Conversations on a Balcony

62

A/N: This one is way longer than I had actually intended. LOL. However, the takeaway is… Cat and Kara's bond of love can stand up to anything.

Another interlude into Conversations in the Fortress of Solitude… which might have a balcony, but I haven't seen the floor plans ;-)

Just on a personal note, even though the topics of this one are really upsetting, it's one of my favorite ones I've written and I think it's because it shows that Cat and Kara are unbreakable. At least I really hope they are.


In all their years of knowing each other… assistant, reporter, friend, lover, fiancée, wife… Cat had never felt so distant from Kara.

Four days ago, Supergirl had been reinfected with red Kryptonite after an accident at the DEO lab.

Three days ago, Kara had told Cat that she felt trapped in their marriage and that she was sick of Cat's clinginess and worry over the stupidest of things. She'd told Cat that she was too powerful to be tethered to a fragile human wife and half-human child. She'd told Cat that she regretted ever saying I do and had flown away, leaving her wife devastated and sobbing on their bedroom balcony.

Two days ago, Kara had destroyed the CatCo sign on top of the building and then sat in an alien dive bar for the rest of the day, drinking until she'd been too trashed to walk, let alone fly. She'd flown anyway and destroyed public property along the way, laughing at how hysterically funny it was that humans tried to enforce rules on her.

One day ago, Alex had finally angered her sister enough to draw her out and get off the shot into Kara's chest to force the red K out of her body. Kara had stayed conscious this time though and had immediately collapsed into devastated sobs as they got her onto a gurney to take her back to the DEO. Alex had held her and hadn't let her go until she'd finally cried herself to sleep.

Six hours ago, Kara had been released from the DEO med bay… but hadn't come home. Instead, Cat had received a text from her.

Cat, I know the things I said to you are unforgiveable. And that I don't deserve your forgiveness. I want to come home but I'm desperately afraid that you hate me. I couldn't live with seeing that in your eyes so I'm going to the Fortress of Solitude to give you some space and time. If you ever want to see me again, Alex knows how to contact me. Just please know that I'm so sorry and that I love you and our family more than life.

Cat had read the message a hundred or more times, trying to decide what to do. She loved Kara. She missed Kara. But she was angry at Kara. So angry she could spit nails. Then she felt bad for being angry because she knew it wasn't Kara's fault. But still, the words had hurt so badly. Cat was more than aware of the power of words. They could hurt more than a physical blow. But still, her mind kept telling her that it wasn't Kara's fault. Her heart kept telling her to forgive because she knew that she couldn't live without her wife. That she didn't want to.

So, with a determined nod, Cat dialed Alex's number and waited for her to answer.

"Cat, hey." Alex sounded as sad as Cat felt.

"She didn't come home," the CEO said softly.

A sudden squeak came down the line… Alex sitting bolt upright in her chair. "WHAT?!"

"She texted me that she's afraid to come home in case I hate her. She's gone to the fortress to give me time and space."

There was quiet for a moment, then Alex cleared her throat softly. "She told me what she said to you. No one would blame you for wanting either of those things, especially not Kara."

But Cat just chuckled softly. "Do you really think I'd want the love of my life freezing her non-freezable ass off in the damn North Pole, Alex? All I want is to hold her in my arms."

"Point taken," the director replied, a smile in her voice. "Do you want me to contact her and tell her to come home?"

"Actually," Cat mused, tapping her finger against her cheek. "Can you get me to the fortress?"

"Uh…" Alex hesitated a moment. "I can get you there but if it's closed up, I won't be able to get you inside. Only Clark or Kara can lift the dwarf star key."

"I'll pretend that what you said made perfect sense," Cat chuckled. "Please, Alex, just get me there?"

"Are you at the penthouse?"

"Yes," the older woman replied.

"I'll pick you up in thirty minutes. Dress VERY warmly."

Xx

Cat shivered as she stood outside the Fortress of Solitude and looked up. It was a huge crystalline, towering structure that disappeared into the sunlight and made her feel tiny against its majesty.

"Shit," Alex said. "It's locked." She pointed at the gold structure with the symbol of the House of El at its head. "And that's the key. Don't try to pick it up. At best you'll pull your back out."

"Secure," Cat said sarcastically, shaking her head. Then she moved closer to the door and put her gloved hand against it. "Kara," she said. "Get your gorgeous ass down here and open this door before I freeze mine off." There was no response for a moment, so she leaned closer to the door. "Don't be afraid, Sweetheart. I love you. Can you hear my heartbeat? It beats only for you and our family."

And then the door slowly scraped open to reveal an exhausted looking Kara, dressed in a long flowing white robe with the House of El crest at its breast. It was the same robe she'd been wearing when she'd returned from Argo and she looked just as beautiful now as she had then. "Hi," she said softly, her eyes wide with surprise and relief. "I can't believe you came all the way here."

Cat's eyes welled and she took a step closer to her wife. "I always want to be where you are, Kara," she said. "Don't you know that by now?"

