Happy New Year my beautiful readers!
CHAPTER 81: EVERYTHING I'D EVER WANTED
Decter was buried at dawn, in the mist of midsummer rain. I gazed at his headstone, a grey monolith standing in the lush green grass, rays of golden sunlight illuminating it and making it as bright as the soul it stood for. I fell to my knees and wept.
"WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY" I cried.
"Wind, please," Murdoc begged, "he... he wouldn't want you to suffer like this. And besides... if I hear you cry... I'll cry too... and no one wants to see that."
I wiped my eyes dry. "Sniff... yeah. You're right."
I got up, and laid one last lily down on Decter's grave, before departing the scene with my beloved.
We went back to the monster truck, it was just us three Planetheads now. I don't think the others even knew yet that Demongo had perished...
"C'mon, we have to tell them," I said to Murdoc, and we looked for them. They had to be nearby since we could hear music playing from one of the bedrooms.
We walked to the sleeping quarters area and opened the door to Zim's room, it was the one with the music and we GASPED! Zim and Rachel were making barbaric alien love to Katy Perry's E.T.
"WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!" I screamed, covering my eyes. Murodc was just staring at them though the pervert
"HEH?!" Zim gasped, shocked out of coitus! Rachel quickly covered up her bobs and shrieked like a scared woman. "Wind! Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?!"
"APPARENTLY NOT," her alien lover said, annoyed and crossing his arms, wishing Murdoc and I would leave so they could go back to banging.
"You people sicken me!" Mcrdoc cried, appaled!
"Murdoc!" I snapped, slapping him against the back of his head. "Maybe this is how they cope with death?!"
"Death?" Rachel asked "What do you mran?"
"Teammates," I said, glum, "our dear friend, Demongo, has died."
"DIED?!" Zim repeated, and Rachel gasped in shock.
"It gets worse," I continued, "for Sir Drecter, our guide and friend, has also bitten the bullet."
"Dexter?! No..." Rachel said, covering her face and crying into her dirty hands. Zim petted her arm to calm her comfort her.
"Yes, it is quite tragic," I declared, before clearing my throat to go easy on the baritone.
"We buried Dexter this morning, the chalky chap," Murdoc inquired. "It was a beautiful funeral. Hundreds of people crying and sharing memories of the little bastard."
"AND I CHEATED ON HIM WITH A TREE!" I shreeked, like a pygmy marmoset (okay don't tell anyone but I also have marmoset in me. Not just owl. Marmoset. It was my mother's great great grandmother. It's how I'sm so agile and good at climbing and stuff. I found out through one of them ancestry test kits. I went clicking around and BAM there was a picture of a marmoset right there! At first I thought it was a glitch this couldn't be real! But it WAS real, and I have the blood of the marmoset within me. It is very embarrassing to explain to people but not as emabaarassing as the owl lineage, hoo hoo.)
"A tree, yousay?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah," I said, drying my eyes, "I made love to a friggin' tree, and Decter caught us, and it ruined our relationship. I've hated that tree ever since." "And he's the one who gave me termites!"
"Yes, I remember that," Rachel said, grimacing at the reminder.
"Ugh! Now I've been reminded of that stupid bark-encrusted bastard!" I shouted, and threw a chair. "I... I... I'M GOING TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
"Wind, where are you going?!" terrified Lou.
I stormed out the door. "I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO THAT TREE AND SAW HIM ROOT FROM ROOT!" And I took my cherry pop gun with me...
Murdoc and friends came along to watch me go on a RAMPAGE! We got an old fisherman to give us a ride across the ocean to the island where Eldridge Johsnonmeyer aboded, and we stepped out onto the hot, hot sand. It was as pale as my legs... I wondered if Eldirgde remembered them. He probably did... quite well.
"Alright, let's go kill the bastard," I threatened, skulking into the palm trees. The others were concerned but not nearly brave enough to stop me yo.
After about iffteen minutes of wandering in circles (because I couldn't remember where to go) we finally found old Eldridge Johnsonmeyer, just sittin' there, thinking he was sooo cooool. He didn't recognize me at first
"HELLO, MY NAME IS ELDRIDGE JOHNSONMEYAR, AND YES, I'M A- AAAAAHHHHHH!" he squealed in shock!
"Hello there, Eldirgde!" I said, bringing up my pistols and flashing a psychotic smile. "DID YOU MISS ME?"
"W-WIND!" he cried. "HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW YA DOIN'?!"
"How am I doing?" I asked, then laughed. "I'M DOING HORRIBLE! MY BOYFRIEND JUST DIED AND I HAVE CONTRACTED TERMITES, THANKS TO YOU!" I readided my gun to fire square root between his eyes. "I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN HOW YOU SCREWED UP OUR RELATIONSHIP!"
"WIND PLEASE!" Eldridge Johnsonmeyer cried, "I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP! I CARED FOR YOU! I'M SORRY!"
"TOO LATE, STICK DICK!" I said then let out a screeching laugh. "I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO ROOT BEER!"
And I was about to, until my nanocom beeped. Double D was on the line. "WHAT?!" I snapped.
"Ms. Walter!" Double-D cried! "You simply must come to the cul-de-sac immediately! It is a matter of utmost importance..."
