Glee Club."

Burt stopped in his tracks. "What now?"

"It's true. It's water under the bridge now, but while Mr. Schuester wasn't a pervert, he wasn't the best role model by far. He was married and flirted continuously with Miss Pillsbury. He drunk dialed Sue and she played his drunk sexual ramblings over the PA. He dated Holly Holiday. He got April Rhoades to join the group. He went to high school with her, but she didn't officially graduate. She had sex with some of the guys in the locker room. And since we're confessing crimes, she gave me Chablis and told me that it was liquid courage, which I needed a lot of, so I drank way too much and I threw up on Miss Pillsbury, causing her to have to go to the ER because of her OCD. I spent the day in the nurse's office sleeping off my 'migraine', aka my hangover."

"Oh, my God, Kurt. This is like a bad soap opera."

"You got it. Mr. Schue was also very biased. When he thought Finn was the father of Quinn's baby, he took Finn out for tacos to talk to him and he took the two of them to Quinn's OBGYN appointment, but after it came out that Puck was the father, he did nothing whatsoever to help Puck."

"And you liked him as a teacher?"

"He was actually better than most."

"That school needs an overhaul."

"That's an understatement. Sue forcefully transferred everyone in Glee Club last year to a new school for this fall, except the one girl who was a Cheerio."

"How can she do that? School district is determined by where you live."

"You figure it out. Some very creative gerrymandering that she blackmailed someone on the school board to approve?"

"Back to me and you. I can't think about Sue right this minute." He took a deep breath. They were half way around the castle. Burt stopped and looked out towards the water, clearly trying to process everything that Kurt had said. "You're right that what I said when you came out wasn't the best thing to say, but it was honestly how I felt. I can apologize for not seeking out someone to help me. I should have. If I had, I would have had access to resources that could have helped me deal with my issues about gay men. For that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hadn't dealt with my own personal issues when you were younger. I still felt like being a man and being strong meant to not tell anyone how I felt. I'm glad that your mom didn't impose that kind of thinking on you and that I listened to her and followed her example."

Kurt stopped and turned to face Burt. "So you legitimately thought I would grow up to be a pervert like Mr. Ryerson?"