Alex heard the air come out of Cat as she crushed her body against her wife's. It was like coming home again for both of them and Kara stepped back, pulling Cat with her into the relative warmth of the fortress's interior. "Alex. Come in," she said. The director stepped inside and hit the panel to close the door but when she turned around, Cat and Kara were locked in a passionate kiss that made her smile and stick her hands in her pockets to stroll by them and further into the huge structure.

"I love you," Cat whispered. "Always, no matter what."

"I love you too. Soooo fucking much. What I said…" Kara replied, tears creeping down her cheeks. "I didn't mean it, Cat. I didn't mean any of it. You know how much you and Abby and Carter mean to me. How much the whole family means to me."

"You didn't mean MOST of it," Cat countered with a smile. "We both know that there's something bothering you that made red K Kara say those things." She chuckled a little then. "At least you didn't throw me off any high places this time."

"Cat…" Kara pleaded.

"Sorry, too soon?" the older woman said with a teasing smile and this time Kara laughed softly. She instantly felt better, as she always did when she was with her wife.

"I know what it is," she said then. "The thing that's bothering me. It's something that I should have talked about with you a long time ago but I… it's so terrifying."

"How about we sit down and talk now?" Cat suggested. Kara nodded and, holding Cat's hand tightly, led her to the kitchen where Alex was making coffee, her heavy jacket slung over the back of a chair. The older woman laughed softly and shook her head. "Somehow I didn't picture this place having a kitchen."

"Kara and Clark have a bedroom each here too, both en suite," Alex shrugged. "It's fancy."

"How about we talk in yours?" Cat said to Kara, relieved when her wife nodded her agreement. "Alex, will you be ok here?"

"I'll be fine," the director smiled. "Take your time."

Kara, still holding Cat's hand as if she was afraid to let her go, led her across the huge structure to her bedroom. It was slightly messy, and she sighed as she picked up her super suit and cape from the unmade bed and made room for them to sit. "Sorry," she murmured. "I haven't exactly been in the best frame of mind today. When I got here, I just went to bed, hoping sleep would take the pain away." She looked down at their joined hands. "But the nightmares were worse."

"Oh Baby," Cat whispered, holding her wife close and stroking her hair. "I really appreciate your being thoughtful enough to come here to give me some time and space. I confess, I was angry, but I knew it wasn't your fault. It pains me to know that you were in such anguish and I couldn't help you."

"I'm sorry," Kara said again, shaking her head.

"No more apologies, Kara," Cat said firmly, easing back to look her wife right in the eye. "I want you to know that you can ALWAYS come home, ok? ALWAYS. Even if I'm angry and I need some space. I can have space in the spare room…" She chuckled then. "Or more to the point, I can have space in our room while YOU sleep in the spare room."

"Spare bedroom doghouse," Kara smiled. "Got it."

Cat ran a hand over her face. "Fuck." She blew out a long breath. "I hate it when we argue."

"Me too," Kara agreed. "Good thing it doesn't happen very often." Her face sobered again. "So, the thing…"

"Yes, Darling," the older blonde encouraged.

"I… um… red K me… was trying to push you away, not because I feel trapped or anything like that. It's because I'm so terrified of losing you and she thought that being alone would be better than the pain of that loss."

Cat's eyebrows shot up. "But you're not going to lose me," she said softly.

Kara shook her head. "But, Cat, you see, I actually will. I'm going to lose you and Alex and Carter and Abby and everyone else I love in my life."

The older woman frowned obviously confused. "I don't… understand."

Kara sighed and nodded. "Cat, I have absolutely no idea how long my lifespan on this planet will be. I can't get sick; I can't starve or thirst to death. My cells age at such a slow rate that I could live for a thousand years or more. I have no idea."

Cat's face changed as she finally realized where Kara was going with this and she held her hand tightly. "Sweetheart…"

"I'm going to lose everyone I EVER love, Cat. I'm going to live long enough to see Abby's kids live and die, their kids, their kids, their kids and so on. When you die, Cat, I'm going to be alone and even if I ever fall in love again, which feels impossible to me, I'll lose her too and anyone else who comes after." She shook her head, tears falling steadily. "At some point, I might even have to leave or change my name because no one can know that I'm a hundred-year-old woman in the body of a thirty-five-year-old… like a damn vampire." If the point hadn't been so devastating, Cat might have laughed, but instead, she nodded slowly. "It may be that the only way for me to die is Kryptonite and I'd have to make the decision myself when I'm tired of living." She looked down and her voice became a whisper. "Maybe I'll be tired of living five minutes after you die, Cat. I don't know."

"I… I don't know what to say," Cat said softly.

"I know," Kara sighed, but her eyes were soft and understanding. "And that's why I haven't talked about it with you before. There really isn't anything TO say. It's just fact and I have to figure out a way to live with it."

Cat hugged her hard and then drew back to look into her eyes. "Baby, let's go home, ok? Abby misses you so much."

And that brought a big, genuine smile to Kara's face. "Yeah… let's go home."